The advice thread for random problems #4

[Moth]

@Snippysnips - hopefully you have already picked this up from ACAS etc but the disciplinary process should go like this:

1. employer investigates what happened - this can include meeting the people involved.
2. if the employer decides that formal disciplinary action is required they should write to you to explain what you've done wrong (in enough detail to allow you to prepare a response), give you a time and date for a meeting to discuss the problem, let you know that you have the right to bring a colleague or union rep to the meeting.
3. the employer can't take any disciplinary action before the meeting
4. at the meeting you should be given time to set out your case - you can present this verbally or in writing (or both)
5. after the meeting the employer should tell you in writing what they have decided
6. you must be given the opportunity to appeal their decision

It sounds as if your Dad is only at stage 1. The employer might decide not to take it any further.

Hope this helps.

 

[littlepup]

As above, a sleek high or ankle length boot. Also a classic court, Chanel style pump or sling back, even a heeled low cut shoe boot.
I’d personally avoid a brogue or Chelsea boot as a bit high school teacher-y but some people can carry them.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

A local online small business mistakenly had a package delivered to my house, it seems to be packing envelopes or labels or some sort of stationery. It’s a medium sized box so it would fit quite a lot, I reached out 8 days ago and again yesterday to their customer service email offering to forward it to them or they could come collect it, no response? I don’t have Facebook or Instagram.

It’s in the way (in my hallway) but I’d rather not see the money go to waste for a local business. I can’t decide if they’re ignoring my emails or somehow just missed it? I know small businesses have loads to do but surely someone’s looked at the emails in the past week? would you email a 3rd time or just chuck it

I would ask the delivery company to collect it. Doesn't sound like this local business will last much longer if they can't even sort out a small issue like this

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My dad has to go for a meeting tomorrow I think a disciplinary, some females at his work have come together an are victimising him because they want him to leave so have given false accusations of him being aggressive (he's 67 an like 5ft 6 an a complete walkover which is why I hate this place because they take advantage) he's not in a union so will I able to go as a rep to record an take notes? He's getting forgetful because of very early dementia, he can still do the job perfectly fine because it's auto for him but he can sometimes forget conversations an I worry he will forget certain things of this meeting

Obviously I want to take this further, he says not to bring up anything tomorrow because it's too early an because he also wants to take things further so we can't say anything which will give them something they can turn against him, which is why I am simple going to record an take notes, is there anything else I can do?

It's also his day off tomorrow, are they allowed to be taking him in on his day off as well?

I’m not saying this is the case with your dad but dementia can make people aggressive.
Do you know what the procedures at his work is? During some meetings he will be allowed an advocate but depending on the business they might only allow a work colleague. Your best bet is to ask them for a copy of the procedure

 

[bozlem3080]

I’ve recently plucked up the courage to leave a violent ex, blocked him on all social media platforms but he emails me with nasty messages, last week in one day I had over 50 emails, I did respond by asking him to leave me alone & saved them, I rang 101 to report him they said it’s harassment, the police have been to see me & recommended a non molestation order, but in order to get one I as the victim have got to pay for it as I don’t qualify for legal aid even though I only work part time, the domestic abuse helpline did ask me very strange questions like do I have anything worth over £500 & only asked how much rent I paid, said no other bills/food are taken into consideration, I told her I would think about it as it’s a few hundred pounds which I just can’t afford at the moment, has anyone else taken one of these orders out?

 

[becca7721]

Absolutely not wasting anyone’s time!! If you really are concerned consider how much more time and resource a situation requires if it’s left and gets bad (like appendicitis vs ruptured appendix). Prevention is better than a cure always so if it gets bad again, go in to be seen.
Hope you start to feel better with the meds though.

This should be how it works but I know where I am it doesn’t, sadly. My friends daughter learnt that the hard way. Do go back if you need to and, I know it’s hard when ill, be firm - I don’t mean be rude just explain yourself as clear as you can.

Hopefully the meds will help.

