Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

[Thank(space)you]

Apparently, she was diagnosed after the Kickstarter.

Did the launch party ever take place btw??View attachment 1706324

People come for recipes not petty spats. Quite. Now apply that logic to your twitter

*apologies not slop related

 

[IcanSpellBéchamel]

I chose the brie and bacon risotto as I thought it would be reasonably edible rather than wasting food. There are two versions of this, one on her website and one in AGCJ.

First, like a hunter-gatherer, I sourced the ingredients. The recipe doesn’t specify what kind of rice (as they are all interchangeable) but is costed using long-grain white rice. I only had Basmati so that was what I used. I also had the stock cube, onion and cranberry sauce.

Sainsbury’s had the cooking bacon, but the essentials Brie was out of stock. There is no parsley in my garden so I bought some.

There are two pictures of this recipe: neither matches up to the instructions given.

This picture from the website shows the cheese (only 20g per portion) as a garnish rather than swirled in, and rather less than half a handful of parsley.
In AGCJ:

The cheese garnish has been replaced by cranberry sauce (again, the recipe calls for it to be swirled in) and there’s still almost no parsley.

Time to sling the slop! With advice from the canal, I used the book recipe and quantities.

First, chop the bacon and rinse. The website says rinse for five!!!!! minutes but I’m on a water meter so duck that. i rinsed it thoroughly, then put it together with the onion in a cold pan.

As should be obvious to any slopslinger, wet bacon in a cold dry pan with onions will exude water as well as fat, so the onions will taste boiled.

Once the onions are cooked, we add the rice and toast it a bit in the watery fat. Delicious!

Next add half the stock, allow to absorb and add the rest gradually until the rice is just about al dente.

Boiled bacon! Delectable.
Next, swirl in the Brie and the cranberry sauce, and top with the parsley. So much parsley, but that’s the recipe.

Not having any wallpaper, I improvised with the wrapper from a Who Gives a Crap bogroll, as it felt somehow appropriate.

The result was… not good. Not awful - it’s edible - but it could be so much better without compromising on cost.

The Brie and cranberry sauce are completely overpowered by the stock, the huge amount of parsley, the bland rice and the boiled onions. The bacon is tasteless and chewy, and the rice isn’t creamy like arborio would be.

Some wine/lemon juice/pepper/butter would have helped but they are not in the recipe so I didn’t add them. I’m not going to waste this but equally I can’t eat it as it is, so it’s going in the fridge and I’ll add a few things and make arancini with it later.

In Jack’s favour, this does make two generous portions of about 475 calories each.

Verdict: Tasteless slop with chewy bits.

 

[HaveTinCanRattle]

I chose the brie and bacon risotto as I thought it would be reasonably edible rather than wasting food. There are two versions of this, one on her website and one in AGCJ.

First, like a hunter-gatherer, I sourced the ingredients. The recipe doesn’t specify what kind of rice (as they are all interchangeable) but is costed using long-grain white rice. I only had Basmati so that was what I used. I also had the stock cube, onion and cranberry sauce.

Sainsbury’s had the cooking bacon, but the essentials Brie was out of stock. There is no parsley in my garden so I bought some.
View attachment 1706344

There are two pictures of this recipe: neither matches up to the instructions given.
View attachment 1706351
This picture from the website shows the cheese (only 20g per portion) as a garnish rather than swirled in, and rather less than half a handful of parsley.
In AGCJ:
View attachment 1706358
The cheese garnish has been replaced by cranberry sauce (again, the recipe calls for it to be swirled in) and there’s still almost no parsley.

Time to sling the slop! With advice from the canal, I used the book recipe and quantities.

First, chop the bacon and rinse. The website says rinse for five!!!!! minutes but I’m on a water meter so duck that. i rinsed it thoroughly, then put it together with the onion in a cold pan.

View attachment 1706366
As should be obvious to any slopslinger, wet bacon in a cold dry pan with onions will exude water as well as fat, so the onions will taste boiled.

Once the onions are cooked, we add the rice and toast it a bit in the watery fat. Delicious!
View attachment 1706372
Next add half the stock, allow to absorb and add the rest gradually until the rice is just about al dente.
View attachment 1706374
Boiled bacon! Delectable.
Next, swirl in the Brie and the cranberry sauce, and top with the parsley. So much parsley, but that’s the recipe.

