The advice thread for random problems #5

[Snippysnips]

It would be good to get some time in with the boss or whoever will line manage this role to have a quick look at questions. Also the person who initially shortlisted these people as they may have noticed things they want you to ask. But even then it's not the end of the world if you need to contact the candidate afterwards to double check or clarify something before the final decision. You'll do great!

Thank you, that's good to know, I was thinking that once they go then I wouldn't really be able to follow up with more questions if I had missed them during it, it was my boss who shortlisted it so I'll definitely try an grab some time before then

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Yeah I thought about getting her to join cadets but she's not keen. I'll have to keep pushing the idea. She is in a tennis club but worries about who her partner will be and then has a problem with whoever the partner is. She loves horse riding and ice skating, she'll do those if she can drag her little brother along.

If she comes out today and has made a friend she will be on a massive high and will copy everything that person does until she morphs into them.

You heart breaks for them doesn't it. It sounds like she prefers solo activities? My son didn't do well in group type clubs football etc. We settled on trampolining as it was something he did on his own but then he got chatting to other kids whilst waiting his turn and made friends.

But yes little girls and their friendship groups are hellish. If she's in year 6 are there any committees she can get involved in at school? Anti bullying comity, class ambassadors?.

 

[Mamacita]

I’ve seen a job that I’m really interested in applying for. It’s still within the NHS but it’s a different department that I’m not too familiar with. I’ve read through the person spec and job description and I already tick a lot of, if not the majority, of what they’re looking for. I’ve worked in the NHS long enough to know that doesn’t really mean much though so I am REALLY hoping to nail the application and make sure that I’m giving myself the best chance of being successful.

I plan on going through the person spec and job description again and writing examples of how I meet each point, for anything I don’t meet/have no experience with I plan to write a close example and how I would apply that to what they’re looking for. I’ll then put these examples together and use it for the application itself. I think I’m also going to get in touch with the point of contact on the job advertisement to ask for more information and potentially a visit to the department if they allow it.

Is there anything else I should be doing? I tend to overthink job applications and end up word vomiting or go off on a tangent and miss the point completely (although that’s more in interviews I guess). What are the best questions to ask when getting in touch with the department, asking for more information about the job seems a bit too obvious? I have a few weeks before the closing date so thankfully don’t need to rush

Others might have a different view of that but I'd only get in touch with the person about the job for actually additional info you might need to decide if the job is a good fit and if you are a good fit for it. It comes down to application and interviews, especially in public sector I'd say. If you have any friends at work who could look over your application and/or help with a mock interview then that's always a good shout. Otherwise just make sure to explain your examples well ensuring they cover the right competencies (not sure what competency framework your work uses but in sure there's some info on it). What do you need to do for the application? Is it a cover letter type thing or answering competency based questions?

 

[littlepup]

Ugh my entire fb is just random posts with "follow" suggestion next to them. I don't see ANY posts from my friends

I got this the other day. I clicked the don’t show me this again or not interested whatever it said on about 6-7 and friends posts started coming through.

 

[Rxt156]

i forgot my pattern lock for my samsung phone overnight. been trying diff patterns none work. i could reboot but dont want to lose the pics. whatare y options. im thinking of taking it to shop but am worried about them taking my photos/installing malware to my phone. what can i do

I had problem with my phone and they wanted me to show them in the shop that I could unlock it so that’s a hard one they will possibly assume it’s stolen. Soz

 

[Aliceegordo]

Hi everyone,
Bit of a long-winded one I apologise! I've (F27) been with my current boyfriend (M27) for around 9 months and we are just about to move in together. My family and most of my friends absolutely adore him and think we are perfect together. For context, my six year relationship with my ex ended pretty traumatically last year and everyone is thrilled to see me happy and being treated how I deserve, I truly have never been happier.

However, there has been an ongoing situation over a couple of months that has been upsetting me. My boyfriend and my best mate (F27) went to school together, they have known each other their whole lives. They didn't keep in touch after school but have obviously now rekindled as a result of our relationship. A few months ago on a night out, my best friend started to really criticise my boyfriends best mate and his relationship (both of whom she also went to school with). It was totally uncalled for and she should have known better than to slag off someone's best friend in front of them. My boyfriend was upset about it and had a conversation with his friend about what she'd said and he was understandably upset. We bumped into them a couple of weeks later where my best friend continued to talk about their relationship in front of him, despite me trying to change the subject a million times.

Cut to a few months later, we were on a night out (me, my best friend and my partner), when we bumped into my boyfriends best mate and his girlfriend. They ignored each other until the end of the night when they were leaving and her sister deliberately barged into my friend which was totally uncalled for. My friend was upset and my boyfriend had a frank conversation with her where he did tell her that he was upset by the comments she had made about his best friend, so he had told him and he was clearly upset by it. We were both mortified by the sister's behaviour and are in no way excusing that. My friend was grateful for the honesty, even though she was upset that he'd told his friend what she'd said (although I'd argue that if someone was saying those things about my best friend, I would also want her to know). She also made it very clear that she didn't want us to speak to the other couple about what had happened. We cleared the air and I thought the situation was in the past.

