Thread recap:
Due to the delays of the reveal of the mausoleum we’ve struggled to write our latest summary. As our idol was of no fixed address all this time we… Hopefully we’ve covered all bases.
The Pillow Princess of Pascoe Vale put us through a pyjama party for no real purpose. There was snacks and a movie, but no real correlation between the book release and pyjamas. What was the movie? The Neverending Story? 50 Shade of Grey? Step Mom? We think she’s trying to tell us something, but the best we can come up with is Jaryd is Susan Sarandon. Maybe Thelma and Louise would have been a better choice given all the references to law and disorder.
The Super Sexual Strathmore Sista knows her demographic well. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. So much so that none of the attendees realised she’s exactly the reason why their high school experience sucked. She’s not your friend and is only talking to you because of a perceived social and economic gain. But she’s always open to lunch with new friends. #algorithm
The Essendon Ego showed us why dinner parties with school friends suck when you have nothing in common to talk about. She reminded us of how important it is to #beyou authentically, unless you’re someone she has no interest in. At dinner parties it’s never ok to talk diamonds over dessert, only labias over lunch. June Dally-Watkins taught us that in deportment school. For someone emotionally gay, she spends all her time up the boys end of the table.
Tickets from Tullamarine taught us that feminism is great, unless it’s for other females. MummaG, who raised 4 girls & is hands on with 12 grandkids, supported her husband’s career and works, just doesn’t love old mate enough. The same old mate that preaches self care & enjoys time away to fulfill her pursuits whilst co parenting with the assistance of the EA and in-laws. She thinks irony is something you do to you husband’s wrinkly shirt. Probably why she doesn’t get it. We light a candle for MummaG and say a little prayer for the ultimate working mum. We don’t blame you.
The Aberfeldie Author launched her book tour. Throngs of people crowded the shopping centres… to go about their usual business. Walking idly by, unaware they were in the presence of greatness these poor unmotivated people missed getting their next door stopper signed. Sadly, a couple of babies were tormented in the process but we’re relieved to say Soph’s diversionary tactics saved them from an incidental photoshoot with the next potential leader of our country.
The Norwood Know-It-All knows when her (automated) mortgage payment is due, but not when to order a cake for her kid’s birthdays or when it’s a pupil free day. Must have also missed the memo about the parent info night on Bodysafe at school. Consent, learning correct anatomy, safety and enjoyment are the keys to happiness, not setting a goal to gobble the whole footy team. More is not always more.
The Bendigo Bewilderment & Bookphobia hosted a q&a with some other woman who probably needed her own therapy forum. The current flame got to come along, despite ranking no more than an ‘ensemble’ role in the book. She cried. We all felt uncomfortable so sent the tapes to the FBI to decipher any sign of code communication. Initial reports from Quantico have us believe she’s blinking in Morse code. A multi agency extraction is being considered. We’ll ask the SWOT team to kindly not park across the footpath when they barge in.
Rescue attempt at the other gossip forum proved fruitful and we were able to free more stragglers. We came back for you because we loved so hard. #notspon Your Balenciaga is on its way.
omny.fm
but Sophie is always a bitch