View attachment 1706375

Not having any wallpaper, I improvised with the wrapper from a Who Gives a Crap bogroll, as it felt somehow appropriate.

The result was… not good. Not awful - it’s edible - but it could be so much better without compromising on cost.

The Brie and cranberry sauce are completely overpowered by the stock, the huge amount of parsley, the bland rice and the boiled onions. The bacon is tasteless and chewy, and the rice isn’t creamy like arborio would be.

Some wine/lemon juice/pepper/butter would have helped but they are not in the recipe so I didn’t add them. I’m not going to waste this but equally I can’t eat it as it is, so it’s going in the fridge and I’ll add a few things and make arancini with it later.

In Jack’s favour, this does make two generous portions of about 475 calories each.

Verdict: Tasteless slop with chewy bits.

Shall we put you down as a "maybe", dear heart?

 

[Smol Pixel]

I can’t see Red Wine and Mushroom Risotto on there, so I will choose that, as all rice interchangeable and OH is a bit of a risotto fan. Will use this recipe

Jack Monroe’s red wine and mushroom risotto is the perfect dinner time recipe

Rich, filling and using mainly store cupboard ingredients

www.redonline.co.uk

I will donate the cost of the ingredients to my local food bank too. I will also cost the recipes. I would edit the spreadsheet but I can’t see how to. Sorry.
Edited to add its from A Hirl Called Jack

Ooh. You get to heat the oil in the pan before adding any ingredients. Chapeau on this find, dear heart.

 

[HaveTinCanRattle]

Slightly off-topic, but your name reminded me @IcanSpellBéchamel

I spent so long yesterday muttering "mee fwoy" under my breath and shaking my head like I'd just been presented with a piano that I could no longer pronounce it properly. To be clear, it took me months to learn it back in the day. I almost flounced because I was so distraught.

Anyway, that is DIRE. Thank(space)you for all you do.

 

[colouredlines]

Verdict: Tasteless slop with chewy bits.

Ahh, chewy bits. This must be one of Jack's better recipes.

 

[MistyWindows]

@Valiofthedolls come to bed carbonara

Bonus pic of Jack from the book

Every single paragraph of that recipe is bogging. Sex Jack is my least favourite and cream in carbonara is morally wrong.

 

[Lazarus]

I just remembered I had the evidence of the dx - 19th October 2016. The recipe was published on her blog in January 2016 so her decline was very swift. From doing six mile runs (always impressed by any single mum who can fit exercise into her day as it’s pretty hard when you have small children) to being barely able to walk in less than 10 months

View attachment 1706352
ETA you will be pleased to hear that she could in fact still hold her brushes as she was posting selfies on the makeup site for another year - including her daily lipstick advent calendar all through December 2016.

Sorry, just to say, a GP saying that “it seems” she has RA isn’t a proper diagnosis.
A friend of mine has it, and I’m sure the process involved blood tests, a referral to a rheumatologist and lots of trying different medicines. I don’t recall her crying her makeup off on the train afterwards either.

 

[HaveTinCanRattle]

Sorry, just to say, a GP saying that “it seems” she has RA isn’t a proper diagnosis.
A friend of mine has it, and I’m sure the process involved blood tests, a referral to a rheumatologist and lots of trying different medicines. I don’t recall her crying her makeup off on the train afterwards either.

Yes, this happens all the time with Jack's GP though.
"It seems to me, my dear, that you are ailing with the arthritis/the autism/covidius longem" <tokes on pipe and checks fob watch>
I'm lucky if mine has found me on the system by the end of a 10-minute appointment.

 

[Penelope_Ghent]

Ooh. You get to heat the oil in the pan before adding any ingredients. Chapeau on this find, dear heart.

Thank(space)you. Let’s hope it helps the taste/texture a lot.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Tattlers! Whilst baby mini ninny is gently sleeping, and rain has left us housebound, me and my OH went on a culinary adventure of the Crappucino. Here’s how it went!
View attachment 1706257
we had no whole milk and using SBs oat milk felt wasteful, so semi skimmed it was. I don’t think it would have made a difference. The “recipe” says to add oats, then ice, milk, coffee & sugar - I used a full tablespoon of each - why not just say “put all ingredients in and blend”? This was the blended result:

View attachment 1706260
I did not need to add water to loosen it as the recipe suggested I might.
How did it taste? Dire. A full tablespoon of coffee is too much, it was incredibly bitter even with the tablespoon of sugar, it gave me a headache. It was the texture that really made it awful though, I blended it for the few seconds suggested and then did a few more for good measure, but the oat lumps remained. I don’t know what everyone else looks for in an iced coffee, but I’m not after grainy oat lumps. I think the only possible use for this drink would be as a pre-colonoscopy cleanse? OH said he would give it minus points if he could, we’re having cups of tea now instead.
Total cost: 0p as I had all the ingredients in already and therefore do not have to include the cost in my performative weekly shop.
Marks out of 5: 1/5, better as a drain unblocker or if you want to give yourself a headache for some reason.

