The advice thread for random problems #2

[queenbees]

I don’t believe the police did that actually

it’s all very odd.I can’t get my head around it but I did make an official complaint against the investigating officer this morning

 

[littlepup]

I need help on how to politely turn this down.

We have this practice in my new team where people have to present a pre-defined PowerPoint to introduce themselves as new joiners (likes such as food, sports and dislikes etc).

We have to add personal pictures and present it in front of our whole team of 70 people.

I don’t want to do this for various reasons:
1. I’m a very private person
2. I’ve no pictures to put on there (I’ve no friends or family to take pictures with).
3. I am petrified at the idea of speaking in such a large group - I get physically sick at the thought of it.

How do I politely turn this down without sounding like I’m refusing to play the corporate game?!

I think @tomato_paste ’s idea is great.
However it doesn’t solve the problem of the fear of public speaking so it could be combined with the voice over idea. If that’s too much, I think you have 2 options. Be completely honest or lie a bit.

Unless your job calls for public speaking I don’t think you need to lie about that, it’s a common fear, just tell them it’s debilitating, you don’t want to make yourself feel/look foolish as your introduction to the company.
Come with solutions not problems so perhaps offer an idea like you’re happy to have people visit you at your desk individually or vice versa over the first week. Or perhaps put a little q&a together on an email (then bullshit the answers if you don’t want to share)

Lies you could use if you don’t want to be completely honest
- corrupted hard drive, pictures all lost.
- previous experience of workplace bullying or stalker, not comfortable sharing personal info nor talking about it any further.

However, you mention not having friends which you may be comfortable with/through choice but if not, this could be an ideal opportunity to be a bit open and you may find common interests with some of the team. If you don’t want to make friends, at least you’ll have something to talk about when you’re forced into chit chat that actually interests you.

 

[Rxt156]

This is really random but I need anonymous help! Today I was trying to get my son’s attention at his grandparents and I snapped my fingers at him. My mother went BAT CRAP CRAZY. Told me never to do that in her house again. Look I’m autistic and have ADHD but surely I haven’t missed some massive social thing here? I never snap my fingers at a waiter or similar- I know that’s rude. But I was just making a noise for attention, because he wasn’t listening to his name being called. I can’t stop thinking about it and trying to work out what I did wrong. I work with kids and do this to get their attention also if repeating their name is ineffective so I’m really nervous now I’ve been making a huge social mistake.

Over reaction totally! No need for it. You are not in the wrong - people shouldn’t tell you how to parent your child, even if it is your mother it’s not appropriate imo

 

[Carapop]

My pee is fluorescent. No lies. Fluorescent yellow I'm not dehydrated and it's not dehydrated pee, it's bright af yellow

I have been taking L-theanine and a new multivitamin since friday. This is probably what it is isn't it?

Yup. Vitamin b supplements gives you neon wee

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

You could bring to the attention of your counsellor Post traumatic stress disorder, I'm not diagnosing you, but you may be experiencing some symptoms of the condition. Hope you manage to work through things, and feel better soon

Thank you. I have wondered. I just don't feel like I've experienced enough 'trauma' to qualify.
I've never sought help before like this and it's scary. I had to though.

I had to do a psychological wellbeing questionnaire for work recently and I was honest in it. The results are not back yet but they go to management so I'm expecting it to flag up. Fortunately I've already explained some of my problems and they've been very supportive.

You definitely are not alone I think it’s good to see that you are recognising that you’ve hit maximum capacity. I found when I started to see the same patterns and the same bad emotions coming back with the the overwhelm etc that it is nearly like a light bulb moment. Try some things out to see if they help. I find pulling back and spending time alone usually helps me initially, Altho it’s not always possible lol Counselling is great. I hope you get loads from it.

I spend all my time alone really. I'm with my children but I don't have any other adult company other than when I'm at work.

I'm lonely but I don't have the energy to socialise. I've also been really let down by someone close who is family not just a friend and it hurts.

It's weird, I would like some company but I don't have the energy. I'll spend most of the Christmas break alone and that's ok because I need the time to recharge.

 

[Emmelina Ball]

Just looking for a bit of perspective… Had an argument with the other half last night (one of a few) because I didn’t like what he was doing and he refuses to stop and says there’s nothing wrong with it. So basically, he will sit on the couch with his balls and other parts hanging out his shorts and be playing with them (not just readjusting, literally stroking and pulling on them). It really winds me up as I find it quite disrespectful and needless, especially when I am eating my tea. He says it’s normal and what every man does, yet agrees he wouldn’t be doing it in front of anyone else or at work etc. Would anyone else find this gross and a bit disrespectful, especially when you have asked them to stop, or am I just being uptight? It really gives me the ick.

