The advice thread for random problems #2

[littlepup]

Thanks for the advice. You've persuaded me to go back to the GP. I tend to feel guilty for taking up their time, but the physical stuff has been really bad today, so I'll phone after the weekend.

(assuming you’re NHS) If you were paying privately would you feel bad? Probably not. And you do pay, so go for it, it’s your right, remember that. You are no less important than anyone else, your health is the most important thing you have, protect it, literally with your life Good luck with getting some answers

 

[Purrrrrrr]

Hi Purrrrrrr and thank you so much for the reply. She is his wife. I've solved the problem. My sister is going to visit them with some momentos and will hopefully be able to get my elder brother on his own. There's not going to be a funeral so there's no need for her to come down.

On the day I arrived at my deceased brother's bungalow the next door neighbour arrived with his daughter, dressed as a fairy + dog to 'cheer me up'. He started knocking every day and I did write a thanks but no thanks note. I find it quite funny but at the same time 'can you believe it'.

Ahhh I totally misunderstood. I thought the wife was the wife of your other brother.
Glad it's sorted.

People do many odd things maybe thinking that would cheer them up in the same situation. but at least they are not avoiding you, many will do that as they don't know what to do or say.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Honestly if it was me I'd be wanting my money back from whats left, I assume you told her what times were going to work for you at the beginning? If she wasn't going to be able to fully commit to that then really she shouldn't have done it, she sounds like because she's the manager then she can take the piss a bit, I would think if anyone else done that then she would fire them for not taking the job seriously enough

It also sounds like she's talked you into a direct pay by offering a deal so you would take it, if she said you shouldn't do that then it kind of sounds like she's trying to get some extra cash an rather than you paying the club an she's just getting wages then she's also getting your money plus her wages which sounds a bit dodgy

She might seem lovely but tbh she's kind of conned you out of your money, she's not taking the job seriously, shes messing around with not having workouts sorted an updated as you go, she's never there (any other workplace would be given warnings or firing staff if they took a ton of time off) an she's talked you into paying her directly than through a club

Sometimes you have to think how would you tell someone else what to do if they told you they had this problem, look at it from a outsiders view

Sorry I didn't see your reply earlier.

Yeah when I first started we discussed times before I signed up and we agreed two 7am sessions a week, I think I probably got three of these. She just put people in her diary as and when where as my friend goes to a PT at another gym and gets the same slot each week. I tended to move things around to try and get her in but I am beyond that now.

I spoke to her over Christmas as said work have asked me to start earlier and could she do 6pm once week, and it wasn't a problem but as yet she has not made it.

I think her other clients like it as they don't pay the club premium, but it means I can't even move to someone else or raise it with them. She spends most of the time moaning about the job, and he newest boyfriend.

I think I need to see her as someone I have 'employed'. I know she doesn't get paid that well and I think she's taken on too many clients to sub her income. I just need to work out how to say it!

 

[rainbowlemon]

Sketchers are apparently great. My Mum, MIL and SIL swear by them.

I realise my privilege by saying this is a problem but I’m going to go for it… we’re lucky enough to have a cleaner, we’ll call her Jane. Yesterday my 2yr old child walked into the bedroom and said “Jane tidied up bed” -it’d been made and sheets changed.
Child loves Jane, Jane counts them as a grandchild, they give Jane a kiss goodbye, she came to their bday party, always excited that Jane is coming and to show her things, Jane is family.
But I don’t want my child to think that a cleaner is ‘normal’. Child helps mummy with laundry, knows ‘tidy up’ etc. Also knows mummy works for “Dave” who is our friend and people have jobs but do I explain it’s Jane’s job while Mummy plays? Just generally don’t know how to address it? Any advice would be appreciated.

You could say sometimes people just need extra help in the house. I think two is too young personally to be worried. The banker family next door had a nanny and a cleaner. I’ve had people in school with drivers and one with two bodyguards.
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The Jaqueline Wilson books are actually really good for examples of different families.

 

[Snowjoke]

I need to break up with my PT and I do not know how to do it.

I signed up 4 months before my wedding last year, I bought 40 sessions with her in the idea I would do 2 a week. She is also the gym manager and ended up cancelling so many of them due to having to cover, being ill ect. So I ended up having over 20 sessions left after my wedding. I managed to get some in before Christmas but to be honest she has been pretty useless again. There is little effort, it's just made up on the spot. No progression in weights as she can't remember what we did last session. I have 10 sessions left, pre paid and I just want to call it a day. She hasn't seen me since Christmas as she couldn't fit me in as I need afternoons due to my hours changing at work and then she was ill.

I tried before Christmas and asked if her other clients wanted to buy them, as she has done to me when people have been ill etc. but she never did it. I have paid her directly instead of through the club, which she shouldn't do but she did me a deal and seems to do it with most of her clients.

It's awkward as it's likely I will still see her in the gym and she is really lovely but I think she's got a bit complacent, most of her clients see her for the social side of it. She is always willing to try and make the sessions work and even offered me her guest membership when I mentioned I might need to leave but when it comes to it she cancels more often than not and to be honest I have just lost the want for it.