 

[Moth]

thank you all, it is pebbledash walls and north facing
l was reading up on it last night and the two options were to remove the pebbledash but that can damage the walls or get the professionals in to spray paint the whole thing

There's another option which is to have a 'monocouche' render applied over the pebbledash. It's more expensive than painting but looks much more modern than pebbledash, is water and algae resistant, self coloured so you never have to paint again and stays clean. The most common one is called 'K-rend' but we had one called 'Licata'.

 

[Tanne1999]

Amazon left my parcel on the doorstep. Parcel has been stolen

How easy is it to be refunded? Are they gonna want me to file a police report (my old work did), or will they just refund me? I’m so annoyed. I’ve been home all day, no knock. Was only when I checked my iPad this evening I’ve seen that it was ‘delivered’.

 

[stargirl23]

They found a 4mm sessile polyp during my colonoscopy yesterday which was removed entirely using cold snare

It's being sent off as routine to pathology

Does this mean there's a possibility I could have cancer?

View attachment 2597466

Possibility, however to reassure you I had the same found and it was a benign polyp very common to find polyps on colonoscopies that don’t turn cancerous

 

[stargirl23]

How soon is too soon to put a christmas wreath on the door?

NEVER TOO SOON Christmas is my favourite time of year I’ve seen so many who have decorations and trees up. We’re doing ours next weekend because as a child my mum would never put the tree up until after my birthday so I’ve just carried on that tradition

 

[littlepup]

My dad has to go for a meeting tomorrow I think a disciplinary, some females at his work have come together an are victimising him because they want him to leave so have given false accusations of him being aggressive (he's 67 an like 5ft 6 an a complete walkover which is why I hate this place because they take advantage) he's not in a union so will I able to go as a rep to record an take notes? He's getting forgetful because of very early dementia, he can still do the job perfectly fine because it's auto for him but he can sometimes forget conversations an I worry he will forget certain things of this meeting

Obviously I want to take this further, he says not to bring up anything tomorrow because it's too early an because he also wants to take things further so we can't say anything which will give them something they can turn against him, which is why I am simple going to record an take notes, is there anything else I can do?

It's also his day off tomorrow, are they allowed to be taking him in on his day off as well?

Get straight onto ACAS https://www.acas.org.uk/contact
Sounds like they’re gearing up for a constructive dismissal.

 

[Babysnark]

Just wondering if anyone knows how long test results take, I had an ultrasound scan on my abdomen 10 days ago & still waiting, I was told I would get the results early last week, I’m not sure if they will call me or send me a letter, I don’t want to ring my GP because they are busy, very little was said really.

I would ring my GP whether they are busy or not, just to ask for a time scale. I had an ultrasound and they didn't give me the results until I called. I know the NHS is in a state but in all my recent experiences this has meant it's essential to chase things up or you risk slipping through the net

 

[stargirl23]

My little sister works in Clarks, I’ve just text her to ask if she knows for you

 

[trudyjudy007]

I had a pest controller over as I've got a carpet beetle problem in my bedroom. He looked through my underwear drawer which is the other side of my room from where the beetles are. Normal or weird? I've never had a pest issue so don't know really what's necessary

yes they should look through all drawers, wardrobes etc. bugs love the cracks in trimming in drawers, bedside tables etc.

 

[didisaythatoutloudoops]

It’s difficult when a hard worker to set boundaries I had similar issues in the NHS.

I think professional reputation is something that can be a concern. I didn’t really think about it until I was fired from a job I was never employed to do (it being given to someone else as I supposedly couldn’t be trusted and I had theirs which was office work). The job was hell and the people worse. I did a comprehensive study that I was told was put in the bin as so awful which was then edited slightly and published under someone elses name after I left. I applied for work and got nowhere. An ex manager offered me another job, no reference, nothing - it turned out the ex employer was refusing to give me a reference at all (very bad sign). I was lucky I’d worked elsewhere and hard and people knew the place were dreadful, but if they hadn’t I’d have never worked again.

The study enabled the person named as author to open their own award winning business.

I'm so sorry to hear this. It just sounds outright unfair in every way. And as much as I'm realistic about the world, I hate when justice isn't served.

