The advice thread for random problems #2

[Shimmering]

Thank you @disillusionedbythegram that's reassuring,

I think its me stressing the most tbh as I said this is all new territory to me and as his mother I want him to know I'm supportive of whatever he chooses but yet I'm still worried and want the best for him in the future I think I need to just step back and let him do him as you all have very kindly stated.

I feel a lot more less stressed now after reading all your comments

Much appreciated & many thanks

You've had great advice. I know a few people working in the creative industries. There are a huge range of jobs available. For example, a friend of mine studied music until degree level and now works in arts marketing.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Does anyone have a Beko Freestanding Tall Larder FridgeLSP3671D?

Freestanding Tall Larder Fridge LSP3671D

Non Plumbed Water Dispenser Chiller Compartment Chrome Wire Wine Rack

www.beko.co.uk

I bought one 2nd hand immaculate condition but for the life of me I can take the door storage trays off. I looked online and it says they lift off seen videos showing they lift off easily. .. I've tried really hard but they won't budge and I'm worried I will end up breaking them. Can't even get the water container off.
Helpppp

Yes I have this one! Everything is really stiff, I took the water container off earlier this year and thought I was going to break it. I’ll have another look and see if I can provide some tips.

 

[CoffeeMamma]

Erm not sure it is bright write and you cannot see it until you squeeze end of nipple and it’s like a hard white ball. The lady at the breast clinic did say ‘it’s just milk’



no never, only noticed it when i stopped feeding and it is left side only. It is same breast with 3 fibroadenomas

The only reason I brought it up is that where I had mine pierced I have the exact same (3.5 years later), and I was told it’s essentially condensed milk

 

[littlepup]

What would you choose in this situation? I feel like I am going mad

I own my home, but have been given the opportunity to get 2 of the 3 things below for my house for free as part of a council warmer homes scheme. My partner is moving in with me in March and we intend to stay for a year or more, then look for something bigger together and rent my house out.

Solar Panels
Replacement back door (Mine is wooden and draughty)
Air source heat pump to replace boiler (would include new radiators)

My immediate yes item is the back door, from a heating and security point of view.


Air source heat pump thoughts
My radiators are old, and not very pretty as the paint has gone a bit funny on them so would be nice to replace for free
The only gas item in the house is the boiler, so if i get it i won't have any gas usage. (might reduce bills)
Tank looks a bit big, wouldn't be bad if they could put it somewhere like the loft, as its a small house
Having no boiler in my kitchen gives me a massive cupboard of extra storage
Is this a good or bad thing when you're potentially renting out or selling a house?

Solar panels thoughts
Cheaper leccy
Is this a good or bad thing when you're potentially renting out or selling a house?

Solar panels and air source are hugely expensive - £ thousands. If you can fund the door yourself, even find one second hand, get the other two done for free.

 

[stardust1]

Jeans. Probably black



thank you
Boohoo have got some bright ones. Pink blue or green. Love them but theyre so bold. Defo will avoid black thank you

if you’re going black jeans i’d defo go with a nice bright blazer, you could pair it with a nice necklace and a bag

 

[JoeBloggs]

Not a problem but a general query:

I’ve been gifted an Amazon voucher and I have no idea what to buy! I don’t use Amazon often and when I do it’s mostly for little things I can’t find in stores (hair oil, spices etc).

The voucher is for £20 and I want to make the most of it. Anyone a frequent Amazon user and can give me ideas of some things I can buy?

I’ve been trying to learn how to do gel nails at home so my first thought was buying some nail art brushes or gel polish but I’m open to other suggestions.

Also I realise this is very vague and there’s a million things to buy on Amazon but my mind is blank

You could get a decent gel lamp for £20. Or you could buy boring stuff, cleaning products, toiletries and then spend £20 cash on something you want?

 

[littlepup]

Thanks I'll test this out, I think the main problem is with her wanting to watch it at the same time as its airing here in the UK, somtimes with iplayer they put things up after it's aired, if she uses a vpn she should be able to access iplayer herself anyway but if doctor who doesn't go on iplayer till much later then I need another way

It's also a test to see if somthing like this is going to be workable in future, so if something is only airing in America then she can do this for me an let me watch whatever

They do Often wait a while before putting it up to re-watch but almost everything is available as a ‘watch now’ live option literally as it’s airing on the TV channel.

 

[HoGi]

Does she go to the same school as the other kids? Is that part of the problem multiple school drop offs?

