The advice thread for random problems #6

[JoeBloggs]

I need some info......
Just watching a vlogger talking about how for a woman the most blissful feeling at the end of the day is taking your bra and makeup off.
She was wondering what the male equivalent was, so now I want to know!!!!
I can't ring any blokes I know up as I know they'll start getting "ideas."
So I'm throwing myself on the mercy of Tattle to assuage my curiosity.
What is the equivalent for men. That feeling you just can't beat......????

I guess it’s not quite the same but Mr Bloggs would say scratching his balls after a long day

 

[petitspois]

I lent a friend a satin (poss silk) clutch and it has come back with mould spots on it . Google says treat with white vinegar and wash but I can't wash it as one side is heavily embellished. Any ideas? Loathe to throw it as it's vintage.

I follow Nancy Birtwhistle on insta and she does tips for eco cleaning. I followed her tips for spot washing an embellished dress a few years back and it worked. I did a quick google for 'Nancy Birtwhistle cleaning silk' and some tips came up. Hope you get it sorted.

 

[Captainmouse]

Usually firms offer ‘something' when they relocate.

 

[Lalla]

I've had this issue several times recently with deliveries, things being left on my doorstep for my next door neighbour, or on another occasion for a house 3 doors along. I will take in the odd parcel if the driver knocks, but it's the dumping and running that annoys me, not even ringing the bell beforehand.

Some of it seems to be because I don't have a door number on my house. However the houses either side of me do, yet I still get post for the house 3 doors along semi regularly. It's annoying because they never come and fetch it either.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My GP surgery, like many I can’t get an appointment but yesterday I got a txt message threatening me that if I didn’t make an appointment for my annual review for my ongoing medication they will basically ask me to leave the surgery & find a new one, I’m not on any ongoing medication, I last had antibiotics for a kidney infection in November last year & then medication for my gallstone attack in April last year, so now I need a blood test, next appointment 10th March! So it’s ok to threaten me but when I need an appointment & can’t get one then that’s ok! It’s a good job I’m not elderly & housebound, I did say the wording is disgusting & needs to be more tactful, but was told it’s a generic txt, anyway I’ve now found a new surgery as I won’t be treated like a piece of shit & feel the appointment is a waste especially when it could be used for people who have health problems ie diabetic, asthmatic etc….

Make an official complaint. That is bad, I wonder who signed off on that

 

[petitspois]

After some advice please if possible, I have a family meal booked tomorrow evening there’s 7 of us in total, the meal is for my teen kids birthday, I’ve already paid a deposit (£70) does this suggest that as I arranged it I should also pay the final bill? My parents have already said they aren’t expecting me too and have assumed that they would pay for there own meals, but I’m unsure about my brother, his wife & my niece, for perspective I am a single mom on a one income wage, whilst my pay isn’t horrendous i am unfortunately not in the financial position that my family members are in (flash cars, big houses, mortgage free etc) I wish I was in the position to pay it all , but my question is does it look bad if I don’t pay the full bill, Totally Expecting it not to be cheap, I also don’t drink alcohol and the rest of them do, what would others do in this situation?

It would be easiest if one of your parents just mentioned to your brother that you’re all paying your own bills.

 

[littlepup]

Up late at night with crazy leg, shin and foot pain whilst on my period. I can’t sleep it’s so bad any advice?

Magnesium can help with restless leg pain as well as a weighted blanket on the legs. I don’t know about specifically related to periods but iron deficiency can also be a significant cause of restless legs so perhaps if you’re low, the period is lowering it further.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Thoughts about selling a house? I have the problem that I have 5 different types of flooring all the way through the house which makes for a very chaotic feel in the house. One of them is a more expensive vinyl which I just had done on the stairs. The other is hardwood, left over from the previous owner in bedroom 1, and the third is cheap laminate in bedroom 2 and 3 that I can’t buy any longer. Should I redo the floors with the vinyl to get a consistent look? Or is that money thrown out the window? I'm guessing the buyers will probably tear out the whole thing anyway but if it gives me 5k more on the sales price it might be worth it.

Leave as is, my seller replaced the stairs carpet with horrible cheap carpet, didn't replace the carpet grippers. So we thought it was fine, upon purchasing we replaced all flooring apart from the hall and stairs. Massive regret as once we were moved in and walking up the stairs in barefeet we realised the grippers were sticking through the cheap carpet. Had to pay out again and get carpet fitters back just to do the stairs. Massive headache and waste of money for everyone. (Especially us!) let buyers see the work actually needed.

 

[T-time]

So why can't I do it? Why can’t I just say "Fuckem", list my house and go live my best life?

