Support for anyone that needs to vent #4

[OmgObsessed]

I don't understand why people are so rude (outside of here) when women vent. We are told we are wrong and to stop "bitchin". Can I just say how I'm feeling without being attacked??? I'm so tired of it and I feel so alone.

 

[goldengyal]

Sometimes I feel like those who are planning weddings have no sense of how much things actually cost for family/guests attending.

My brother in law is getting married in a few weeks which we have been really excited for. Family are flying from overseas and it’ll be a great day and a chance to meet people I’ve not met before.

However, there are now FIVE extra activities planned during the wedding week. Mostly dinners & lunches. I get one or two in order to meet certain family members before the actual big day but they are all meals out in central London restaurants that are not cheap.

Surely it’s unreasonable to expect people to be able to afford these alongside hotels, outfits, wedding gifts and other wedding related expenses?

 

[cuttle90]

I haven't read the thread(s) but I will, I need to vent about something that's relatively trivial but had pissed me off today.

I took Wed-Fri. Mon-Wed off work. I told no one I'm off this week now that the kids are back at school as i just wanted a chilled break... for some context - I work in a high pressure environment, +45 hours per week in a corporate role. Have 3 children. Split up from my narcissistic controlling and emotionally abusive husband in July last year when I snapped and told him to get out and he's never been back since. We are attempting co parenting by which he has the kids 1 night per week and I have them the other 6. I'm going through some health stuff at the minute where they've found a 10cm growth in my uterus, thankfully it's benign but needs hormone therapy to reduce it for 5 to 6 months before it can be operated on, thankfully I'm fortunate enough to have private health care and therefore on a list for an MRI scan next week to find out more. So, needless to say there's a lot going on.

Back to the matter in hand today I've done some basic housework after taking the kids to school and then just chilled - ordered lunch in and binge watched a series on TV. Its been great because my life is never like this.
Anyway cue 5pm I get a call from my mum - again I'm trying not to be awful but she says with total panic in her voice - is everything okay, I replied yeah why would it not be. She tells me she passed my house on the way home from work and my car was there. Explained oh I was at work but finished earlier today she said good. Had a whinge about my dad's sister which I told her to get over it and then we ended the call.

Go to pick the children up from their dads. Get questioned about "why haven't you been to work today" from the narcissistic ex - looked at him and said I have been to work. He said well your car was there twice when I passed (there is ZERO need for him to pass my house). Asked him what business of his is it if I've been at work or not. Was told I'm a dick - nice

Then see my eldest daughter, talk to her about latest boy drama (she's 16) and then she says oh mum how come you weren't at work today.

Arrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh I want to scream, I know I'm very possibly overreacting but after being in a controlling relationship for almost 19 years I just want to do what I want to do without being answerable to people

 

[Pesky Tarian]

My husband is under the weather and has spent all day lying on the sofa watching sport (which is fine). He just turned to me with his best sad face and said 'sorry I've not been much use today' and frankly I'm bewildered how he thinks it different to any other Sunday .

 

[houdini]

I feel so alone. I crave some love and kind words. I have great friends but I’m sure they’re sick of me and I don’t want to constantly burden them with my emotions. I feel like I hold it together 24/7 for my daughter and just get no time or space to process my emotions. Thanks for reading my vent if you got this far

 

[tomato_paste]

Everything feels so blah all the time, it's all bills, budgeting, chores, work, repeat. I know it's depression (probably) but I went on a work trip last week and it was soooo good even though it was exhausting at the same time. I was actually willing to go to sleep (one of my big issues is hating to go to bed), excited for the next day, my brain was happy with the new experiences, and I felt so alive. And now it's back to the same old slog and I can't take it any more. Life is not bad, so I feel horrible for complaining - I'm safe, warm, fed, no debt except the mortgage, can afford to do most things I want, have the means to finance a Masters degree, etc. But it all feels so fucking pointless tbh.

 

[JustHereForTheAgriculture]

I’ve recently found something out and it’s left me feeling… I don’t even know. Shocked, devastated, embarrassed I guess. It happened when I was a child but I’ve only just found out what really happened the last few days and I honestly can’t stop thinking about it. And I really wasn’t supposed to find out so I can’t even talk to someone about it.

When I was about 5 or 6, my aunt got married. I’ve always known there was some type of issue around it but didn’t know exactly what. I know my parents had gone to it thinking it was an adults only event but were shocked to find the wedding full of kids when their invite had specified them only.

Anyway turns out there was a reason. My sister and I have albinism. My aunt didn’t want us there ruining the pictures apparently. I guess she thought we were so off putting, so hideous to be part of the day.