 

[littlepup]

What does everyone take to work for lunch or does anybody have any ideas of what I could have to mix things up a bit? (I work in an office with only a microwave and kettle for context). I am wanting healthy ideas but I am so bored of bringing the same things everyday (sandwich, jacket potato, pasta or soup).

I used to take leftovers but sometimes a salad with tinned mixed bean salad or blanched green beans, asparagus, sugar snaps, potato salad to add substance.
Doriano crackers come wrapped in 4s and are I think are tasty with sliced cheese & tomato or sliced boiled eggs & mayo. Rice cakes or ryvita too with cream cheese and a tuna mix with sweetcorn, chopped capers & red onion.
If you’ve a toaster, not so healthy but pizza toast or, if no toaster, quesadilla. A little pot with a few slices of cheese, onion, cut up cherry toms & spring onion, torn up ham. Microwave for about 40 secs then spread across toast or warm wrap.
Stuffed pittas (again if toaster) with ham, feta, fresh mint or basil and salad.
Try Microwave rice pouches with half a tin of tomatoes, salt, garlic powder, pepper and chicken or tuna mixed through.
Nori or lettuce wraps with cold rice, strips of cucumber, carrot, tuna and soy sauce.
Cucumber boats where you scrape out the seeds then fill with cream cheese, tuna or chicken mayo. Can do loaded potato skins similarly.
Sweet treats you can prep a microwave chocolate mug cake then just add the milk before microwaving. Crushed meringue, pot of creamy yog and chopped fruit. Raisin bagel with biscoff spread and chopped banana. Overnight oats or good old fruit salad.

 

[Lonewolf]

@Lonewolf There’s a government website in my country that aggregates useful information such as salary, education, and outlook in a multitude of fields. It could serve as inspiration for him to learn which jobs are out there in the world and direct his studies.

This is the directory: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/

This is the page on musicians: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/entertainment-and-sports/musicians-and-singers.htm

ETA: I agree with the posters about being supportive. I think that’s the best route instead of filling him with doubt. He might be passionate about music internally.

Ahh thank you @Slaybutter I'll bookmark this and have him take a look

Exactly I don't want to squash his dreams whatever they may be for now, we have a good relationship and he's a really good intelligent kid im quite lucky with him tbh haha

 

[Kim Mild]

Thank you - all good points to consider.
I bought the car with long journeys in mind as my partner lived 200 miles away. However he's now my Ex, so I'm no longer doing those journeys!
I really only use the car 1-2 times a week, and my son uses it for 2 days every other week. He suggested we get a Range Rover bloody comedian!
My car currently costs me £165 in tax, plus about £500 a year to drag it through the MOT. Need to balance that with replacement car cost whether now or in a few months (tempted to hold my nerve and hope prices drop a bit early next year...ULEZ expansion not until Sept 23 I think). Lots to think about!

I would wait and keep your existing car for now. But be prepared to change car when the charge comes in .

I'd avoid diesel ( I switched from diesel to petrol due to my low mileage) and maybe consider pre -17 registered car that has £30 or less tax, I've been considering these too.

 

[Joon]

Not really a problem but does anyone have any recommendations for comfy sandals that don't look horrible?.

I'm going on holiday soon and need to find some. Just comfy enough to walk round all day!

I got my memory foam Sketchers from QVC had them over 3 years now they are so comfy and modern strappy brown leather, deffo not old gits, worth having a look they are online too...

 

[shadowcat5]

Update on the landlord and the dripping wall. Just condensation and they aren't doing anything about it

 

[Babysnark]

Can anyone offer advice on smoking/vaping?
Husband and I were both smokers for over ten years. Five years ago we both went onto vapes, and then quit. Neither of us have had any nicotine products since our first child was born (that’s what made us both knock it on the head for good).
In the last six months however, my husband has secretly taken up vaping again. First time I found his vape completely innocently (was hanging up a coat and it fell out of the pocket) and I’m not going to lie I was shocked. It seems like such a bizarre decision to make after being a smoker for a decade and knowing how tough it was to quit. I confronted him and he said sorry, to do with stress, was disappointed in himself and it wouldn’t happen again.
I’ve since found another three, the most recent being this morning. Every time we have the same conversation - he’s disappointed in himself, doesn’t want to be addicted, will stop. Safe to say I do not believe him anymore.

