The advice thread for random problems #2

[HoGi]

Anyone had a default removed?

I have a credit card with not very much on it. Been paying £300 a month to clear it, minimum payment is only £10 a month. I did have a direct debit set up but make manual payments instead which overwrite the direct debit. Didn’t overpay this month so waited for the direct debit. Today I received a notice of default sums letter and I’ve been charged for a late payment and the direct debit isn’t showing in my direct debits no more but I’ve not cancelled it. I’m really fretting and spent over 2 hours on the phone on hold but they cut me off at closing time.

ETA : I have confirmation of direct debit set up on my paperless statements section online.

When did the last direcr debit come out?

I think if nothing is taken by DD for 6 months it is basically cancelled as you haven't authorised if that makes sense?

I only know this as I frequently pause my contact lenses but they won't let you pause for more than 6 months as it cancels the DD. So you can do 5 months then pay a month then pause again but not 7 months straight.

 

[Lonewolf]

You've had great advice. I know a few people working in the creative industries. There are a huge range of jobs available. For example, a friend of mine studied music until degree level and now works in arts marketing.

You've got to love tattle I've had better advice on here than from family & friends haha

Yeah I've been reading up all about the various jobs available today & was quite surprised tbh didn't realise how many options available.

My parents were like you but forced me into stuff I didn’t enjoy because jobs - twenty years later I’m up to my knees in debt (paid lots of it off) for school I don’t use, but finally thriving in a field I originally wanted to go into but was told was stupid. If he’s happy that’s the main thing!

That's the thing I've had family & friends saying tell him he has to do this or that as he's still not an adult but I don't parent that way I never have.

He has his own mind at the end of the day and if forcing him to do something is going to affect him then I'm not going down that road, but your absolutely right as long as he's happy that's the main thing isn't it

 

[Deeznutslol]

I just got a missed call from a number and they left a voicemail claiming they’re from my bank and they want me to call them back? Is this a scam? It wasn’t my branch’s number but just a random number

Sounds like a scam, you could contact your bank through twitter and ask if they called you to confirm if it is or not

 

[TheGlossy]

I like the taupe. It goes with everything and is a classy color.

 

[Little Fluffy Clouds]

I love and appreciate all displays of kindness and compassion. My mum is a big believer in the power of prayer. I have no faith of my own but I know that she would find comfort in it. She prayed for others so I’m more than happy for others to pray for her. Thank you

Just wished to say sending you and your mum love, strength and positivity, too.

I hope that a brighter corner is turned soon

 

[littlepup]

I prefer the Taupe on its own but I'd go with lavender if I had a silver laptop or black handbag.

 

[TheGlossy]

Does anyone know how long it takes to get blood results (Full Blood Count, Renal, Thyroid, Liver Function etc..)?

I got my blood drawn on Thursday morning but I haven’t hear anything yet. I’m a bit worried as I still have a lump on my neck that’s been there since late October. I don’t think it’s anything to be worried about but I’m anxious to get some answers as to why I’ve been feeling off.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Can anyone recommend any protein chocolate bars? Like actual chocolate not a flapjack, brownie etc.

Be careful with chocolate protein bars as they can be a lot of talk and no trousers with the protein content claims - thefitnesschef on instagram has loads of examples where he takes normal, cheap food and compares them with food that’s got “high in protein” slapped on the front for a higher price! One of them was the protein snickers (I think?)

All that said, have you looked on MyProtein? They have a lot of their own treat stuff, the other one is grenade bars.

 

[stardust1]

Oh thanks! Il take a look. Nothing flip flop style.. I want a strap around the ankle.

These are well worth the money in my opinion. My boohoo ones were exactly the same but not branded.

I am a size 4 but do have slim feet. My auntie got some and she is a 3 but wider feet and they were no good for her but she did like the ones with the x cross over instead x

 

[Snippysnips]

Sorry if this is the wrong place for this. I seem to have come down with the sickness bug. I had a headache yesterday I felt bit iffy but just put it down to a busy day and not eating much. I woke up at 1 am and threw up and I have done another four times since. Mostly bile.

I’ve got a headache, very slight fever and I’m exhausted. I can’t get a doctor’s appointment for love nor money, and to be honest I don’t have the energy to get up should I be worried or do I just need to ride it out?

It could be a mix of both, not eating great an a sickness bug, I'd give it another day an see how you are, but I wouldn't not eat anything, it's the worst thing you can do, if you are going be sick you will still be sick if you have eaten or not an trust me being sick on a empty stomach is absolutely horrendous, it's far better to throw something up than nothing, I'd eat but make sure it's plain things, nothing too heavy, an make sure to keep your fluids up, it's essential to keep drinking

 

[Lalla]

It seems like you’re implying I might be an “arsehole” but I just don’t like when people IRL comment on whatever it is I’m eating or even doing. It makes me self aware and uncomfortable.

