Got my colonoscopy today and I'm really really scared
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Thinking of you and hope it goes well xx
i feel the same <3
Feel so alone I have an older sister that lives in another country, don’t see much of her as she barely comes back to the uk so we aren’t particularly close, but she’s always made more of an effort with my younger brother, last year she asked him to go away with her, her husband and 2 kids, she never invited me and my daughter along despite being on my own as a single mom, anyway he couldn’t make it but still she never asked me, she makes zero effort and is generally quite a selfish person tbh , anyway just found out she’s arranged to meet up with my brother and sister in law (minus any kids) in London 
again I never get asked always the black sheep of the family and left out of things!
again I never get asked always the black sheep of the family and left out of things!I’ve recently found something out and it’s left me feeling… I don’t even know. Shocked, devastated, embarrassed I guess. It happened when I was a child but I’ve only just found out what really happened the last few days and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. And I really wasn’t supposed to find out so I can’t even talk to someone about it.
When I was about 5 or 6, my aunt got married. I’ve always known there was some type of issue around it but didn’t know exactly what. I know my parents had gone to it thinking it was an adults only event but were shocked to find the wedding full of kids when their invite had specified them only.
Anyway turns out there was a reason. My sister and I have albinism. My aunt didn’t want us there ruining the pictures apparently. I guess she thought we were so off putting, so hideous to be part of the day.
When I found out, I just felt this huge sinking feeling. I’ll be honest, I’ve welled up a few times thinking of it. I mean, it’s not the first time my sister or I been treated poorly or unkindly because of our disability but this feels different. And I think the fact too that we were children as well. And the fact that it’s from family. I just feel so down about it and so humiliated. Like at some point there was a conversation about how bad it would be if we ended up in pictures? Or, we’re just there? And I just keep thinking how many people knew? Did anyone say anything?
And here’s the thing, it’s not about being sour that I wasn’t invited. I was so young I probably wouldn’t have even remembered going. I just feel like I was rejected for having a disability. I’ve always thought having albinism at least didn’t matter to my family. I know with my immediate family it doesn’t. But now I’m questioning what my aunt thinks of me. And what about other members of the family? If I didn’t know about this, what else have they said about my sister and I? Just makes me feel like some kind of freak. Or something they’re ashamed of.
Anyway, sorry that got a bit rambly. Hopefully it made sense. I just really needed to say something
When I was about 5 or 6, my aunt got married. I’ve always known there was some type of issue around it but didn’t know exactly what. I know my parents had gone to it thinking it was an adults only event but were shocked to find the wedding full of kids when their invite had specified them only.
Anyway turns out there was a reason. My sister and I have albinism. My aunt didn’t want us there ruining the pictures apparently. I guess she thought we were so off putting, so hideous to be part of the day.
When I found out, I just felt this huge sinking feeling. I’ll be honest, I’ve welled up a few times thinking of it. I mean, it’s not the first time my sister or I been treated poorly or unkindly because of our disability but this feels different. And I think the fact too that we were children as well. And the fact that it’s from family. I just feel so down about it and so humiliated. Like at some point there was a conversation about how bad it would be if we ended up in pictures? Or, we’re just there? And I just keep thinking how many people knew? Did anyone say anything?
And here’s the thing, it’s not about being sour that I wasn’t invited. I was so young I probably wouldn’t have even remembered going. I just feel like I was rejected for having a disability. I’ve always thought having albinism at least didn’t matter to my family. I know with my immediate family it doesn’t. But now I’m questioning what my aunt thinks of me. And what about other members of the family? If I didn’t know about this, what else have they said about my sister and I? Just makes me feel like some kind of freak. Or something they’re ashamed of.
Anyway, sorry that got a bit rambly. Hopefully it made sense. I just really needed to say something
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I’m so very sorry this has happened to you.I’ve recently found something out and it’s left me feeling… I don’t even know. Shocked, devastated, embarrassed I guess. It happened when I was a child but I’ve only just found out what really happened the last few days and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. And I really wasn’t supposed to find out so I can’t even talk to someone about it.
When I was about 5 or 6, my aunt got married. I’ve always known there was some type of issue around it but didn’t know exactly what. I know my parents had gone to it thinking it was an adults only event but were shocked to find the wedding full of kids when their invite had specified them only.
Anyway turns out there was a reason. My sister and I have albinism. My aunt didn’t want us there ruining the pictures apparently. I guess she thought we were so off putting, so hideous to be part of the day.
When I found out, I just felt this huge sinking feeling. I’ll be honest, I’ve welled up a few times thinking of it. I mean, it’s not the first time my sister or I been treated poorly or unkindly because of our disability but this feels different. And I think the fact too that we were children as well. And the fact that it’s from family. I just feel so down about it and so humiliated. Like at some point there was a conversation about how bad it would be if we ended up in pictures? Or, we’re just there? And I just keep thinking how many people knew? Did anyone say anything?