This is absolutely gross.
If you don’t mind me asking, how old is he? Sounds like he’s very immature. Either that or has a weird fetish of some sort. If anyone whipped out their penis and or testicles while I’m eating my dinner they’d get the boot. If you’ve told him about it upsetting you and he’s still doing it then ask yourself do you want to just accept it and put up with it or end the relationship and enjoy your own company!

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Hello everyone!

I wanted to make a thread about home security but I think I'm too new a member to do that so I've found this thread, I hope you all don't mind!

I'm a single mum, live with my three little ones in a nice area with lovely neighbours. However, this week a couple of nasty break ins have happened in the local area (one included them bringing a knife!) and it's really got me thinking about how safe I am.

My windows are composite triple glazed, my front door is composite, non snap locks & no glazing with a ring door bell and I'm fully insured.

However the problem is my back door is a very old wooden frame (that's falling to bits), wooden door, old mortice lock, with a large single glazed window and it's giving me the heebies.

Between that door and upstairs there are two more downstairs internal doors.

I'm just starting to worry all the time about what could happen..especially coming up to Xmas and darker nights. Has anyone got any ideas on how I can make myself feel a bit safer (on a budget!), I can't change the door (cost).

Welcome any ideas x x

My friend put a Ring doorbell on the back door as a cheap CCTV situation! I know they’re not super cheap mind. Can you put locks on any of the internal doors? Or at least a bolt. We didn’t have to get any permission to do that even in our private rental.

 

[Purrrrrrr]

I’ve been hearing scratching some nights in my ceiling, but only when my upstairs neighbours are out/asleep. I’ve a severe hoarding problem, and thanks to my selfish upstairs neighbours can’t even get rid of few things I did before (they’re filling the waste bins literally after theyre collected - there’s several in property and none of us can put stuff in them). I’m really struggling today, lot of tears and fears about hoarding and having lost benefits so no electric. I overheard someone saying it must be rats because of me being so filthy and lazy just now is that even possible? It’s sunny but very cold here and still wet from getting caught in storm yesterday. I’m stuck re benefits as Drs don’t believe I’m disabled (everything still telephone only here yet are having meetings saying I must be better as not being seen when I can’t). They’ve already told the dwp I’m better. No one will help as everyone’s assuming I’m a fraud when I’m not. The thing re scratching is they make such a massive racket and jump on/off furniture/trampoline so much the ceiling is bowing and I know there’s no sound proofing and the space is tiny. The neighbours are VERY scary and aggressive so I now barricade myself inside; I can’t talk to them, contacting landlord makes abuse worse (they’ve made fun of my disability).

Do you have Adult Care Services in your area? and maybe Complex Needs

Contact them they can get all the other services you need together. Also, Mind can help and deal with paperwork etc.

You might be best contacting them via online email (contact us ) as then you can put your thoughts down clearer

Make some lists and on the list put what is the problem .. IE money Break down everything into smaller potions to do with money. another list hoarding, another list neighbour problems .. , because when we are in crises everything is one heap and we make a huge thing out of the little things and the actual huge things are an afterthought,

 

[Carapop]

My family will keep you and your mum in our prayers (I hope you’re okay with me saying that, lots of people aren’t), and to send you strength

I love and appreciate all displays of kindness and compassion. My mum is a big believer in the power of prayer. I have no faith of my own but I know that she would find comfort in it. She prayed for others so I’m more than happy for others to pray for her. Thank you

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Is there something you can do that will make it feel you aren't just sitting there, like work on a laptop with emails or some paperwork you need to catch up on, just something that you've been meaning to catch up on

I've never had someone in doing cleaning but I do get a bit uncomfortable an awkward when someone's in like the boiler guy since he can take a while an I feel like a spare part just sitting there so I'll usually catch up on sorting the mail out or if there's emails needed dealt with etc

I would take myself off to the bedroom and close over the door (ajar, not fully so as not to seem like you don't want to be disturbed). Have you got some organising you can do in there, like sorting clothes/tidying up dressing table etc? Something productive but out of the way? Or even read for a bit on your bed?

I know what you mean, I think I'd feel a bit awkward too since it's even like that if I have someone in to, I don't know, fix a boiler, even though I literally cannot help with that if I tried but in the end just try to remind yourself the person is getting paid for it, it's literally their job. Thanks to the fact you're paying for the service, they earn money and make a living, so they definitely have no issue with you not doing anything. If you wanted to/could clean yourself, she wouldn't be paid.

Thank you

I think I will take myself to the bedroom and sort a few things, maybe put together some fidget blankets

 

[Purrrrrrr]

So anyone with a air fryer, do you just put everything in a drawer on top of one another or space it all out?

Folks finally managed to get a two drawer one but the drawers are tiny I feel, ended up using the two drawers to cook the wedges because I had them all spaced out so none were on top of one another, do I need to do that so they cook fine or would they cook just the same if I had them all in a pile?