Same here. And as mentioned when my colleague makes a big thing holding her nose etc because she can't stand the smell of 'spicy food' it puts everyone on edge, and it's just OTT.

I get that the OP wasn't going as far as my colleague, but in my mind there's a difference between 'ooh that smells nice what did you have' and 'ewww what's that smell' especially when it's being shouted from one room to another.

I don't think the daughter's response by text was merited, but I suspect there is more to it than just one conversation.

If someone's parents have to change or walk on eggshells in their own home because they are worried their kids partner will not want to go to their house and will talk about them to family/friends then yes the partner is an arsehole, I could never imagine having to make my parents change who they are just because it might affect my partner

My brother had a ex that all of us had to constantly walk on egg shells around, couldn't mention this or that, couldn't be seen (in our own house) couldn't make noise or whatever, she was eventually told to fk off

There's a difference between walking on eggshells and having some respect/ consideration for others. I don't like to be made uncomfortable and I don't like making others uncomfortable. Hence I think before I speak, and appreciate others who do similarly. The ones who don't and consider themselves as plain speakers are usually arseholes

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Random but don’t know where to ask. What colour planner should I get? It is between the lavender or taupe. I am so torn, I like the clean girl aesthetic but worried taupe will show dirt too quick. I also like girly style so was thinking of lavender. I have no clue. Thanks in advance.

Filofax A5 Nofolk Leather Personal Organiser, Taupe

Buy Filofax A5 Nofolk Leather Personal Organiser from our Calendars & Diaries range at John Lewis & Partners. Free Delivery on orders over £50.

www.johnlewis.com

Taupe gets my vote. The lilac is lighter and more likely to show marks as well I reckon.
---

I prefer the Taupe on its own but I'd go with lavender if I had a silver laptop or black handbag.

Oooh details I hadn't thought of! Colour matching is important!

 

[Justhereforthebantslll]

Hello!
This isn’t my problem. This is my friends. She has given me full permission to post. I will also give my opinion at the end. Just to see (for arguments sake between us both!) who agrees with me.
So my friend matched online with someone. This was quite a while back. Before the summer holidays. They spoke the whole time during the summer holidays however due to them both having busy lives. They never met. My friend has children. She also has a busy job. As does this man. There seems to be a bit of an age gap between the two of them. 5 years or so. Although I am not so sure on who is the younger one. I’m inclined to say him, due to his actions. Previously, I would say he displayed a few red flags. They had argued over something she shared on social media about ex’s. At this point he didn’t follow her but did seem to snoop her to be able to see this. He has said quite a few emotionally manipulative things (in my opinion) such as “Oh I didn’t think you’d like me like that” “Nobody ever wants me” “I always feel like I’m not good enough and never going to be happy” “I’m not gonna mess this up”. All this before actually meeting! They finally met this weekend and slept together. Prior to meeting she felt he was being a bit “off with her” as replies were a bit scarce. However he does work and was poorly. But he has always replied to her messages. Then they met this weekend and seemed to have a good time. They did sleep together. However once sleeping together he didn’t leave until he really had too. He spent a lot of time “chilling” with her. He even gave her cuddles and kisses with no sexual intent. Now, the crux (I think) is the original plans changed last minute as she had a particularly bad day. She’s recently got a puppy who was ripping up her flooring. Her kids had been particularly bad. So she left the house and booked a hotel. She paid for the hotel herself. Since they parted ways they have remained in regular contact. He messages her “Good morning” every day. If the chat ever goes a bit stale he will keep it going by saying something completely new. Such as ranting about his job, or asking what she’s up to, or something. He has also said on more than one occasion he finds her very attractive. He’s told her he likes her. He’s said multiple times he would be happy to see her again. However she feels he’s a bit ‘off’. He has also brought up the fact that she paid for the hotel a few times and he said “he feels bad” about it. However she paid online and didn’t give him a chance to pay. By the sounds of it he can be quite soft and affectionate. Whereas she has been hurt quite a few times and so she’s quite blunt and cold. He has previously opened up to her about him being scared of getting hurt.
So her question is, what do we think is going on here with him?

My opinion is she needs to give him a bit more time. He had every opportunity to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to see her again. He has chosen not too. He also could leave the chat when it goes dry. He chooses to find ways to keep it going. However he is poorly. Apparently he’s off work at the moment due to being poorly. However I’m torn between him being a bit embarrassed that she paid for things. She has a good job in the NHS. And is generally a generous person. And he’s also a bit apprehensive about being hurt, as she’s quite a cold person which I would imagine is hard for him to deal with if he’s quite a soft and sarcastic person. It takes a while to get her humour. I know it took me a while when I first met her.

