Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe

[VeniVidiVicki]

Can I just give a big chapeau to all the frauen chopping lines of dry ingredients?

Truly


And I am also angry at wasting all that food. It’s really upset me. But while the slopathon started as a joke, I think it’s done a blinding job of exposing what an utter charlatan she is. And how she’s been enabled by the media - not least the bloody BBC - to profit from their endorsement.

I can’t bear the idea of people who don’t know how to cook wasting food and losing confidence in their cooking. We know there are some very vulnerable people who follow her, not just the do good mc people who buy her books and clearly have never even cracked their spines. It‘s horrible to think of people spending limited budgets to make food that is tasteless, badly made and nutritionally poor.

Her enablers should be bloody ashamed of themselves. And I include Nigella in that.

 

[Grizzlybear]

150c?! For bread? LJC

 

[ContentCrunch]

Phase 3. Out of the airing cupboard and into an oven at 150C (fan), which seems quite low for bread, but what do I know, Jack has made LOADS OF LOAVES. there's no instruction from Jack about what to do in terms of covering the loaf for the second rise (despite her kneadlessly pedantic instructions for kneading) so I asked Mr Beacon what he thought - so we ended up covering it with cling film again. Possibly an error as I think it has stopped it rising. Or possibly a blessing in disguise in case it was going to achieve sentience in the airing cupboard. Anyway. We bake this bugger for an HOUR now.
View attachment 1709330View attachment 1709331

I am so excited for this bread I really, really hope it works out for you. Your commitment to the cause is noble

 

[Foxvint]

All the bean rinsing photos keep reminding me of Kayne doing this

 

[MavisBeacon]

150c?! For bread? LJC

I KNOW

 

[OwlChampagne]

I have a fan oven that I normally reduce the temperature and time when cooking however as no mention is made of this (and usually in cookbooks it does talk about this) I gave it the full 45 mins. After the time was up I took it out, and it was still liquid so I put it back in for another 12 mins, however that was enough for it to sink. It then got taken out of the oven and left to cool. I then girded my loins and did like Jack did and cut a slice.
The inside was wet and soggy, there is no way that would every dry out and become a cake, and no Jack that isn't fudgy, it is just soggy
I then tasted it. It tasted of water with a bitter disgusting aftertaste. No chocolate, very little lime, and not in the slightest bit sweet. This recipe has never been made by her as it simply wouldn't work. There is no way that anyone would willingly eat this. This actually makes me really angry as if you were hard up that would be money wasted as not way could this be eaten, and if you weren't a baker you would think you had done something wrong. I suggest zooming in on the cut slice photo to see the true horror.

If in being kind I would give it a 1

Why does she hate cake so much!

 

[Foxvint]

Why does she hate cake so much!

A decent cake can be 4 ingredients plus cheap vanilla extract. There is no fuckin call for courgettes. It literally costs more to do it her vile way

 

[overdueanadventure]

Can I just give a big chapeau to all the frauen chopping lines of dry ingredients?

Truly


And I am also angry at wasting all that food. It’s really upset me. But while the slopathon started as a joke, I think it’s done a blinding job of exposing what an utter charlatan she is. And how she’s been enabled by the media - not least the bloody BBC - to profit from their endorsement.

I can’t bear the idea of people who don’t know how to cook wasting food and losing confidence in their cooking. We know there are some very vulnerable people who follow her, not just the do good mc people who buy her books and clearly have never even cracked their spines. It‘s horrible to think of people spending limited budgets to make food that is tasteless, badly made and nutritionally poor.

Her enablers should be bloody ashamed of themselves. And I include Nigella in that.

Yes, in all seriousness, a few years ago if I'd tried cooking some of the things we've had in this thread, I would have thought it was my fault and been upset & put off cooking.

 

[Notmycat]

8 quid for lasagne is well expensive. Plus time and oven cost. You can get the Tesco finest or fancy Charlie Bingham 1 for less than that or 2 large fish an chips down the chippy. I am gobsmacked by these results. She is to food what Harold Shipman was to health care

thread title nomination - She is to food what Harold Shipman was to health care

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Why does she hate cake food and the people she wants to cook and eat her recipes so much!

FIFY. TOO SHORT.

 

[HaveTinCanRattle]

Other than once on DKL, I don't think I've ever seen her eat anything she's cooked. Never tasted part-way through. Nada. For jokes, I googled images of "jack monroe eating" and then "nigella eating". Compare and contrast.

She hates cake because it's a subset of food @OwlChampagne

 

[Don't Panic]

Coming out of hiding because I’m miles behind on these threads now, but I just had to do a mega grunk overnight on this cookery masterclass!
Frauen, as I read through the night, it was like I was there with you in your kitchens, the smells wafting past me, filling up my olfactory spaces.
Then I realised it was just my OH farting whilst he slumbered, and it made me even more! Chapeau to you all! Now duck off.

 

[OwlChampagne]

FIFY. TOO SHORT.

I don't think she cares if anyone cooks her slop as long as they give her money.

Also, I've noticed she buys a lot of takeaways for a self described "chef"

 

[Whaa?]

I really hope not.

Was the book 'donated' to foodbanks better than later ones?