When I found out, I just felt this huge sinking feeling. I’ll be honest, I’ve welled up a few times thinking of it. I mean, it’s not the first time my sister or I been treated poorly or unkindly because of our disability but this feels different. And I think the fact too that we were children as well. And the fact that it’s from family. I just feel so down about it and so humiliated. Like at some point there was a conversation about how bad it would be if we ended up in pictures? Or, we’re just there? And I just keep thinking how many people knew? Did anyone say anything?

And here’s the thing, it’s not about being sour that I wasn’t invited. I was so young I probably wouldn’t have even remembered going. I just feel like I was rejected for having a disability. I’ve always thought having albinism at least didn’t matter to my family. I know with my immediate family it doesn’t. But now I’m questioning what my aunt thinks of me. And what about other members of the family? If I didn’t know about this, what else have they said about my sister and I? Just makes me feel like some kind of freak. Or something they’re ashamed of.

Anyway, sorry that got a bit rambly. Hopefully it made sense. I just really needed to say something

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

My team leader has no idea, so I can’t really be annoyed, but on the teams meeting with the rest of the team, she asked everyone what they were having for lunch. I tend to always have the same thing. This is because I used to have issues with food (restricting myself, dieting etc) and it’s still ingrained in me. She made a comment about how I always have the same thing and about how it can’t be nutritious or any good for me (something along those lines) and it’s been bugging me ever since. It’s made me feel embarrassed and ashamed. I didn’t say anything at the time.
Just needed to vent.

 

[emmer_moans]

This doesn't warrant a separate thread so I'll post here.

I come from a fairly drama free family (before now). I left home years ago. My parents have been married nearly 40 years. No breakups in that time.

Now all of a sudden my father has had an affair and is living two lives, coming and going as he pleases and still hasn't made his mind up about divorce. My mother, is absolutely reeling in shock, is hurt, and confused. My father acts surprised that she didn't see it coming and is basically trying to blame her for everything and starting to play stupid mind games. Ive confronted him and basically got told to keep my nose out of his business.

Now I know it is not my responsibility to fix anything. But, what I want to know is how do you deal with this as a family bystander? One is playing emotional mind games with the other and I feel so crap at helping my mother.

My family never had the ups and downs others seemed to have when I was growing up, so I have no experience on how to navigate the drama.


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Edited: to make a bit more anonymous/ cut out excess details

 

[WeHadFunRight]

My husband is seriously getting on my nerves lately. The anger he is inspiring in me is wild. I don’t really understand how he can be doing so well at his job but when it comes to home life he just switches his brain off? There are so many examples of things he has done lately where I just think god you’re an absolute waste of space. I feel a bit irritated by the whole thing as i just wish he had more initiative and he communicated properly with me but he just grunts, gives me vague answers, mumbles, or answers a different question to what I’ve asked.

 

[MacPishFlaps]

My family dog died on Saturday morning. I am completely devastated, but mostly worried about my mum as she is in bits and can barely function. I am currently already trying to cope with the loss of my best friend and only went back to work last week. My organisation is incredibly supportive but the way my boss has handled my return to work has not been ideal (talks of changing my role on my 2nd day back!) I know my rights regarding changes to roles when someone is absent (big no no). He is also quite a cold person so I know he won't care about the dog dying.

 

[TheGlossy]

I haven’t posted on this thread in 1+ years, but today I’ve hit a bit of a wall.

A lot of people said your 30s are better than your 20s, but I’m yet to find this ‘better’.

Ever since my 30s hit, it’s been one struggle after another.

COVID for 2 years, death of a parent and related issues, lost friends, moved from one job that burned me out to another where the environment is toxic in a different way, living chronic anxiety and petrified of making any kind of decision. It’s been 3-4 years of straight up exhaustion.

I just feel every single time I’m trying to move towards a more positive era, I get a set back. I never suffered from anxiety in my 20s but I’m now living with it daily because there’s a different trigger every day.

I’m 33 and still single, still no friends and deeply unhappy and overall tired. I hate to feel this way because I have things some people would love to have, but I can’t help but feel dead inside. The things I have now, I dreamt of as a child, but there’s a hole inside.

I don’t know how to move forward anymore. I feel stuck like a hamster who is doing things on autopilot to keep food and a roof over their head, but ultimately isn’t living.

 

[tomato_paste]

Why is every hobby these days just another extension of work? Like, let me be shitty at knitting in peace, I don't want nor need a side hustle and I'm not striving for perfection here - all I want is to have fun!

Fucking commodification, everything's for profit these days and I'm fucking sick of it.