I would definitely say you want to end the Pt and say you know you still have around 10 sessions left which have been paid for. Possibly say, could you get a fixed time day/time each week until these are used up.. or say to put the money from those towards your gym membership fee. If she’s not forthcoming about those I’d probably say your going to have to take the loss on 10 sessions I hate the break up with PTs

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Depends on the type. mine is brick and I'm having it removed with a hammer and chisel but the brick surround will stay in place.


..........










I keep making duvet mistakes

I used to buy duvets and they were nice with a little weight and stayed flat but the last few have been so lightweight ( even the winter ones) that they wont stay flat but bundle up in the cover also the fabric isn't like fabric at all more like the paper dresses and knickers from the 60s/70s . I am looking for the older types with prober fabric and a little weight to them.

Help!! please point me in the right direction without having to spend a fortune

I have a feather duvet that I love from M&S but this will never lie flat and your bed will always look like you haven’t properly made it! I’m used to it now though
We also have the most amazing soft duvet I bought of amazon and it weren’t even that expensive, a Slumberdown Cosy Nights Kingsize cost £18.70 in Sept

 

[Frenchie]

Would anyone have any advice how to go about asking the GP for something for anxiety. I know it sounds so basic but I have really bad health anxiety so even ringing them is a big deal for me

Do they have a website?
My daughter is the same and she contacts them this way instead x

 

[stardust1]

I fear it is too late now it has gone to the debt company . It is totally unreasonable though.

I have reported to ombudsman. I can hand on heart say I never received anything until last week about it. He is trying to give me a ‘one off offer discount’ for £1300they keep threatening with court but i just found 6 emails where I told them the meter was faulty in 2020

 

[littlepup]

Does hanging clothes on a radiator to dry damage the radiators? Or would it take years and years to start damaging

I don't think it damages them, they're filled with water after all, but things like these are good 2 Pack of 4 Bar Radiator Airer Dryer Clothes Drying Rack Rail Towel Holder Hang L48xH38cm : Amazon.co.uk: Home & Kitchen there're different designs (and much cheaper at The Range) but the principle to lift them away might help you not to worry

 

[CoffeeMamma]

I really wouldn’t worry- just say that you have some spare money at the end of the week and you chose to spend it on a cleaner to help out. You could spend it on clothes, nails or nights out so it’s not a privilege issue I don’t think.

I work for a family (I can’t really explain how without giving away a huge part of who I am IRL) and I love being a part of them. The littlest one is 2 and I say I’m “mummy’s friend who helps out”. Honestly Jane will be happy it’s such a big part of your life.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I am really freaked out right now.

I have a little safe next to my apartment door. It was originally meant for a spare key I case I get locked out since I live on my own. I have decided to leave it empty, so there’s no key in it. The safe has a tiny black window (like a blind) hides the digits to enter the code. You have to pull it down to enter your code.

I always have this blind set up to hide the digits behind it. I never leave the digits visible. I can see the safe every time I walk in or out the apartment.

I returned from work today and the blind was down as if someone had tried to enter the code and couldn’t get it right, so just up and left without pulling up the blind to hide the digits.

The code left on it seems to be a variation of my birthday (it could have very well been me toying with it a few weeks ago but I always pull the little blind to hide the digits). The thing is I always have the blind up to hide to digits, so if I’d left them visible, I would have noticed.

I’m now really worried. I’m trying to recall if I may have left the digits visible at some point but I would have noticed if I did.

It could just be somebody messing about or it could be a chancer. But seeing as you don't keep a key in it I wouldn't worry. I've always thought those things are a terrible idea as they are so easy to break into

 

[Rxt156]

This one is a random one but I’ve tried everything my friends have suggested:
My hair is SO greasy. I assumed build up so used a remover and it left me with the most dry, itchy scalp but still super greasy hair! I’ve also tried enough shampoos to open my own review links. My scalp remains dry and itchy but my hair a greasy mess. Send help!

Dry shampoo to soak up the oils?

 

[Rxt156]

I need to break up with my PT and I do not know how to do it.

I signed up 4 months before my wedding last year, I bought 40 sessions with her in the idea I would do 2 a week. She is also the gym manager and ended up cancelling so many of them due to having to cover, being ill ect. So I ended up having over 20 sessions left after my wedding. I managed to get some in before Christmas but to be honest she has been pretty useless again. There is little effort, it's just made up on the spot. No progression in weights as she can't remember what we did last session. I have 10 sessions left, pre paid and I just want to call it a day. She hasn't seen me since Christmas as she couldn't fit me in as I need afternoons due to my hours changing at work and then she was ill.

I tried before Christmas and asked if her other clients wanted to buy them, as she has done to me when people have been ill etc. but she never did it. I have paid her directly instead of through the club, which she shouldn't do but she did me a deal and seems to do it with most of her clients.

It's awkward as it's likely I will still see her in the gym and she is really lovely but I think she's got a bit complacent, most of her clients see her for the social side of it. She is always willing to try and make the sessions work and even offered me her guest membership when I mentioned I might need to leave but when it comes to it she cancels more often than not and to be honest I have just lost the want for it.

