Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[Carapop]

My mum died in November, she was highly abusive and controlling, as well as I cared for her for many years. People were quick to send their sympathies and say on meeting up for a cuppa when I was reading. None have followed through. I live alone, never married or could have kids, but very busy with work and see as well as support lots of lovely people. However, I feel very lonely and need some company.
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Sorry ready not reading - didn't see my typo.

Oh god I feel this. Inundated with people the week after mum died, when all I wanted was to be alone and not have to make conversation and cups of of tea. Now it’s six months later and everyone has gone back to their normal lives and I’m still trying to wrap my head around the shock of her sudden disappearance from my life. I’m so sorry you’re going through something similar. It’s the loneliest time.

 

[Jadejones9596]

I feel like tit.
My life is such tit
I’m a large joke
Don’t know what to do now
Sorry needed to let that out x

 

[MacPishFlaps]

I feel like tit.
My life is such tit
I’m a large joke
Don’t know what to do now
Sorry needed to let that out x

I'm sorry you feel this way. You are not a joke and your weight doesn't define who you are

 

[OmgObsessed]

I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to besides this website. I'm always kind to others and they treat me like absolute tit for no reason.

 

[Littleelf]

I'm so unhappy in my life, my job and my relationship. My relationship isn't bad, but I just don't think he's who I'm meant to be with. I think I missed out on the love of my life because I was young and immature.

I feel like a complete idiot I have everything I ever wanted but its with the wrong person

 

[whoareyouu]

I'm so unhappy in my life, my job and my relationship. My relationship isn't bad, but I just don't think he's who I'm meant to be with. I think I missed out on the love of my life because I was young and immature.

I feel like a complete idiot I have everything I ever wanted but its with the wrong person

Do you love the person you are with?

 

[JoeBloggs]

I'm so unhappy in my life, my job and my relationship. My relationship isn't bad, but I just don't think he's who I'm meant to be with. I think I missed out on the love of my life because I was young and immature.

I feel like a complete idiot I have everything I ever wanted but its with the wrong person

I have never believed there can be one person for someone. There are so many people in the world, so many possibilities. Do you love you partner? Is it your partner that is making you unhappy or something else?

If your partner walked out on you tomorrow, how would you feel?

 

[tomato_paste]

I feel like I have absolutely no one to talk to besides this website. I'm always kind to others and they treat me like absolute tit for no reason.

Can I ask, would you describe yourself as a people pleaser? I'm wondering because I was in the same position as you, but I've let go of my people pleasing tendencies these days. Turns out (some) people actually *like* me when I'm authentic and honest with my feelings. I'm still trying to be a kind person because kindness costs nothing, but I'm no longer a doormat.

It was painful, letting go of people who I thought were my friends wasn't easy. A lot of those "friendships" were based on either me using them or them using me. Because people pleasing is it's own kind of manipulative game - the "kindness" is always attached to a cost, at least that's how my mind worked. If only I was nice enough, they might like me, and take away the pain of being lonely. But that never worked, because true connection isn't made from "being nice" but letting yourself be visible with all your good and bad sides.

These days my friendships are actually rooted in equality. I speak my mind, I stand up for what I believe in. I know I can be a right witch sometimes, and I have my quirks and issues. Letting me be seen this way also allows me to grow, because my friends trust they can tell me what bothers them and I will listen. Yes, I'm not everyone's cup of tea but I don't need to be. I'm still someone who does a lot for the people in my life, but the reason for that has changed. I don't do it so people see how nice I am, but because I want to. That allows me to tell those I don't care for "No", and to be authentic with my own needs and wants.

 

[Sillygoose]

My husband is back in contact with his ex. Its looking like it's going to start into something. I want to confront him but I won't yet... I'm hoping to get evidence and get a divorce

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

My husband is back in contact with his ex. Its looking like it's going to start into something. I want to confront him but I won't yet... I'm hoping to get evidence and get a divorce

Hope your ok

 

[pepe le pew]

