Support for anyone that needs to vent #3

[jojida]

I'm really, really struggling with my dad at the moment.

For context, my parents split up about 7 years ago now and my dad didn't see it coming whatsoever. Since the split, my mum has been kind enough to continue to pay half of the mortgage on the home that I grew up in as she views this as an investment for my sister and I, and my dad would absolutely have had to have moved otherwise. She's also more than happy to pay half for any repairs or work to be done to the house and has been asking for a list of works that need to be done for around 6 years now. My dad absolutely refuses to sit down and give her any idea of the works that need doing to the house and boy, is it a lot. I still live partially at home as I am saving for a house with my partner and I'm quite frankly embarrassed to have people over so I don't except for my boyfriend.

To make it worse, my dad drinks an awful lot recently (I'd say for the last two years this has been happening since he's been seeing a new partner who is fundamentally an alcoholic and my dad absolutely enables this behaviour as I think he may have an underlying issue too). He won't admin that he drinks too much as he can 'take a break' i.e. won't drink when he's got early work the next morning. When he's been drinking, however, he properly rants about my mum and how she 'doesn't care about this house so why should I?' when that just is outright wrong - she clearly wants to help with the house but isn't being allowed to do so. He'll just spend ages attacking her verbally, claiming she's pathetic and always thought she was too good for the family etc and it honestly drains my energy to the point where I don't even like talking to him regularly. He'll also tend to ag off my sister's partner who is disabled and can't work currently, claiming that he needs to 'get off his a and work' as if it's that easy.

There's no way I can physically talk to him about these problems and so that isn't an option - just needed to get this off my chest really! I know it'll be easier when I move out and I've got plans to do so by January, but lord is it grating in the meantime!

 

[flutternutter]

I ditched some friends because they just made me feel like tit all the time. They constantly went out without me, posting pics on social media and gushy posts about each other. I deleted them all off my insta but not facebook, i never use it bar groups I'm part of and they know that.
They share their instas to facebook. Strangely/to confirm my feelings, all the gushing has ceased since I deleted them... i noticed today when they posted the FIRST gushy post in months...
Its made me feel good that I was right but annoyed that they WERE posting them to upset me.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

I ditched some friends because they just made me feel like tit all the time. They constantly went out without me, posting pics on social media and gushy posts about each other. I deleted them all off my insta but not facebook, i never use it bar groups I'm part of and they know that.
They share their instas to facebook. Strangely/to confirm my feelings, all the gushing has ceased since I deleted them... i noticed today when they posted the FIRST gushy post in months...
Its made me feel good that I was right but annoyed that they WERE posting them to upset me.

Tbf my insta automatically shared to my FB without me setting it like that. You have to actively look to stop it from happening. So I wouldn’t read too much into that.

 

[tomato_paste]

Tbf my insta automatically shared to my FB without me setting it like that. You have to actively look to stop it from happening. So I wouldn’t read too much into that.

But that just proves their point, no? Suddenly the posts stopped?

I ditched some friends because they just made me feel like tit all the time. They constantly went out without me, posting pics on social media and gushy posts about each other. I deleted them all off my insta but not facebook, i never use it bar groups I'm part of and they know that.
They share their instas to facebook. Strangely/to confirm my feelings, all the gushing has ceased since I deleted them... i noticed today when they posted the FIRST gushy post in months...
Its made me feel good that I was right but annoyed that they WERE posting them to upset me.

What the heck kinda people are those? Sounds awful? Any reason they would behave so weirdly? Are they healous of your life?

 

[flutternutter]

But that just proves their point, no? Suddenly the posts stopped?



What the heck kinda people are those? Sounds awful? Any reason they would behave so weirdly? Are they healous of your life?

They are awful ppl... hence why I've finally cut them out. This has just proven it... it would happen at least fortnightly that they would post being out for a meal together or at an event i hadnt been invited to. Then i would get an invite and it would be followed with "can you drive"

Tbf my insta automatically shared to my FB without me setting it like that. You have to actively look to stop it from happening. So I wouldn’t read too much into that.

Im not reading into the sharing to fb. Im just explaining how i can still see their posts despite deleting them

 

[IrishMom30]