And here’s the thing, it’s not about being sour that I wasn’t invited. I was so young I probably wouldn’t have even remembered going. I just feel like I was rejected for having a disability. I’ve always thought having albinism at least didn’t matter to my family. I know with my immediate family it doesn’t. But now I’m questioning what my aunt thinks of me. And what about other members of the family? If I didn’t know about this, what else have they said about my sister and I? Just makes me feel like some kind of freak. Or something they’re ashamed of.
Anyway, sorry that got a bit rambly. Hopefully it made sense. I just really needed to say something
Rejection is an awful feeling, even more so if it’s by people we care about.
How did you find out? Was it said to you maliciously?
It might be worth talking it over with your aunt. Is the reason a 100% certainty?
Thank you. I think it threw me so much because it was about my disability. Had it have been something less personal, maybe it wouldn’t have affected me so much.
I didn’t find out in a malicious way. It was actually my sister who told me. I felt awful because apparently she found out as a teenager so that must have been hard.
It does seem pretty certain so I don’t think there’d be much point in bringing it up. I imagine if she were to apologise or anything it would feel more like ‘sorry you found out’ kind of thing.
But I don’t know.
I'm so disappointed in myself. I always compare myself to people who graduated with me and have made big moves and thrive in their career while i only got jobs that are a total joke and currently staying at home... it really affects my self esteem...
Try to look on the other side of the coin too. There will be people doing worse. When I feel like I haven’t achieved enough I remind myself some of my classmates have already passed away and there are a few really struggling and/or homeless.
It puts things in perspective when you don’t compare yourself to the top but seeing how bad things could’ve been
Does anybody else feel super anxious at New Year? I don’t think about all the good things that could happen in the next year, only dread about losing my parents or something awful happening. I’m usually not a negative person but this horrible feeling gets a real grip of me at this time of year. I feel sick with worry.
same
i struggle hugely in the period between christmas and new year (and i HATE new years in general): i can’t focus on anything good and just think about what i didn’t do last year and (like you say) all the horrible stuff that is bound to happen to me next year. i can’t wait until we’re actually into january and the actual new year stuff can stop. sending you lots of love
not long before the night is done and we can move forward xIt’s an awful feeling isn’t itsame
sending you lots of love
and trying to hide it so not to bring others down.Thanks so much 🩷 sending you massive hugs
xxGod I'm exhausted today so need a vent because I can't vent to my partner on this topic.
We went to see his best friend and wife today. I'm going to call her Laura.
Laura and I get along but we don't have much in common, just very different people, nothing bad. However things always get a bit awkward on anything to do with money.
Basically, fiance and I make good money. I probably make what both Laura and her husband do combined. However they have loads of supportive family nearby who do 80% of the childcare for their little boy for free and her stepdad paid for half their wedding. They may not make much but they get support! My fiance and I do not have that sort of support so every expense is paid for by us and usually we end up having to prop up family in emergencies.
I got laid off in early 2023 and was out of work for most of the year so my savings took a hit and our wedding plans got scaled back as much as they could, mostly on things like invites. Rather than go to a stationer, we got a Vistaprint black Friday deal for example. No matter how much money you make, having 9 months with no pay and a wedding to plan/pay for is stressful.
Laura will make comments like "oh I didn't think YOU would even think of something like Vistaprint for your wedding?" or "surely you'll want the Instagram vibe £1000 cake" which I usually just brush off to not cause a scene.
Today though, general talk turns to kids in future and she was saying about how tough money was over mat leave. I'm empathetically nodding along as I'm also worried about that in future when my time comes. My fiance then says something about how I have been saying the same and one thing I was sad about being laid off was that my old company had a great maternity package but that is no more. Laura then turns to me and says, in a pretty aggressive tone, "well you don't need to worry about stuff like that do you? With the amount you two are on??".
Bear in mind, she doesn't actually know how much we make unless she has researched how much our sort of jobs pay.
I was pretty stunned because it felt like she wanted a fight or to prove a point? I said nothing and her husband moved the chat along quickly. We then left not long after.
I just feel like the more time I spend with this girl, the more comments like this come up and the less I like her. Its not like I'm walking in wearing designer clothes or flashing a set of Ferrari keys or something when I see her
I don't know what to do because she is the wife of the guy who will be my future husbands best man so she's gonna be about for a long time!
We went to see his best friend and wife today. I'm going to call her Laura.
Laura and I get along but we don't have much in common, just very different people, nothing bad. However things always get a bit awkward on anything to do with money.
Basically, fiance and I make good money. I probably make what both Laura and her husband do combined. However they have loads of supportive family nearby who do 80% of the childcare for their little boy for free and her stepdad paid for half their wedding. They may not make much but they get support! My fiance and I do not have that sort of support so every expense is paid for by us and usually we end up having to prop up family in emergencies.
