Support for anyone that needs to vent #4

[it’s not been changed?!]

I need to vent. Don’t think I’m a tight arse.

Did a volunteering day with work and me and a colleague shared a car with out manager. They can claim back mileage.

Turns out they didn’t put enough money on the parking ticket and they have been sent a £60 fine. Me and my colleague were sat in the car at the time, so don’t know what the machine said, but the manager says it wasn’t very clear (so why didn’t they challenge it or query it. Would there not be a contact number on the machine?)
They rang the local council today and I think the outcome is they need to pay the fine.

My other colleague has offered to contribute towards it (they are a 2 person income household, I'm alone) but I have kept my mouth shut. I know the right thing would be to offer, but I really don’t see why I should? I feel like I won’t hear the end of it, plus the team have been regularly asked to donate to this person’s charity event they were doing, so I’m already irritated by that.

What would you do?

 

[Forallthoseasking]

I need to vent. Don’t think I’m a tight arse.

Did a volunteering day with work and me and a colleague shared a car with out manager. They can claim back mileage.

Turns out they didn’t put enough money on the parking ticket and they have been sent a £60 fine. Me and my colleague were sat in the car at the time, so don’t know what the machine said, but the manager says it wasn’t very clear (so why didn’t they challenge it or query it. Would there not be a contact number on the machine?)
They rang the local council today and I think the outcome is they need to pay the fine.

My other colleague has offered to contribute towards it (they are a 2 person income household, I'm alone) but I have kept my mouth shut. I know the right thing would be to offer, but I really don’t see why I should? I feel like I won’t hear the end of it, plus the team have been regularly asked to donate to this person’s charity event they were doing, so I’m already irritated by that.

What would you do?

Just to clarify, the fine was against the managers car?

In that case, it's their fault, their car, they pay the fines. Id personally be looking at going to the person who deals with expenses or travel in the company (or HR?) for some advice on this situation.

As a manager, if I was them, I'd be forking out the money rather than putting it on my team. Your manager sounds like an arse from this imo

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Just to clarify, the fine was against the managers car?

In that case, it's their fault, their car, they pay the fines. Id personally be looking at going to the person who deals with expenses or travel in the company (or HR?) for some advice on this situation.

As a manager, if I was them, I'd be forking out the money rather than putting it on my team. Your manager sounds like an arse from this imo

Yes, sorry, it’s against their car.
How do I brooch the subject?! I don’t think they will ask me, but as my other colleague is going to offer to contribute, I’ll feel put on the spot.

Another member of our team also got a fine but he held his hands up and said he probably didn’t put enough money on the ticket. He’s paid his, but made a joke this morning about how I should contribute to a third of my manager’s fine! (He brought the letter in and it has a photo of him entering and leaving the car park)

It’s been passed onto the person who arranged the volunteering and all they have said they will make people aware at the next one.

As I said above, my manager has already been dropping heavy hints about making donations to their charity event, so I’m already reluctant to part with anymore money.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Yes, sorry, it’s against their car.
How do I brooch the subject?! I don’t think they will ask me, but as my other colleague is going to offer to contribute, I’ll feel put on the spot.

Another member of our team also got a fine but he held his hands up and said he probably didn’t put enough money on the ticket. He’s paid his, but made a joke this morning about how I should contribute to a third of my manager’s fine! (He brought the letter in and it has a photo do him entering and leaving the car park)

It’s been passed onto the person who arranged the volunteering and all they have said they will make people aware at the next one.

As I said above, my manager has already been dropping heavy hints about making donations to their charity event, so I’m already reluctant to part with anymore money.

Just don’t do and say anything. It wasn’t your responsibility to check that an adult can use a parking meter.
And if he asks then just say “no, sorry”. I wouldn’t pay and I’m quite direct so probably would say something if hints were being dropped

 

[really_whythough]

It is in NO WAY your responsibility. You were volunteering to begin with. You had no input or control of how the parking was arranged. It doesn’t matter who has what income, it’s nothing to do with you as a passenger.

