I’m struggling quite a bit at the moment, I had a really tough Jan - Mar and everything has got on top of me. I can’t make eye contact at the moment and even video calls are too much for me. I had a video call this afternoon and whilst we waited for the chair of the meeting there was some chit chat going on and it was just really annoying me… like even them saying that the clocks go forward on Sunday is a good thing irritated me. Do you ever find yourself between two people and just think get me out of here?! One was mega mega posh as well and her accent could cut glass which i find really jarring too. I imagine she’s nice really but I found her reason for being on the call annoying and then it just went from there. Anyway, through exhaustion I’ve made a complete twit of myself because I am sure everyone is wondering why I couldn’t even look into the screen today when talking. I need a break.
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My 15 month old has completely forgotten how to sleep at night it would seem. This has been going on for weeks.
I know its normal and probably developmental blah blah blah but bleeping hell it is tough. I also know I'm not alone and there's thousands of parents going through this too however its hard not to feel alone when you're sat in your chair in the middle of the night desperately trying to get them off to sleep, only for them to start screaming as soon as they're back in their cot.
I need to vent, because I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I know its normal and probably developmental blah blah blah but bleeping hell it is tough. I also know I'm not alone and there's thousands of parents going through this too however its hard not to feel alone when you're sat in your chair in the middle of the night desperately trying to get them off to sleep, only for them to start screaming as soon as they're back in their cot.
I need to vent, because I don't know how much longer I can take this.
I can totally understand this. It’s partly why I’m self-employed! I cannot do chit chat, it’s so draining.
I think it’s unlikely anyone even thought anything of it, everyone is too busy checking out their own ‘zoom face’ and thinking about their own insecurities. I definitely don’t think you made a twit of yourself!
You’ve identified really well that you are exhausted and need a break. How can you provide that for yourself? Annual leave? Staying somewhere different for even a couple of nights and walking around somewhere you haven’t spent all your time, just for a refresh?
There is a lot of research to support the benefits of offering ourselves self-compassion. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time and that’s part of why you are feeling like this. Acknowledge that it’s difficult and allow even these negative feelings to be there but don’t blame yourself for feeling them. Likely anyone would.
Dr. Kristen Neff has lots of free short guided meditations on self-compassion. I’ve found them helpful when I was feeling very upset and isolated. I hope you feel better soon.
Also, SO many zoom meetings could probably just have been an email.
Thank you, yes I’ve got some time off next week and have been saying to my husband that I would like to do two nights at one of the local hotels that have family rooms. He’s very reticent about it I don’t think he realises just how on the floor my MH is. I will look up Dr Neff, thanks so much for your reply, I genuinely appreciate your words.I can totally understand this. It’s partly why I’m self-employed! I cannot do chit chat, it’s so draining.
I think it’s unlikely anyone even thought anything of it, everyone is too busy checking out their own ‘zoom face’ and thinking about their own insecurities. I definitely don’t think you made a twit of yourself!
You’ve identified really well that you are exhausted and need a break. How can you provide that for yourself? Annual leave? Staying somewhere different for even a couple of nights and walking around somewhere you haven’t spent all your time, just for a refresh?
There is a lot of research to support the benefits of offering ourselves self-compassion. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time and that’s part of why you are feeling like this. Acknowledge that it’s difficult and allow even these negative feelings to be there but don’t blame yourself for feeling them. Likely anyone would.
Dr. Kristen Neff has lots of free short guided meditations on self-compassion. I’ve found them helpful when I was feeling very upset and isolated. I hope you feel better soon.
Also, SO many zoom meetings could probably just have been an email.
I’ve had similar with my partner, we’re both going through stuff and he just doesn’t seek comfort or rest in the same way as me. Plus MH is so personal, sometimes people really just can’t understand.
If a little break doesn’t seem to be a priority for him, could you just make it a priority for you?
I spent literally one night house/plant sitting for a friend and just not being surrounded my stuff and usual situation gave me a slight mental gear change. Still have the same
to deal with but even a few hours outside of routine helped.Go super easy on yourself today and if another dreaded zoom meeting gets into the schedule, maybe you’ll experience an internet outage?!
I remember this well. Sorry they’re not sleeping well/at all and that it’s obviously affecting your sleep too. It’s so exhausting and draining when this happens. Hang on in there
it will hopefully settle back down again soon. Those pesky developmental phases 
I really hope that since you posted this, you’ve managed to get some much needed rest!More and more these days I find that I want constant comfort. I, at one time, could take risks and push myself and feel OK. Now, since covid I think, I just want to be wrapped up, hugging my dog on the sofa and to be left alone by everything. It’s not a problem as such, but it means I struggle to go to work etc as I feel SO anxious and sad all the time when I’m not at home.
I think the reason is covid but also long standing mental health problems that have been made worse after a long period of illness.
I think the reason is covid but also long standing mental health problems that have been made worse after a long period of illness.
