The advice thread for random problems #4

[Meg78]

Well I thought that but she said she knows I said I was saving for christmas but…

My mum always used to say “don’t argue with idiots, they’ll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience” honestly if you go back with excuses she’ll just try to reason a way around them, grey rock, don’t respond at all unless you’re interested

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

@TheGlossy I would phone customer services and ask for the charge to be refunded as they haven't even despatched it.

Did you pay by credit card? You may have some come back through them if they haven't supplied what you paid for ie quick despatch.

 

[hytuhh]

Hey! Wasn't really sure if there was anywhere more suitable to post this, so thought I'd ask here. I have an 18 month old British Shorthair who is well behaved 90% of the time - 10% being in a morning when she wakes us up at 5/6am by clawing at the carpet. I get up to feed her but she will eat then come back and start clawing at the carpet again. She never does this at any other point in the day, only at that time in the morning. She basically cries until we get up, then once we are up she sits like a little loaf peacefully watching out of the window. I don't know what the issue is because we do feed her but it's getting to the point where it's making holes and pulls in the carpet which naturally is a nightmare.

Was thinking of getting an automatic feeder and setting it at intervals maybe a little earlier, so she stays downstairs and is fed?

 

[Rxt156]

If you take a parcel in for a neighbour whilst they are out who should the onus be on to get the parcel to the owner?
I think the recipient should come to my house to retrieve. Is this wrong?
They are never in to receive their parcels and feel they know that I WFH so will be here to take them in.
They never come to retrieve them though so then I’m continually having to knock their door when I think they might be in.
Am I being unreasonable to think this should be a them problem?

If it’s a regular thing I would refuse the parcels from now on. Also yes they should be coming to get it from you

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Looking for advice on something that happened at my work Christmas party.

I was drunk, but I don’t think much drunker than anyone else there.

I started a conversation with a colleague who has recently (in the last year) lost a close relative to suicide. I too have been through this and I brought it up. The conversation was fine, in that she engaged with it and we chatted about it and I basically said “It’s such a difficult topic and you can feel very alone, as not many people know how it feels. If you ever need to reach out to someone who has been through it too, please do.”

I just feel now it was very tactless of me to bring that up at a Christmas party. I should have kept my mouth shut and I hope I didn’t upset her at all, or catch her off guard. I had the best intentions, honestly.

Do you think I should apologise for bringing it up or move on? As I said, she was receptive to the conversation and didn’t come across as uncomfortable so maybe I’m overthinking it. What would you do? I was thinking I could just send her a quick message apologising for bringing it up but making sure she knows I do stand by what I said about reaching out.

I think you're over thinking. That kind of stuff doesn't disappear from memory at a party and you've been through it so were being helpful and offering support. Don't stress too much. I also think if it would make you feel better, it would be perfectly acceptable to send a check in message as you've suggetsed.

 

[seosaimhín]

What should I use to get it white the first go? At the moment I use Blonde by Choice Blue Velvet, Premium Hair Lightener with Kobe Cream peroxide 9% (30 VOL)

You need to use a higher volume peroxide. I'd be so careful about doing it yourself tho in case you singe all your hair (and scalp) off.

 

[Snippysnips]

How long after the use by date, is plain flour still able to be used? I have more than half an un used packet left.
I do wish retailers would stock the small packets of flour, the large bags tend no to be used.

Is it definitely a use by date or is it a best before date? Just asked my folks as both are in the food industry an if it's a use by date then they don't recommend going over it's date, if it's a best before then so long as it's kept dry an airtight then it's up to you with how you feel an if you feel it's still good

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Has anyone ever missed an item on self-scan checkout? I used the hand scanner in Sainsbury's and forgot one item (a pack of magnums if it makes a difference) in a shop of about 15 items. I got picked for a control check and it appeared. The woman didn't give a hoot. It happened once to me before about 2 years ago, a pack of bread mix in a huge store cupboard shop.

My anxiety has me thinking I'm going to be banned from the store - someone talk sense into me!!!

