The advice thread for random problems #4

[Pinhead Larry]

Wine.

I really want to get into a nice glass of wine! I keep trying red wine but haven’t found any I like as they’re just too strong/vinegary?! I tried a non alcoholic Merlot in marks and sparks the other day and it was gorgeous. It was basically like sangria which is like drinking pop! Any recommendations for which to try?

I’d recommend mcguigans black label, it’s only about £6 a bottle but it’s so nice and easy to drink.
We have a wine bottle thermometer we put on whatever bottle we’re going to drink, but red wine is meant to be served between 12-18 degrees to balance the acidity, might be worth checking the temp before you try it? Also leaving the cap off for 30 mins before pouring from the bottle allows the flavour to balance a bit better

 

[Pinkpenguinx]

Any legal eagles or people in the know with employment based issues?

I have been working in a GP surgery since May 22
In September 2023 I accepted a place on a foundation degree course run by the local uni and college as an apprentice, my employer also signed and agreed too. They are a non levy paying employer so the course is funded by the government and I am registered as an apprentice with the government.

I have so far been on the course 7 months and coming in to the final few months of the first year ( its a 2 year course)
This week my line manager ( very poor management skills and stepping down as manager in April) approached me (chucked it at me) with a form titled " training agreement" and told me I had to sign it. I asked what it was, she told me if i leave the company within 2 years of completing my course (2027) I will need to pay them back the course fees.

I said, it isn't reasonable to expect me to sign this in retrospect as its now 7 months into the cource and had I been made aware of this 7 months ago I could have made an informed decision on weather I wanted to proceed on the cource under those terms and conditions.
She was very rude to me, as was her replacement - " so your using us to pay for your course and planning to leave", and " if you dobt sign they'll remove you from the course"

As mentioned this is a government funded apprenticeship course.

The form does not specify an actual sum, it just says xourse fees (£amount), then gives a sliding scale of
Leave with 6 months pay back 100%.
Leave 6-12 months pay back 75%
12-18 pay back 50%
18-24 pay back 25%

So they're expecting me to sign this 7 months after commencing the course. And without any indication of the sum of money I would be paying back in the event of me leaving the company.

I told her that I would need to seek the advise of my union representative (RCN) and potentially legal advise on the matter, and that id at least need more information on a figure and a breakdown of that figure.

I have checked my contract of employment, which makes no mention or clauses to training or training costs.

I have contacted my union and I have a phone meeting with the local rep to go over this, they told me it is my legal right to seek advise and representation of my union.

Ive since found on google so not confident it is correct but it says its actually illegal for company's to try to reclaim cource fees from a government funded apprentice.

Any advise greatly appreciated, as im worrying myself over this now.
I dont particularly want to stay with this company for two whole years after I complete my course as they are not particularly nice. I can with a fair amount of certainty say that once I finish my course they wont have any positions for the role I'll be just qualified in, and so ill have to continue working for them in the role I am in now with a foundation degree for minimum wage, or leave and potentially owe them an undisclosed sum of money.

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

We've got a note on our door, parcels for this address only. Our opposite neighbour is some sort of medical equipment rep and gets daily deliveries that I kept getting bangs on the door about late afternoon when I get in. I took one in once out of pity as the guy said it was half his delivery load and he'd have to bring it back the next day ... she had the cheek to huff at me for having it put in our garage and not hers as there was so much of it. Like I magically knew that she left the door open.......

 

[Thank(space)you]

What's happened to you could be classed as assault, essentially a spiking but in plain sight. It's really serious and I hope you're feeling OK. I also hope you're able to find a way to deal with the situation in a way that you feel you have addressed it to an extent you are happy with and that doesn't create an issue with your friend. However, he really needs to have it explained to him that what he did is unacceptable and that it could have had serious consequences.

If I were your friend's shoes, I'd be seriously reassessing my choice of partner. She might be feeling really confused about the situation as well. Could you chat to her about it calmly and openly? Or do you think she'd rather brush it under the carpet straight away?

Yeah I think I might talk to her about it tomorrow, it's not the first time he's crossed boundaries with me unfortunately! But she gets really bad hangovers so won't be in a fit state for a conversation today.