I cannot stop thinking about people who messed up my life over twenty years ago. It’s been twenty three years since I worked in this particular office. It was a toxic work environment, our boss was a vile pig. One woman derailed my life with her lies. When I was on maternity leave she was given my manager job. When I came back to work after five months I was asked to attend a return to work meeting. It was actually an ambush. I was accused of telling people she had stolen money. I hadn’t. It never happened. I never involved myself in office gossip. I was a good fair manager. I couldn’t defend myself I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was a terrible advocate for myself, couldn’t put up a fight. Didn’t know how.
I became a poor person overnight. From a great salary to benefits.
Still poor.
I saw her Facebook post about travelling to Australia. She bought a villa in Spain too. Happy photos, a spendy money lifestyle, travel, fun, smiles.
I can’t even take my kid on a weekend break.
Every fricken day I seem to relive some moment there. Ruminating about the mistakes I made. What I shoulda, coulda, woulda done differently.
Intellectually I know I should let go. That thinking about it just stops good stuff coming my way. But I feel so burned by this experience. It changed the whole trajectory of my life, completely.
The dumb thing is the office no longer exists. The whole operation was closed down. The building is something else. But the memory of it is still with me daily?
How do I put this away forever?

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I cannot stop thinking about people who messed up my life over twenty years ago. It’s been twenty three years since I worked in this particular office. It was a toxic work environment, our boss was a vile pig. One woman derailed my life with her lies. When I was on maternity leave she was given my manager job. When I came back to work after five months I was asked to attend a return to work meeting. It was actually an ambush. I was accused of telling people she had stolen money. I hadn’t. It never happened. I never involved myself in office gossip. I was a good fair manager. I couldn’t defend myself I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was a terrible advocate for myself, couldn’t put up a fight. Didn’t know how.
I became a poor person overnight. From a great salary to benefits.
Still poor.
I saw her Facebook post about travelling to Australia. She bought a villa in Spain too. Happy photos, a spendy money lifestyle, travel, fun, smiles.
I can’t even take my kid on a weekend break.
Every fricken day I seem to relive some moment there. Ruminating about the mistakes I made. What I shoulda, coulda, woulda done differently.
Intellectually I know I should let go. That thinking about it just stops good stuff coming my way. But I feel so burned by this experience. It changed the whole trajectory of my life, completely.
The dumb thing is the office no longer exists. The whole operation was closed down. The building is something else. But the memory of it is still with me daily?
How do I put this away forever?

This is a hard one because nobody can help you let go, it has to come from yourself.

I had a similar, though not work related, experience where I spent years letting what others did too me affect me so much. I was thinking about them constantly and how “great” their loves were. Not that my life was bad but I had so much fking resentment.

Eventually I forced myself to move on because I was spending energy on people who had no involvement in my life and who probably never even thought of me.
And it worked I rarely think of those people anymore and I probably could be civil if I ever bumped into them.

But the unfortunate thing is this has to come from yourself. I just started concentrating on my own life and the people in it.

 

[Shoequeen91]

I have a friend who keeps mentioning wanting to go and move over the other side of the world. I don’t know if it’s cause they don’t want to go and do it by themselves or whether it’s cause we have done travelling together before. The difference between the two of us is that I’m in a very different and (without sounding like a complete hole) more established career than said friend. I definitely have so much more to lose and I don’t feel like this person has anyone else’s interests at heart but their own. (I can’t be like that, I have to consider the bigger picture).

They aren’t keen on their job. They’ve been down graded (in pay only) due to changes in working patterns (less enhanced out of hours) and currently have protected pay which ends at the end of this year. However, they don’t seem to be doing anything now to help better their prospects at home and enabling themselves to make a better life within their current surroundings. They are “sick of the tit here”…. Maybe consider facing this head-on then instead of running away .


I understand I absolutely can say no, but it always feels very guilt trippy to me and they play on the use of “old times”. All I keep hearing is that New Zealand/Australia etc are having it just as bad as the U.K. at the moment, so why would I consider risking a career/decent pay to start from scratch when I could essentially have it so much worse.

We aren’t early 20s any more and it’s time to get real.

The only way I think I would consider the move is if I find a role within my current career field that offers me the equivalent amount of pay I currently earn (in alignment with cost of living in this other country). I don’t think that’s being unreasonable, for me I think that’s being adult/realistic.

I hear what my friend is saying and by all means go for it, but it may not be for me and that’s okay too.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I have a friend who keeps mentioning wanting to go and move over the other side of the world. I don’t know if it’s cause they don’t want to go and do it by themselves or whether it’s cause we have done travelling together before. The difference between the two of us is that I’m in a very different and (without sounding like a complete hole) more established career than said friend. I definitely have so much more to lose and I don’t feel like this person has anyone else’s interests at heart but their own. (I can’t be like that, I have to consider the bigger picture).