You brave ninny!

 

[MrsFawlty]

Multiple fistfuls
Go well pal x

Private Site

Mmmmm, mint and bacon pasta. Not really *bleurgh*

 

[Geetbo]

I chose the brie and bacon risotto as I thought it would be reasonably edible rather than wasting food. There are two versions of this, one on her website and one in AGCJ.

First, like a hunter-gatherer, I sourced the ingredients. The recipe doesn’t specify what kind of rice (as they are all interchangeable) but is costed using long-grain white rice. I only had Basmati so that was what I used. I also had the stock cube, onion and cranberry sauce.

Sainsbury’s had the cooking bacon, but the essentials Brie was out of stock. There is no parsley in my garden so I bought some.
View attachment 1706344

There are two pictures of this recipe: neither matches up to the instructions given.
View attachment 1706351
This picture from the website shows the cheese (only 20g per portion) as a garnish rather than swirled in, and rather less than half a handful of parsley.
In AGCJ:
View attachment 1706358
The cheese garnish has been replaced by cranberry sauce (again, the recipe calls for it to be swirled in) and there’s still almost no parsley.

Time to sling the slop! With advice from the canal, I used the book recipe and quantities.

First, chop the bacon and rinse. The website says rinse for five!!!!! minutes but I’m on a water meter so duck that. i rinsed it thoroughly, then put it together with the onion in a cold pan.

View attachment 1706366
As should be obvious to any slopslinger, wet bacon in a cold dry pan with onions will exude water as well as fat, so the onions will taste boiled.

Once the onions are cooked, we add the rice and toast it a bit in the watery fat. Delicious!
View attachment 1706372
Next add half the stock, allow to absorb and add the rest gradually until the rice is just about al dente.
View attachment 1706374
Boiled bacon! Delectable.
Next, swirl in the Brie and the cranberry sauce, and top with the parsley. So much parsley, but that’s the recipe.

View attachment 1706375

Not having any wallpaper, I improvised with the wrapper from a Who Gives a Crap bogroll, as it felt somehow appropriate.

The result was… not good. Not awful - it’s edible - but it could be so much better without compromising on cost.

The Brie and cranberry sauce are completely overpowered by the stock, the huge amount of parsley, the bland rice and the boiled onions. The bacon is tasteless and chewy, and the rice isn’t creamy like arborio would be.

Some wine/lemon juice/pepper/butter would have helped but they are not in the recipe so I didn’t add them. I’m not going to waste this but equally I can’t eat it as it is, so it’s going in the fridge and I’ll add a few things and make arancini with it later.

In Jack’s favour, this does make two generous portions of about 475 calories each.

Verdict: Tasteless slop with chewy bits.

Tbf I think edible is about as good as it gets for jackslops.

 

[Formal Chicken]

@Notmycat I think I’ll go for something potato based! Could I see the recipes for patatas bravas (TCC) and Bombay potatoes (YI120R)

 

[That Forensic Man]

@That Forensic Man please put me down for “I cannot get enough of this 5 minute thing” (from CoaB), dear one.
Who bleeping knows what it is - it contains beans, pulses or lentils but beyond that, I am stumped.
If you could enlighten me @Notmycat, then I will make it this week.
🫡

@That Forensic Man I’m up for trying the microwah-vey mac’n’cheese. I may be wrong but doesn’t look like this has been tried before. I’ll opt for the marmite variant, rather than spinach. The comments about lumps on the BBC Good Food website aren’t filling me with positive vibes.

