The advice thread for random problems #2

[stardust1]

Thanks everyone, i am a 34F but I am a size 8 waist so I always feel like im lugging melons about with mei will have a look at the wonder bra, I really want some nice clothes for my hols but I just feel like my boobs fall out of everything 🥲
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I have one from George Asda, I've tried a few an none seem to do anything, this one is ok, it has that gel like stuff around the edge that sort of sticks to the skin, but honestly I feel like there's hardly anything out there good for bigger boobs, I'd love to just chop mine off an be done with them

It’s funny because I would chop mine off too but my sister is a B cup and would do anything for big boobs

 

[shadowcat5]

Hello!
This isn’t my problem. This is my friends. She has given me full permission to post. I will also give my opinion at the end. Just to see (for arguments sake between us both!) who agrees with me.
So my friend matched online with someone. This was quite a while back. Before the summer holidays. They spoke the whole time during the summer holidays however due to them both having busy lives. They never met. My friend has children. She also has a busy job. As does this man. There seems to be a bit of an age gap between the two of them. 5 years or so. Although I am not so sure on who is the younger one. I’m inclined to say him, due to his actions. Previously, I would say he displayed a few red flags. They had argued over something she shared on social media about ex’s. At this point he didn’t follow her but did seem to snoop her to be able to see this. He has said quite a few emotionally manipulative things (in my opinion) such as “Oh I didn’t think you’d like me like that” “Nobody ever wants me” “I always feel like I’m not good enough and never going to be happy” “I’m not gonna mess this up”. All this before actually meeting! They finally met this weekend and slept together. Prior to meeting she felt he was being a bit “off with her” as replies were a bit scarce. However he does work and was poorly. But he has always replied to her messages. Then they met this weekend and seemed to have a good time. They did sleep together. However once sleeping together he didn’t leave until he really had too. He spent a lot of time “chilling” with her. He even gave her cuddles and kisses with no sexual intent. Now, the crux (I think) is the original plans changed last minute as she had a particularly bad day. She’s recently got a puppy who was ripping up her flooring. Her kids had been particularly bad. So she left the house and booked a hotel. She paid for the hotel herself. Since they parted ways they have remained in regular contact. He messages her “Good morning” every day. If the chat ever goes a bit stale he will keep it going by saying something completely new. Such as ranting about his job, or asking what she’s up to, or something. He has also said on more than one occasion he finds her very attractive. He’s told her he likes her. He’s said multiple times he would be happy to see her again. However she feels he’s a bit ‘off’. He has also brought up the fact that she paid for the hotel a few times and he said “he feels bad” about it. However she paid online and didn’t give him a chance to pay. By the sounds of it he can be quite soft and affectionate. Whereas she has been hurt quite a few times and so she’s quite blunt and cold. He has previously opened up to her about him being scared of getting hurt.
So her question is, what do we think is going on here with him?

My opinion is she needs to give him a bit more time. He had every opportunity to come up with an excuse why he didn’t want to see her again. He has chosen not too. He also could leave the chat when it goes dry. He chooses to find ways to keep it going. However he is poorly. Apparently he’s off work at the moment due to being poorly. However I’m torn between him being a bit embarrassed that she paid for things. She has a good job in the NHS. And is generally a generous person. And he’s also a bit apprehensive about being hurt, as she’s quite a cold person which I would imagine is hard for him to deal with if he’s quite a soft and sarcastic person. It takes a while to get her humour. I know it took me a while when I first met her.

I'm going to be real here, nothing you've said gives me the impression that your friend is keen on him. It could be the way you've worded it of course.

My advice would be if she feels something is off then to listen to that and really analyse it. What exactly is it that she doesn't like? Or is it that maybe she's not ready to commit yet? Ultimately, she is allowed to ditch him if she's not feeling it for any reason however stupid. I say this because women often get told to give it a chance when we aren't keen.

 

[Some People!]

I'm getting new flooring so wanted this done before that. I've always been very good at DIY -even built my own kitchen 20 years ago- but now I can't do it as I don't have the arm strength anymore.

The surround is also brick.

Ah, gotcha. This is likely "handyman" territory, so I'd say have a crack at it yourself and if the mallet doesn't do all the work for you, any handy type could probably knock it out for you.
You'll definitely need the ex-hearth part filled decently level before the floor is laid - depending on who's laying it, they might refuse to do it if it's at all lumpy (I've experienced similar, fuming).