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I’m feeling a little stressed out and over whelmed. My little boy burnt his hand on my hair curler on Friday. I still feel awful about it!! I took him to the hospital straight away they were fab with us. But changing his dressing and bandage is really over whelming me. He gets really upset and cries a lot and it’s really hard for me to put the dressing on when he’s so upset and I’m worried I haven’t done it right or used the right stuff it bled a little when I changed it before. Google said it’s normal but it’s still freaking me out a little I got non adhesive pads but I am still worried it’s not right or it’s not healing
I am a terrible adult I know.

thankfully he has an appointment tomorrow to go back for a checkup but I am feeling very crappy and upset about it. The guilt isn’t going away

 

[doodlebug]

I've been offered a new job. It's progression within the area I already work for a new company. They interviewed me. They offered me the job. And yet, I am worried sick I am going to be shit.
I'm a recovering people pleaser with 0 confidence in my own ability. The only reason I've been offered this and other similar roles is because I can wax lyrical about the work I do because I love it. As soon as it comes to bigging myself up independently I am tongue tied and useless.
So now I am worrying about making a good impression. Remembering people's names and what they do. And trying not to come across like i dont know what im doing

Congratulations!! You got offered the job because they clearly saw something on you, so you should believe in yourself! You would’ve had to beat out several others to get the role, so remember that. I’m sure you’ll be great! I’m sure the love for what you do will translate into doing a good job.

 

[tomato_paste]

Need a rant about my mum. It's so hard to get along with her without damaging my mental health. I've worked with my therapist on this for quite a while on this and we found out that my mum doesn't see me when I'm well - so I try and make myself visible by making myself feel bad / sick / etc. Totally explains my childhood and my misaligned behaviours to this day that are and have been really damaging my life and happiness and success.

I'm just so angry and sad and all sorts of in-between feelings that I don't even know how to articulate - I'm fucking 35 and feel like pretty much all my life has been spent trying to get her attention and thereby destroying myself over and over and over again. I'm so fucking sick of it all and I need to move on from this but I don't know how? How do I get over this self- induced destruction, the knowledge that my whole life could have been so different if she wasn't so fucked up? And the fucking self hate for only becoming wise to the brainfuck at 35 and playing this game until now? I should have left them all in the dust, I should have gone no contact as soon as I turned 18, why didn't I? I even moved abroad to get away from her and she still managed to pull me back? I hate myself for it, more than I ever hated anyone, for doing this to myself.

 

[HeyBabes]

My partners dad walked out on his mum a few months back after 40-odd years of marriage. Transpires he’s been shagging someone else. The family are in total denial, saying he must have ptsd, a brain tumour, mental illness, all sorts, to try and excuse the shitty behaviour.
Looks like it’s headed for divorce, and MrBabes has said his mum could come and live with us, or we can start taking her on holiday with us, no consultation with me.
I’m fucking fuming, he spends hours on the phone with her everyday, it’s starting to affect him, me and our relationship. I don’t want to be the bitch and say he needs to start setting boundaries, but I’m getting really annoyed

 

[JadeyJ]

Does anybody else feel super anxious at New Year? I don’t think about all the good things that could happen in the next year, only dread about losing my parents or something awful happening. I’m usually not a negative person but this horrible feeling gets a real grip of me at this time of year. I feel sick with worry.

 

[Elle Woods]

Phoned the police back after that harassment claim and apparently it was because I sent screenshots of my ex messaging me to his current girlfriends family. My ex and his girlfriend saying I sent her family sexual messages like yes I did they were screenshots of what your boyfriend was sending me and I sent them to your family to make you aware so I don’t get abuse and because you blocked me. Making out I sent random sexual images to her family

like what did they think I would say to the police over this? When they know I have screenshots that I sent to them apparently he didn’t even tell the police he was messaging me in March and a week after I snitched he done the claim.
Why waste police time on this petty thing and now he’s made himself a right tit even the woman on the phone sounded like she was face palming at it. She’s closed the case and said I had a lucky escape

In the nicest way possible - going out of your way to find her family and messaging them, when she has already blocked you herself, is harassment. The police might have dropped it but you just need to accept that she doesn't want to hear from you. IF he messages again then just block him. It's absolutely wrong to go and find her family and send stuff like that to them. The only person who ends up looking bad is you. It's harassment. She doesn't want to hear from you, you've tried to warn her, she doesn't want to know. You have no right to then keep finding other ways to contact her.

You just need to accept the relationship is over and move on, like he has. You've posted across numerous threads with the same story. You're clearly a bit hung up on him still, no matter how much you deny it, it's obvious. You wouldn't be obsessing over the situation if you weren't.

 

[LaBlonde]

Does anybody else feel super anxious at New Year? I don’t think about all the good things that could happen in the next year, only dread about losing my parents or something awful happening. I’m usually not a negative person but this horrible feeling gets a real grip of me at this time of year. I feel sick with worry.

same i struggle hugely in the period between christmas and new year (and i HATE new years in general): i can’t focus on anything good and just think about what i didn’t do last year and (like you say) all the horrible stuff that is bound to happen to me next year. i can’t wait until we’re actually into january and the actual new year stuff can stop.

sending you lots of love not long before the night is done and we can move forward x