Don’t let snide ‘hints’ get under your skin, your conscience is crystal clean here.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

Just don’t do and say anything. It wasn’t your responsibility to check that an adult can use a parking meter.
And if he asks then just say “no, sorry”. I wouldn’t pay and I’m quite direct so probably would say something if hints were being dropped

Thank you. When the other passenger said to me when we were alone that she feels awful and is going to give money towards it, I just looked at her and said (because we don’t know for sure if our manager had the fine yet) well, let’s not do anything until we know for sure she has got a fine.
Turns out she, the manager, got home last night and had got her fine in the post yesterday while at work. 🫠 so now I won’t hear the end of it. Especially as she even says herself, she plays the single parent card.
Ffs.

 

[emmer_moans]

Thank you. When the other passenger said to me when we were alone that she feels awful and is going to give money towards it, I just looked at her and said (because we don’t know for sure if our manager had the fine yet) well, let’s not do anything until we know for sure she has got a fine.
Turns out she, the manager, got home last night and had got her fine in the post yesterday while at work. 🫠 so now I won’t hear the end of it. Especially as she even says herself, she plays the single parent card.
Ffs.

I would say sorry, I've done my budget for the month and I wasn't expecting to have to contribute 20 quid unexpectedly. Say sorry but times are hard, etc, I have budgeted for my bills and food for the rest of the month.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I would say sorry, I've done my budget for the month and I wasn't expecting to have to contribute 20 quid unexpectedly. Say sorry but times are hard, etc, I have budgeted for my bills and food for the rest of the month.

I did think that. We got paid today as well 🥲

 

[WeHadFunRight]

I need to vent about how I honestly am finding it so hard treading a fine line parenting.

Last summer my little girl’s school ran swimming lessons and they resulted in my daughter having nightmares almost every night for about 2 months afterwards. Every night she would tell me how scared she was of swimming lessons and then in the night she would wake up screaming.

I have addressed this with the head teacher who has been brilliant, and I also got my daughter 1:1 swimming lessons (at GREAT expense) with someone who has been amazing at working within her boundaries. Now the term for swimming lessons is rolling round and I have now tbh reflected and I’m asking myself why I’d put her through the school swimming lessons when she is getting on well doing the private ones - it’s not on the curriculum until she’s in yr 3 anyway and she’s only yr 1. So I’ve emailed the teacher and said look, can you remind your swim teachers not to be dickheads to her this year and if they are I will pull her out of lessons so you need to make provision for that scenario…. I feel like I’m being a bit precious but I can’t go through another summer of her screaming in the night with these anxiety dreams. Shes a really sweet little girl and the PE teacher is a meat head so I’m very aware there’s a clash of worlds - which I accept, but it’s hard when it feels like you’re making up special rules for your children. I feel like the teachers probably roll their eyes when they get emails from me but I’m trying to take a fair and balanced view and the outcome for me is that she can miss 5 minutes of swimming given she gets 30 minutes 1:1 every week and it doesn’t create issues for her (and us) as a result.
I do feel better for getting that off my chest.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Does anyone else love their parents but find them really hard work? My dad doesn’t do light conversation. I like light conversation- I like anecdotes and talking about nice things. He sniffs and doesn’t engage with me. Then last night we were watching the news and the newsreader didn’t quite seem all there, so I said she seems to have something going on, she’s stumbling over her words a bit. My dad used this as a horrible rant about diversity and how she only got her job because she’s a black woman, and she wouldn’t be the best black woman because the best one has probably pissed someone off, and he was watching CNN and all 5 hosts on a show were women and they were silly little girls doing chit chat and he doesn’t get that. I was sitting there thinking you’ve such a disgusting chip on your shoulder and yes thank you, as a hiring manager at a corporate company in London I know a lot about diversity and it’s not just about grabbing the first diverse person off the street and saying “you’ll do” - particularly not in such a competitive industry as journalism!!! I actually just said you know if the diversity is annoying you don’t engage with it - only watch the news when there’s a white man presenting - and he honestly looked like I’d slapped him in the face but also I think he realised I’d had enough of his tit for the night. Then my mum came in and we both noted the newsreader not being 100% and she said “she probably ill or tired” what a practical and straightforward response and my dad scoffed

 

[emmer_moans]