 

[watermelon sugar]

My washing machine has just decided to stop spinning - I’ve turned it off for half an hour at the plug, emptied what was in it (towels) and bounced it up and down and it’s still not spinning. Any advice please

 

[Meg78]

When you sell something on Facebook do you arrange for the stranger to go to your house to collect, or a neutral location? I had a weird encounter tonight with a guy who I swear was about to storm through my door when I opened it, and then stopped when he saw my husband. It’s made me feel really vulnerable that this guy has our address and got a look inside, but I feel silly asking people to meet me in a car park just to buy a used iron or something. What do you all do?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Things are happening, albeit slowly. But shit has definitely hit the fan

The NAPAC is there for victims of childhood abuse, they're basically the adult NSPCC. Also the Samaritans if you need them.
I've been where you are and it's horrible. Rooting for you

 

[Mamacita]

I’ve never poached an egg before 🫣 please give me your best poached egg methods so I can show my husband I’m better than him at doing them for tea!

I followed this video the first time I managed to actually make poached eggs successfully

 

[Pesky Tarian]

Random question

The handle on my door is coming lose, is that a job for a joiner or a locksmith? I was thinking a joiner could do it but if it needs a new handle all together then will I need a locksmith since it may need new locks? It's a barrel lock we have if that makes a difference

If the barrel is loose you can tighten this yourself by tightening the screws on the side of the door. If it's a upvc door I would contact your local window/door fitter as it would be cheaper than a joiner, we had one replaced for £12.

 

[Snippysnips]

@Snippysnips - hopefully you have already picked this up from ACAS etc but the disciplinary process should go like this:

1. employer investigates what happened - this can include meeting the people involved.
2. if the employer decides that formal disciplinary action is required they should write to you to explain what you've done wrong (in enough detail to allow you to prepare a response), give you a time and date for a meeting to discuss the problem, let you know that you have the right to bring a colleague or union rep to the meeting.
3. the employer can't take any disciplinary action before the meeting
4. at the meeting you should be given time to set out your case - you can present this verbally or in writing (or both)
5. after the meeting the employer should tell you in writing what they have decided
6. you must be given the opportunity to appeal their decision

It sounds as if your Dad is only at stage 1. The employer might decide not to take it any further.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for this, I'll take a note of it an keep it handy, right now he's off on stress for the week then after his week it will need to be doctors lines which he was at the doctor's today an they were happy to do

We have also found out his contract states he's not to do any cooking alone which they have been leaving him to do (he was a head chef on oil rigs but he's only a kitchen asst at this home) so again taking advantage of him not saying no to them, so we are putting that down as well since he's been doing cooks work but on a kitchen assts wage

 

[Justmechan23]

Does anyone know why when looking at car MOT status online most have a long history of all the MOTs but some only have the last MOT?

Would it be the age of the car? In the UK MOTs are only required on cars over 3 years old

 

[Snippysnips]

When you sell something on Facebook do you arrange for the stranger to go to your house to collect, or a neutral location? I had a weird encounter tonight with a guy who I swear was about to storm through my door when I opened it, and then stopped when he saw my husband. It’s made me feel really vulnerable that this guy has our address and got a look inside, but I feel silly asking people to meet me in a car park just to buy a used iron or something. What do you all do?

When I sell I usually do it at home but luckily I've a neighbour who's a armed police cop an he's awesome at coming over, but it is normal for to meet up at a safe place, I don't know your area but we used to in town have a designated safe area that was organised by the police force for selling, perhaps you could ask your local station if they do this, but I do know some that will only go in town when selling

 

[avabella]

Any computer savvy people, is this a good deal for a gaming pc? Am still a bit wary with the whole building one but seen this an figured if I can get into it then maybe I could slowly upgrade over time when needed an this would be ok to start me off with

Could you reach out to a local college/community campus and ask for direction? I’ve known 14 year old boys that can build stuff like that for much cheaper and they’ll have more savvy know how too.

 

[littlepup]

what’s a good rate for full days and nursery morning sessions (5 hrs)
Thank you

Massively depends on you location. Where I am it starts at about £4.75/hr for a basic (not bad though) not for profit one attached to a school.
Also depends if they feed them vs packed lunch.
Private ones in fancy settings are £50ish+ a full day.

 

[Snippysnips]

Any advice for irrational anger? I can't afford therapy atm so that's not an option. I do meditate which does help. I've never had anger problems before, but I find myself so irritable/angry so easily these days. Don't get me wrong, I'm not violent or aggressive. I just vent on here or to friends. But I think being stuck in the middle of a family war, plus my mum being increasingly cantankerous and demanding whilst being in hospital (for which I'm running around after her daily) is just getting to me.