Your brain is wired to seek out what it knows. Even if you know that things are bad and could possibly be worse, it is more familiar than not knowing. Not knowing what you'll encounter if you move

Maybe you can book a session with a therapist. Or start small with buying another brand of toothpaste, go to a bar you've never been, read a book from a genre you don't like. So that you can get used to the feeling of unfamiliarity

You already made a pro's and cons list. You already know what's the best option. You're waiting for a wave of inspiration. For your gut to catch up with your brain. But you don't have to wait untill it feels right. They way you wrote it there is nothing left to stay for anyway. Something you just have to pack up all your fears, uncertainties, belongings an just get things done

 

[Thank(space)you]

I’m having really bad neck back and top shoulder pain from sitting at the desk all day. Not sure what to do because that’s part of my job to sit at a desk. Our office chairs are all old too and they don’t move up or down with no back support. I’m not sure what to do to relieve the pain it’s not good as I’m constantly wriggling around in my seat stretching and clicking my back because it hurts so much. Does everyone sitting at a desk all day experience pain

Can you do a work station assessment? Order new chairs etc? Or speak to occupational health?

Stretching (i do yoga) helps me, especially if I focus on neck & upper back.

Shakti mat is great too

A couple of times a day I will also roll my shoulders and my neck whilst I'm at my desk.

Hot baths will help with muscle aches too

If you can afford it a chiropractor can work wonders, as can regular massages.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Parents of teenagers please help! My 14 year old daughter has arranged to sleepover at her friend's house Sunday evening, but I'm not sure on the etiquette, do I need the friend's parent's phone number? Do I just let my teen get on with it? They are organising it over WhatsApp. I know where the house is and who the girl is, but no idea on the parents. Never met them.

She hasn't been to a sleepover since she was in year 5 and she's year 10 now so I've no idea how these things work

Absolutely get their number and ask them to let you know if there are any issues. God forbid something happens to her and they can’t contact you.

 

[EffingDust]

Hello all.

someone on the celebrity gossip thread sent me here and I would appreciate some advice on a very specific issue, although I have already got one very good suggestion from there.

My dearest friend of over 40 years, we are now both over 60, has, as is fairly typical with aging, put on a lot of weight and is now medically classed as obese. It is also causing her health issues. I know her husband mentions losing weight to her because he is genuinely scared for her health, she had a heart scare only last year.

She has been very good to me over our many years of friendship and I want to be kind and supportive, but every time I see her, her first and most common topic is her weight. ”I’m so fat” “Nothing fits” “I’ve put 5 pounds on this week”. It’s been at least thred years now that this has been the main thing she talks about. When we go out, she will constantly point out women she thinks are fatter than her, and sometimes make disparaging remarks, which just makes me uncomfortable. (I know this is projection and she does it because she feels bad about herself.)

I am going to sound awful, but to be honest, I’m tired of this topic.
My main need for advice though is what do I actually say? Does she want me to sympathise or give her a pep talk or just listen?
I have some extra weight but it just doesn’t bother me that much. That said, everyone is different and I know it bothers her not just in terms of health but mainly how she looks. She is actually pretty active as she has a Dalmatian that she walks for miles every day. Any advice would be much appreciated on what to say to be a good friend, but also, maybe I don’t want to talk about this every time we see or speak to each other, which is pretty much every day.

Is your friend the type who can cope with tough love? If she is you could be very direct and say that all the effort she puts into talking about her weight or pointing out other people could be put towards doing something about her weight, OR if she intends to do nothing about it then she might as well stop talking/thinking about it because she could think about more enjoyable things if that’s the case. I only have one or two friends who could hear that kind of thing and not fall out with the person who says it, but there are some types of people who take that kind of thing on board.

If she is a very oversensitive person I would probably just make up something like “my weight struggles are bothering me too much and it upsets me to hear weight talk so can we just avoid the topic altogether.”

 

[Lalla]

You've already had some great suggestions, only one I could add is a heated throw, if he doesn't already have one. The one I have automatically switches off after 2 hours which is handy.

 

[Former_Antelopee]

Thank you for the replies.

I am in the UK yeah I haven’t refused as I cannot afford for it to go against me.
I think what bothers me is my mental health was triggered because I done overtime since November and they haven’t been paying us right so my overtime was missing eventually got that as a back payment in Jan. I’m still owed 6 hours pay which I’m fighting for.
My payslip isn’t due till end of the month and I’m already so anxious worrying it’ll be wrong again

Could you go to the doctor's again so they put into the medical history that work is stressing you out regarding overtime/pay. Then get them to send it over so it's logged in your history by your doctor that work is an issue so they can't say anything?

 

[yogiessexdubs]

Thanks to both of you for replying, I'm very grateful!
I've thought about it a lot, and I have a therapy sesh to look more into it next week as well, but I realised something.

My mother is very religious, a weird amalgation of Catholicism and Christan Fundamentalism, which has fucked me up a lot. Because, according to her, I am only "worthy" if I struggle. An easy life is worthless. Life needs to be a struggle. I don't deserve nice things, because wanting nice things is greedy and a sin.
Fucked up, right?

It explains so much - why my gut is not caught up with my brain, why I keep holding on to this current life that is much harder than it needs to be, why I don't allow myself to heal from my depression, why I keep making decisions that make my life harder.