As for the finish to the brick surround, if it's not already painted I'd suggest painting it so that you can fill any digs/ holes/gaps with any old crappy polyfiller and paint over it.
If it wouldn't look mental with your set-up, you could even continue a matching skirting board around the brickwork that you're left with, thereby negating the need for a great deal of fixing after knocking the hearth out.

Hopefully the hearth isn't deep solid concrete or anything - that would certainly present a much bigger problem which would probably be beyond our capabilities to level.

 

[Slaybutter]

Don’t have a date at home then! Frankly banishing her mum upstairs in the own house is rude, she should be grateful the was aloud the privacy. She could have got off her arse to talk to her mum instead of text.

OP I think you need to set some rules. Being treated that way in your own home is not ok. Why are walking on egg shell when she’s in a mood, she is 23 not 13!

I mean I get where you’re coming from but I assume she’s living at home to save money? Most young people have to these days. She probably wants to make a good impression on her boyfriend & ideally move in with him / out of her mother’s home at some point. If he’s the right guy he will focus on just his girlfriend and not circumstantial people. I definitely think if I went over to a guy’s house though and his mother did exactly the same things described, I wouldn’t be rushing to spend more time there. I also think it’s almost more okay for parents to behave that way when you’re a teenager but as you grow older you want to feel like your parents are as invested in making a good impression on a potential life partner as you are. The poster could have just as easily not said anything or waited to ask her daughter what they had to eat whenever it was that the guy left.

 

[Mamacita]

Just a quick question. I booked and paid for a treatment for my sister on Thursday at 2pm- ish They have a strict 48hour cancellation policy. They are normally closed on mondays + saturdays. She tried to call them today to cancel as she got offered a work shift which she accepted, but they are unexpectedly closed. I told her to email them today. What are the chances they will give a refund?

She is upset about it but I told her it didn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Their usual deposit is 50% but I asked if I could pay in full as it's our usual place and I didn't want her to worry about paying.

Sounds like she gave them 48h notice!

 

[JoeBloggs]

I didn't realise there was quite high fees, I might rethink as I wouldn't be taken much for things, just a few pound, but I'd still need to make a profit

Look up Etsy fee calculator and that will give you and idea.

 

[Slaybutter]

@Lonewolf There’s a government website in my country that aggregates useful information such as salary, education, and outlook in a multitude of fields. It could serve as inspiration for him to learn which jobs are out there in the world and direct his studies.

This is the directory: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/

This is the page on musicians: https://www.bls.gov/ooh/entertainment-and-sports/musicians-and-singers.htm


ETA: I agree with the posters about being supportive. I think that’s the best route instead of filling him with doubt. He might be passionate about music internally.

 

[HoGi]

Had an unexpected eye op today and been told not to carry shopping, bend down etc which is a bit difficult as a non driver so decided to have an Asda delivery which have never had before.
Done all the slot stuff and payment but have no idea what will happen when it is delivered. Is it in bags, in trays, will I have to empty it whilst the drivers is there etc. Help thanks.

Normally in trays that you empty at the door.

They used to bring it through to your kitchen if you asked. Not sure if they are doing this post covid though.

If there is an option to put delivery notes maybe put in there that you have had an eye op and can't carry heavy bags so please carry through to kitchen?

 

[Dogtanian]

Could really do with some advice as I’m majorly overthinking!

Had an initial phone interview for a job on Friday. It was with the head of the company and he said he really liked the sound of my experience and wanted to invite me in to meet the team and have a further interview.

He said he’d ask another member of the team to get in touch and arrange this and it should be within 24 hours. Although this was Friday lunch time and they don’t work weekends.

It’s now Tuesday and I’ve not heard yet. I’m aware they’re probably super busy and it’s someone else in the team I’m supposed to be hearing from, so I don’t wanna seem clingy. But I’m paranoid they might have forgotten or not got my email right or something and I wanna show I’m keen.

So do you think it’s too soon to send a follow up email?

Not too soon and I'd be doing the same.

 

[Ro98]

Any ideas how I can improve my skin on holidays/hot weather? I look around and see these sunkissed beauties and I look boiled with huge pores. I use heliocare facial sunscreen but I just look greasy as hell. I’m fine the rest of the year.

