The advice thread for random problems #2

[littlepup]

I could do with some car related advice please!

I have a car which I love, it's a tatty old 2009 diesel but it's great. However if Sadiq Khan's plans to expand the ULEZ to Greater London go ahead, next year I'll be paying £12.50 a day to leave my house (!) as my car isn't compliant.

Currently I only use my car at weekends, and once in the week to go to work.

My choices are
1) replace it with a compliant car - post 2006 petrol or post 2014 diesel
2) do without a car (my son has a compliant car I can use)
3) pay the £12.50 a day

I'm inclined against 3 because I refuse to contribute to that man's greed, and 2 is ok except for the fact my son's car has an engine issue which means it can't get over 40mph so can really only be used for little local journeys (the car's only worth £500 and the garage said it will cost much more than that to fix). I'm right on the outskirts of London, so there are no Zip Car or similar locations near me. Plus I really like the convenience of having my own car.

So that leaves me with buying another car. I'm lucky to be in the fortunate position of having about £20k saved so I could buy a new(ish) car outright. However I won't, because it's a massive waste of money given I only do 100 miles a week on average. For the same reason I'm reluctant to lease one as well, because it feels like a lot of money for the use I'll get.

I've only ever bought cars with my Ex, and although I know he would help me if I asked, I'm trying to stay low/ no contact with him, so I need to do this on my own! I'm also a bit concerned about getting ripped off by a garage. Plus the price of 2nd hand cars is through the roof - I paid £1500 for my car 2 years ago. Cars the same age are still £1500 now, even though the true value is more like £1k.

So what would you do if you were me? Up to now I've been hoping there'll be a U turn on the ULEZ but that seems increasingly unlikely!

How many days do you leave the house and how much is the depreciation on a new car over a year. Would the new car have a warranty (so no unforeseen costs for x amount of time and do you anticipate spending on your current car in maintenance/repairs liver the next few years. Also would a new car save on or increase tax, insurance, fuel etc could you rent your own car parking space out to someone else.
If really crunch the numbers. It would come down to the costs first and if it’s all roughly evens, then how much would you enjoy driving a new car & convenience for me.
I’d be reluctant to spend a big whack though. And I believe used car prices are predicted to come down soon-ish now that shortage that was stopping new cars being made is coming to an end.

 

[BettyCrockerr]

I'm not having a dig at anyone questioning. Do not want to make anyone defensive.

I have been victim to my detriment of a liar but it not about me. I am more than aware some people twist the truth.

Had no intention of antagonising anyone. It not for me to question anyone else belief.

Sorry to anyone who has taken offence, was in no way what I meant to convey.

I'm not discussing this further but take care.

No I agree I’m just curious I guess.

 

[Snippysnips]

What's normally open on New Years Day food outlet wise?

Are you meaning grocery or restaurants/ takeouts? An are you UK

If your UK then I believe all the grocery shops are open now, Tesco, Asda, Morrisons etc, most places only shut Xmas day now, if it's restaurants or take outs then I guess it would depend on them, I'd assume most take out places will be open as normal

 

[stardust1]

Yes, years ago and it turns out the block of flats we were living in had mixed up whose electric meters were whose and we’d been giving the wrong readings. Could that apply?

not a block of flats it was a 2 bed house. Moved out of their 2 years ago now got a bill saying I used 13 thousand kWh in 6 months on electric alone.. just absurd i worked 12 hour shifts 6 days a week I was never even homeit’s a debt letter of £1800 with 30 days to pay.. x

 

[tomato_paste]

Hi does anyone have any advice please?

My son is currently about to start his gcse's and has chosen music to do in college after he finishes them, my issue is I feel this is a waste of time as he's not guaranteed a job out of it imo I feel really mean in saying so and don't want to hurt his feelings as this is what he wants, he's also not that into music and I feel he's just chosen it as an easy route

Do I just leave him to it hoping he changes his mind or say something? I thought parenting got easier when they got older but seems this is wayyyy more stressful haha

Does it matter for now? I think someone who is super passionate about their work will find a job in any field. And for now, it's "just" college, right? Still loads of time to choose a career?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Premier Inn used to be 16. I don't know why they've changed it. It seems unfair.