I am too old for this shit. I don't need her approval but I still want it and that is, in the words of my favourite vine, disgusteng. I need to let go of her approval and of trying to seek her love. She has none to give.

I have no contact with my mum, lived overseas for a while. Ultimately this is your life.

 

[petitspois]

Maybe strange but I have really given this kind of thing a lot of thought as I often seem to get saddled with people grumbling at me and I used it to really change my outlook. It's actually made me a much more positive person as I'd absolutely hate to be a moaner.

 

[Snippysnips]

I hope this isn't too ridiculous of a question, but I need help!

My mum and dad used to go on a few 'beach' holidays a year. But since he passed away three years ago she's really down as she feels like she hasn't got anyone to go with. I'd love to try and book a break away for us in June, but I've never booked a holiday and have no idea where to start!
How do I book flights / hotels / transfers or deals? Sorry, it's really stupid but I've tried Google and it's completely overwhelming. I don't have a massive budget either so don't want to go to a travel agent.
If anyone has any places to point me I'd be really grateful

I've always used a travel agent, my brother does it on his own but I can't be bothered with the faffing about an personally there's not too much of a price difference where I feel it's worth the stress of doing it alone, so I'd say go to a travel agents an have them put it into a package for you an then it's just one payment

My tips for a travel agent is, take a notepad an go round them all, I will say that they absolutely HATE it but they do try an undercut one another, I've had hundreds taking off a holiday before because they have given me a price an I've been like nope another place is cheaper, so make sure you let them know if another place is cheaper, they are all wanting your sale so make them work for it lol

 

[GlennCoco]

I think that’s what’s going to have to happen, leaving early and getting the last bus. We are a face to face service but if there are notes/paperwork to do, I can do them from home.
I will give my manager all the scenarios as I’m guessing she will then talk to my area manager. I know my manager won’t want me to leave as I am (not to be big headed) good at my job and bring a lot to the team. I promote the service and do marketing outside of my working hours and if I go, there isn’t anyone left to do that.

Have you checked your contract about relocation? We’ve recently relocated offices and someone we work with has gone from a 5 min commute to a 30 minute commute and they now pay her petrol money and allow her to leave early / arrive late as she has childcare. They might allow you to leave early and may even give you something towards your taxi fare / bus fare?

Make sure you let them know that this is now an issue for you. You didn’t apply for the job knowing it was going to be in this new area and like you said, you wouldn’t have applied for it if you knew it was there.

As someone else has said, your commute isn’t the employers responsibility, however, if they’re moving your place of work then I think they should have some responsibility? That’s how it’s been at our place anyway.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I’m having a bit of an issue.

I’m dealing with a professional that I’ve known for a few years. We have regular appointments. In the last few months, I’ve noticed a few planning inconsistencies from their end such as sending me the wrong links for meetings, not advising me of their time off and leaving me wondering if our meetings still stand etc.

They emailed me last week during my time off to tell me they needed to cancel our upcoming appointment due to a personal matter. I of course understood and sent them a supportive response.

I therefore went ahead and made other plans for this time slot as I took it the appointment was being cancelled.

I then suddenly got a meeting invite from them essentially reinstating our initial appointment at the last minute. The same appointment they said they’d need to cancel.

As I pay for their services, I found that a bit unprofessional, especially as I’m a longstanding client. I really sympathise with their personal matter but what was the point of sending me an email explaining their personal situation as the reason to cancel the appointment they later on reinstated at the last minute?

Although I felt bad about this, I sent them a response stating that my understanding was that the appointment was cancelled and I now have another commitment. I politely asked to reschedule but they never responded.

Am I being too harsh?

You are not too harsh. I think you are very understanding actually.
If you are paying for this service then you 100% have should raise this as an issue

 

[petitspois]

I’m in a bit of a predicament and outnumbered on my decision.

My sisters and I have just last night settled our mum’s estate. We’ve had everything back and everything has paid out. We’re paying off my dad’s mortgage as it had a small balance and my mum still owned the house with him despite not being married to him anymore, as she viewed it as an investment for my sisters and I. For context, my sisters and I don’t have the same dad but my dad has raised them like his own since 5 & 8 and they call him dad etc.

When my mum died, she had a partner of 7 years whom she lived with. He wasn’t “left” anything in the estate as she died without a will but I’ve said we should do him a small monetary gift (I thought enough to cover him a holiday to Barcelona, him and my mum’s special place) and I’ve been totally shot down by my sisters. They don’t think he was significant enough in our mum’s life to warrant a gift but I think he was as they literally lived and did everything together. Granted, my sisters were never as close or as present as I was with my mum’s partner as they chose to do things wirh just our mum but I think they’re being totally unreasonable. Am I a dick if I just send my mum’s partner some money anyway from my portion of the estate? Or should I try reasoning with them one last time?

I’d appeal to them one more time then, if they say no, send him money and don’t tell them. You don’t want them getting arsey with you and it’s your money anyway.