The advice thread for random problems #5

[StrawberryBanana90]

No he's just almost making my skin crawl. And I feel so awful for saying that. Yeah it could be depression I guess.

I can’t really give advice but I have started to feel the same way about my boyfriend of six years! He wants to be all touchy feely but it feels wrong to me and I just don’t feel attracted to him anymore
I have just come off hormonal birth control after 8 years so it is potentially due to that for me? I have read studies that BC can actually affect who you’re attracted to
I’m trying to ride it out and see what happens but my mind is wandering to maybe breaking up with him and I feel so guilty

 

[griftalo]

I have a mini pill question maybe you can help with.

I’m almost a month in taking cerazette mini pill. Not for contraception (I’m sterilised) for heavy periods.

Now the problem is, I’m feeling very low on it. Moods are shit. Headache is awful.

I want to stop taking it, I’d rather heavy periods than feeling like this. Feel anxious too constantly.

How soon and how long will I bleed for once I stop? Anyone taken it briefly and stopped?

Don’t know whether to just stop, have a withdrawal bleed and wait for my period

My experience of the mini pill was three months of bleeding, anaemia and feeling like I wanted to die. If you feel awful, I’d stop because it didn’t get better for me. Obviously my experience is my experience but waiting didn’t make it better for me.

 

[TheGlossy]

I felt weak for 2-3 weeks after food poisoning, it was both ends for 2 days then nausea and unable to eat, feeling faint.

Is there any way you could be pregnant though and the period was implantation? Have you changed anything in your diet/supplements/toothpaste etc that you could be intolerant to?

Oh wow. Yeah, I always thought food poisoning would go away after a week or so.

No, there’s 100% no chance I could be pregnant. My diet & toothpaste have remained pretty much the same. I really can’t think of anything that I’ve changed in the last few weeks.
---

This might sound stupid but why not try over the counter tablet for travel sickness? It might help until you get a diagnosis

I’ll give it a try. Maybe it will work better than the prescription tablets.

 

[1617]

I have no idea if there is an actual marraige thread but I'm a long time lurker here so feel a little safer

Me and my husband (5 years married, 15 years together, typical got married and soon as life went fuxking shit!)
We've been through hell the past year but have fought and fought to come baxk together (he left the family home for 6months)
I am confident nothing untoward ever happened and we have no inferdility issues

However. Since being baxk together I cannot help but notice how much his eyes wonder when we are out in public together. Its like constant. To the point now where all I do is watch his eye movements. Its pathetic.
I know I've lost myself, I'm not what I used to be. I have no confidence left unless I'm at home Locked away where I know I ooze the co firenze any man loves. So I know this all a reflection on myself. But do all men do it? Do you ladies really not get bothered by it? Why won't my brain so making it hurt my heart.
It's just a once over glance, and he still very much gives me PDA but just like.... I don't even know. How do I stop making it consume me? I'm at the point I don't want to go out in public or the car with him atall anymore.

Thank you xx

 

[Snippysnips]

HR has been included in a probation review meeting - which is also several months late but I think that’s more down to the company being disorganised

Slightly concerned, should I be? Apparently it’s not usual

There has been some small tensions between me and the team but they have been mostly sorted and I even got promoted during the time period so I’m a bit confused

Might be nothing but always take a representative into a meeting with you, never go them alone, if your with a union you can ask your union about it, if not then you should be able to find one in your company that can be there, all company's should be offering a non bias representative for meetings

 

[Rxt156]

WHAT am I going to wear to an outdoor event this weekend. Food and drinks type thing where half the event is outdoors then the other half is indoors as the day goes on then we will all be going to bars etc after. It obviously isn’t the weather to be in shorts and t shirt. I have jeans (prefer black jeans for a night out, not really summery though) I am tempted to just not go if I can’t find something to wear

am I being over the top. Does it matter how much what I wear?!? is anyone going to care as much as me?

