Just found another on a pair of jeans I had hanging over the edge of the bed, but fell over before I had chance to throw it out the window .
going to have to be thorough, by the looks of it.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
going to have to be thorough, by the looks of it.Wash everything you can on a hot wash, can help kill any eggs/babies that are lurking.Just found another on a pair of jeans I had hanging over the edge of the bed, but fell over before I had chance to throw it out the window .
Sorry but I’m really not sure where to put this, so hope someone can offer some wisdom.
My daughter is 5 (nearly 6). She’s a very sensitive, sometimes anxious, little girl. My husband’s parents both passed away before she remembers them, my FIL passed away when my husband was about 12 and his mum left us in 2020. For some reason them dying has created some worry in her and now she is very scared of dying, even way into the future and leaving her children. And she’s worried her best friend might die and she won’t get to see her anymore. I was just doing bedtime where she said “mummy I’m so excited for Easter!” And then about a minute later she said “mummy, I’m so scared of dying, I’m not really excited about Easter at all, all I can think about is going to heaven” we did her hand breathing to calm her down and I talked to her about thoughts about things we can’t control and thoughts about things we can control, and I said well keep telling her brain that it doesn’t have any control over it and it’s not going to happen for a long time anyway so let’s not worry about it now - and I said well say the same thing to your brain tomorrow too, and that seemed to help but she seems so much more sensitive and thoughtful than I ever was when I was little I don’t know how to help her really.
My daughter is 5 (nearly 6). She’s a very sensitive, sometimes anxious, little girl. My husband’s parents both passed away before she remembers them, my FIL passed away when my husband was about 12 and his mum left us in 2020. For some reason them dying has created some worry in her and now she is very scared of dying, even way into the future and leaving her children. And she’s worried her best friend might die and she won’t get to see her anymore. I was just doing bedtime where she said “mummy I’m so excited for Easter!” And then about a minute later she said “mummy, I’m so scared of dying, I’m not really excited about Easter at all, all I can think about is going to heaven” we did her hand breathing to calm her down and I talked to her about thoughts about things we can’t control and thoughts about things we can control, and I said well keep telling her brain that it doesn’t have any control over it and it’s not going to happen for a long time anyway so let’s not worry about it now - and I said well say the same thing to your brain tomorrow too, and that seemed to help but she seems so much more sensitive and thoughtful than I ever was when I was little I don’t know how to help her really.
Oh bless her and bless you for worrying so much. I know it's really scary to hear little ones talking like this but rest assured it's a perfectly normal part of development and it's little kiddies realising that they are not immortal and that people do leave this earth. It's all part of the processing of where do we go, how do we die, and also not having a great understanding of the passage of time (i.e unit you're an older person most 'likely' to die). Just out of interest, is she an only child? She sounds very much like me when I was younger, coming to the realisation that I might die one day, or my parents might, and then catastrophically thinking of all the scenarios. She sounds like a very clever little thing so I'd always make sure you are honest with her and answer any questions calmly and truthfully which it sounds like you are doing
Thank you, that’s so reassuring, she asked me to find photos of heaven and she said that might make her feel better, so when we were looking I said to her, the thing is, no one who has drawn these pictures has actually been to heaven so they’re just guessing really, and she started to talk about what she thought it was like. She was almost an only child, she has a baby sister who is 1 but we sort of brought her up like an only child up til I got pregnant as that’s what she was meant to beOh bless her and bless you for worrying so much. I know it's really scary to hear little ones talking like this but rest assured it's a perfectly normal part of development and it's little kiddies realising that they are not immortal and that people do leave this earth. It's all part of the processing of where do we go, how do we die, and also not having a great understanding of the passage of time (i.e unit you're an older person most 'likely' to die). Just out of interest, is she an only child? She sounds very much like me when I was younger, coming to the realisation that I might die one day, or my parents might, and then catastrophically thinking of all the scenarios. She sounds like a very clever little thing so I'd always make sure you are honest with her and answer any questions calmly and truthfully which it sounds like you are doing
My oldest boy can also be very much like your girl. Just this morning he was asking me why Jesus had nails put through his hands and feet and how is it possible that he could rise up when he was dead - I mean, 8am on a Sunday morning son!! But this is just what their wee minds do, question everything and when wee links get made it can throw up a whole lot of other questions, so this likely isn't the last you'll hear of it, even if the conversation seems to fade off. Not to get too airy fairy but I did think to myself, what do I want my child to believe when talking about things like this? I'm mostly atheist so I explain that when you're dead, you're dead, but your memories and soul lives on in the people you leave behind, but that some people believe in a heaven etc. I'm not a fan of the whole 'look up to the stars to see your granny' type idea but each to their ownThank you, that’s so reassuring, she asked me to find photos of heaven and she said that might make her feel better, so when we were looking I said to her, the thing is, no one who has drawn these pictures has actually been to heaven so they’re just guessing really, and she started to talk about what she thought it was like. She was almost an only child, she has a baby sister who is 1 but we sort of brought her up like an only child up til I got pregnant as that’s what she was meant to be
I’m an atheist too so it’s very hard talking about heaven when you don’t believe in it but I fully understand why faith provides a framework to help people through difficult periods in their lives!My oldest boy can also be very much like your girl. Just this morning he was asking me why Jesus had nails put through his hands and feet and how is it possible that he could rise up when he was dead - I mean, 8am on a Sunday morning son!! But this is just what their wee minds do, question everything and when wee links get made it can throw up a whole lot of other questions, so this likely isn't the last you'll hear of it, even if the conversation seems to fade off. Not to get too airy fairy but I did think to myself, what do I want my child to believe when talking about things like this? I'm mostly atheist so I explain that when you're dead, you're dead, but your memories and soul lives on in the people you leave behind, but that some people believe in a heaven etc. I'm not a fan of the whole 'look up to the stars to see your granny' type idea but each to their own
Hang on with me here…. But my Mum died when I was pregnant with my first and I’ve always just said she was poorly. Then we’ve had a few distant family relationships where we sort of said oh they were poorly and then last weekend my FIL died and I said to my husband we cannot say he was just ‘poorly’ because they’re going to have a real issue. Unfortunately meant we had to talk a bit more about why he died.