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriends best mate and his partner got engaged and they had an impromtu engagement party. I didn't tell my best friend as I didn't think she'd want to hear about two people she doesn't like getting engaged/thought she would annoyed if it looked like I was 'asking permission' to go. Cut to this weekend, when she saw photos of the party and was incredibly upset. She called me and said that if it was her, she wouldn't have gone to the party at all and that it looked like I was 'choosing' to be mates with them because that's what my boyfriend wants, despite how it makes her feel. I tried to make it very clear that I'm not 'choosing' to be friends with them, but as they are my boyfriend's best friends I am going to have to be around them. I apologised for not letting her know about the party and that I appreciated for her, it looked shady even though in that moment I really thought I was doing the right thing. By the end of the conversation, she accepted (I think) that I am going to have to see them as a result of them being my boyfriends friends and that I will be transparent about when that is happening in the future, but it doesn't mean that I'm best friends with them or excusing their behaviour.

However, as an anxious soul I feel like I'm now just constantly on edge about it all. I can totally appreciate that she is upset and her feelings are valid, but I do think she's putting me in an impossible situation. My boyfriend is here to stay and as a result, so are his friends. I will never be best friends with them but as a fact of life, I am going to have to see them.

Any advice on how you would handle this/how I can stop feeling so anxious about this situation would be really appreciated!!

TLDR: Best friend making me feel guilty for spending time with boyfriends friends

 

[littlepup]

Hi everyone,
Bit of a long-winded one I apologise! I've (F27) been with my current boyfriend (M27) for around 9 months and we are just about to move in together. My family and most of my friends absolutely adore him and think we are perfect together. For context, my six year relationship with my ex ended pretty traumatically last year and everyone is thrilled to see me happy and being treated how I deserve, I truly have never been happier.

However, there has been an ongoing situation over a couple of months that has been upsetting me. My boyfriend and my best mate (F27) went to school together, they have known each other their whole lives. They didn't keep in touch after school but have obviously now rekindled as a result of our relationship. A few months ago on a night out, my best friend started to really criticise my boyfriends best mate and his relationship (both of whom she also went to school with). It was totally uncalled for and she should have known better than to slag off someone's best friend in front of them. My boyfriend was upset about it and had a conversation with his friend about what she'd said and he was understandably upset. We bumped into them a couple of weeks later where my best friend continued to talk about their relationship in front of him, despite me trying to change the subject a million times.

Cut to a few months later, we were on a night out (me, my best friend and my partner), when we bumped into my boyfriends best mate and his girlfriend. They ignored each other until the end of the night when they were leaving and her sister deliberately barged into my friend which was totally uncalled for. My friend was upset and my boyfriend had a frank conversation with her where he did tell her that he was upset by the comments she had made about his best friend, so he had told him and he was clearly upset by it. We were both mortified by the sister's behaviour and are in no way excusing that. My friend was grateful for the honesty, even though she was upset that he'd told his friend what she'd said (although I'd argue that if someone was saying those things about my best friend, I would also want her to know). She also made it very clear that she didn't want us to speak to the other couple about what had happened. We cleared the air and I thought the situation was in the past.

A couple of weeks ago, my boyfriends best mate and his partner got engaged and they had an impromtu engagement party. I didn't tell my best friend as I didn't think she'd want to hear about two people she doesn't like getting engaged/thought she would annoyed if it looked like I was 'asking permission' to go. Cut to this weekend, when she saw photos of the party and was incredibly upset. She called me and said that if it was her, she wouldn't have gone to the party at all and that it looked like I was 'choosing' to be mates with them because that's what my boyfriend wants, despite how it makes her feel. I tried to make it very clear that I'm not 'choosing' to be friends with them, but as they are my boyfriend's best friends I am going to have to be around them. I apologised for not letting her know about the party and that I appreciated for her, it looked shady even though in that moment I really thought I was doing the right thing. By the end of the conversation, she accepted (I think) that I am going to have to see them as a result of them being my boyfriends friends and that I will be transparent about when that is happening in the future, but it doesn't mean that I'm best friends with them or excusing their behaviour.

However, as an anxious soul I feel like I'm now just constantly on edge about it all. I can totally appreciate that she is upset and her feelings are valid, but I do think she's putting me in an impossible situation. My boyfriend is here to stay and as a result, so are his friends. I will never be best friends with them but as a fact of life, I am going to have to see them.

Any advice on how you would handle this/how I can stop feeling so anxious about this situation would be really appreciated!!

TLDR: Best friend making me feel guilty for spending time with boyfriends friends

Your best friend is trying to control who you can be friends with based on who she does and doesn’t like. She’s also slagged of someone best mate in front of them and expected no repercussions. She’s 27 fgs. As important as friendships are and you don’t dump them for a bloke, she’s being unreasonable. Your future and life is with your boyfriend, not her and more importantly you get to decide who you want to socialise with, neither of them.
Does she have a boyfriend herself? Why is she criticising the best friend? She’s created the drama here and it’s a bit bizarre as an adult to have done so.