Does anyone else love their parents but find them really hard work? My dad doesn’t do light conversation. I like light conversation- I like anecdotes and talking about nice things. He sniffs and doesn’t engage with me. Then last night we were watching the news and the newsreader didn’t quite seem all there, so I said she seems to have something going on, she’s stumbling over her words a bit. My dad used this as a horrible rant about diversity and how she only got her job because she’s a black woman, and she wouldn’t be the best black woman because the best one has probably pissed someone off, and he was watching CNN and all 5 hosts on a show were women and they were silly little girls doing chit chat and he doesn’t get that. I was sitting there thinking you’ve such a disgusting chip on your shoulder and yes thank you, as a hiring manager at a corporate company in London I know a lot about diversity and it’s not just about grabbing the first diverse person off the street and saying “you’ll do” - particularly not in such a competitive industry as journalism!!! I actually just said you know if the diversity is annoying you don’t engage with it - only watch the news when there’s a white man presenting - and he honestly looked like I’d slapped him in the face but also I think he realised I’d had enough of his tit for the night. Then my mum came in and we both noted the newsreader not being 100% and she said “she probably ill or tired” what a practical and straightforward response and my dad scoffed

I've realised in my 30s that there are some people I can click and talk with easily, like you say, anecdotes and talking about random nice things. And then there's some I just can't talk to. e.g. I have two siblings, I'm female, they are male. The youngest brother, I can chat to for hours about random books, tv, memes, we send memes all the time, conversation picks up easily even after a period of busyness etc. The other brother is more difficult to talk you - you are lucky to have a conversation with him that doesn't end with him rolling his eyes, scolding, disagreeing with everything just because...
Same at work, I used to think whenever conversation did not flow that I was at fault...I'm an anxious person, but there's one team member who I can never really talk to, not even about the weather because he just shuts everyone down with short answers. Yet the colleague next to him I can talk to her and conversation just flows. She talks to him sometimes but I've notice he just gives short answers that kill conversation to everyone. I've finally learned it's not just 'me' in those situations, but sometimes people can converse and sometimes people can't with me, and that's fine. It's frustrating when you need to get on with them though

I need to vent about how I honestly am finding it so hard treading a fine line parenting.

Last summer my little girl’s school ran swimming lessons and they resulted in my daughter having nightmares almost every night for about 2 months afterwards. Every night she would tell me how scared she was of swimming lessons and then in the night she would wake up screaming.

I have addressed this with the head teacher who has been brilliant, and I also got my daughter 1:1 swimming lessons (at GREAT expense) with someone who has been amazing at working within her boundaries. Now the term for swimming lessons is rolling round and I have now tbh reflected and I’m asking myself why I’d put her through the school swimming lessons when she is getting on well doing the private ones - it’s not on the curriculum until she’s in yr 3 anyway and she’s only yr 1. So I’ve emailed the teacher and said look, can you remind your swim teachers not to be dickheads to her this year and if they are I will pull her out of lessons so you need to make provision for that scenario…. I feel like I’m being a bit precious but I can’t go through another summer of her screaming in the night with these anxiety dreams. Shes a really sweet little girl and the PE teacher is a meat head so I’m very aware there’s a clash of worlds - which I accept, but it’s hard when it feels like you’re making up special rules for your children. I feel like the teachers probably roll their eyes when they get emails from me but I’m trying to take a fair and balanced view and the outcome for me is that she can miss 5 minutes of swimming given she gets 30 minutes 1:1 every week and it doesn’t create issues for her (and us) as a result.
I do feel better for getting that off my chest.

I would saw it's not like you are pulling her out of Maths lessons, swimming involves her safety and she/you need to feel confident that she'll be okay in those lessons. You're providing her 1:1 sessions so she's more likely getting better chance of learning the skill than her classmates anyway. When it involves child's safety and wellbeing, like swimming, I think the school needs to listen to you.


My vent is I feel so prone to procrastinating this month and it is tiring me out mentally.