You're both in at positions 18 and 39 respectively

I can’t see Red Wine and Mushroom Risotto on there, so I will choose that, as all rice interchangeable and OH is a bit of a risotto fan. Will use this recipe

Jack Monroe’s red wine and mushroom risotto is the perfect dinner time recipe

Rich, filling and using mainly store cupboard ingredients

www.redonline.co.uk

I will donate the cost of the ingredients to my local food bank too. I will also cost the recipes. I would edit the spreadsheet but I can’t see how to. Sorry.
Edited to add its from A Hirl Called Jack

Added for you PG

I chose the brie and bacon risotto as I thought it would be reasonably edible rather than wasting food. There are two versions of this, one on her website and one in AGCJ.

First, like a hunter-gatherer, I sourced the ingredients. The recipe doesn’t specify what kind of rice (as they are all interchangeable) but is costed using long-grain white rice. I only had Basmati so that was what I used. I also had the stock cube, onion and cranberry sauce.

Sainsbury’s had the cooking bacon, but the essentials Brie was out of stock. There is no parsley in my garden so I bought some.
View attachment 1706344

There are two pictures of this recipe: neither matches up to the instructions given.
View attachment 1706351
This picture from the website shows the cheese (only 20g per portion) as a garnish rather than swirled in, and rather less than half a handful of parsley.
In AGCJ:
View attachment 1706358
The cheese garnish has been replaced by cranberry sauce (again, the recipe calls for it to be swirled in) and there’s still almost no parsley.

Time to sling the slop! With advice from the canal, I used the book recipe and quantities.

First, chop the bacon and rinse. The website says rinse for five!!!!! minutes but I’m on a water meter so duck that. i rinsed it thoroughly, then put it together with the onion in a cold pan.

View attachment 1706366
As should be obvious to any slopslinger, wet bacon in a cold dry pan with onions will exude water as well as fat, so the onions will taste boiled.

Once the onions are cooked, we add the rice and toast it a bit in the watery fat. Delicious!
View attachment 1706372
Next add half the stock, allow to absorb and add the rest gradually until the rice is just about al dente.
View attachment 1706374
Boiled bacon! Delectable.
Next, swirl in the Brie and the cranberry sauce, and top with the parsley. So much parsley, but that’s the recipe.

View attachment 1706375

Not having any wallpaper, I improvised with the wrapper from a Who Gives a Crap bogroll, as it felt somehow appropriate.

The result was… not good. Not awful - it’s edible - but it could be so much better without compromising on cost.

The Brie and cranberry sauce are completely overpowered by the stock, the huge amount of parsley, the bland rice and the boiled onions. The bacon is tasteless and chewy, and the rice isn’t creamy like arborio would be.

Some wine/lemon juice/pepper/butter would have helped but they are not in the recipe so I didn’t add them. I’m not going to waste this but equally I can’t eat it as it is, so it’s going in the fridge and I’ll add a few things and make arancini with it later.

In Jack’s favour, this does make two generous portions of about 475 calories each.

Verdict: Tasteless slop with chewy bits.

Well slung @IcanSpellBéchamel, chapeau!
Tasteless slop with chewy bits sounds like a 3 - Middle class to me, all in favour? The highest scoring recipe so far

 

[OpalMushroom]

I believe @traumatised sideboard made this a while ago and it was, as predicted, revolting.

Thank(space)you, I’ve just found it on the Wiki. Will have a lot of fun reading through the rest of it

 

[That Forensic Man]

@That Forensic Man please put me down for “I cannot get enough of this 5 minute thing” (from CoaB), dear one.
Who bleeping knows what it is - it contains beans, pulses or lentils but beyond that, I am stumped.
If you could enlighten me @Notmycat, then I will make it this week.
🫡

I found this version on the website

Private Site

cookingonabootstrap.com

Grab a jar with a good lid. Put the dressing ingredients in it and screw on said lid. Shake it all about like you’re Tom Cruise, either in Cocktail or leaping up and down on the Oprah sofa, your shout. Remove lid. Dip a finger in. Yummy isn’t it? If you disagree, add some more of something to balance it to your liking. Set to one side.

 

[BlairWaldorf86]

I found this version on the website

Private Site

cookingonabootstrap.com

Oh no
🫣

 

[Lazarus]

Owing to a lack of fresh mint in half of the big four, I’m going for Jack’s winter pesto.
Thyme, rosemary and parsley pesto will be coming up tomorrow.

Private Site

cookingonabootstrap.com

 

[NobblyBobbly]

Fantastic slop slinging all!! @IcanSpellBéchamel valiant effort making that look presentable. You can't polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley.