The advice thread for random problems #3

[stardust1]

Thanks i really appreciate. Glad it’s over but I’m sure they’re gonna feel absolutely stupid when the police officer phones them she was fab and understanding I think it’s something they must get often as she seem to have had a light bulb moment in the middle of the conversation say when explained the situation
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Nah I’ll message her again if he ends up messaging me again she may not want to know but I rather give her the information then she can decide what she wants to do with it. Leaving it alone will make him think he can keep doing it and it’s no wonder cheating is normalised that’s days.
He hasn’t even hurt me I’m being the bigger person by letting her know what he’s doing while she’s out shopping and I’m letting him know he can’t get one over on me least she knows he’s mugging her off and she needs to keep tabs on him

You have been reported for harassment and your seriously still going to message her again?! Honestly mind your own business. Block him change your number ask your friend to delete him too then he has no way to message you. This whole thing is just stupid and you are bringing it on your self now

 

[MissTeddy]

Hi everyone

My child joined a new football team at the beginning of the season and I was immediately befriended by another parent. This was obviously nice being a newbie but my problem is they don't stop talking to me during the matches and has got to the point that it completely distracts me from watching. It's constant, about anything and everything. It's driving my other half mad to the point that he doesn't want to even go and watch anymore. I can't stand and watch somewhere else because they seek me out and I don't encourage conversation. I'm not rude enough to ignore them but I'm really struggling with the situation. Does anyone have any advice?!

Could you say ‘sorry can’t chat, child has asked me to really focus on the match- it’s upsetting them as they feel I’m not fully paying attention. I’ve promised to video some of it too. Anyway, see you soon, I’m going to stand over hereso I’m not tempted to chatter with you - byeeee”

 

[BaffledWarthog]

No legal battle they’ve closed the case and they’ve told him not to message me again. He has no way of messaging me I am humble I did the right thing, she’s aware what he’s doing behind her back and she had a right to know. Even the police woman said she doesn’t see no point in continuing the complaint because all I did was message her family to make her aware of her boyfriends behaviour. No I’ve done nothing wrong

I'm aware the case was closed, I can read. But if you are thinking of messaging AGAIN after your warnings then you are not only a dangerous person with too much time but you will find yourself in some kind of legal dispute.
I think you want some kind of validation from other people about what you've done because you think you're a saint for telling the girl and her family. It's none of her family's business until she tells them and you stepped way out of place hunting them down to tell them. You probably need some kind of therapy after this, it's unhealthy and obsessive.

 

[littlepup]

Just an update from my problem at the weekend
Phoned the police back after that harassment claim and apparently it was because I sent screenshots of my ex messaging me to his current girlfriends family. My ex and his girlfriend saying I sent her family sexual messages like yes I did they were screenshots of what your boyfriend was sending me and I sent them to your family to make you aware so I don’t get abuse and because you blocked me. Making out I sent random sexual images to her family

like what did they think I would say to the police over this? When they know I have screenshots that I sent to them apparently he didn’t even tell the police he was messaging me in March and a week after I snitched he done the claim.
Why waste police time on this petty thing and now he’s made himself a right tit even the woman on the phone sounded like she was face palming at it. She’s closed the case and said I had a lucky escape

Sorry but this is also something you’ve been posting about for a long time too. (I have something approaching eidetic memory).
Everyone said block him and move on. The guy is a moron to keep messaging you but you’ve now actually got a police report against you because if this too-ing and fro-ing now. Stop wasting your life and endangering yourself with this idiot. Sending his girlfriend screenshots months ago is one thing, sendiing them to her family is unessecary - just block him!

 

[ElChanguito]

My brother is an alcoholic. His illness is escalating. Last night at 2am I was woken by a loud knock at the door. My other brother opened it and it was two women who said our alcoholic brother had collapsed and was lying out in the road. He was In bed all day, then walked to the pub at six this evening, back on it yet again. I’m so fucking sick of it. I hope every pub shuts in this awful fucking country. I don't think there’s any advice for me, I just needed to vent

 

[Lalla]

Well i’m sorry but I agree it boarders on harassment. The sheer embarrassment she could have felt over something that she is not to blame for is awful

It is harassment. Unfortunately the police don't take it seriously enough.
I've been in the position this guy's girlfriend was in. I told the woman messaging me that if she didn't stop I would report her to the police. Thankfully although she is a complete idiot she had the sense to stop at that point (she still kept contacting him for the next 3 years from different phone numbers but that's another story). If she had contacted any of my family I would have gone absolutely nuclear.

If someone blocks you, don't persistently contact them. Jesus Christ the absolute arrogance of someone to think they can do this and get away with it. Obviously the bloke involved is a shitbag as well, but he's just a wannabe cheater, at least he's not maliciously harassing anyone.

This whole messaging thing is not done out of female solidarity or being helpful. It is malicious and vindictive. The woman who messaged me admitted she was jealous because I'm more attractive than her, have a career and decent lifestyle, and the man she wanted. She basically wanted to humiliate me and drag me down to her level, oh and end my relationship in the hope she'd end up with him instead. Probably similar motivations at play here. It's sick.

 

[BaffledWarthog]

But I won’t be messaging again because he won’t be messaging me again I don’t need validation from anyone because I know I did the right thing and anyone in the situation would want to know their boyfriend is messaging someone about babies etc. you may see it as stepping out of line, I didn’t hunt them down, they were on her profile public so I messaged. you can call me all this and that that’s your opinion but I’m not asking for validation if you can read then you would of seen all I’ve said is it’s hilarious what they said when it’s only half the truth and clearly it’s fine what I done because the police woman thought it was fine behaviour and closed the case and told him not to message me again if that’s me needing validation then you clearly need to look it up because I’m not asking for that I’m just venting how stupid it is when I have prove they know I have

Why are you telling someones family what their daughters boyfriend is up to? Why are you sending them screenshots that include sexual content of their DAUGHTERS boyfriend? AFTER THE DAUGHTER BLOCKED YOU. Why the FUCK would they want to see their potential son in law in that light whether he cheated or not it's not for their eyes.
Maybe you don't fully understand the context of this or your life is so bland you have to obsess over it and create a drama. It's strange behaviour and there's no helping you because you refuse to see it from another angle. Hope you got your validation from at least one person.

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Thanks i really appreciate. Glad it’s over but I’m sure they’re gonna feel absolutely stupid when the police officer phones them she was fab and understanding I think it’s something they must get often as she seem to have had a light bulb moment in the middle of the conversation say when explained the situation
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Nah I’ll message her again if he ends up messaging me again she may not want to know but I rather give her the information then she can decide what she wants to do with it. Leaving it alone will make him think he can keep doing it and it’s no wonder cheating is normalised that’s days.
He hasn’t even hurt me I’m being the bigger person by letting her know what he’s doing while she’s out shopping and I’m letting him know he can’t get one over on me least she knows he’s mugging her off and she needs to keep tabs on him

You sound super unhinged, how old are you?

 

[stardust1]

He was blocked on everything I had him on, he found me on social media i didn’t have him on and didn’t think he would come looking but he did and then messaged me out the blue I don’t find the whole situation funny but I do find funny is the police woman’s reaction to the situation.
no need to to message the family but when I have no other means to message his girlfriend I’m gonna go through to the family to let them know what’s happening.

Well i’m sorry but I agree it boarders on harassment. The sheer embarrassment she could have felt over something that she is not to blame for is awful

 

[LaBlonde]

But I don’t need to take anyone’s advice I’ve deleted his number he’s blocked on everything he can’t message me so I won’t be making her aware of his fuck boy behaviour again doesn’t seem to be getting through to you

with respect, you’ve been posting this on the dating thread for actual months where you were told (multiple times) to leave this girl alone. i have no clue how that progressed to messaging their families but i guess also is proven in your first sentence. you don’t take anyone’s advice. leave them alone and move on with your life.

 

[Elle Woods]

No, it IS you - oh my goodness you sent pictures to her family - its very much YOU.

You've got the wrong user BlondeAngel2515 is the one who sent the pics lol. Stardust has been telling her the same as everyone else has that it's wrong!

 

[stardust1]

Not half truth and I am grown up I’ve let a girl know she’s been mugged off again and at least she knows and is aware of this now she has the information and she can do whatever she wants with that info it’s her choice.
I know I’ve done the right thing and I’m not in the wrong with what I done I know if I was in her position I would want to know

Honestly take some accountability for your self

 

[MissTeddy]

Oh my bad so sorry Stardust - didn't mean to accuse you !!
I've read this conversation on so many different threads i'm losing the plot myself.
I'll just get on my with work.
As you were!
Soz x

 

[littlepup]

If he does I would message her again because he has no way of contacting me now

I don’t even want to know how you got hold of her family’s numbers but she has made her decision by blocking you. It’s not for you to decide what she needs to know. That is indeed harassment. For some reason you refuse to block him, to trap him? The guy is an idiot to message but it’s not your crusade. This has been going on for ever now. You’ve been obsessing. Checking if he’s unblocked you etc. Just get on with your life.

 

[tomato_paste]

It is harassment. Unfortunately the police don't take it seriously enough.
I've been in the position this guy's girlfriend was in. I told the woman messaging me that if she didn't stop I would report her to the police. Thankfully although she is a complete idiot she had the sense to stop at that point (she still kept contacting him for the next 3 years from different phone numbers but that's another story). If she had contacted any of my family I would have gone absolutely nuclear.

If someone blocks you, don't persistently contact them. Jesus Christ the absolute arrogance of someone to think they can do this and get away with it. Obviously the bloke involved is a shitbag as well, but he's just a wannabe cheater, at least he's not maliciously harassing anyone.

This whole messaging thing is not done out of female solidarity or being helpful. It is malicious and vindictive. The woman who messaged me admitted she was jealous because I'm more attractive than her, have a career and decent lifestyle, and the man she wanted. She basically wanted to humiliate me and drag me down to her level, oh and end my relationship in the hope she'd end up with him instead. Probably similar motivations at play here. It's sick.

I'm pretty sure the user here who is harassing their ex and his current gf must be lying about what the police said, or, more likely, heard what they wanted to hear, not what was actually said. I guess the police have dropped the case because of insufficient evidence and because their ex is allegedly also playing a part by messaging them, not because the cops "understand" the situation. A lucky escape means: "lucky you he messaged back with sexual stuff so it's not clear cut harassment" not "what you're doing is correct, keep on going".

God this situation reminds me so much of the 4chan story where they were egging on someones stalker. The way this user talks and just doesn't understand AT ALL how their actions are wrong is just so so similar to this dude. Everyone else is wrong, everything is justifiable, they are only doing it for their victims own good, their moral codex is the only thing that counts, their own feelings come before everyone elses, etc.

If they were a decent person they'd stay away and NO MATTER WHAT they'd stop interacting with them. None of that fake "she needs to know" bullshit. They just enjoy the power they have over other people by constantly messing with them. Imagine being stalked and harassed by someone for five years while the stalker still thinks they're doing something right. It's horrifying!

 

[stardust1]

I’ve forgot about the situation but the way the police woman reacted to it, the way she said stuff lives went free in my head “he said you sent the family sexual messages” “yes they were the screenshots of stuff he sent me” “and you send them to the family, to make the girlfriend aware” honestly it was like a lightbulb moment suddenly clicked with her

I’m honestly struggling to find what is so hilarious about it. You nearly ended up with a police caution for it. No need at all to send it to her family and i’d be going mad too. You should have blocked him months ago, in fact you just look complicit in it all by keep allowing it to happen yet are taking the moral high ground for messaging her family?

 

[saltandvinegarcrisps]

Not unhinged I just find the whole thing laughable that they forgot to mention that he was messaging me and what I sent was the stuff he was saying to me even the woman found it odd and strange

No one cares though you have repeatedly said the same thing across multiple threads. Poor woman's family, they did right thing reporting you.

 

[stardust1]

This is across so many different threads - the OP is clearly hoping that if she keeps posting she'll find validation for her actions.
How awful it must be for his current girlfriend
If you continue to do this Stardust the police will eventually throw the book at you, you'll end up with a criminal record which will ruin your life- but its no one's fault but your own.

??? Eh it wasn’t me i’ve been telling her for ages to drop it

 

[BaffledWarthog]

Not really because they wasted police time

You think they've wasted police time because you can't see anything wrong with what you're doing To the family they're probably concerned what your next step is going to be. Maybe if people stopped replying to you about the problems you bring on yourself and the legal battles you're going to potentially bring yourself into you'll be humbled and grow up.

 

[JoeBloggs]

because she needed to know what he was doing behind her back and I knew her family would let her know maybe she should sort her boyfriend out and make sure he’s not messaging any other girls. What did I get out of it hopefully some bloody peace I rather have a name known I let them know when they’re being mugged off then someone that lets guys think they can get away with it from turning a blind eye and ignoring it but yeah over now thank fuck

YOU think she needs to know, some people would rather turn a blind eye. I presume she is an adult, you’ve messaged her before and she’s blocked you. Take that as a hint that she doesn’t want to know and that’s on her and has nothing to do with you. Leave it alone and let her make her own mistakes if she chooses to stay with him. I think you’ve taken this too far, step away and become the bigger person. I get he hurt you, and he will likely hurt her but she needs to discover that herself.