She will get in trouble for undercutting as well. She shouldn’t be taking money from clients in this way, it should all be done through the club. Defo complain and she will get what she deserves

 

[Rxt156]

what kind of bottoms were you fancying?

Jeans. Probably black

get it in a bright or light colour (ie a nice blue, pink, cream) and pair it with a plain top and skinny jeans. always my go-to with blazers anyway! you can dress up then with heels and accessories, or keep more casual.

try to avoid a black, as that instantly looks more formal.

thank you
Boohoo have got some bright ones. Pink blue or green. Love them but theyre so bold. Defo will avoid black thank you

 

[Lonewolf]

I think in this time of his life I'd encourage him to do what he enjoys.

It really does depend on what he wants in the future but in my personal experience (and I know it's not in every industry) I've never had to explain my GCSE choices and employers haven't really bothered asking, ever. I see GCSEs as a stepping stone personally.

Are there any other subjects he wants to study or is he certain on music?

He was interested in doing history but this music course takes up too much time for him to do both,

He doesn't know what he wants to do in the future and tbh I don't blame him as what 16yr olds really do and I know interests can change.

I think your right I should just let him do what he enjoys for now, there's so much pressure on them anyway and I really don't want too add to it at home.

Thanks @User_name_100
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What you do in college doesn’t necessarily have an impact on what you can go on to do. If he wants to go to university, a lot of courses just accept on points. There’s a lot of expectation and pressure for kids to know what they want to do without experiencing anything with a fear of if they don’t make the right decision they’ve messed up.
In a lot of industries, not even the subject of your degree matters. I work in marketing, doing statistics and don’t have a stats degree. I had a Psychology degree and learnt how to spin the things I did into key skills for jobs. When I hire for my team I very rarely look at qualifications anymore.
Leave him with it - if he doesn’t like it or has doubts he’d be more likely open up to you and talk about it or change direction than if he feels like his choice isn’t supported.

Thanks @Sunflower91

This is it really isn't it we are so pressured into this way of thinking by the education system that you have to get certain scores to succeed and do well in life.

I'm stressing for him and he's probably stressing himself.

Thank you both for your kind comments

 

[LaBlonde]

God that is my worst nightmare. More the chats or just leave them on ‘read’ without a reply. She will get the hint if you keep not replying. Think she needs to get a life personally lol

fully agree with this @minceheed - how long have you been friends because this sounds like a nightmare and you’re being way way more patient with it than i would be

i would both mute the chats and hide her from viewing your insta stories etc if she takes these as an invite to contact you. i know you’ve said you’ve already spoken to her but, if you want to continue the friendship, i would have another word and make it clear that you can’t sustain constant messaging all day. you need your own space and she has to respect that.

 

[shadowcat5]

In relation to the part of your post under the spoiler. You don't happen to suffer with migraines do you? The only reason I ask is that I have a weird type of migraine condition and one of the symptoms connected to it was that I'd (having never really suffered with pmt previously) become so suicidally depressed I couldn't get out of bed. This was only during the 24 hours before my period started and would happen suddenly like flicking a switch and lift just as quickly once my period began. It was incredibly frightening because it was so sudden and the feeling was overwhelming. Between that and severe ovulation pain I decided going on the depo injection was the only way to manage it.

I don't suffer from migraines but m depression is the same. It's like one night I am like that and the next day I am back to my cheery self. It is so jarring!

I don't really get period pain but I get IBS pain. Since stopping the pill though I have noticed a pain in my right side and that my reflux is back. I haven't had to take reflux medicine for over a year. I am going to ring the doctors tomorrow about it and see what the best thing going forward is.

Thank you for replying also!

 

[Blue1989]

Thinking of you @Carapop, and your Mum x

This is so stupid but has anyone got any advice for a decent washing up liquid? I am happy for natural alternatives as well.
I’ve used Asda own brand and fairy but both have been absolute shite, my £3 bottle doesn’t last long at all as they don’t seem to bubble until I’ve put a lot in. I’ve tried different scrubbing utensils too but it’s not that

I Know this was posted ages ago but Aldi washing up liquid in the silver bottle. It's amazing. I find fairy awful, most own brands useless...but the Aldi one in the silver bottle bubbles really well.

 

[littlepup]

I have tried Mitchum and it worked great, then had to have another go on the prescription stuff. I was thinking about a change but not if I’m going to be wet and smelly

The very strong ones just make me irritated and itchy. If you know one that’s not irritating please do share.
Re Wild, just my personal experience obvs. If you did want to try, I got a trial pack, 3 lipstick size, only pay p&p so £4ish. I can’t see it now, probably limited offer, but keep an eye, they may do it again.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Thanks everyone for their help. It appears that the damp problem is actually a condensation problem

We have this - absolutely caught be by surprise in our new house as didn’t have same problem at our previous property.
We bought a dehumidifer and it’s really brought the humidity in the house down. We got an Avalla from Robert Dyas.