The advice thread for random problems #2

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Cost-wise that’s true. I just wanted it to be more like a night out and steer it away from formal feeling like some parties tend to do, I always think food creates a bit of a lull when people are drinking and getting into the swing of things

In that case I would make it a bit later and be clear it’s a dancing and drinking event.
I went to a wedding at a club and what they did was every guest got a token/voucher for one free drink and then you had like three choices. Maybe you could arrange something like that with the venue. Tell them your budget and the amount of people and it might be something like a vodka with soft drink/pint/beer

 

[littlepup]

HELP: Boyfriends surprise 40th party
I’m arranging a surprise party at a local bar in town where we have the upstairs 2nd bar to ourselves and an 3rd floor dance floor. Im inviting mostly friends and a handful of family members but with a view to it being mainly drinking and a night out vibe. My problem is what is the ‘etiquette’…? I’ve got a trip planned for his birthday and 2 weddings and the obvious multiple hen do’s that go with it, all before May so I need to watch my money.
Is it expected of me to buy everyone their first drink, ie. Bottles of beer and a few bottles of fizz? I don’t really want to do food either so planning on messaging to say have your tea before you come Advice please!!!

So long as it started gone 7.30 and the bar wasn’t also a restaurant, I wouldn’t expect food (could you even provide your own, who’s going to clean it up, standing and eating is awkward if no tables etc).
If there’s no hire fee, paid dj, cake or decorations etc I’d probably expect a welcome drink but wouldn’t worry if there wasn’t one.
But then my friends are drinkers & would be prepared to pay bar prices, probably be out elsewhere if not there. If your crowd aren’t regular drinkers/usually drink at home, have to travel then a Prosecco or beer to toast the bday boy as he walks in would be a nice touch.
I think people just need to see that some effort has been made somewhere be it decorations or a drink so it feels like a private party.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I switched when I moved in and submitted a meter read. When I moved out i’m sure I gave a meter read. Fast forward from 2020 to 23 they are now saying based on an actual read from 3/5/20 that I used this ridiculous amount. I moved out 12/04/20 so i couldn’t have sent that read. Unfortunately I don’t seem to have any access to what that read was that I submitted as it was an online portal.



Sounds like it could apply in this case? Maybe i should see if i can get in touch with the energy ombudsman

When you switch, sometimes the two companies agree a start read that’s not the same as the read you gave. Raise a complaint with them first, they have x amount of days to put it right and then it will go to Ombudsman anyway

 

[Snippysnips]

Anyone used another postal service other than the royal mail for posting UK to US, an was it better service/cheaper?

I feel like royal mail are getting incredibly expensive now an I can't get the Xmas presents I want to give to friends just because it's costing so much, for some candy I was £30 to send, an my pens got stolen somewhere alone the line as well

 

[Snippysnips]

Does hanging clothes on a radiator to dry damage the radiators? Or would it take years and years to start damaging

I usually hang stuff that's a little damp on them an mines have been fine, but I've never taken stuff straight from the washing machine an put them on, I think so long as it's not soaking wet an you just want some dampness out then it's fine

 

[LaBlonde]

Question. My eldest when he lived here thought very charmingly how nice it'd be to bring bedbugs here. No matter what I try the evil little critters won't go (the bedbugs, not my son!!) Does anybody know any ways of getting rid of them barring complete fumigation of house which I really cannot afford.

never had them but did extensive research in an ocd haze over the summer and complete fumigation is the only way. the longer you have them (and it sounds like you’ve had them a while?) the more they will breed. they also like travelling from room to room once they’re properly settled. once it’s at that level you can really only get rid of them professionally.

 

[disillusionedbythegram]

Can anybody tell me what the big difference between a marriage and a civil partnership is.
We are going to do a civil partnership and not tell our families but it’s mainly to secure our financials because we are getting older.
I’m keen on the partnership but couldn’t really see what the difference is between the two

What are civil partnerships | Marriages & Partnerships | Pearcelegal

A civil partnership is a legal union that can be entered into by two people who aren’t related, the partnership has the same responsibilities as in marriage but the difference is that a civil partnership. If you have any queries be sure to get in touch.

pearcelegal.co.uk

Loads of information on this link that is helpful, including information such as if one civil partner does any property doesn’t automatically get transferred to their civil partner like it would with a marital spouse, so there might be differences in whether you’re each others next of kin?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

After a bit advice and recommendations.

Has anyone tried to re-waterproof a coat? I've got one that used to be water resistant but it's been washed a few times and I get wet straight away. It's a insulated one with synthetic wadding.

I don't think you can. These coats do normally say cold wash

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Any cheap travel suggestions? I have a mate needing to go North East- Liverpool Eurovision weekend and it’s looking at over £100 on trains. She doesn’t drive.

From where is she travelling?

 

[Snippysnips]

Would you still save money if you used a parcel forwarding service from the US?

If the price drops on Amazon then it might cost the same from the US if shipping got added since I don't suppose it's going to be light, right now it's £200 on Amazon an $130 from Walmart

I have had a look at AliExpress but I feel like they a bit like wish an am worried about fakes from them

 

[Hastaggifted]

Year 2 SATS. How important are they for the child really?
We've booked a family holiday in May during school time (cheaper by half and didn't know when the sats were) the 2nd week is SATS week .

My son didn't do them as the schools were shut due to covid so they can't be that important, right? ()

And surely 7 year olds doing sats is just so the school can tick boxes as to what they can achieve and what they have taught them.