Hi everyone I hope it's ok to post here if not please feel free to delete it.
I am dealing with mean mom's at school there's like this queen bee mom and she's the head of this clique. Anyway my daughter is making her Holy Communion soon and this have masses every few weeks in preparation for it. The mass in January she was sick so I contacted one of the mom's on the communion committee about getting the newsletter she missed out on and she was nice about it and said she would give it to her daughter who is in the same class to give to my daughter. Days went by and no newsletter so I got my daughter to ask that little girl and she said she would bring it into school which never happened. That queen bee mom is the head of the communion committee and was giving me dirty looks at the school gate that week when we were asking for the newsletter. She told that mother not to give us the newsletter and now that mother doesn't take part in the organisation of the masses anymore. Then at the end of Feb/beginning of march I asked one of the other committee members if my daughter's name could be put down to bring up one of the gifts at the start of mass in April because she wanted to do it. (That committee member is best friends with the queen bee mom) she said of course and let me know that her name has been put down for consideration for mass in April and that she would let me know either way which never happened and she ignored me at the school gate. There were two masses this month with this mornings being the second mass and she wasn't chosen to bring up gifts at either mass but children of parents on the committee were chosen for both masses and they have brought up gifts at every mass since last year. It hasn't been done fairy at all and it's not just my child that has been excluded. I don't know what to do, the school have had complaints about the queen bee mom in the past because she used to be head of the parents association. she's not pleasant and talks to people like they are dirt at the bottom of her shoe. There's no point saying anything to her in person because it won't make a difference and she is very intimidating I wouldn't feel comfortable trying to confront her over it. I feel lost and I hate that my daughter was excluded and having her ask why the same kids do the gifts at mass and how she wasn't picked.

 

[Dianne]

My little rant is that I’m the only one in my group of friends who has had a baby. My friends are scattered across the country but I have a sneaking feeling they meet up but don’t invite me because I have a child. I know that my friend will have gone down to London for his birthday to stay with our friends who live there. I talk to them a lot online so I think it’s shady that they don’t mention that they’ve met up. They’ve also booked a holiday together and I only knew because I recently asked if they had any holiday plans this summer. I couldn’t go anyway but I wish they wouldn’t hide things from me!!

 

[BlueRose]

Pissed off.
Other half was going to see a councilor for his metal health issues. He only had two sessions and he said go he be going to gym tomorrow I said you can't your appointment..oh yeah I cancelled that he said casually to me. WTF.
He needs this help. But he like I didn't like the women. It wasn't going to work. He always gives up. He was like acting like I shouldn't of been told. He just doesn't think to talk to me. He just does stuff.

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Pissed off.
Other half was going to see a councilor for his metal health issues. He only had two sessions and he said go he be going to gym tomorrow I said you can't your appointment..oh yeah I cancelled that he said casually to me. WTF.
He needs this help. But he like I didn't like the women. It wasn't going to work. He always gives up. He was like acting like I shouldn't of been told. He just doesn't think to talk to me. He just does stuff.

I understand it must be very frustrating but as someone who’s had some councelling for my own MH, if he didn’t click with the councellor it wont work. Finding the right person can be tricky as if you don’t click with them you won’t open up about your issues.

At least going to the gym is good for MH but do encourage him to seek support. It might just take awhile to find the right person. And if he doesn’t do it, do it for him!

 

[Tove_drew]

Over a decade ago my aunt tore into me for choosing the degree I was about to do. She said some very cruel things and wouldn’t listen to my choice. She was always someone I looked up to and through the years I felt such sadness because I wanted to prove myself to her. Eventually I pulled away as I realised nothing I would do would be good enough in her eyes and I needed peace.

Just recently out of the blue she apologised to me for the things she said. She asked why I never spoke about it since then and I admitted I thought she forgot even if it was unforgettable for me. She spoke about how cruel the words were and it haunted her. She now says it was never about me, the degree or even about my future. It was about her fears about someone else in the family.

At first I felt this weight lifted but now as the dust settles I’m angry. I’m angry because I don’t trust her words. I don’t know which story to believe. I know she’s trying to be a better person and I’ve never heard her apologise before. What should I do?

 

[strawberrysunshine_x]

Over a decade ago my aunt tore into me for choosing the degree I was about to do. She said some very cruel things and wouldn’t listen to my choice. She was always someone I looked up to and through the years I felt such sadness because I wanted to prove myself to her. Eventually I pulled away as I realised nothing I would do would be good enough in her eyes and I needed peace.

Just recently out of the blue she apologised to me for the things she said. She asked why I never spoke about it since then and I admitted I thought she forgot even if it was unforgettable for me. She spoke about how cruel the words were and it haunted her. She now says it was never about me, the degree or even about my future. It was about her fears about someone else in the family.

At first I felt this weight lifted but now as the dust settles I’m angry. I’m angry because I don’t trust her words. I don’t know which story to believe. I know she’s trying to be a better person and I’ve never heard her apologise before. What should I do?

duck your aunt. What has someone else got an opinion over your choices. Especially when it’s about her fears for someone else ?? That’s bull.
if she said horrible things to you duck her. Family or not!!! Someone else’s opinion of you doesn’t define you. As long as you’re happy no one should care. If she has that cruel it’s not worth your time
Apologises if that was a bit Brutal but I hate family members like that. Just because they are family think they can talk to you like that. Well no one should!!

 

[OnlyHereForTheLolz]

Over a decade ago my aunt tore into me for choosing the degree I was about to do. She said some very cruel things and wouldn’t listen to my choice. She was always someone I looked up to and through the years I felt such sadness because I wanted to prove myself to her. Eventually I pulled away as I realised nothing I would do would be good enough in her eyes and I needed peace.