I think she has only published Good Food for Bad Days after Tin Can Cook. Tin Can Cook is appalling. I have yet to see Good Food for Bad Days in a charity shop, which is the only place, other than 99p kindle, I would buy it from.

 

[House of Carbonara]

Yes, in all seriousness, a few years ago if I'd tried cooking some of the things we've had in this thread, I would have thought it was my fault and been upset & put off cooking.

Seriously now - I believe we could start a revolution, ninnies! As we said before, put together a book of cheap, easy to make recipes. We could easily do it - just imagine how many people could benefit! Breaks my heart thinking how many inexperienced cooks will end up living on pot noodles and microwave meals because they are now convinced they can't cook.

 

[Onestorytoomany]

Here's where I got to with the pineapple upside down chicken before I went out and ate professionally-cooked chicken earlier.

Basically anything that isn't pineapple or chicken goes in the blender, then you chuck the resulting 'paste' over the chicken and leave it for a bit.

Spoiler: Annotated instructions and comments

View attachment 1709103You can't get it that smooth. It doesn't matter if your onion and garlic is finely minced or liquidised, the flavours have released, job done.I chose not to use a plastic bag, I thought of the environment and used a perfectly good container that I already have. And a spoon. I'm not convinced of this lemon starts to cook things after 24 hours claim. Im sure it's less than that and given previous claims about bromelain in tinned pineapple, Jack has proven herself to be far from credible in this arena.
Also I can't resist correcting the spelling on marinated because I am a petty linguist b.

Spoiler: Graphic images of bubbling slop

View attachment 1709118This is all the ingredients gently, painstakingly measured into the micro? macro? blender.
View attachment 1709121This is my attempt at a smooth paste. I'm not made of money, it had a good 90 seconds. That'll do.
View attachment 1709125This is what it looked like 20 seconds later when I remembered to add the pineapple juice from the can. Some sort of reaction is happening because it started to bubble.
View attachment 1709133
And here it is in the LeCreuset atop 4 (not 8) chicken thighs. The chicken came in a pack of 6, and I wasn't buying 2 packs. There are 2 each for me and my Old Harold, and 2 for my SG which will be seasoned with salt, pepper and rosemary (which I went with as my herb of choice for purposes of the recipe), to be on the safe side. No need to call the CPS, concerned fraus.

I'm not sure if the marinade was emitting some kind of gas or my phone de-focused itself as a protective measure but I stuck a lid on it, threw it in the fridge and drove for an hour until I was far enough away from it to feel safe again.

Current transmission ends.
More later.

Oh pet, its looks like you got put on beer garden clean up in spoons.

 

[That Forensic Man]

I used a tsp of bouillon powder rather than a stock cube

I deviated from the instructions as written by stirring occasionally. I simply didn't realise that she told readers to stir at every other point in the recipe but not here. Sorry! I hope I haven't ruined it.

I added a pinch of salt (none listed in the ingredients or method)

It's clear that it hasn't been tested. A confident cook is likely to avoid most of the problems by ignoring her instructions, but for anyone else this recipe is going to lead to waste and disappointment.

Maybe we should institute a rule of 3 tweaks max, or maybe even 2 or 1 as I feel fraus have been very generous correcting things as they go (not picking on you @Lucky Escape it just occurred to me as I read yours). That is despite them apparently having little chance of improving the outcome or it going from inedible to edible, but that would at least keep us strict and in the spirit of sticking to the recipes as written. Thoughts?

I'd argue for 1 tweak allowed, excluding minor ingredient substitutions. That's on the grounds that reporting "I followed the recipe but changed this, this and this" is overly generous.

 

[mince]

Exactly this! The quantities sound off but the ingredients themselves are pretty standard. Mincing up the mushrooms is a fine idea. But it’s just so badly executed.

Yes! Blitz your shrooms, but then do as Ottolenghi (Helloed Be His Name) does for his spicy mushroom lasagne and bake them off near the top of a really hot oven. Oh my

 

[ClarenceBeakes]

Grunking like a mofo but it seems very quiet in jackanory land ATM. Possibly, in advance of the new book the publishers have told her to wind her neck in (seems unlikely), or (more likely) the brown stuff has really hit the ventilation device in regard to her maverick methods of raising funds.

All the lefty blue tickers are huffing and puffing about Elon musk over on the haunted bird app and its hard to imagine she wouldn't want to get involved for some sweet blue tick attention.

What a time to be alive!

 

[Valiofthedolls]

Maybe we should institute a rule of 3 tweaks max, or maybe even 2 or 1 as I feel fraus have been very generous correcting things as they go (not picking on you @Lucky Escape it just occurred to me as I read yours). That is despite them apparently having little chance of improving the outcome or it going from inedible to edible, but that would at least keep us strict and in the spirit of sticking to the recipes as written. Thoughts?

I'd argue for 1 tweak allowed, excluding minor ingredient substitutions. It feels like reporting "I followed the recipe but changed this, this and this" is overly generous.

I’m a zero tweak advocate myself. If you’re an inexperienced cook reliant on her books, you’re not going to know how/what to tweak.

i liked the @Lucky Escape and others’ approach that summarizes all the things that should have been done differently by Jack to make the recipe better, while sticking to the tit recipe to the letter as much as possible