I can identify with this. There are definitely things that I ‘don’t want to do’ that once I’ve done them, I realise how important it is to stretch outside of that comfort even briefly, but keep doing it. Be gentle with yourself but also believe that you *can* do difficult, uncomfortable things - because you can and it’s most likely worth it! 🤍
So hard to do but I think you are right!Not a similar situation but I also come from a drama free family. Honestly so lucky growing up.
Then my dad passed away and my mum has become an absolute nightmare. My brother and his wife live with her so it’sna constant source of drama and I’ve found it incredibly difficult to deal with, this is ongoing for 8 years
What I have found is to be supportive to my mum who needs and outlet for her anger/depression/etc but I absolutely do not get involved with their day to day life.
My suggestion would be to do the same. Listen to your mum and be supportive but do not interfere in their relationship. Ultimately they are adults who are also just human, faults and all.
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Yes please delete the app. Find some if the great (positive) threads on here and get involved, as the poster said visit friend or just get out in to nature and smile at people once a day. Do I sound mad? I was very depressed and hated the meds. In the end I started taking saffron supplement and now feel positive and have started to laugh and enjoy things. Good luck xxx
so last year I suggested a close friend and her partner to go on holiday with us, he turned so abusive towards her at night when we were out the first 2 nights then she started dodging us at every chance. We barely spoke and it wasn’t the holiday my friend was planning I noticed a lot of bruising when she walked by us barely able to look at me, at the end of the holiday we never even spoke at airport so I tried several times to arrange meeting up with her after no reply to messages at the time then all of a sudden after weeks I’d get a reply your message was muted dunno why… asked me to go wedding dress shopping booked the time of work… silence again another reply you were muted, am I crazy thinking he gets access to her phone and does this or is she ignoring me? Get a message inviting me to hen party then silence seen recently she had her hen party none of her friends that I recognise but the husband to be stuck there, I’m not seeing anything on my feed unless I go into her timeline. She messaged asking for my address for the invite to be posted but I never got it, I am sick with worry about it I get the feeling he is cutting her off from her friends. Her wedding is coming up this weekend I’m obviously not invited but I can’t stop worrying she making a huge mistake any advice appreciated thanks
Do everything within your power to see her face to face on her own before the wedding. This sounds like Domestic Violence and Coercive Control. Both criminal offences.
Speak to her family. Speak to her other long term friends. If other people see this issue you all need to band together and let her know she has a safety net and people are there to help her if she wants to leave. She might not be able to at this point but if you do it gently, she’ll never forget and will find you when she is able to make a break.
It’s difficult to do this as he has moved her away from the area “half way” between there homes but when I suggest going to. Meet for coffee I don’t get a reply, I don’t know her address she had broke connections with a lot of people in our group of friends but I still kept in touch but was horrified to see this infront of my eyes on holiday
Do you know where her family are? Do you know where she works?
I know were her mother is but she does not be well he sisters are scattered around Iv a fair idea were she works it’s also in a new area to her
If I were you (and obviously you have your own life going on as well) I’d be contacting everyone who properly knows her and voicing your concerns- which to me sound completely valid and very important.
If at all possible, arrange a meeting with her on her own and gently offer your understanding.
I had something similar with a friend (not nearly as bad a situation by the sounds of it) and I offered to help her if she didn’t want to get married. She still did but it ended badly. However when she left him, she knew I’d understand.
If at all possible, arrange a meeting with her on her own and gently offer your understanding.
I had something similar with a friend (not nearly as bad a situation by the sounds of it) and I offered to help her if she didn’t want to get married. She still did but it ended badly. However when she left him, she knew I’d understand.
The problem is no matter how I approach it she doesn’t ever see the wrong she see’s everyone is jealous of her being happy I went through it before advising her about a boy she didn’t listen ended in a row that I was jealous I distanced myself moved on she got back in touch gave her a chance some of the things she said were very hurtful but I forgave that I don’t know if I could go through it all again to end up being the baddy she can be very manipulative
I mean, obviously it’s not up to you to control her or save her or be in charge of her life. Nobody is perfect but also what you saw on holiday sounds like serious domestic abuse and no-one deserves that.
If you are worried enough to be writing here you obviously care, even after what you’ve been through. Hopefully her family care also? Can you seek their opinion and assistance perhaps?
Keep yourself safe though and I hope it’s not too distressing. She’s lucky to have a true friend like you.
I just read about a thing called ‘Claire’s Law’ which means partners can request information about any history of Domestic Violence. Could be worth looking into?Thank you for advice
Hope it’s not weighing too heavily on you still.
I spoke to few mutual friends, had a call from my friend claiming I was trying to ruin her big day and there’s a reason I wasn’t to be at the wedding… slandering her husband to be. The friends I spoke to haven’t been socialising in their company it’s just a quick hello if they happen to see at shop so they have never witnessed anything but are miffed at the fact none of us were invited but acquaintances that she didn’t get on with are invited I didn’t know this. I haven’t been great since speaking to my friend there’s nothing more I can say as she had threatened he will take it legal if he hears anything more, all I did was tell the mutual friend what had happened on holiday and some events that’s is questionable about messages being ignored and muted that she didn’t know about.