I've had it happen a couple of times. Sometimes you think you've scanned it because it beeps but it doesn't register. Don't stress. They know when people are actually trying to steal. It'll be fine .

 

[becca7721]

Thank you the executor knows exactly where I live and my number. But she doesn't speak to me anymore.

Is there anyone else involved that you could give it to? I’m just suggesting here, solicitor maybe? Or another executor? (I thought there needed to be more than one)? Again not my area just making suggestions.
---

Unfortunately am stuck with Google crome as it's the works computer, it must be something strange because it does it to me with Facebook as well, I have to post on the business account an where you write is really tiny that I can't really see what am typing I can only guess it's fine but everything else is massive, same with the FB messenger, if someone sends a message the profile pic part is huge an I've a tiny box with the message in it

Am guessing it's the settings on it but I've no idea what's been done as its always been like this for me so whoever before me has been the one to change it, but I've no idea what to do to change it back

It may be as simple as needing a software update either operating system or updating the chrome version being used. Some businesses lock users out of doing this themselves. For good reason, generally speaking IT have more knowledge (not always - our current head of IT for the health board (bearing in mind everyone can be on call for an IT emergency 24/7) where I live is a qualified mental health nurse with ECDL and that’s it, I’ve a dead plant with more of an idea than him!)

 

[klarakluckbag]

If you were able to order a copy of the will from the Probate Registry this means that probate has been granted. This means that the executor can disperse the estate according to the will although it is recommended that they wait 10 months before doing so. If it were me, I'd try to make sure that the executor has my contact details and if possible (subtly) let them know that you know that you are a beneficiary.

@Rodneytrotter ...definitely do this.
My sister almost missed out on an inheritance from her grandmother, as her gem of a father said that he was "unable to trace her". Luckily, her uncle is a much more honourable character and he was able to let her know by writing to her at our mum's house. The house where my sister was born and where our mum has lived for over 50 years. Not exactly hard to trace! .
Good luck, I hope that you get the money that your gran wanted you to have.

 

[Snippysnips]

Thank you, you were the perfect person to answer this for me.
I’m not too bothered about having a reaction but that heart racing was weird and made me anxious.
Will go into my vaccine with zero worries now

Do you have a watch with a heart monitor on it? I find having mine helps calm me back down, whenever I feel like mines is going crazy I look an it's not actually going as fast as I feel like it is, when am anxious it only gets up to around 120bpm which is quite normal when the anxieties kick in

 

[Hastaggifted]

Me, like a blooming shot! But I love peace and solitude and would love to have land to grow things maybe raise some animals, keep the kids from being immersed in the www and SM etc but sadly no one can answer for you

That's the dream. Pigs & chickens, Growing as much as our own food as possible. My head says yes but its the thought of leaving everything I've ever known. We're going during Easter Holidays to visit

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x

I was going to say wait and see what you get for Xmas before breaking up but on a more serious note there will never be a right time. I mean Xmas is not ideal but if it's that bad then just rip the band aid off

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Massively freaking out as the guy from the HR situ is apparently telling people that he's got my address saved in Google maps & he has pics of me in my lingerie!

I know I've never given him either but I'm Massively freaking out if he has got them how he has?

I'm hoping he's bullshitting because if he had that info why wouldn't he have given it to HR sooner?

I'm genuinely getting so scared

Hi,

*This is going to come across as blunt. I apologise. But... He hasn't. Calm down. Please stop panicking. If you have such photos on your phone (taken with others or alone) and you have never sent them to him and he comes into possession of them and then publishes them, it's all illegal.

He is a liar and he will be found out.

Also, please talk to the police. Log it at least. Honestly, even if you feel it's daft, just humour me (us, because it's not just me saying it).