Have you tried your gp? You could see if you can get a referral through them, it sounds like maybe stress is at the route of it with being stuck in the middle an feeling like your getting pulled all ways, other than that is there a way you could take just one day a week an shut down to make time for yourself, like switch your phone off, get out for a day even if it's just taking a walk or going for a swim or coffee etc

There are also apps that may help, I think there's one called calm which might help, but I'd also check what there is free as well like help groups, maybe meeting up with others an going out for a drink will help, usually anger is the cause of something an it does sound for you like it might be stress

 

[Snippysnips]

Apart from amazon what is a good website/shop to look at gadgets. Kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, etc I'm just looking for gadgets that are a little different and makes life easier or at least a little more fun

I think not on the high street do homeware

 

[nataliaaaaa]

Thank you for responding - totally agree I need to take responsibility. Sorry I should have said (I didn’t write every detail down due to taking up too much space) - I did speak to a doctor a few months ago, had blood tests done a couple of times throughout the year as well. First one - my ferritin was low but I took meds and brought the levels up. I did ask for a further appt to see if I needed to stop taking the meds but had a hard time getting through the receptionist as all she kept saying was my levels were normal so why did I need an appointment! Another doctor I saw (a private one) said the most likely thing causing it would be my contraceptive pill (cerazette) and I spoke to my partner. He had previously been reluctant for me to come off it but was more persuaded when I told him the doctor had said it. I have done lots of my own research on it too and have read quite a few women have issues with Cerazette. I think some of it is circumstance as well, I get a bit funny if my partner and I are in the house all day every day ie working from home so I told him I’d like to go into my office more just to break things up. He isn’t anti that, just needs a bit of persuading so I need to get better at expressing my needs as well.
---
He has text me again this morning saying ‘what are we going to do?’. I can’t help but feel he now wants to sort things in time for his family Christmas party on Saturday.

 

[mochibean]

Looking for advice on something that happened at my work Christmas party.

I was drunk, but I don’t think much drunker than anyone else there.

I started a conversation with a colleague who has recently (in the last year) lost a close relative to suicide. I too have been through this and I brought it up. The conversation was fine, in that she engaged with it and we chatted about it and I basically said “It’s such a difficult topic and you can feel very alone, as not many people know how it feels. If you ever need to reach out to someone who has been through it too, please do.”

I just feel now it was very tactless of me to bring that up at a Christmas party. I should have kept my mouth shut and I hope I didn’t upset her at all, or catch her off guard. I had the best intentions, honestly.

Do you think I should apologise for bringing it up or move on? As I said, she was receptive to the conversation and didn’t come across as uncomfortable so maybe I’m overthinking it. What would you do? I was thinking I could just send her a quick message apologising for bringing it up but making sure she knows I do stand by what I said about reaching out.

You're probably overthinking it I'd just not mention it again unless she brings it up. Sounds like it wasn't taken badly at all and yeah maybe a work party isn't the time or place but she was drinking too I'm sure you'll be all good.

Also Christmas party related but I got arrested at my work xmas party and thankfully I still have a job but I'm terrified to go back to work. I know I made the biggest idiot of myself and I am in court in January and I'm mortified. How do I go about going back to work?

I basically told them what I think of them I was very upset/distressed at the time my mental health had been spiralling before this and I'd been very open about the fact I hadn't been okay. They've been supportive and I've had colleagues reach out to me make sure I'm okay but I can't face everyone. I'm looking for a new one bc the anxiety is too much.

 

[littlepup]

Thanks, we are giving acas a call the now, as far as am aware it's privately owned but I don't know if they are in a type of partnership with someplace, it's not a Bupa or NHS I know that, I did contact the quality care commission about breach of privacy when they showed up to our door but haven't heard a thing

I'll get him to ask for copy's of the disciplinary as well, so far they didn't give the 48h warning to get prepared to bring a proper rep so all ready this is going wrong, it wasn't even 24h notice, meeting is today at 11am an he got the letter yesterday afternoon

Good luck to him and you today x

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Does anyone own a Lumi spa, that isn't affliated with them, or is a salesperson selling them? Looking for genuine recommendations

I have Lloyds Pharmacy own version. Combination skin. I use it once a week for a deep clean on my most oily parts such as my nose and chin. It helps with blackheads, but I don't go near my dry patches! Then I pop the head off and put it in the little bag I clean my reusable pads in and washing machine it. It's quite a lot of faff