Every sunscreen I’ve ever used on my face has brought me out in spots / made me look so greasy on holiday.
Last year I started using this one by Vichy, I use it all year round and on holidays. Wore it in Greece with temps of 30+ last august and as a pale person never burnt.
Tiny bottle last me about 6months of everyday use, you only need a small amount.

 

[Snippysnips]

I've been ill for the past couple of weeks and it's scaring me. I had a blood test about 2 months ago and nothing was wrong except low iron. Would long Covid show up on a blood test? I've been feeling increased tiredness since having Covid in January.

Right now I feel drugged more than tired - you know that feeling where your eyes are closing? I can sleep for 12+ hours and am still unable to function during the day. I'm dizzy and my legs feel shaky when I walk across the room. I haven't washed my hair for about 2 weeks! I can't cook anything. I feel out of it & have brain fog. Have also been feeling sick in the evenings for some reason. I thought it might be PMS but it seems a bit extreme for PMS. I have no other symptoms of a virus. I don't want to bother the GP again after nothing showed on the blood test, but I can't think what these symptoms might be?

Do you know how low your iron was? It could be worth finding out an if you can get over the counter stuff or be proscribed anything, low iron can definitely make you feel this way especially if you are also anemic, I'd ask how your vitamin d levels as well as it can cause this

Stress an anxiety can also cause this, I'd definitely speak with your gp again an get more info, also it may help to change your diet a little, eat more foods that's good for iron levels an slow energy release foods

I went through this as well an got blood tests an every time I was just told they couldn't find anything other than low iron an a vitamin d deficiency, I started taking daily vitamin d tablets as well as a iron supplement (was feroglobin liquid it was called) an also tried to keep my sleep on a schedule an monitor my stress an anxiety levels (I always noticed a dip in energy when I was bad) an I changed my diet up a little, I noticed a huge difference in my mood an energy with that

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

This one is a random one but I’ve tried everything my friends have suggested:
My hair is SO greasy. I assumed build up so used a remover and it left me with the most dry, itchy scalp but still super greasy hair! I’ve also tried enough shampoos to open my own review links. My scalp remains dry and itchy but my hair a greasy mess. Send help!

This is a bit random but how old are you? Only because I hit a particular age and suddenly my hair is the total opposite to how it used to be. My point being maybe it could be hormonal?

Also, if your scalp is dry yet the hair is greasy, I think that means your scalp might be producing extra oil. Therefore you have to treat the dryness not the oil. (I think that's right but an actual hairdresser might be able to confirm - or tell us it's bollocks ).

I hope you find something that helps.

 

[Milktray]

I’m struggling to believe this is real. If there was anything, anything at all they could do to stop their baby crying and waking at 3am they would be doing it. I’m not sure what you think they can possibly do? Or what they’re not doing? It’s not fun for them, the baby is distressed. Are you implying they should switch the bedrooms for your sake? What solution do you suggest?!

If someone came to me with this complaint I’d not feel embarrassed or awkward, I’d be furious at their ignorance.

I was mortified after being told my baby had a good set of lungs at night.

I would have preferred to feel furious at their ignorance but personally I had a bit of depression and felt like it was my fault my baby was screaming...I felt like a massive failure.

Broken sleep is hell though, so I do feel for the poster. As you say, nothing can be done and it's a case of 'riding it out'.

 

[Hollyweirdone]

Hello everyone!

I wanted to make a thread about home security but I think I'm too new a member to do that so I've found this thread, I hope you all don't mind!

I'm a single mum, live with my three little ones in a nice area with lovely neighbours. However, this week a couple of nasty break ins have happened in the local area (one included them bringing a knife!) and it's really got me thinking about how safe I am.

My windows are composite triple glazed, my front door is composite, non snap locks & no glazing with a ring door bell and I'm fully insured.

However the problem is my back door is a very old wooden frame (that's falling to bits), wooden door, old mortice lock, with a large single glazed window and it's giving me the heebies.

Between that door and upstairs there are two more downstairs internal doors.

I'm just starting to worry all the time about what could happen..especially coming up to Xmas and darker nights. Has anyone got any ideas on how I can make myself feel a bit safer (on a budget!), I can't change the door (cost).