I know it's very easy to gush about your own child but she is such a hard worker. She has a chronic illness, a master's degree and is currently studying for another part time (on a full scholarship!) and hasn't taken a single day of sickness/leave off for either in months. And she's passing with flying colours!!! She'll take a lot of slack but being called lazy/not hard working/etc seems to really hit her right in the heart.

I wish she saw herself as I (and I'm sure her friends) see her

 

[littlepup]

Going to my first ever wedding in June. Aiming to lose 3 stone and have started looking at dresses just to give me something to aim towards. Has anyone ever ordered from Silk Fred?
The wedding colour scheme is top secret so how am I supposed to know which colour dress not to wear.
I know the etiquette is not to wear white, I quite like this, is it too white for a wedding? If it is might order for my summer Birthday anyway.View attachment 2678061
Or they do it in blue. The white is in the sale though View attachment 2678062
Was thinking with a bright red lip? I want a dress that I can wear again

The colour scheme only applies to the bridal party and decor so as long as you don’t pick a dress that looks bridesmaidy and manage to pick their colour you’re fine.
I think you could get away with the first but I generally avoid white as a main colour so I’d go for the blue. Wrap dresses are great for weight loss but I’d maybe wait until a bit closer to the time to purchase as it’s not in the sale.

 

[Snippysnips]

So, latest update - she's going on sick leave. She's got the appointment Friday to be signed off but has asked her GP if he can confirm early that he'll definitely sign her off for the whole period. This is because she'll be in the office tomorrow and will hand over all of her items then, so that she can simply leave that day and never have to see them again. She has a one-to-one weekly meeting with her boss at 1:30pm and is going to tell him then all going well.

I know that conversation is going to be hell - and probably a screamfest on his side more than a 'conversation'. Aside from 'grin and bear it because you're escaping', any advice on what she should/shouldn't say? Should she even hand her belongings in that day, or act like everything is fine and simply email following the GP appointment that she won't be returning? Etc etc. All advice appreciated. Thank you!

Would depend on what she needs to say, is there a way she can hand it all in an then just walk out? Or is there a lot she needs to discuss before that? Personally if she needs to talk about things then I would get it all out with without giving away she's never returning then at the very very last minute say "oh an by the way am done" then just walk out the door an not even give him a chance to say anything back, maybe even put on headphones as she's walking out so she doesn't hear any vile he spews at her as well an chin up too, if there's one thing I've learned with people like that is never slow them they have gotten to you, she's going to be going off to a much better workplace so chin up an don't even look at any of them in the place, just march on right out the door

Does she also still need the meeting if she's leaving? I don't know how the work place is but when I left a previous job because of stress, I basically just walked in, grabbed my stuff an handed them the sick note then said my notice was in with it an walked right back out again, never seen them again or even gave them the chance to talk about it, I just went
---

Does anyone have any advice on dealing with an aggressive person? I’m talking about verbal and physical. Nothing has happened yet but it has the potential to and I’ve honestly never dealt with a woman like this, her and probably her mum, they’re both feral and thrive on drama and bad feeling.

If you absolutely need to see them then maybe take someone with you, it's better to have another on your side if things turn nasty an they can also be a witness, haven't really dealt with that before so can't really offer any good advice but if it were me I'd maybe want someone there so am not on my own, it also gives you someone to back you up, but if they are like that then I guess it would kick off anyway even if you remained calm so two is better than one

 

[Kim Mild]

I was at a party last night & my friend's boyfriend kept trying to pressure me to take coke..I kept saying no and then in the end he gummed me when I was laughing. How do I politely tell him he's crossed a boundary with me?

I'm angry on your behalf. I'd probably report him to 111 .

 

[Elle Woods]

But why though? Most older cars have a lovely long list to peruse to see if a particular fault is recurring.

Could the car have been declared SORN and kept off the road for a period of time so it wouldn't have had an MOT in that time? Or could it have previously had a private plate on, which has now been taken off so the MOT history would show on the private plate rather than the current one?

 

[Pinhead Larry]

Thanks for your responses! You’ve justified my thinking I’m gonna just ask them to take it off. What happened to the days you’d just put £3 down after a cheap meal and £10 if it was somewhere a bit more fancy