 

[HeyBabes]

My partners dad walked out on his mum a few months back after 40-odd years of marriage. Transpires he’s been shagging someone else. The family are in total denial, saying he must have ptsd, a brain tumour, mental illness, all sorts, to try and excuse the crappy behaviour.
Looks like it’s headed for divorce, and MrBabes has said his mum could come and live with us, or we can start taking her on holiday with us, no consultation with me.
I’m bleeping fuming, he spends hours on the phone with her everyday, it’s starting to affect him, me and our relationship. I don’t want to be the witch and say he needs to start setting boundaries, but I’m getting really annoyed

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

My partners dad walked out on his mum a few months back after 40-odd years of marriage. Transpires he’s been shagging someone else. The family are in total denial, saying he must have ptsd, a brain tumour, mental illness, all sorts, to try and excuse the crappy behaviour.
Looks like it’s headed for divorce, and MrBabes has said his mum could come and live with us, or we can start taking her on holiday with us, no consultation with me.
I’m bleeping fuming, he spends hours on the phone with her everyday, it’s starting to affect him, me and our relationship. I don’t want to be the witch and say he needs to start setting boundaries, but I’m getting really annoyed

I'll be honest with you and say this is a green flag! I can agree it would affect me too but when something like this happens family should pull together and it looks like this is what is happening.
I'm concerned if you start demanding he sets boundaries your relationship might not survive. If this was my mum and Mr Lolz started making demands I don't know how I'd feel

 

[tomato_paste]

Everything feels so blah all the time, it's all bills, budgeting, chores, work, repeat. I know it's depression (probably) but I went on a work trip last week and it was soooo good even though it was exhausting at the same time. I was actually willing to go to sleep (one of my big issues is hating to go to bed), excited for the next day, my brain was happy with the new experiences, and I felt so alive. And now it's back to the same old slog and I can't take it any more. Life is not bad, so I feel horrible for complaining - I'm safe, warm, fed, no debt except the mortgage, can afford to do most things I want, have the means to finance a Masters degree, etc. But it all feels so bleeping pointless tbh.

 

[really_whythough]

Everything feels so blah all the time, it's all bills, budgeting, chores, work, repeat. I know it's depression (probably) but I went on a work trip last week and it was soooo good even though it was exhausting at the same time. I was actually willing to go to sleep (one of my big issues is hating to go to bed), excited for the next day, my brain was happy with the new experiences, and I felt so alive. And now it's back to the same old slog and I can't take it any more. Life is not bad, so I feel horrible for complaining - I'm safe, warm, fed, no debt except the mortgage, can afford to do most things I want, have the means to finance a Masters degree, etc. But it all feels so bleeping pointless tbh.

I hope this doesn’t come across as patronising or do-goody but perhaps some volunteering might suit you? There are so many ways to make a difference and it doesn’t have to be a huge amount of time that you give. Find something you can connect with and that might give you a sense of purpose outside the regular everyday. (Or just completely ignore me!) 🤍

 

[WeHadFunRight]

My husband is seriously getting on my nerves lately. The anger he is inspiring in me is wild. I don’t really understand how he can be doing so well at his job but when it comes to home life he just switches his brain off? There are so many examples of things he has done lately where I just think god you’re an absolute waste of space. I feel a bit irritated by the whole thing as i just wish he had more initiative and he communicated properly with me but he just grunts, gives me vague answers, mumbles, or answers a different question to what I’ve asked.

 

[Kim Mild]

My husband is seriously getting on my nerves lately. The anger he is inspiring in me is wild. I don’t really understand how he can be doing so well at his job but when it comes to home life he just switches his brain off? There are so many examples of things he has done lately where I just think god you’re an absolute waste of space. I feel a bit irritated by the whole thing as i just wish he had more initiative and he communicated properly with me but he just grunts, gives me vague answers, mumbles, or answers a different question to what I’ve asked.

Are we married to the same man? He doesn't know anything, can't remember anything.

 

[WeHadFunRight]

Are we married to the same man? He doesn't know anything, can't remember anything.

Well, all I know is that I have little faith he could handle two families unless he’s the world’s best actor so I don’t think so, but disappointing to learn youre struggling with the same issues. Yes, the lack of ability to RETAIN anything is maddening. He also falls asleep constantly. Our 1 yr old sleeps less than him.