They aren’t keen on their job. They’ve been down graded (in pay only) due to changes in working patterns (less enhanced out of hours) and currently have protected pay which ends at the end of this year. However, they don’t seem to be doing anything now to help better their prospects at home and enabling themselves to make a better life within their current surroundings. They are “sick of the tit here”…. Maybe consider facing this head-on then instead of running away .


I understand I absolutely can say no, but it always feels very guilt trippy to me and they play on the use of “old times”. All I keep hearing is that New Zealand/Australia etc are having it just as bad as the U.K. at the moment, so why would I consider risking a career/decent pay to start from scratch when I could essentially have it so much worse.

We aren’t early 20s any more and it’s time to get real.

The only way I think I would consider the move is if I find a role within my current career field that offers me the equivalent amount of pay I currently earn (in alignment with cost of living in this other country). I don’t think that’s being unreasonable, for me I think that’s being adult/realistic.

I hear what my friend is saying and by all means go for it, but it may not be for me and that’s okay too.

If you don’t want to move abroad why are you even considering it. Just tell your friend no and that you are happy with where your life is at the moment.
I don’t even think the no needs a justification.

And if they turn this into an issue and try and pressure you then they are not your friend.

 

[LaBlonde]

If you don’t want to move abroad why are you even considering it. Just tell your friend no and that you are happy with where your life is at the moment.
I don’t even think the no needs a justification.

fully fully agree with this, they’re not asking for a tiny change or update OP, they’re asking you to completely uproot your entire life to move halfway across the world? if you understandably don’t want to do that, then don’t. you don’t need to justify that. if your friend wants to continue with it then she can.

 

[Captainmouse]

I have a friend who keeps mentioning wanting to go and move over the other side of the world. I don’t know if it’s cause they don’t want to go and do it by themselves or whether it’s cause we have done travelling together before. The difference between the two of us is that I’m in a very different and (without sounding like a complete hole) more established career than said friend. I definitely have so much more to lose and I don’t feel like this person has anyone else’s interests at heart but their own. (I can’t be like that, I have to consider the bigger picture).

They aren’t keen on their job. They’ve been down graded (in pay only) due to changes in working patterns (less enhanced out of hours) and currently have protected pay which ends at the end of this year. However, they don’t seem to be doing anything now to help better their prospects at home and enabling themselves to make a better life within their current surroundings. They are “sick of the tit here”…. Maybe consider facing this head-on then instead of running away .


I understand I absolutely can say no, but it always feels very guilt trippy to me and they play on the use of “old times”. All I keep hearing is that New Zealand/Australia etc are having it just as bad as the U.K. at the moment, so why would I consider risking a career/decent pay to start from scratch when I could essentially have it so much worse.

We aren’t early 20s any more and it’s time to get real.

The only way I think I would consider the move is if I find a role within my current career field that offers me the equivalent amount of pay I currently earn (in alignment with cost of living in this other country). I don’t think that’s being unreasonable, for me I think that’s being adult/realistic.

I hear what my friend is saying and by all means go for it, but it may not be for me and that’s okay too.

Do they meet the entry requirements? It is not as easy as it used to be to emigrate. If you don’t have an in demand skill you won’t qualify

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

I have a friend who keeps mentioning wanting to go and move over the other side of the world. I don’t know if it’s cause they don’t want to go and do it by themselves or whether it’s cause we have done travelling together before. The difference between the two of us is that I’m in a very different and (without sounding like a complete hole) more established career than said friend. I definitely have so much more to lose and I don’t feel like this person has anyone else’s interests at heart but their own. (I can’t be like that, I have to consider the bigger picture).

They aren’t keen on their job. They’ve been down graded (in pay only) due to changes in working patterns (less enhanced out of hours) and currently have protected pay which ends at the end of this year. However, they don’t seem to be doing anything now to help better their prospects at home and enabling themselves to make a better life within their current surroundings. They are “sick of the tit here”…. Maybe consider facing this head-on then instead of running away .


I understand I absolutely can say no, but it always feels very guilt trippy to me and they play on the use of “old times”. All I keep hearing is that New Zealand/Australia etc are having it just as bad as the U.K. at the moment, so why would I consider risking a career/decent pay to start from scratch when I could essentially have it so much worse.

We aren’t early 20s any more and it’s time to get real.

The only way I think I would consider the move is if I find a role within my current career field that offers me the equivalent amount of pay I currently earn (in alignment with cost of living in this other country). I don’t think that’s being unreasonable, for me I think that’s being adult/realistic.