I got laid off in early 2023 and was out of work for most of the year so my savings took a hit and our wedding plans got scaled back as much as they could, mostly on things like invites. Rather than go to a stationer, we got a Vistaprint black Friday deal for example. No matter how much money you make, having 9 months with no pay and a wedding to plan/pay for is stressful.
Laura will make comments like "oh I didn't think YOU would even think of something like Vistaprint for your wedding?" or "surely you'll want the Instagram vibe £1000 cake" which I usually just brush off to not cause a scene.
Today though, general talk turns to kids in future and she was saying about how tough money was over mat leave. I'm empathetically nodding along as I'm also worried about that in future when my time comes. My fiance then says something about how I have been saying the same and one thing I was sad about being laid off was that my old company had a great maternity package but that is no more. Laura then turns to me and says, in a pretty aggressive tone, "well you don't need to worry about stuff like that do you? With the amount you two are on??".
Bear in mind, she doesn't actually know how much we make unless she has researched how much our sort of jobs pay.
I was pretty stunned because it felt like she wanted a fight or to prove a point? I said nothing and her husband moved the chat along quickly. We then left not long after.
I just feel like the more time I spend with this girl, the more comments like this come up and the less I like her. Its not like I'm walking in wearing designer clothes or flashing a set of Ferrari keys or something when I see her
I don't know what to do because she is the wife of the guy who will be my future husbands best man so she's gonna be about for a long time!That sucks! And really just shows her own insecurities. Hopefully your fiancée can back you gently in the moment and you two can be honest with each other (when not with her) about how frankly out of order her assumptions are.
Sounds like she thinks you have an abundance of money and she is jealous. Although, I would rather have the supportive family ( my support network of my parents have both passed) because that is priceless.God I'm exhausted today so need a vent because I can't vent to my partner on this topic.
We went to see his best friend and wife today. I'm going to call her Laura.
Laura and I get along but we don't have much in common, just very different people, nothing bad. However things always get a bit awkward on anything to do with money.
Basically, fiance and I make good money. I probably make what both Laura and her husband do combined. However they have loads of supportive family nearby who do 80% of the childcare for their little boy for free and her stepdad paid for half their wedding. They may not make much but they get support! My fiance and I do not have that sort of support so every expense is paid for by us and usually we end up having to prop up family in emergencies.
I got laid off in early 2023 and was out of work for most of the year so my savings took a hit and our wedding plans got scaled back as much as they could, mostly on things like invites. Rather than go to a stationer, we got a Vistaprint black Friday deal for example. No matter how much money you make, having 9 months with no pay and a wedding to plan/pay for is stressful.
Laura will make comments like "oh I didn't think YOU would even think of something like Vistaprint for your wedding?" or "surely you'll want the Instagram vibe £1000 cake" which I usually just brush off to not cause a scene.
Today though, general talk turns to kids in future and she was saying about how tough money was over mat leave. I'm empathetically nodding along as I'm also worried about that in future when my time comes. My fiance then says something about how I have been saying the same and one thing I was sad about being laid off was that my old company had a great maternity package but that is no more. Laura then turns to me and says, in a pretty aggressive tone, "well you don't need to worry about stuff like that do you? With the amount you two are on??".
Bear in mind, she doesn't actually know how much we make unless she has researched how much our sort of jobs pay.
I was pretty stunned because it felt like she wanted a fight or to prove a point? I said nothing and her husband moved the chat along quickly. We then left not long after.
I just feel like the more time I spend with this girl, the more comments like this come up and the less I like her. Its not like I'm walking in wearing designer clothes or flashing a set of Ferrari keys or something when I see her
She sounds like the green eyed monster is eating her up. Even if you were driving a Ferrari and wearing designer clothes, you earned that money and can spend it on whatever you like, it’s none of her business. I have no solutions because I experience it myself, I do find it therapeutic to stick 2 fingers up at them when we part company though!God I'm exhausted today so need a vent because I can't vent to my partner on this topic.
We went to see his best friend and wife today. I'm going to call her Laura.
Laura and I get along but we don't have much in common, just very different people, nothing bad. However things always get a bit awkward on anything to do with money.
Basically, fiance and I make good money. I probably make what both Laura and her husband do combined. However they have loads of supportive family nearby who do 80% of the childcare for their little boy for free and her stepdad paid for half their wedding. They may not make much but they get support! My fiance and I do not have that sort of support so every expense is paid for by us and usually we end up having to prop up family in emergencies.
I got laid off in early 2023 and was out of work for most of the year so my savings took a hit and our wedding plans got scaled back as much as they could, mostly on things like invites. Rather than go to a stationer, we got a Vistaprint black Friday deal for example. No matter how much money you make, having 9 months with no pay and a wedding to plan/pay for is stressful.