Which has brought all sort of things up. I think it’s the age where they’re not little anymore and you just sort of have to find a way of age appropriately explaining what they think their issues are. OR, introducing a teddy that they can tell their fears too. (A friend of mine did this when her Dad died suddenly, as they would spend every Friday night there). If she’s confident to write, you can find a zippy mouth one, then can sneakily read what she writes x
Thank you, yes she knows they’ve died, I’m so sorry about you FIL x
she has a worry monster, but she’s a bit flash in the pan with these things. It’s more I think she’s a very sensitive and self reflective little thing because this started in nursery when they read a book about pets dying and all the other children shrugged and went off to play and she was left hyperventilating with the nursery worker like WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT DIED - WILL I DIE?!
I actually told her my old dog ran away as I couldn’t face telling her that it had died. I think I need to look at some resilience stuff for kids xx
This is a charity for bereaved children. I’m not sure if any of this will help as it’s not exactly what your LO is going through but there are some resources here.
nelsonsjourney.org.uk
We’ve had a few deaths recently and important people who passed before LO (now 3) came along.
We say they’ve gone to live heaven. We can’t visit them there but they are happy and healthy and it’s a wonderful place where they’re all together and they know we love them. We’ll eventually have to change it for a more factual policy but honestly I kind of believe the people and dogs do ‘live’ in heaven and heaven is a place in my heart and head where they stay.
I understand how hard it is though, even without a very sensitive soul. We have the discussion about how some things make you so poorly or are so dangerous they can make you so broken that you can’t be fixed. Which opens up a whole thing of ‘but you’re old mummy’ or ‘if I get sick can I be fixed?’ and it’s
because you can’t promise.
I remember being terrified of my parents dying after fire safety at school and the threat of the gulf war and I wish actually we hadn’t been exposed to that. Can you think of any other external factors they might be taking on board that are increasing their fear or making them feel like there is an imminent risk? Jesus dying at Easter or something she’s watched?
Information and Guidance | Nelson's Journey | Child Bereavement Help for Norfolk
nelsonsjourney.org.uk
We’ve had a few deaths recently and important people who passed before LO (now 3) came along.
We say they’ve gone to live heaven. We can’t visit them there but they are happy and healthy and it’s a wonderful place where they’re all together and they know we love them. We’ll eventually have to change it for a more factual policy but honestly I kind of believe the people and dogs do ‘live’ in heaven and heaven is a place in my heart and head where they stay.
I understand how hard it is though, even without a very sensitive soul. We have the discussion about how some things make you so poorly or are so dangerous they can make you so broken that you can’t be fixed. Which opens up a whole thing of ‘but you’re old mummy’ or ‘if I get sick can I be fixed?’ and it’s
because you can’t promise.I remember being terrified of my parents dying after fire safety at school and the threat of the gulf war and I wish actually we hadn’t been exposed to that. Can you think of any other external factors they might be taking on board that are increasing their fear or making them feel like there is an imminent risk? Jesus dying at Easter or something she’s watched?
Honestly google worry monster and see where you get as nursery and school use it as a thing. It might give you some ideas xxx
When my foster mum died I was 5. My parents decided to tell me she went on holiday. A LONG holiday. I was bullied because in those days foster care, even with a relative as mine was, was something to be deeply ashamed of, I was constantly asked why I didn’t love my parents enough. I remember. Vividly asking where she was and my mum bluntly saying she died and I knew that so why didn’t I shut up. Then I was told in order for another baby to be born she had to die.