Child protection? Legally you’re not an adult either. So people can’t be prosecuted for criminal damage if they trash it.

 

[Snowjoke]

My husband and I have been together 12 years but I’ve started to realise I think he is a functioning alcoholic.

He works a very good job and goes in every day regardless. He doesn’t drink in the morning or anything. However he can drink 10 cans on a week night quite regularly. More on a weekend and he starts earlier on a weekend.

I don’t drink and never have. I completely believe people can enjoy alcohol but it isn’t for me. Plus we have a 4 year old so someone needs to be sober.

I rarely go out but twice I have come home to find he has had too much to drink and been the sole person responsible for our son. His argument is “he’s asleep it’s fine”.

im so bored and miserable. Once it gets past 8pm there’s no point talking to him or watching anything together as he won’t remember properly. I don’t want to have sex with a drunk man so we rarely do.

im lonely on an evening as he just sits and chain drinks cans of beer. My family don’t see it as such a problem and just laugh it off but I’m so lonely.

He has recently become ill and after denying it he has finally admitted he should probably stop drinking so much and is now in a terrible mood every day as he can’t drink and ends up going to bed at 7:30pm in a sulk. He has decided he doesn’t feel much better having stopped drinking so he’s going to start again, albeit have less.
Sorry I don’t know what I want from this I just needed to rant. Any advice?

I’m sorry that you have to go through that. Have you ever sat him down to discuss how his drinking is making you feel and how it’s effecting your family life? You mentioned that he has recently become ill… Is there any possibility he could be depressed?

 

[CoffeeMamma]

For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about joining an online dating app. I’ve zero interest in dating as I’ve a lot going on, but something in me keeps telling me to set up an account.

I’m not interested in meeting anyone through an app to be fair, so I don’t know why I suddenly feel the urge to go on some app. It doesn’t help I keep seeing ads for this same app everywhere (buses, TV etc).

I’m 32 and perhaps I should think about widening my horizons to meet someone but to be fair, I’ve no interest. I’m conflicted. Besides, I’ve already been on apps (6 years ago or so), and it wasn’t great.

Is it free? In which case the only thing you have to lose is some time. Apps have changed a lot in the last 6 years and my friends have met some nice people (no successful relationships though, sorry!) so it might be fun from that perspective?

 

[littlepup]

I could use some advice on Covid etiquette these days?

The situation is as follows:

Stayed with a girl friend from yesterday to today, we shared a meal and went out for drinks but slept in separate rooms for the night but in her flat.

Today she's tested positive.
I'm supposed to travel for work on Monday to headquarters for a general meeting that will last all week.

Additionally, there's some video recording the week after that I have been asked to do by the big boss.

So missing it would suck a lot but giving Covid to the whole company would suck as well.

Additionally I leave Monday really early via train, before head office opens.

Already tried contacting HR but so far no answer.

I think the stat is something like under 20% of people can pass it on. Do you know if she’s had it before and if she’s passed it to anyone then? I didn’t either time I had it including partner I share a bed with or my breast fed baby.

I would take usual precautions but the advice isn’t to stay home anymore and testing is by choice so realistically there could be people within the company walking around with it anyway.

However, there’s no point in going if you’re going to be too ill to work so I would keep testing until the last minute. First time I had it I was pretty much symptom free, the second I was wiped out For a few days and friends have had a similar experience. Anecdotal obviously but worth considering perhaps.

 

[Slaybutter]

Nikwax. Use it on horse turnout rugs to reproof them.

Seasalt recommends the same brand for their Janelle coat

https://www.seasaltcornwall.com/fleece-lined-waterproof-womens-janelle-coat

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Does scaffolding usually make a lot of noise once up? My neighbours have some up and it’s clanging away, it’s not even that windy.

I think if it’s not secured properly it can do, it might have something hanging loose to it. Worth letting them know as it could be dangerous.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

A random and slightly icky one for you all (sorry).

Most mornings for the last month or so I have been retching like I’m going to be sick - not usually bringing anything up just saliva or a small small amount of bile. But on Sunday morning and today I was properly sick with horrible bile and it was awful.

I think it is stress/tiredness but I’m just not sure if this is something to see the Dr about?

I haven’t had sex in 3 years so I’m deffo not pregnant lol!