Our first holiday in 10 years and of course we chose that week

Don't come for me about a term time holiday, they all have 100% attendance, for now anyway

 

[Sunflower91]

I personally wouldn’t message the wife tbh, because at that point it’s guaranteed to blow up in your face and tbh this guy sounds like a master manipulator so I have no doubt that he will probably be able to convince both his wife and your mate that you are just some lying jealous hater who is trying to ruin things.
I had a similar situation with a good friend a few years ago (it wasn’t as bad as your situation, the guy she was seeing didn’t have a wife but he was a fucking bellend who had zero respect for her) and I agree, it does get so jarring hearing your friend constantly making excuses for him and convincing herself of shit like ‘oh he just has commitment issues’, ‘he just needs to get himself into the right head space and then he’ll finally commit to me’ - rather than just accepting the truth of the matter, which is that the guy is fucking trash.
If I were you I would get your other friends and try to just hold an intervention with this girl, it may be uncomfortable but sometimes people need to have people who genuinely care about them sit down and just give them a bit of a reality check.
If at that point she doesn’t want to listen, I would honestly take a step back from it all until she comes to her senses. It sounds really harsh but I found that with my friend, I was sort of inadvertantly enabling her shitty relationship because every time I picked up the pieces, once I’d comforted her and she felt better, she’d just go straight back to him.
Once I stopped engaging with her and listening to complaints about his behaviour and immediately comforting her when she was angry or upset with him, she sort of came to her senses and realized that the relationship was not normal at all and finally broke it off altogether.
It’s a frustrating situation to have to go through with a friend tho, hope you’re doing ok!

Thank you.
Yeah, you’re right. I think for me it’s a knee jerk reaction to just try and put a stop to it all. It’s difficult finding that balance of being there and supportive as well as not encouraging or enabling her. Every so often I see a glimmer of her realising that it’s going nowhere and he’s terrible but then a week later she goes back. It’s quite triggering for me because I was in an abusive relationship with someone that went on to cheat on me - lots of people told me my ex was no good and I really wish I’d listened. So now I’m on the other side of the fence watching someone do what I did. And at the moment I have a lot going on everywhere else and I know I need to spend some time and energy on myself before I get totally burned out. I feel harsh but I just can’t deal with her stuff right now.

 

[Slaybutter]

@Pinhead Larry Nice!! I would go for the air source heat pump and solar panels so as to fund running the pump. Until I got the funds to replace the door I’d draft proof its seams, hang up a blanket, and install security.

 

[Mamacita]

Wondering if someone can help me.
Where do I recycle old clothes/textiles that I don't want/can't use? I've got old clothes with stains (like bleach and ink etc) on them and bedding that's a bit worse for wear with stains from tan and nail varnish. They are years old anyway but they are in no state to donate/re-use.
Equally, I don't want to put them in landfill. Anyone know where I can take them?

Usually some big supermarkets/retail centres have textiles recycling points, at least around me. Also bedding could potentially be donated to animal shelters

 

[TheGlossy]

I need help on how to politely turn this down.

We have this practice in my new team where people have to present a pre-defined PowerPoint to introduce themselves as new joiners (likes such as food, sports and dislikes etc).

We have to add personal pictures and present it in front of our whole team of 70 people.

I don’t want to do this for various reasons:
1. I’m a very private person
2. I’ve no pictures to put on there (I’ve no friends or family to take pictures with).
3. I am petrified at the idea of speaking in such a large group - I get physically sick at the thought of it.

How do I politely turn this down without sounding like I’m refusing to play the corporate game?!

 

[Some People!]

Firstly i agree that person clearly has had a few bad experiences and was unnecessarily rude to you.

From my exp..i tried apps on and off was ok..but i do think to meet someone you need to be quite invested but also be light hearted and dont let bad dates put you off. You will meet someone eventually if you want to i really believe in putting signals out, putting it out to the universe. Even saying out loud want you want from life and a person. I eventually met my partner on a walking holiday but i know i was just happy having fun and enjoying my life and he walked in to it. I was 42 so took some time to meet!! Dont give up there are good men out there..i really believe in telling the universe what you want and it comes back to you.

Cute pun and story

 

[bunnyboo]

He just sounds like an absolute prick who thinks what he says doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t say it’s racist but certainly cam be offensive.
But for me it’s more the fact that you told him it’s not on/upsetting/offensive to you and then instead of saying “ok, sorry” he carried on.
I would first have a word with your manager and if that don’t work complain to HR

Thank you for your advice, I think you're right.. I'll have a chat with my boss first and see where to go from there.

Tbh I really just don't want to come across as a triggered snowflake

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I buy all my shoes from Hotter, they’re not just old ladies shoes thank you

 

[Snippysnips]

I've got no imagination, help me out?

Looking for a gift for someone who really loves a bath but no toiletries to go in the bath (no soap, bath bombs, etc - she's v particular).
I've thought about a bath pillow or one of those tray thingies that go across the bath for your book/ device/ wine, but idk if those things go mildewey/ the novelty wares off.... Any ideas or recommendations?

Does she have a particular store she likes to get bath things out? Maybe a little made up hamper for her, a gift voucher for a store she likes to get bath stuff out, one of those hair band things that keeps hair out your eyes, the little bath pillow, an maybe one or two small little things as well like a scented candle she can light in the bathroom etc, not sure what your budget is but sometimes you can make your own little hampers up quite cheap

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I’m same as you and it’s shite. I’ve tried Wild and also a crystal one. Wild smells nice but it doesn’t stop sweating and I think it smells so strong to mask that because by evening a BO smell would be starting to develop.

In everyday, non specialist ones I find Mitchum stick the best. I’ve heard great things about Vichy but it’s expensive so I’ve not tried it.

I have tried Mitchum and it worked great, then had to have another go on the prescription stuff. I was thinking about a change but not if I’m going to be wet and smelly