 

[yeoooo]

I really need to know what bra size I am, where is the best place to get fitted and has anyone done an online fitting before? Were you happy with the result?

Try M&S. always worked well for me
---
Anyone know where you can get realistic artificial plants for outside. Need quite a bit as fed up killing conifers each year lol

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

Don't worry about the 28 days, they sent me a letter to say that my licence details hadn't been received with another form inside about 5 weeks after I'd posted mine. I sent the other off by recorded delivery and had them both back in the same envelope so they clearly had got it. WIth the post these days, you can't rely on anything that isn't sent recorded.

 

[themuffinwoman]

I’m so sorry to hear this MW. I think you’re right, probably the best way forward is to look at options for another role somewhere else. Is it likely you’ll be signed off longer? A month doesn’t seem that long if nothing will change

I’ve been applying but it’s slow, I’ve spoken to some recruiters (if memory serves you’re in house recruitment?!) has been slow over the summer. Work have got me some counselling I need to arrange, I did say to them I didn’t see much point in taking time off if the problems are still there when I come back. Can’t really afford to have any unpaid leave but I’ll see how I feel at the end of next week.

 

[chickhicks86]

i forgot my pattern lock for my samsung phone overnight. been trying diff patterns none work. i could reboot but dont want to lose the pics. whatare y options. im thinking of taking it to shop but am worried about them taking my photos/installing malware to my phone. what can i do

Plug it into a pc or laptop to retrieve your photos first? Or are they in your Google photos / Samsung cloud?

 

[HoGi]

Any ideas where 2 library books might be hiding in my house

Quoting myself as I have just found them after 2 weeks of looking.

They were inside a bag full of books. Sounds like an obvious place but...

The bag is full of books I bought at a charity book sale 2 months ago. I haven't touched the bag since I bought them. They were at the BOTTOM of the bag underneath the books I purchased.

My husband has kept saying they are probably in a bag somewhere. Ergo he has put them in this bag, probably as some sort of protest about how many books I have.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I never even thought about that 🫠 perfect!

I know Heahrow has a duty free just as you exit the airport when you come back. Check if Manchester has the same

 

[avabella]

Can you tell what the marks are?
I’d try spot treating with a sponge first or a hand wash but use the washing machine to spin it.

The look like water marks from someone trying to clean it, ironically

 

[chickhicks86]

I need some advice as to whether I should raise this encounter as a complaint to the store manager:

I went to purchase a clothing item at a well-known store. The item was full price (not on sale). I got to the till and the sales associate processes my purchase. Literally the minute the card terminal read payment ‘approved’, the sales associate proceeds to say ‘You have 14 days for exchange only, no refund’.

I got really annoyed because I found it absolutely shady she didn’t mention the special refund policy before I’d paid for the item. She willingly concealed this information until the payment terminal approved the transaction. Additionally, nowhere at the till did they have a plaque stating the return policy.

In addition to her not being particularly pleasant, I found this type of practice rather shady.

I don't think they're obliged to offer you a refund unless faulty anyway?

 

[Bobbleowl90]

How does one usually go about getting out of something they don’t want to do?

I know we are all adults and theoretically it should just be a case of “I can’t make it anymore” and that be that, but I know it’s never as simple.

A work colleague is terminally ill and they have arranged a night out. They’ve only told one person the details of this night and said it’s a surprise, but of course we have all been told and all now know. The “surprise” also involves full payment from everyone going - so basically it’s just an event she wants to go to, nobody else, and we all have to pay our way etc. I said yes initially when asked if I was free but I really don’t want to go. It’s on a weekend and that’s the only time I get to see my family, working all week and other than bath and bedtime, I don’t see my kids much during the week.

I just feel mean as she’s poorly and I know people will talk and say how they can’t believe I’m not going etc. Any tips on situations like this?

 

[Thank(space)you]

If a person was given eviction notice and it expired (april this year) can landlord then use that to apply to court now or do they need to do another one? I’ve been looking, putting in as much effort as I can, but last six months been extremely difficult.

They'll have to give you a new one I think

 

[tomato_paste]

Yes I'll put something on it. Ive taken paracetamol and ibuprofen. It's because I've been unwell, and now have a rash too on my hands so wasn't sure if they were linked.

Might be meningitis, I'd call 111 at least to speak to someone.

 

[Bloody orange Hell]

Can anyone recommend a good app that helps with dealing with anxiety etc, like Headspace, which is free?

Balance is free for the first year. Just remember to cancel auto renew subscription

 

[littlepup]

im back again with rent arrears. found out rent account is only on my moms name presumably intentionally done by my 'dad'. but he is the one that brings the income etc but doesn't pay the rent. letters come to my mum she cant read them, i read them we're being evicted, causing a lot of stress. this happened last year as well but my dad isnt accepting the rent as a requirement tat he has to paying. council isnt really understanding. what can i do, even if i go to advice bureau they need my dad and his income etc just so stressed and depressed

Somehow make your dad understand that he will be evicted if he doesn’t pay.
Doent matter who’s name it’s in, you’ll all be homeless. What isn’t he understanding about that? Is he in dispute with them or just ignoring it?