Don't want to be using two drawers for wedges since the idea is one drawer for something an the other drawer for another thing but I have no idea how well it will all cook especially meat if it's all just laying in a pile

I have them on top of each other and give a shake here and there to toss them about

 

[rainbowlemon]

Has anyone ever experienced the below:

- Sudden pressure in left side lower back as if someone is sitting on it
- Extreme pain in that same area to the touch (without pressing on it it anything)

It came out of nowhere was I was out shopping.

?!

You should really see a doctor as soon as possible. Extreme pain is not normal.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

can relate to this. I moved 4 hours away by myself and felt a lot of the anxiety settle. For me it was because I was always afraid of running into people from my childhood like those I went to school with or old friends, old next door neighbours. Sounds ridiculous but I was bullied and I think the thought of running into those people again especially while I was dealing with an autism diagnosis and past trauma was causing anxiety as I didn’t feel strong enough to deal with it but I didn’t want to still seem weak

You sound pretty kick ass to me

 

[StatusWoe]

I've been ill for the past couple of weeks and it's scaring me. I had a blood test about 2 months ago and nothing was wrong except low iron. Would long Covid show up on a blood test? I've been feeling increased tiredness since having Covid in January.

Right now I feel drugged more than tired - you know that feeling where your eyes are closing? I can sleep for 12+ hours and am still unable to function during the day. I'm dizzy and my legs feel shaky when I walk across the room. I haven't washed my hair for about 2 weeks! I can't cook anything. I feel out of it & have brain fog. Have also been feeling sick in the evenings for some reason. I thought it might be PMS but it seems a bit extreme for PMS. I have no other symptoms of a virus. I don't want to bother the GP again after nothing showed on the blood test, but I can't think what these symptoms might be?

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Not a problem as such but hoping you all can help.
I need to write something formal indicating that I have ties to a place.
If I used the term ‘some’ so ‘I have been visiting for some 20 years’ would that imply 20+ years, nearly 20 years?
I don’t want to mislead but I don’t want to be specific. Thanks

I think “some” indicates there or thereabouts? Or circa?

 

[HoGi]

Looking for advice on if you can report a scam in the workplace

My dad works in a carehome an does this "lottery" it's £10 a month an you only get it if your number is the bonus ball but only on specific Saturdays

His number actually come out last week but they told him that this month it needs to be the last Saturday of the month, in the 5 years he's worked there he's had it maybe a few times but they keep changing what Saturday in the month it's going be

I wish he would stop but unfortunately he's gets a bit talked into things an honestly I don't know if they are talking the elderly into this scam as well

Whilst it does seem like a scam, unless there is a formal syndicate style agreement with rules etc. I doubt action fraud or the police will be interested.

Best advice is for your dad to stop contributing and chalk it up as bad experience.

If however the residents are taking part that is 100% a safeguarding issue that needs escalating.

 

[shadowcat5]

Yeah, it should be fine. I didn't know you could get frozen avocado! I'm going to give it a try as have found avocados a bit hit and miss recently. They seem to go off quicker that they used to.

thank you! They are £3 in Tesco which seems a bit expensive but I find it more economical cause won’t eat a whole one at a time and the freezer pack lasts me at least a month. The chunks are great cause I just pull them out the freezer and crack on. Once they’re defrosted you can smash them on toast as normal (i defrost in the microwave personally but I prefer my avocado warm which is probably gross lol)

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Yes I have this one! Everything is really stiff, I took the water container off earlier this year and thought I was going to break it. I’ll have another look and see if I can provide some tips.

That would be brilliant. I have ordered some WD40 with the straw but would rather not have to use that.

@JoeBloggs I did it! Thanks to you for letting me know that yes they are stiff, it gave me the courage to use a little more force. So thank you

 

[Hastaggifted]

I've spent alot of time on the rant thread moaning about losing weight and nothing happening but my moment of joy came today.

Last year I was busting out of a size 18.
I ordered some Mom jeans (always been a skinny jeans kinda gal) in a 14 to slim into for spring / Summer and they fit now

Now my dilemma is, do I keep them or return for a size 12 () and use them as motivation to slim into?!

 

[rainbowlemon]

How can I ever trust what people say? How will I trust that the person I meet is telling the truth? How do I trust my own judgement? It's irrelevant to the two people above because those situations won't develop but I would like to meet someone one day.

The thing is trust has to be earnt. It's not automatically given. I do not trust easily either. Given your background I would suggest therapy. If that's not possible at the moment taking sometime out just to work on yourself and building up your self esteem up again would be vital before you get involved with anyone. Trusting yourself I think would come with loving and forgiving yourself for the choices you have made. All relationships involve risk. It's okay to take things slow and at your pace.