The advice thread for random problems #4

[Brewtime87]

Tried and tested black mould removal please? And any gadgets for getting the mould in hard to reach places ie behind fridge freezer

We find soaking toilet or kitchen paper in bleach and leaving it directly on the affected area for a few hours or overnight works really well.

 

[Babysnark]

Re hair it's hard to tell without actually seeing them and also knowing what your home is like, I guess if one requires more grooming then yeah, that will be more work but tbh, if you're getting a cat, it's always a never ending battle with hair around the house

On personality, I don't think it can be prejudged based on gender. It just varies cat to cat, depending on the breed, how they're socialised when they're growing up. So just go with whichever one you want. Or just get both

I agree with the joke above to get two if possible financially - kittens are demons generally, but there's a thing called single kitten syndrome that kittens adopted on their own can have that is mitigated by adopting litter mates together.

We got one and wish I'd known about the above and so much regret not also adopting her brother too, as she was an absolute terror for about a year, and does exhibit some of the behaviours of the syndrome even as an adult cat.

Our girl has never sprayed, however when she went into heat it was honestly torture so bear that in mind. Our vet recommended she not be spayed until she was 2kg and she wasn't at 6 months when she reached maturity, so we had a couple of times of her screaming the house down

With long hair, they might actually not shed more than short hair cats however recommend getting them used to being brushed from as soon as getting them as they can develop matting very quickly when their coat moult with the seasons. My mum has a long haired boy who will not tolerate any brushing and has a real problem with keeping his fur healthy.

Let us know what you decide. I am an absolute crazy cat lady

 

[Snippysnips]

Sorry I wasn't very clear, my fault there. My understanding is she's got to hand over a work laptop, credit card, keys, etc. With how they've behaved so far I wouldn't want her to just leave them - I wouldn't put it past the boss to claim she smashed up the laptop and try and take the cost of a new one out of her final pay. So she's got a bit of admin to do at least. Her desk is packed up and ready to go.

The sick note will be coming the next day - so she'll have to send that in to HR by email. But she'll inevitably have to tell her boss, if she's going to give everything back that day.

As above poster said I'd photograph/video it all working an it being left on the desk an then walking out, you don't want a broken up video as in video it on the desk then a separate one of her leaving it as they might try an say it was two separate videos, so make it all one of going in, putting it all down, setting it up, it all working an then walking away, if you can see if she can also get in the video the date too, I'd say go with a paper like daily mail or something, just something where they can't say this was all footage taken at a earlier date

 

[GalaxyGirl70]

Husband has got AF and atrial flutter - he had surgery last year at bristol heart institute, catheter ablation. They only found the flutter when he was under but treated it at the same time. He's fine with the flu jab but the Covid one knocked him sideways so he's only had the 1st two and no boosters.

He was recommended to get an Apple watch by the cardiologist and it's been really useful in terms of sending ECG's over to them. His heart rate is much more stable now but he still gets the random 120-130 ones if he's stressed. The watch helps him be more mindful, I think, that he needs to take a deep breath every now and then and calm down.

 

[Thank(space)you]

that sounds horrendous. I’m assuming the investigation is a criminal one and not just an internal HR one?

as such, I wonder how much the complaint is stressing you and how much of the stress stems from the actual crime committed against you. You were targeted in a horrible way, in a place you should’ve been safe. Have you been offered counselling or support?

Get help after rape or sexual assault

If something sexual happened to you without your consent – or you're not sure – we are here for you. No matter when it happened.

rapecrisis.org.uk

rape crisis gave a hotline for you to even just have a vent. When you feel stressed and irritable, you could maybe pick up the phone?

I’d also recommend speaking to your GP. Being snappy and irritable after being the victim of a crime isn’t a personal failing on your part. It’s a natural human reaction, a response to something traumatic. Your GP might be able to refer you to talking therapies. I got access to Silvercloud via my GP, a type of CBT therapy which can help with processing the emotions you’re feeling right now.

It is just an internal HR investigation, I was worried to raise it anyway in case I was making a fuss. But HR keep pulling me in for further questioning, like Thursday I was in for an hour and a half whilst they asked me stuff like "how does he know what car you drive?" .... I drive to work so it's no secret

 

[Popcornshovel]

Please get all of your documents in order and go to the police (today if you can). You going to the police doesn’t mean they’re going to go kick his door in, but you need to start a paper trail with them and inform them that he’s scared you by telling people he knows your car and address. He very may well have previous complaints or charges against him & the police will have this on record.

You need to try speak to a solicitor/lawyer asap before they go on leave for Xmas and you have to return to work. But For what it’s worth I would not be going back to this workplace, have your GP sign you off.

Might be worth approaching a charity like women's aid to see if they have any advice?
---

Yes, which I have said it hinges on consent.
I literally wrote “need to ensure a crime has been committed and that comes down to consent”.

And no, on the info we have been given no crime has been committed. But I understand why it needs to be investigated.

It's a crime - https://metro.co.uk/2022/03/13/peop...ics-to-face-up-to-two-years-in-jail-16266953/

 

[boomska]

Set a 5- 10 minute timer every day and see what you can tidy in that time. Don't do any more than that, you'll be surprised how much you can do in that time.

I love this idea! It definitely takes the pressure of having to do it all the time!
---

Honestly being at the other end is just as bad, I wish I could be ok with a bit of mess but it will literally drive me insane if something is laying around an even when I really don't feel like getting up I just cannot handle having stuff sitting about

A few tips, I have little baskets inside drawers to keep things organised, like pens in one little basket, battery's in another, chargers in another etc, means when when an throwing things in a drawer its still being kept tidy, a laundry basket with different sections so white can go in one, colour in another an darks in another so clothes can just be thrown in an I don't need to sort through it when I need to wash, decluttering can help so much, I usually have one day a month where I'll declutter an send things off to a charity shop or sell or give things away that I no longer need/want, you could also set up a "schedule" or some sort, like I already have a routine in my head, I know what am doing each day, but even if it's something like Monday you will put clothes away, Tuesday you will put shoes away, Wednesday is dusting an hoovering etc those little things add up an you dont need to do more than one task unless you feel like it

It can be hard be getting started but give yourself a week for say one room an then once it's done just do a little each day to keep on top of it

I definitely love the idea of a schedule! I’m currently giving up my 2nd job so I will have more time in my week/month to do this!

 

[Lollylaylow]

Once you get rid of the mould you need to figure out ways to stop it from coming back. Good ventilation is needed, leave a few windows open a wee bit, or wide open on a sunny winter day. don't have any furniture pushed against the wall, leave a gap

My car gets wet in the winter I put that crystal-type cat litter into tights/socks knot them and leave them in the car and it stops the inside from being wet. I don't need it in the home as always have a window open and no internal doors closed.

Mould is dangerous and why most housing when they change the windows now put in lots of ventilation slots. mould in homes was not a problem before central heating now it is huge, especially now when people dry washing on rads and we wash our clothes much more than we once did because of the convenience of automatic washing machines. Before that people only washed dirty things, not after every wear.

 

[cwymmie]

No, they didn’t ask. They just used it and made me pay for it. They just explained the process of how they’re going to do the hair, but didn’t say toner is an extra cost.

The receptionist got really short with me when I asked about the discrepancy as if it was some kind of personal attack. As a client, it’s my right to ask.

That’s really shady of them. I’d probably say something. Wouldn’t expect much outcome but I’d want them to know it’s not ok to do that

 

[Snippysnips]

It's absolutely insane, isn't it? The message was so hostile. I would understand somewhat if she had messaged and I had consistently ignored her.

I just got a message back - very passive aggressively saying I need to proactively send her photos and news and that my reasoning that she had not messaged herself 'changes nothing'. She then went on to say she had tried to come round - while I was at work - but nobody answered the door!!

I really have no idea what to do. I'm a private person and I certainly don't do impromptu visits from an ex-neighbour I've met 5, maybe 6 times in my life. I've sent quite a cold response saying I was likely not in as my daughter was having surgery and don't answer the door unless it's a planned visit, and that I'll send pictures but if it isn't enough for her it's on her to tell me.

Have you done anything to agree to you getting the cat? Like a signed agreement? Or was it all just a spoken agreement because honestly I'd be blocking her number an never answering the door to her, if she was happy to let you keep the cat an you have now taken on full responsibility an are fully paying for it then really she's in a way let it go to a new home an can't hold that over you but if nothing was signed then she may be a bit of a problem showing up if you do block her

 

[me myself and karma]

I can't be the only one tempted to say genital warts or crabs or something equally embarrassing just for the giggles?? ...Sorry, I'll see myself out.

 

[Snippysnips]

You're right. I'm just overthinking and panicking.

I'm not sure what the police will do

At the very least they will start to keep records, I don't think they will approach unless you want to go further but right now it's best having them involved to start the paperwork so that if it does escalate then they have a file that's started to get built, it will make it easier for them to pull up records if you begin it

 

[littlepup]

I really like the peachy one but agree it’s very summery.
ASOS has lots. The satin shift is a really versatile style for future?

Or JL has this a little less conservative than your second option but covered sleeve and a similar fabric to your first.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Inadvertently started a huge arguement with Mr Lolz. I feel sick about it.
To cut a long story short I called him a shit stirrer round his parents. I genuinely didn’t mean those words so don’t even know why I said them.
He was rightfully fuming and stormed off and left me round his parents.
I honestly don’t know what to do. I sent him an apology text but I know that’s not really good enough.
I’m so upset for hurting him and I know I only have myself to blame.
What would you do?

 

[HoGi]

Ordered a jumpsuit from next tried it on and I look fab. Went to show my husband and he said what's that smell? The jumpsuit stinks. Like manure/muck spreading/shit smell.

He then peeled one of their returns barcodes off my back.

The tag is one that loops through the label so easily removed and replaced. So it appears someone has worn it somewhere stinky and returned it.

It is out of stock online and I haven't seen it in store. What would you do? Try washing it and of smell doesn't go/it shrinks add the label back on and return? Ask for a discount? Just return it and cry? I have quite a long body so finding a jumpsuit that fits and looks as good as this did is hard. Any advice woukd be appreciated

 

[littlepup]

Sorry to interrupt. Ive a question regarding disability discrimination, whether this is it and what I can do. Bit of background am being made street homeless in few weeks time. Urgently need help regarding this and eviction notice/what happens etc. The only person willing to help, according to advocate works for mind, can only see me twice as I don’t qualify for their help as not severe incapacitated mentally and have physical needs (there’s no tenancy help with physical disability here you’re just supposed to go live with family or friends).

Here’s the problem, because of my disability I cannot access the building where they usually see physically disabled. So mind have told me I must pay for somewhere else as they can’t see me anywhere else. My advocate has disappeared on holiday for a week, and told me they’ll apply for funding next week. To try and get ahead I’ve contacted charities today and they’ve told me no, mind should be paying not me, the last (literally five minutes before they closed) told me it’s discrimination.

First I’m not sure if it is? Second no idea how to put in a complaint so it gets resolved and doesn’t become really ‘wordy’ like this post; my mental health is really poor and I’m struggling to grasp thoughts right now, hence being wordy.

Thanks.

Mind is monitored but this organisation. https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/guidance/individuals

However, I would concentrate on the issue at hand before spending time with complaints that will need to be referred and investigated likely being resolved well beyond the timeframe you have, plus there’s no guarantee it’ll be in your favour.

I recall from your previous posts this has been a long time coming. Have you spoken to shelter?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Very very very slim chance of having that reaction. I have 2 different heart problems and I get the flu Jab on the nhs every year due to health issues and ive never had any reaction. I had my jab early October and been fine since, arm felt a bit achey for a few hours which is normal but other than that I felt completely normal. The covid jab is different and a lot stronger than the flu one and loads of people reacted to it including myself but from personal experience the flu is fine. I’ve not known anyone react to it. Hope your anxiety gets better for you x

Thank you, you were the perfect person to answer this for me.
I’m not too bothered about having a reaction but that heart racing was weird and made me anxious.
Will go into my vaccine with zero worries now

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

I'm 2 yrs into divorcing someone who was controlling and coercive. I'm nearly there thankfully but he will do anything to get at me. His latest stunt is to refuse to take out child to an activity that is part of a school award, that he has to do for a period of three months.

Apparently it would 'interfere with his other commitments'.

He lives in a bedsit (earns 50k) so is 'unable' to share childcare. He does see them but one at a time for two hours here and there. For comparison, the last night out I had was in Aug 22.

Said child has now started asking questions because they can obviously see that their dad has no other commitments.

Over the last couple of years I've ended up having to say that whilst I have an issue with their dad, they shouldn't. The relationships are separate etc. They're starting to see there is a problem though. I've had a slightly more honest conversation tonight but have stressed the importance that they don't worry about the extra issues and just concentrate on enjoying a relationship with him.

Where do I go from here?

 

[Hastaggifted]

Not really after advice as I'm pretty certain I've made up my mind and I'm not crazy. What I would like is other peoples thoughts as my husband thinks im over reacting and my daughter doesn't think its fair.
My daughter (nearly 8) has made friends with a little girl down the road (also 8) and they play out together and often in and out of each others house. That's absolutely fine. But I've heard the other girl has been talking about sleepovers and her mum has said they can have a sleepover at there's. I do not know her mum, only ever seen her once and that was a quick "morning". I don't think 7/8 year olds need sleepovers. Especially when I don't know the adults. It's her mum and a step dad that stays occasionally. There is way too much in the news and way too often it's the step dad that's dodgy. I just don't think it's worth the risk, they might be perfectly fine but there's always a chance.
I had a friend when I was 12 - 15 that I used to sleepover her house, everything was fine but years later i saw the Step Dad on crime watch wanted for being a paedophile from crimes before he met her mum. They were happily married and he had been in my friends life since she was 2 and had always been fine and never done anything to her or her brother . So it shows you can't trust anyone.
Please tell me you agree I'm right in saying no and I'll just have to be the boring, horrible Mum that says no.

 

[stargirl23]

If someone (not me) is suspended from work whilst a sexua harassment claim is ongoing, what is the liklihood of them being allowed to a work Xmas party?

Any work related commitments and requirements will end while allegations are looked into