I hear what my friend is saying and by all means go for it, but it may not be for me and that’s okay too.

Just tell them the truth. It isn’t for you. Why should you uproot your life for them if you don’t want to. I’d simply say you are more than happy to come and visit them

 

[JoeBloggs]

I have a friend who keeps mentioning wanting to go and move over the other side of the world. I don’t know if it’s cause they don’t want to go and do it by themselves or whether it’s cause we have done travelling together before. The difference between the two of us is that I’m in a very different and (without sounding like a complete hole) more established career than said friend. I definitely have so much more to lose and I don’t feel like this person has anyone else’s interests at heart but their own. (I can’t be like that, I have to consider the bigger picture).

They aren’t keen on their job. They’ve been down graded (in pay only) due to changes in working patterns (less enhanced out of hours) and currently have protected pay which ends at the end of this year. However, they don’t seem to be doing anything now to help better their prospects at home and enabling themselves to make a better life within their current surroundings. They are “sick of the tit here”…. Maybe consider facing this head-on then instead of running away .


I understand I absolutely can say no, but it always feels very guilt trippy to me and they play on the use of “old times”. All I keep hearing is that New Zealand/Australia etc are having it just as bad as the U.K. at the moment, so why would I consider risking a career/decent pay to start from scratch when I could essentially have it so much worse.

We aren’t early 20s any more and it’s time to get real.

The only way I think I would consider the move is if I find a role within my current career field that offers me the equivalent amount of pay I currently earn (in alignment with cost of living in this other country). I don’t think that’s being unreasonable, for me I think that’s being adult/realistic.

I hear what my friend is saying and by all means go for it, but it may not be for me and that’s okay too.

Sorry to be blunt but why are you even considering it? It’s not a holiday, this is moving your whole life across the world for someone who doesn’t sound that great.

People need to stand on their own two feet, tell her you’ll visit. But if you do not want to go, don’t and be firm now.

I have a friend who always needs someone to go with her, we have to stand outside the pub as she won’t come in alone. We have to go out of our way to collect her as she won’t drive on her own. Minor in comparison but it gets frustrating and we’ve now started saying no and that she needs to meet us places. Tough love but she needs it.

 

[Slaybutter]

I cannot stop thinking about people who messed up my life over twenty years ago. It’s been twenty three years since I worked in this particular office. It was a toxic work environment, our boss was a vile pig. One woman derailed my life with her lies. When I was on maternity leave she was given my manager job. When I came back to work after five months I was asked to attend a return to work meeting. It was actually an ambush. I was accused of telling people she had stolen money. I hadn’t. It never happened. I never involved myself in office gossip. I was a good fair manager. I couldn’t defend myself I just sat there with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I was a terrible advocate for myself, couldn’t put up a fight. Didn’t know how.
I became a poor person overnight. From a great salary to benefits.
Still poor.
I saw her Facebook post about travelling to Australia. She bought a villa in Spain too. Happy photos, a spendy money lifestyle, travel, fun, smiles.
I can’t even take my kid on a weekend break.
Every fricken day I seem to relive some moment there. Ruminating about the mistakes I made. What I shoulda, coulda, woulda done differently.
Intellectually I know I should let go. That thinking about it just stops good stuff coming my way. But I feel so burned by this experience. It changed the whole trajectory of my life, completely.
The dumb thing is the office no longer exists. The whole operation was closed down. The building is something else. But the memory of it is still with me daily?
How do I put this away forever?

My mind always drifts to things out of my control and in the past when I’m not doing well in the present. If you start counting your blessings daily your focus will shift again.

That woman sounds truly awful. I’ve crossed paths with people like her and they just leave devastation in their wake. I’m sorry it’s happened to you ‍🩹
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My father played down his wedding Apparently, there was a celebration but the children were not invited. At least that’s the version of events he told my mother Kind of happy there’s a distance between me and him. What even is the truth

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

My car was stolen on Saturday, the police couldn't have cared less. When they finally called back, 12 hours after I reported it, they told me they'd closed the case but I could "have a look in the streets locally to see if it's been abandoned." No doubt they were too busy sexually assaulting women and arresting innocent black men to investigate an actual crime.

I have no idea where my tax money is going, because when I'm the victim of a crime I get no assistance from law enforcement, and my ongoing dealings with the NHS are at best lacking - my last four hospital appointments have been cancelled.