Just recently out of the blue she apologised to me for the things she said. She asked why I never spoke about it since then and I admitted I thought she forgot even if it was unforgettable for me. She spoke about how cruel the words were and it haunted her. She now says it was never about me, the degree or even about my future. It was about her fears about someone else in the family.

At first I felt this weight lifted but now as the dust settles I’m angry. I’m angry because I don’t trust her words. I don’t know which story to believe. I know she’s trying to be a better person and I’ve never heard her apologise before. What should I do?

I guess it depends if you’d like her back in your life. I forgive easily and tend to let things go but it doesn’t mean that I close my eyes to red flags

 

[tomato_paste]

Celebrated my birthday today. I am very lucky that I had many friends and family to celebrate it with but I'm super disappointed in my friends that live abroad. One of them claims we're besties even, but none of them sent as much as a "happy birthday" text, whereas I always make sure to add reminders to my calendar for theirs and send them a congrats on the day of...

And yeah I know I'm complaining on a very high level here as I know not everyone is as lucky as I am to have friends and family around... its just that they're really not matching whatever energy I put into the relationships and its making me sad.

 

[Carapop]

I am going to sound so petty and ungrateful but I need to have a whinge and this seems like a safe space!

A few years ago, I got a skincare tool (jade roller and gua sha set) free with other purchases. I’d no interest in it and offered to give it to my sister who was living with me at the time. I told her I’d never use it. She didn’t want it either. It’s lived in my bedroom dresser ever since.

Today, I got a delivery from Amazon with the exact same set. My birthday present from my sister. Of course I can only assume she doesn’t remember the incident a few years ago. She would never do it maliciously. But Now I have two when I didn’t even want one

it’s so hard to get presents for people but this is a difficult birthday (my first without our mum) and I’m just wtf’ing over such a weird gift

 

[jojida]

I am going to sound so petty and ungrateful but I need to have a whinge and this seems like a safe space!

A few years ago, I got a skincare tool (jade roller and gua sha set) free with other purchases. I’d no interest in it and offered to give it to my sister who was living with me at the time. I told her I’d never use it. She didn’t want it either. It’s lived in my bedroom dresser ever since.

Today, I got a delivery from Amazon with the exact same set. My birthday present from my sister. Of course I can only assume she doesn’t remember the incident a few years ago. She would never do it maliciously. But Now I have two when I didn’t even want one

it’s so hard to get presents for people but this is a difficult birthday (my first without our mum) and I’m just wtf’ing over such a weird gift

I totally get the frustration but I wonder if she'd had a conversation with someone about the same set and she's getting you confused? I wonder if it's grief that's not maybe disrupted her memory at all? Either way, I hope you don't feel too bad and I hope you had a lovely day despite the circumstances! I can't imagine how tough it must be to get that first one out of the way.

 

[Carapop]

I totally get the frustration but I wonder if she'd had a conversation with someone about the same set and she's getting you confused? I wonder if it's grief that's not maybe disrupted her memory at all? Either way, I hope you don't feel too bad and I hope you had a lovely day despite the circumstances! I can't imagine how tough it must be to get that first one out of the way.

Ah thank you. She’s totally forgotten what happened I’m entirely sure. She meant well. And she has her own worries beyond my silly bday. It’s almost funny. Im just hyper sensitive right now.

 

[Tove_drew]

Ah thank you. She’s totally forgotten what happened I’m entirely sure. She meant well. And she has her own worries beyond my silly bday. It’s almost funny. Im just hyper sensitive right now.

It’s okay to feel a bit miffed and you will probably look back at this and laugh eventually. There’s a chance she was scrolling gift ideas, saw the exact same set and thought “that rings a bell, did Carapop show this to me once? I know I’ll get this for her”.

It’s a hard time for you guys and it’s okay to be sensitive. I hope you treat yourself to something nice

 

[TheOC]

Honestly, things are just crap right now. I went through 2 rounds of interviews at my company for a more senior role only to be told they'd found an exceptional external candidate, and that I wasn't ready'. I'm so bored at my current job and the pay really isn't enough to be comfortable in London.

 

[Rxt156]

Honestly, things are just crap right now. I went through 2 rounds of interviews at my company for a more senior role only to be told they'd found an exceptional external candidate, and that I wasn't ready'. I'm so bored at my current job and the pay really isn't enough to be comfortable in London.

They might not think you’re ready but someone else will. Keep searching (preferably elsewhere!)

 

[childofthe70s]

My mum died in November, she was highly abusive and controlling, as well as I cared for her for many years. People were quick to send their sympathies and say on meeting up for a cuppa when I was reading. None have followed through. I live alone, never married or could have kids, but very busy with work and see as well as support lots of lovely people. However, I feel very lonely and need some company.
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Sorry ready not reading - didn't see my typo.