Then my school decided to show a lovely film about bunnies - watership down weeks after all of this and I was devastated ..
Basically it’s decades later and I still remember that. I still have issues with saying goodbye to people incase that’s the last time I see them. Yes I’ve had therapy, but it’s too deep, and cost a fortune to boot.
So don’t
Say people are on a long holiday/moved away because inevitably children find out what’s happened.
Loved ones don’t die so babies can be born - I was a little tit to babies for years and years after
Watership down has bunnies in it and is devastating watch for kids, especially bereaved ones (frankly anyone of any age, I’ve no idea how it is still a U!)
Discussing death is hard, I do get that, but sometimes I think people forget what a hard concept it is even for adults!
Then my school decided to show a lovely film about bunnies - watership down weeks after all of this and I was devastated ..
Basically it’s decades later and I still remember that. I still have issues with saying goodbye to people incase that’s the last time I see them. Yes I’ve had therapy, but it’s too deep, and cost a fortune to boot.
So don’t
Say people are on a long holiday/moved away because inevitably children find out what’s happened.
Loved ones don’t die so babies can be born - I was a little tit to babies for years and years after
Watership down has bunnies in it and is devastating watch for kids, especially bereaved ones (frankly anyone of any age, I’ve no idea how it is still a U!)
Discussing death is hard, I do get that, but sometimes I think people forget what a hard concept it is even for adults!
So sorry you had to deal with that.
I agree Watership Down was devastating and so many of my generation were deeply affected by it as an introduction to death.
We do say people have died, aren’t here anymore, we won’t see them again, but, that means they have to go and ‘live’ in heaven. You’ve made me realise we need a different word to avoid confusion.
Is she at school? If so ask them to enrol her on the ELSA programme, was very beneficial for my daughter when she had bad separation anxiety (I know not the same, but they deal with lots of child MH issues)
Thank you, I will look into this!
Not really sure what to do with my depression any more. I've been working on myself in therapy for literally 20 years (been going since I was 14), I'm on antidepressants, I got a dog, I have enough money to be comfortable but I'm just so tired of living. Today was again one of those mornings where I just didn't see the point in living any more. I'm tired of it, of the struggle, of the random few days where I feel better and I get hopeful again only to fall back into the hole time and time again, of which I have to drag myself out of painfully, slowly, exhaustingly. But there's really only either continuing to suffer like this, dragging myself out of the hole, or simply offing myself to finally be done with it all. If it wasn't for my dog I don't think I'd have survived the last years of crushing despair tbh. How am I supposed to be doing this for the next 30 odd years? I don't think I can. Nothing ever changes, I'm still as lonely as I was when I was 14, I'm still as unhappy, even though therapy worked really well for me and I'm an entirely different person. I have friends and acquaintances, I have a distant but ok relationship with my parents (they were emotionally abusive), and a great relationship with my siblings, but I'm still so incredibly lonely it's literally making me sick in the head.
Have you tried changing medication/therapy? I was the same I felt stuck in a rut but changed antidepressants then went from counselling to cbt and found it so much better for me personally and got out the rut I felt stuck in. Really hope you’re okay and you feel better soon
I'm sorry I have no advice but I couldn't scroll by without stopping to tell you that you matter and aren't alone. I really truly hope the brighter days become more frequent for you. X
Are there any groups around your area, maybe taking up something might help, like a little craft group or a walking or swimming group, that are for people who are suffering with mental health, perhaps finding others who are in the same position may help as you will all understand one another, it can help being around others that know the struggles since they will be best at knowing how to get you out of the dark holes when you fall in them
Like another said maybe a chance in medication as well, or trying CBT, I used CBT for my anxiety but it also helped with my depression as well, an for me personally I also found I was no different on antidepressants than I was off them so I decided to just come off them, I still have lows but it's not any different than when I was on antidepressants, I feel like they are just a short term thing an it's better trying to find ways to pull yourself out without them, but if you do come off them prepare yourself a bit first, it really gives you a hellish low mood for a little bit, I ended up booking a little trip away just to help
For me I just take each day. I’ve done that for years now. Sometimes it’s hour sometimes it’s a minute and by no means is it 100% successful I’m going through stuff now and even thinking as far as my next meds is too overwhelming.
I hope that’s not dismissive I don’t mean it to be. I can’t have meds due to my neurological and genetic conditions, but I've found some therapies helpful the key thing there for me was something my neurological specialist told me - nothing works 100% for everyone. So if you find something that helps stick with it; even if its only one part of a treatment programme, do look at different techniques - we are, all of us, different so don’t be afraid to look at other possibilities - I was told mindfulness would 100% cure me; it was the worst thing I’ve ever done *for me* yet I found Christian prayer really helpful.
- Status