It is hard to pick something that is day and night

 

[Rxt156]

I want to change schools for my 7yr child ( it'll be their third school). They don't want to because of one favourite teacher who's there 2 days a week. Academically and socially, they've gone backwards in a big way. They have a few friends but their bestie moved states. Should I move her or should I allow her one more year at the "easy" school? She is not being challenged in any area, despite me talking to teachers about it.
Many thanks in advance

How do you know she isn’t being challenged?

a change of school is a big deal and being the newbie again would be tough

 

[Kim Mild]

Haven't drunk plant based milk but I'd say if you are still feeling fine after 6/8 hours then I wouldn't worry, usually if there's anything wrong with food or drink it's a few hours later you feel it, were they certain it was off though? Could it have been maybe a different brand of milk that tasted differently so you both thought it was off?, I know you said the staff made another but most places will do that for you if you take it back

It wasn't minging, it just wasn't that nice. A lot of people seem to overheat the milk and almost burn it, it tasted a bit like that. I don't even know if the drink she had complained about was the same as what I had, she was trying to be discreet, and I was trying to heat what she was saying. I'm just panicking myself.

 

[xbxbx]

Make sure you're hitting all the points on the job spec. The interview sift in the NHS is (as you probably know) all points based, and it needs to explicitly stated in your application - either in the current job duties part, the qualifications or the person spec part. To the point where even if it's blindingly obvious. For example, in my sphere we often drive vans to pick up patients and you have to do this in the job role but it's not a common duty, so only once or twice a month. When applying for this job I would make sure to state in a separate paragraph "I am a full UK driving licence holder and have held this for X years. I have insurance on my own car for work purposes and can drive a variety of vehicles including work cars and vans." Line by line, point by point, no matter whether it says essential or desirable, assessed at interview or in application.

I would be careful to try and make it sound cohesive though, you don't want to be bullet pointing the JD criteria (for example - Use of IT systems, confidentiality awareness, keyboard skills) I wouldn't put "I use IT systems in my current role. I am aware of confidentiality. I have keyboard skills." I would put something like "In my current role I use a wide number of IT systems including X, Y and Z to perform tasks. I am responsible for maintaining the confidentiality of patients and do so by ensuring that any patient sensitive information is disposed of appropriately and discussions of a sensitive nature take place in a private area. I completed my European Computer Driving Licence and touch typing course in 2004 and have been a competent IT user for many years." (Which I think is what you're saying anyway).

I personally would contact the recruiting manager and ask for a walk around or informal chat, in my sector it is pretty important and people do get a feel for you based on that but appreciate that's not the same for all.

If you nail all the criteria and can demonstrate them in a clear way you will be guaranteed an interview...

Thank you so much, this is really helpful! I’ve spent the last few days prepping for this application and think I’m gonna keep going over it until I’m 100% happy. I’m back at work next week too so I’ll get in touch with the recruiter then and see what they say, then that should give me everything I need to put any finishing touches on the application before submitting

 

[Pesky Tarian]

WHAT am I going to wear to an outdoor event this weekend. Food and drinks type thing where half the event is outdoors then the other half is indoors as the day goes on then we will all be going to bars etc after. It obviously isn’t the weather to be in shorts and t shirt. I have jeans (prefer black jeans for a night out, not really summery though) I am tempted to just not go if I can’t find something to wear

am I being over the top. Does it matter how much what I wear?!? is anyone going to care as much as me?

It is hard to pick something that is day and night

Touched on having the same issue earlier, but there's a thread for this and they're amazing, always great advice

Help me find a _______ outfit

This one, not too casual with earrings etc? I think that's perfect for an afternoon engagement party.

tattle.life

I have ordered a long sleeved denim midi dress which helps for warmth but not rain. I think I'll end up in mom jeans, black body and blazer but yes I feel the same .

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Do you think by the time you're 30+ and have more industry experience you can just put under 'education' on a CV something like "Spring field high school, 2005 - 2010 - GCSEs - All grades A-D" or does it need to be more specific? Then the name of the college, course and grade without any explanation of the content. It's not really relevant to the role, is anyone going to care if you got a B for history and a D for Art?