Welcome any ideas x x

These are great:

https://a.co/d/geZ074s

https://a.co/d/fFr7rq9

Place an old pair of men garden shoes by the door (thrift store)
A guard dog sign.
Or a motion sensing dog barking alarm.

 

[Snippysnips]

I just added a dollop of yoghurt to her kibble and she ate the lot is my dog ... spoiled?

Lol sometimes I think if they see people food they just eat it regardless if they like it or not, mines used to get the spare sausages if I done them for dinner, or some plain ice cream

Is it dry kibble she gets? Sometimes mines would refuse to eat because it was always dry kibble, the pet shop does dog gravy I sometimes put in his dinner an he would eat no probs

Glad she ate though

 

[Sunflower91]

I have a friend who I’ve known since school. A few years ago she seemed happily in a relationship and was engaged to be married to a guy. Next thing you know it’s over - she ended it because she had feelings for a colleague. It’s since come out that the guy she was engaged to was controlling and abusive. In contrast this other guy seemed kinder, supportive and not controlling. But he also has a wife and children. From day 1 he’s insisted to my friend that there’s nothing between him and his wife, that they don’t love each other and they’re only staying together because financially it’s easier. When the workplace found out about this affair, my friend was punished and nothing happened to the guy. He insists his wife knows he’s seeing my friend.

This “relationship” has gone on for years now. None of the friendship group condone it or think this dude is a good guy. I think at first he probably seemed nice and supportive but I’ve seen him be really awful and negative to her. We also don’t believe things are over between him and his wife or that she knows this is going on. I try to not be judgy with my friend or say things they would push her away, because my gut feel is that this guy is worse than her ex and controlling in more of a subtle/ subversive way. I think he’d love nothing more for her to have no one but him.

It’s getting really hard to keep being there for support though, they have argued regularly for the last 2 years. My friend wants to settle down with him, have kids etc. And he keeps skirting around it and saying he can’t leave his wife due to money. Questioning why his kids aren’t good enough. My friend knows none of us like him, we think he’s a liar and his wife doesn’t know. It’s hard watching him chip away at her and keep reeling her back in and having his cake and eating it while me and another friend pick up the pieces every other week and try all sorts to convince her to leave him. I found his wife’s socials and it’s getting really hard to not message and say “hey, this is going on- do you actually know about it?” But I don’t want the drama or backlash from it. I just want my friend back, far away from him and to find someone who isn’t a total piece of shit.

 

[Slaybutter]

Does anybody know a way to get mildew/mould spots off fabric garden cushions?. We had a cover on them but they have little spots on!!. I have tried white vinegar and vanish!. Also cannot machine wash them.

Thanks!

If you have a large tub, could give this a try:

 

[TheSlayer]

It’s the same thing when a credit card company (usually) come after someone after 20 years. They are disbarred from pursuing after 6 but many people don’t know. You engage after threatening letters and you are back on the hook.

So sorry for the medical worries but that (and a baby) is a howitzer weapon against their puny potato gun.

The truth of a 2 year old debt that never was, the added stress of your problems and them disregarding (even if you only mentioned in passing) and they will fold. You may get an apology or a bunch of flowers

Do NOT let this get you down. They don’t have (on what you have said) a leg to stand on.

 

[TwooTwooTwitTwitTwoo]

Counselling will definitely help. You sound a lot like me I think I am quite a sensitive and emotional person. The two are a bad mix Sometimes I float along and everything is ok but when I get really overwhelmed it all comes out at once and my mind doesn’t really know how to process it. Over time I’ve kinda learned that I need to know when I’m coming to the point of overwhelm so I try to stop that from happening. I think a lot of it is understanding how it happens and how you get to that point and noticing any patterns. Sounds basic but that has really helped me.

Thank you. It's good to know I'm not alone.
I have managed it for years but there's an enormous amount going on in my life at the moment and I seem to have hit maximum capacity.

 

[JoeBloggs]

That would be brilliant. I have ordered some WD40 with the straw but would rather not have to use that.

@JoeBloggs I did it! Thanks to you for letting me know that yes they are stiff, it gave me the courage to use a little more force. So thank you

Fabulous. I was just going to say it’s a case of brute force and upwards! The water tank needs to come off at a little angle. Up and back.