Laura will make comments like "oh I didn't think YOU would even think of something like Vistaprint for your wedding?" or "surely you'll want the Instagram vibe £1000 cake" which I usually just brush off to not cause a scene.
Today though, general talk turns to kids in future and she was saying about how tough money was over mat leave. I'm empathetically nodding along as I'm also worried about that in future when my time comes. My fiance then says something about how I have been saying the same and one thing I was sad about being laid off was that my old company had a great maternity package but that is no more. Laura then turns to me and says, in a pretty aggressive tone, "well you don't need to worry about stuff like that do you? With the amount you two are on??".
Bear in mind, she doesn't actually know how much we make unless she has researched how much our sort of jobs pay.
I was pretty stunned because it felt like she wanted a fight or to prove a point? I said nothing and her husband moved the chat along quickly. We then left not long after.
I just feel like the more time I spend with this girl, the more comments like this come up and the less I like her. Its not like I'm walking in wearing designer clothes or flashing a set of Ferrari keys or something when I see her
It feels like such a first world problem compared to most things but it honestly fills me with dread seeing them now because this is getting more common. And tbh, im sure she isn't enjoying this either!
Will bring it up with my other half later and see how he wants to handle things because I really don't want to make things awkward between him and his best mate but I also just want a grip on before it gets worse!
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Will bring it up with my other half later and see how he wants to handle things because I really don't want to make things awkward between him and his best mate but I also just want a grip on before it gets worse!
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1 million percent! Luckily my family are all still around but they do live in another country so I'd love to have them nearby. I think she underestimates the non-money value in that sort of thing
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I’ve been in the same position and at some point you will need to say something.God I'm exhausted today so need a vent because I can't vent to my partner on this topic.
We went to see his best friend and wife today. I'm going to call her Laura.
Laura and I get along but we don't have much in common, just very different people, nothing bad. However things always get a bit awkward on anything to do with money.
Basically, fiance and I make good money. I probably make what both Laura and her husband do combined. However they have loads of supportive family nearby who do 80% of the childcare for their little boy for free and her stepdad paid for half their wedding. They may not make much but they get support! My fiance and I do not have that sort of support so every expense is paid for by us and usually we end up having to prop up family in emergencies.
I got laid off in early 2023 and was out of work for most of the year so my savings took a hit and our wedding plans got scaled back as much as they could, mostly on things like invites. Rather than go to a stationer, we got a Vistaprint black Friday deal for example. No matter how much money you make, having 9 months with no pay and a wedding to plan/pay for is stressful.
Laura will make comments like "oh I didn't think YOU would even think of something like Vistaprint for your wedding?" or "surely you'll want the Instagram vibe £1000 cake" which I usually just brush off to not cause a scene.
Today though, general talk turns to kids in future and she was saying about how tough money was over mat leave. I'm empathetically nodding along as I'm also worried about that in future when my time comes. My fiance then says something about how I have been saying the same and one thing I was sad about being laid off was that my old company had a great maternity package but that is no more. Laura then turns to me and says, in a pretty aggressive tone, "well you don't need to worry about stuff like that do you? With the amount you two are on??".
Bear in mind, she doesn't actually know how much we make unless she has researched how much our sort of jobs pay.
I was pretty stunned because it felt like she wanted a fight or to prove a point? I said nothing and her husband moved the chat along quickly. We then left not long after.
I just feel like the more time I spend with this girl, the more comments like this come up and the less I like her. Its not like I'm walking in wearing designer clothes or flashing a set of Ferrari keys or something when I see her
After the last passive aggresive comment like that I got I just said “I don’t know why people think we are rolling in it. People don’t know our situation”
Something to that affect and it was never brought up again. Or alternatively ask Mr F to speak to his best friend about the comments. I’m sure if it’s his best friend he probably knows things aren’t all sunshine and roses.
I may take that line and keep it in my back pocket!
But yeah, on the getting the Mr's to chat - I had a chat with my other half about it today and he completely agreed it was out of order yesterday and was going to bring it up with me that he wanted to speak to his mate. He said he didn't think much of previous comments before because he figured it was just in jest or a bit of piss taking but yesterday was a new level.
We kind of analyzed things and came to our conclusion that it has gotten worse since we bought our house as that was probably the realization point for her that we had more money. When they owned a house and we were broke in our tiny rental in Manchester, she probably assumed we were on the same as her. Instead we were just saving to get out of the city!
My family dog died on Saturday morning. I am completely devastated, but mostly worried about my mum as she is in bits and can barely function. I am currently already trying to cope with the loss of my best friend and only went back to work last week. My organisation is incredibly supportive but the way my boss has handled my return to work has not been ideal (talks of changing my role on my 2nd day back!) I know my rights regarding changes to roles when someone is absent (big no no). He is also quite a cold person so I know he won't care about the dog dying.