I cant remember my grades from high school Also I don't think anybody even looks at it but as I'm from abroad I will be making up my grades

 

[Clickbait]

More of a random question this

If you set up a teams meeting an send someone else the invite to it and then you yourself have connection problems, does the meeting disappear on your end? Or would it still all be there but you just wouldn't be able to connect to it?

I was supposed to be in a teams meeting yesterday, there was no invitation sent to me like there usually is, sent the person emails telling them there was no invite only to be told this morning that they were having connection problems yesterday an they also had no invite to the meeting despite it being them that supposedly set it all up, so now am wondering if they even did set it up in the first place or forgot about it an are using the connection problems as a excuse

I set up zoom at work and the zoom meeting shows for me regardless of there's connection problems or not but am not familiar with teams

Usually from my Outlook when I set up a meeting as soon as I add a meeting attendee it automatically populates it with a Teams link. You send the invite and all sorted. When there is an issue sometimes it doesn’t do this so you send an invite but when you come to check it you realise that it has no embedded Teams link. Could that have been what caused this? The issue is to do with the Teams add-in on Outlook and usually needs to be reinstalled.

 

[griftalo]

Can I order something in duty free online at Manchester airport and collect it when I land? I can’t find the answer online and I don’t want to take it with me on holiday!

I get the impression no. It’s in departures so I think you have to take it with you. You could order at the airport you come back from maybe?

 

[Clickbait]

You can spray diluted washing liquid (bio) to kill the scent, it’s a cheap option

I’m all for cheap so I’ll try that first. I also read they’re not keen on strong smells and I have some lavender bed spray that someone bought me that unsurprisingly I’ve never used so I may douse the area in that too!

 

[Unknown345]

Hi all, new to this thread but have a very lengthy problem I need some advice on. Please see below:


Backstory: I have been with my partner for 8 years, we have one 5 year old child together and have had a very happy relationship. Like all couples, we have had minor issues but they have been about things like lack of communication etc, nothing too testing. We have had friends describe us as a “perfect little family” and my partner is described by everyone as all things good.
Two weeks ago, I decided to have a little snoop through his phone. I really did trust him, I just had this intuition that night to have a look while he was asleep. I noticed a new app was downloaded. It was yahoo mail, so obviously I clicked it.
There were tons of receipts for a webcam website, so I confronted him and he admitted to it instantly. He was very apologetic and said that it started one night because he got a bit bored of porn when I was out one time and saw an ad for the website so clicked it. He signed up and tried it out of curiosity which led to him having a huge addiction. He also admitted to having subscribed to a couple of people on onlyfans.
The worst part is, this addiction started in January 2018, and he has been doing it consistently since. That’s 6 years of our 8 year relationship. Our sex life has always been good, and he agrees too, he said it was never something that I wasn’t giving him. He just became addicted and would go through the guilt and regret every time but couldn’t stop.
Looking at the bank statements, I would guess he’s probably spent anywhere from 5-10k on this over the 6 years. A lot of that has been put onto a credit card that I thought he paid off and got rid off years ago.
He had times in those years where he felt so awful he debated ending his life, he said he always had guilt and it was eating him alive but couldn’t tell me as he knew it would hurt me.
How do I even deal with this? I’m so hurt, confused and blindsided, but I also know that addiction becomes not a choice and it takes a lot of professional help to overcome. Do I take into consideration it was an addiction?
He has said that now the secret is out, as much as it’s caused a lot of pain, he feels like a huge weight has been lifted off his shoulders and that he no longer is struggling with this alone. He wants to make this work, and has offered counseling for addiction and as a couple, he said he’s happy to go through all the steps needed to build trust, he’s happy to spend a long time not having a normal relationship while we rebuild. He even has suggested for my own peace of mind to have full control of all finances, child lock his phone etc (he said he doesn’t need that to stop, as his addiction has now become a painful reality and he thinks the websites are poison for how they affect the human brain), but he is trying to suggest things that would make me feel better.
In those 6 years, he continuously made me feel good about myself, he put in effort to our relationship etc. he said he never chose that over me, it would be when I was out, not in the mood or asleep and before he went to work.
Just to add, he never had favorites. He would watch different people all the time and only ever watch one person a couple of times before never watching them again. He never had his own camera on, so they never saw him and he said he would literally turn it all off straight after and aside from feel the guilt and regret, he would never sit and think about it further. He said it was the same thing to him, as when you watch porn (although he knows it’s different and is empathetic about that).
He has now been very open and honest with me, even when some of the details are painful to hear. He has also been very honest with friends and family about it now too, and has shown a lot of remorse for what he has done not only to me but to everyone else.

thoughts??? I’m going crazy with all the ways to look at this issue!