I know it isn’t my place to stop someone from doing something, but at the same time we’re married. We share a home, we have a child already and I’m pregnant. Plus since all of this my dad developed (and survived, luckily) lung cancer. I don’t want this in our lives to be honest. And what hurts more is the lying. He clearly has no intentions of stopping it and he keeps hiding it from me.
He doesn’t know I’ve found the one this morning (I didn’t stumble across this one, I looked for it in his coat pocket because I smelled it on him when he got home last night). How do I approach this conversation?

I guess at this point the conversation isn't about the vaping itself necessarily, but more the lying and sneaking around. That wouldn't sit well with me, as it would make me question how they can lie so easily about something to be honest.

Do you know he definitely quit when you did before? Addiction is also an illness so if he is genuinely addicted to nicotine then I would approach more softly than if I'd found my partner lying about other things.

 

[Hastaggifted]

My period is now only lasting one day. One really heavy, going through at least a pad an hour, can't leave the house for fear of leaking day. Excessive unexplained weightgain and dark hair sprouting everywhere. Doctors aren't interested. Anyone experienced anything similar?

They used to last 5 days and I'd say for the last 6 or so months it's down to one day.

 

[StatusWoe]

Try not to come up with reasons for anything, (like long covid etc) let the doctor diagnose.
Weight loss is a red flag symptom as is new onset pain or weakness. which they will definitely investigate more. If pain worsens in the evening that’s also significant.
Make a list of all symptoms and speak to the doctor again omitting anything that you think could explain it. You want them to work for you rather than accept a self diagnosis and get you out of the door. You have to really push.
Blood tests are only relevant for the current time so the previous blood test is a marker but not relevant to how you’re feeling now.

I’m not saying this to worry you, it sounds a lot like long covid but just let the doctors decide so you know for sure otherwise the anxiety of ‘is it though’ will make you more poorly.

Thanks for the advice. You've persuaded me to go back to the GP. I tend to feel guilty for taking up their time, but the physical stuff has been really bad today, so I'll phone after the weekend.

That's all really helpful, thank you! It's a really healthy approach to take.

I don't have much to add, but I read your post and sympathise. What you're feeling sounds normal and actually a healthy response given the circumstances. The previous few posters gave some brilliant advice. I've found it helps to set personal boundaries and be really firm about them, even if you have that second-guessing 'am I being unreasonable?' voice in your head. How a person responds to those boundaries can be a clue to their future behaviour. In other words, do they show respect or do they minimise and make excuses? This is as true for friends as it is for romantic relationships. I know this advice isn't directly about trust, sorry!

 

[Slaybutter]

"Did exactly the same things described" what things though, asking what smells of garlic? Is that really something to get annoyed over?

It’s not just the smell comment. I don’t actually feel like dissecting the whole minutiae because it really sounds like a sticky situation and I think the best way out of it is to talk to the daughter about how she perceived what happened and work on things from there. It’s like OP said, she was minding her own business and her daughter did seem to open the door to conversation but it didn’t go over well & she should find out why. If she doesn’t, things are just going to grow more uncomfortable between them.

 

[Pinhead Larry]

What would you choose in this situation? I feel like I am going mad

I own my home, but have been given the opportunity to get 2 of the 3 things below for my house for free as part of a council warmer homes scheme. My partner is moving in with me in March and we intend to stay for a year or more, then look for something bigger together and rent my house out.

Solar Panels
Replacement back door (Mine is wooden and draughty)
Air source heat pump to replace boiler (would include new radiators)

My immediate yes item is the back door, from a heating and security point of view.


Air source heat pump thoughts
My radiators are old, and not very pretty as the paint has gone a bit funny on them so would be nice to replace for free
The only gas item in the house is the boiler, so if i get it i won't have any gas usage. (might reduce bills)
Tank looks a bit big, wouldn't be bad if they could put it somewhere like the loft, as its a small house
Having no boiler in my kitchen gives me a massive cupboard of extra storage
Is this a good or bad thing when you're potentially renting out or selling a house?

Solar panels thoughts
Cheaper leccy
Is this a good or bad thing when you're potentially renting out or selling a house?

 

[Snowjoke]

Any ideas on what I could get as a thank you for my counsellor? Want to get something small to say thank you when our last session rolls round

 

[JoeBloggs]

thanks for all the advice. I do appreciate it. It has really bothered me tbh. People can be awful

I can imagine, people really are. Let us know how you get on, if he starts again. Tell him to go through his insurance and block him. Don’t let him get to you.