 

[littlepup]

Depends on the type. mine is brick and I'm having it removed with a hammer and chisel but the brick surround will stay in place.


..........










I keep making duvet mistakes

I used to buy duvets and they were nice with a little weight and stayed flat but the last few have been so lightweight ( even the winter ones) that they wont stay flat but bundle up in the cover also the fabric isn't like fabric at all more like the paper dresses and knickers from the 60s/70s . I am looking for the older types with prober fabric and a little weight to them.

Help!! please point me in the right direction without having to spend a fortune

Look on Amazon and check the reviews and questions. You can ask other purchasers what fabric they are if you can’t see.
I usually find it any called ‘value’ or ‘budget’ etc that have that finish. John Lewis, Dunelm and M&S might be worth a check for the sale. They’re usually good.

 

[boomska]

So. I hope this is a good place to put it.
I’m currently in therapy and I’ve spoken about my feelings through and through. And aware of my triggers and issues.

I met a lad through tinder and asked we can be friends because we got on so well, and our long term goals didn’t matcb

He’s got a girlfriend now, told me today and has said he’ll be moving in with half of the week in the future. and I KNOW I asked to be friends but can’t help but be gutted cause I did fancy him and had thoughts about kissing him.

And one of my issues is abandonment issues. And j was a bit short with him (it’s been an emotional week- met up with my dad who I haven’t been in contact with for 18 years!) so now I’m thinking I should tel him I want it? But I thinks is the case of want what i can’t have and it’s jealously too.

 

[Snippysnips]

If you left a group chat on fb messenger but are on good terms with the participants of that group individually, would you still expect to be invited to do things with them?

I can't see why you wouldn't be invited if you are still on good terms with them, I guess you might be a little out the loop on some news since I assume they will still talk on the group chat but surely they would catch you up

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Yeah it definitely sounds off. When I worked in energy we had loads of issues with people switching suppliers because the old supplier would give the new company an absolutely mad read and then give them a refund, they’d move and then the new company would be left to pick up the slack. It’s obvious you don’t owe it from that information so absolutely go through the complaints process and get it to the Ombudsman ASAP. Mostly the Ombudsman won’t take a complaint until you’ve raised it with them for a minimum period which is why I’m telling you to go there first.

 

[littlepup]

On the itchy, did you use it on shaved pits? I use the intensive Sure one sometimes and, first time I used it, it almost killed me with burning and itching, felt like I was on fire. But I had used it on freshly shaved skin. Waiting a day made all the difference. But it’s not that practical in summer if one is a hairy beast like I am and could shave twice a day

Thank you. I’ve tried both ways. I read the key is really dry skin before applying which does seem to help but I still find them irritating.
Funnily enough the really strong Sure one didn’t do much for me.
I’m pretty ok with Mitchum but it doesn’t control the wetness 100%. I’d love to be able to wear more colour, particularly in the summer but alas, black tops only!

 

[Carapop]

I am pleased to know that I am at least taking in some the vitamins

I am never sure if all the supplements are doing anything but giving me expensive wee tbh but the theanine /magnesium tip above is from Andrew Huberman who seems to know his shit (Stanford neuroscientist!)

 

[Midgetgem]

So, I have a question...
It's a mental health thing I think.

The way I process traumatic events has always been a bit odd (I suspect I'm neurodiverse).

I've had a really difficult year and don't get much time to myself. I'm finding that my mind drifts to events in the past that have been difficult at random times. I sort of live it for a bit and then am able to pull myself out of it.

I had quite a big issue with what I think were flashbacks when an ex partner died in 2020 but I understood why they were happening and was able to move past them.

The way I process things has always been a bit weird in that things build and then suddenly everything comes out at once.

The time a lot of my emotions seep out is driving to work. I think because it's the only time I have to myself to let it out.

I'm watching Cliff on bbc2 and it's brought up so many feelings about my childhood. The best way to describe it is like some sort of freeze frame shots, like they do when someone dies. Does that make sense? Like a movie but of static photos playing through my mind.

When I feel emotion, it's like I'm having to relive every single thing I've experienced that is vaguely connected again at the same time.

I'm having counselling, although it's early days but is there something I should be flagging to her? How do I approach all this stuff that my mind is doing?

You could bring to the attention of your counsellor Post traumatic stress disorder, I'm not diagnosing you, but you may be experiencing some symptoms of the condition. Hope you manage to work through things, and feel better soon