 

[tomato_paste]

My youngest daughter came home last night, her boyfriend made her come to see me as she's been very low recently and tearful. She's on the mini pill (progestogen) and I'm wondering if that's not helping as it's unusual for her to be so teary and anxious. She said she feels like she's on the verge of a panic attack all the time.... just wondering how to help her

Ugh I had the worst reaction to hormones, just like her, tearful and weepy, paranoid, etc. I got a copper coil instead, which was bliss. Maybe ask her to come off them and give her body a few months to get back to a semblance of balance.

The other thing - could she be pregnant? If she's had a bout of stomach issues recently or taken antibiotics, the pill might not have been as effective.

 

[xbxbx]

Others might have a different view of that but I'd only get in touch with the person about the job for actually additional info you might need to decide if the job is a good fit and if you are a good fit for it. It comes down to application and interviews, especially in public sector I'd say. If you have any friends at work who could look over your application and/or help with a mock interview then that's always a good shout. Otherwise just make sure to explain your examples well ensuring they cover the right competencies (not sure what competency framework your work uses but in sure there's some info on it). What do you need to do for the application? Is it a cover letter type thing or answering competency based questions?

Ah okay. Within my department it’s always seen favourably if we’re hiring and someone gets in touch for a chat or to arrange a visit so I just assumed all departments would be the same! I guess I can always ask those I work with if they know anything about the department first and then go from there. The application is pretty straight forward and I believe is the same for all NHS Scotland posts. There are 3 questions with the first being ‘why are you suitable for this role’, the second is ‘why do you want to work for the NHS’ which in my case would be why I want to continue working for them, and the last question is a section to provide any other information that might be relevant.

I’ve had two jobs in the NHS so I might dig out my previous applications and see what I put. Must’ve done something right with them to secure two posts!

 

[Pesky Tarian]

I got a speeding ticket (I know, I know) and it said send back within 28 days or £1000 fine and other stuff. Filled it out, my husband said he'd post it. Fine.
Ive just found it in the car. 28 days is tomorrow. I've shoved it in the post box with a first class stamp on. Am I going to get a £1000 fine?! Can / should i call them?!
I've been driving 15 years and never had a speeding ticket.
I haven't got £1000

If you posted it today the PO will frank it as that date, so technically you are within the time frame. You could then argue it was delayed in processing their end if you do get a fine or feign ignorance and say you assumed 28 working days. Bloody husbands!!.

 

[TheGlossy]

Could you get a referral to a dental hospital? Or do they not do that anymore?

I had problems with a dentist missing cavities which were visible on all my X-rays over a year. Ended up needing three root canals.
It cost me €3k. I had a specialist root canal dental surgeon do them.

I understand your upset and anger. It was really stressful and I felt so cheated and mistrustful. It sucks.

Thanks.

I’m not sure. I looked up my local dental hospital and it seems it’s mainly dental school students training there.

 

[Mamacita]

I'm going to try and get a GP appointment eventually if I can but wondering if anyone's experienced similar. For the last few months (or maybe longer but the frequency has increased) I can getting a feeling like I'm coming down with a cold which never comes to anything. Sore head, slightly sore/itchy throat, slight or high fatigue, sometimes bad body pain, low body temp. Goes away after 2-3 days. It used to be linked to my cycle and used to get it before period, then also started having it around ovulation but now it seems random. Not sure if it's to do with hormone change or something else, just to add I had a full blood panel done last December including vitamins, minerals, hormone levels etc and everything was perfect it's really starting to piss me off now