Yeah, you need to go see your GP. It could just be something simple like reflux or anxiety. But rather have it checked.
Rule of thumb is that anything lasting longer than 2-3 weeks should be checked
---

Anyone ever done a garage sale (UK) is it allowed?

I've a ton of stuff, an tbh I can't be bothered putting it all on selling sites one by one, was thinking about just advertising a garage sale at my own place an whatever doesn't go can just go to a charity shop, but an not sure if it's legally allowed or not

Totally legal. Don’t sweat

 

[Little Fluffy Clouds]

Any ideas on what I could get as a thank you for my counsellor? Want to get something small to say thank you when our last session rolls round

I got mine this.

 

[shadowcat5]

My pee is fluorescent. No lies. Fluorescent yellow I'm not dehydrated and it's not dehydrated pee, it's bright af yellow

I have been taking L-theanine and a new multivitamin since friday. This is probably what it is isn't it?

 

[JoeBloggs]

I think I'd be doing the same as @littlepup said, putting in a complaint an getting my money back, even managers have area or head office managers

She really sounds unprofessional with the job, you aren't there to hear her complaints about her job an new bf, your a client that's paid for a service that she's not giving you, it isn't your fault she doesn't like the job nor is it your fault she's taken on too many people, or that she isn't paid well

She's obviously messing around because she doesn't like the job an your the one that's essentially missing out an losing your money

She will get the sack, while I get she's wrong I can't do that.

I've drafted something to send, so fingers crossed.

 

[Lord Voldemort]

I'm a big fan of a bath tray!
Also a nice scented candle for the bathroom?

 

[Snippysnips]

Hi everyone,
Where do I begin, dsughter no.1 had a good job, flat etc got with this bloke, useless doesn’t work, bad history etc etc, well long story short they have been evicted from private rental, I’ve told her to come home but not with him (he’s lied, as I said above not good )
She won’t come without him, Council won’t help, she’s now living in b&b borrowing money as I and couple of family members don’t want her on street, it’s awful, I’m so sad
Sorry if this makes no sence just struggling with whole situation, she walked streets one night

Unfortunately there's nothing much you can do, if all of this isn't enough to make her release what a waste of space he is then anyone telling her isn't going to do it either

Its hard because if you stopped giving money so that she has no option but to come home then she would probably sneak him in, but at the same time she can't treat you all like a bank account an live in b&bs, I hope she manages to work out something soon

 

[Grizzlybear]

You've got to love tattle I've had better advice on here than from family & friends haha

Yeah I've been reading up all about the various jobs available today & was quite surprised tbh didn't realise how many options available.

That's the thing I've had family & friends saying tell him he has to do this or that as he's still not an adult but I don't parent that way I never have.

He has his own mind at the end of the day and if forcing him to do something is going to affect him then I'm not going down that road, but your absolutely right as long as he's happy that's the main thing isn't it

I think definitely listen to yourself, he sounds a good lad so far and that’s down to you! They say if you do what you love, you’ll never work a day in your life and it’s so true. If he does something he’s not into, not only might he not be as successful as he may be with endless passion for something, he may end up miserable!

 

[Lonewolf]

Hello! Advice from a teacher who also married someone who did music at college, he doesn’t do anything musical related now but he did enjoy his time at college and got 3 distinctions (which obviously looks good on a CV). At this point if your son isn’t set on a particular career, it’s more important that he enjoys what he’s doing so he stays in education until he’s 18. If he’s encouraged to do a subject he doesn’t want to do he won’t have the motivation to stay, and bad attendance always has a negative impact in achievement.

Thank you @disillusionedbythegram that's reassuring,

I think its me stressing the most tbh as I said this is all new territory to me and as his mother I want him to know I'm supportive of whatever he chooses but yet I'm still worried and want the best for him in the future I think I need to just step back and let him do him as you all have very kindly stated.

I feel a lot more less stressed now after reading all your comments

Much appreciated & many thanks

 

[Kim Mild]

Question. Would you expect both your children to be invited to a child’s bday party if they were only 2 years age diff or just the one that’s close in age to the child celebrating their bday?

Just the one closest in age, unless they were family friends, rather than a school friend of one.

However , I might be tempted to ask if the other could come to , and offer to pay for the additional child .