 

[littlepup]

Ah I wasn’t sure how many were on iplayer. Do you use YouTube kids instead of normal
YouTube? We use that one instead and I find you don’t come up with as much shit on there

We do and I keep blocking things but then they come up under a different user. Obviously the answer is don’t have it at all but there’s really good content out there if you can get it to stop showing the rubbish.
We don’t get the super weird stuff anymore like psychedelic Peppa edits or asmr of cars running things over but a lot of manic asian accounts of people in primary colours, singing about poop and holding their bums with cartoon steam coming off or some such randomness I blocked Roma and Diana due to their ‘pranks’ and videos where she was weighing herself and upset about being ‘fat’ but they still gets reposted by other accounts, I guess it’s easy money for people. Even just cartoons that are really bright, loud and flashy I’d rather avoid but It’s difficult.

 

[littlepup]

I try an see my own Dr that I've had since I was a kid but sometimes appointment times can be a few days which is annoying as if its any Dr then you can get same day or next day appointments

Spoiler: Derail

My doctor is booking 28 days in advance now. There have been times I can’t book an appointment because they can’t book over a month in advance and they’re full.
You have to call on the day at 8.30 for any chance of an appointment, you’ll hit the call button and already be 14th in the queue. I’ve sat many times to be told “sorry, all gone, try again tomorrow”. Rarely see the same doc twice, often not even a GP but a nurse practitioner. I’m not even in a big city or town. It’s appalling.

My 2.5 year old was put in for a referral at the hospital. They told me they were booked 4 months in advance and couldn’t book more so they had to wait on file. A child!

Back on topic - I would put in a complaint about their indiscretion and gossiping. That’s bang out of order!!

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

If you take a parcel in for a neighbour whilst they are out who should the onus be on to get the parcel to the owner?
I think the recipient should come to my house to retrieve. Is this wrong?
They are never in to receive their parcels and feel they know that I WFH so will be here to take them in.
They never come to retrieve them though so then I’m continually having to knock their door when I think they might be in.
Am I being unreasonable to think this should be a them problem?

It should absolutely be on them to come and collect it. The only issue I've encountered with that is sometimes whoever delivered it doesn't leave a note to say it has been delivered and to who. I've been on both sides of that one.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I'm sure that there is a more appropriate place to post this - but we have just had the dreaded Universal Credit migration letter. Does anyone know if you still receive the "child element" of UC if one parent is working? Currently my partner works full time, I don't / can't work - we receive child tax credits and are entitled to working tax credits, but receive £0 due to earnings (a little over minimum wage but not much). Am panicing a bit!

My sister will be £600 pcm worse off she reckons
---

My husband and I had a meeting with our mortgage broker today. She asked if we have any debts. As far as I was aware we only had our bed on 0% finance. Husband then says 'i do have a credit card with some on it'. The broker asked him how much. He said about £2,500.

I was shocked as I knew nothing about it. but didn't say anything. I'm not sure how to approach this or what to say to him. I think he will say it's not a big deal.

Is it a big deal? Or am I being over the top.

I'm not sure how to approach it but I do feel if i was you I'd want to talk about it as that's a substantial amount of money.

 

[becca7721]

Thanks all, he's booked the day off work and is planning on brunch with his sister. There isn't a grave or churchyard so no real place to go and pay respects. I'm working but from home so I'll be on hand with cups of tea, posh choccies and even more affection than ever before.

That sounds perfect to be honest. Not too much and not too little. See what, if anything, he wants to do after seeing his sister. He may, or not, find that harder than expected.

 

[Popcornshovel]

I'm kind of 'over' my relationship atm but is it too mean to have a chat about it before christmas ? I'm not sure if he's aware of my feelings at all but I guess if he doesn't see it that's part of the problem.

I've also never done this before so have no idea how to approach it.

I don't know if it's necessarily a break up but I'm not happy with how things are. For context we're both in our 20s and live at our family homes so I guess the 'stakes' aren't that high if that makes sense.

Sorry if this is inappropriate for this thread x

Don't let Christmas get in the way of you getting out of a relationship that isn't serving you. Isn't it better to break up/take a break than have to play happy couples over Christmas?