And then slop in a bin. Go well, tender one x"transformed from slop in a tin" to.....slop on a plate
Slopalong: Cooking with Jack Monroe
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And this is why I’ll never give you up, Fraus
I'm considering ordering some temporary tattoos and not scrubbing my nails for a week, for authenticity.
Delurking to applaud the slop photo spoons - 
bravo
bravo 
Just get a child to draw on you with a felt tip pen after consuming way too much sugar for those authentic wonky #jacktats.
Make sure the 417 is upside-down!
Whhhhhhy wouldn’t you fry the onions for that mince dish first? What does she have against onions to use them so cruelly?
I’m gonna do a dump in a bag.
For the love of all that is holy will she please stop rinsing things. Bacon ffs!
Maybe bacon is vegan if you rinse it first?
This post has me cracking up laughing. Brilliant!Today I cooked Bread, Bean & Fennel Stew
Bread, Bean & Fennel Stew, 17p
The idea of putting bread in stew is one that dates back hundreds of years, to a medieval broth known as ‘caudle’. It is both a use-up for stale bread, or crusts cut off for fussy children, and add…cookingonabootstrap.com
A couple of points before I start:
1. Even though it would have been more authentic not to, I did wash my hands before and throughout making this, as needed.
2. I don't have any rolls of wallpaper lying around so I used wrapping paper instead. Hopefully whoever ends up getting a present wrapped in this doesn't mind a few stray crumbs.
I actually thought this looked quite nice from the recipe photo but compare what you can see in the bowl with the ingredient list:
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The version in the photo has at least two different types of beans, I see some sweetcorn, cheese, and it looks a bit oily. None of that is in the ingredient list. She says in the intro that you can use any type of beans and she sometimes uses kidney beans but baked beans are best. I think it's misleading to show a photo that is not actually of the recipe as written. I followed the written instructions as closely as I could.
Step 1. Rinse the baked beans and put in a pan. This is a tomato based dish so I don't really see why you'd bother rinsing the beans. I think this was written with a tin of kidney beans in mind. But, it says rinse, and so I rinsed.
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Step 2. Bring the beans, tin of tomatoes, herbs and stock to the boil and simmer for 20 minutes until the beans start to soften. Again, this was clearly not written with baked beans in mind. They were very soft straight out of the tin. Also, in the intro she says to use either fennel or mixed herbs plus some sugar, but there is no sugar listed in the ingredients so I just use mixed herbs.
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Step 3. Rip the bread into chunks, mix through and heat for another few minutes.
Step 4. Enjoy! At this point I realise that the lemon juice was never used. Good job I didn't buy it just for this.
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You can see this looks nothing like the recipe photo. This supposedly serves four so one portion is essentially half a slice of bread, a quarter of a tin of tomatoes and a quarter of a tin of baked beans. Yum. So filling.
Rating scale from the Wiki:
1- Dire
2 - Terrible
3 - Middle class
4 - Inhale greedily
5 - Ovary groaner
Taste: 3. It just tasted of tinned tomatoes.
Texture: 1. Snotty. Imagine eating a jar of baked-bean-on-toast flavour baby food. I think I could only eat it because I used crusts of bread so they held together ok. Slices would have just turned to slime. I had to eat a bag of crisps straight after this to apologise to my mouth and give it some flavour and crunch.
Look: 2. a dry yet gloopy looking mush dotted with baked bean skins.
Process: 3. It's a very easy recipe: rinse beans, simmer with other ingredients, add bread, eat. But this scores only a 3 because of all the inconsistencies - different ingredients mentioned in the intro, ingredient list and instructions.
Nutrition: 2. It's got carbs, fibre, protein and veg but the calories are woefully inadequate:
1 tin beans: 364
1 tin tomatoes: 88
2 slices of bread: 188
stock: 16
total = 656 so one portion is only 164 calories which is ridiculously pathetic. You'd have to eat over 12 portions of this to hit your daily calories. (ETA this is actually an overestimate because the bean sauce was all washed away)
cost: 5 I already had everything I needed so I looked up prices online. I didn't have the cheapest version of all the ingredients e.g. Kingsmill rather than value bread so you could make this cheaper if you wanted. I gave this a high score because the ingredients you need to buy in bulk (bread, stock cubes, mixed herbs) are not unusual and would easily by used up for other meals before they go off. One thing I noticed was that prices for smart price beans and chopped tomatoes seem not to have really changed since she published this at the beginning of 2018:
1 tin beans: 27p (27p for tin)
1 tin tomatoes: 32p (32p for tin)
2 slices of bread: 12.5p (£1.25 for loaf)
stock: 10.4p (£2.50 for box of 24 cubes)
1/4 teaspoon mixed herbs: 2p (£1.05 for 30g tub)
Lemon juice: not used
total cost: £5.39
cost for just amount used: 84p
cost per portion: 21p
Overall Rating: 2. Edible but boring and gloopy and not very nutritious. The worst thing about this recipe is that I think the original version that the photo is of was probably quite nice. It looks like maybe you would have fried up some onions and added different veg and multiple types of beans. But probably that worked out too expensive and so she just crossed out half the ingredients, didn't test it and called it done.
Among the many many lines I loved, I am quoting my favourite
'so she just crossed out half the ingredients, didn't test it and called it done'.
Off now to catch up on the posts from all you other wonderful people who are doing this brave deed, testing these 'recipes'.
If you go on Amazon, search for tattoo sleeves & narrow the search down to Prime, price low to high. You should get a pack of 6 for £1.99.
I’m really taking this seriously. My Jack sleeve arrives Saturday
Just found out what an absolute ballaché it is to source vegan sprinkles. Sainsbury's and Asda sell one specific type so I'll go to Sainsbury's at the weekend where it's guaranteed there won't be any lingering honk down the aisles.
The fake tattoo sleeve thing has reminded me I saw a middle-aged man wearing one unironically a couple of weeks ago. It looked less tragic than Jack's actual tattoos.
The fake tattoo sleeve thing has reminded me I saw a middle-aged man wearing one unironically a couple of weeks ago. It looked less tragic than Jack's actual tattoos.
Dice then blend the courgettes? Why not just fire them at a wall out of a cannon? NB: the recipe I use grates them and it makes for a really good texture. Also her hatred of ingredients once again on display with the ‘blandness’ of courgettes. This from a person who pairs delicate fennel with beetroot. No tastebuds at all.
Here you go. Bonus horrific slop of chicken, lentil and lime pickle curry. Don't bother to thank me...*
*ETA the amazing @Notmycat got there first! Damn time differences.
That's a really old bit of advice you would tend to get in 1950/60s' cookbooks like Julia Childs' "Mastering The Art Of French Cooking", where she always blanches the bacon in boiling water before using. Possibly because the bacon you would get back then (when refrigeration was still a little dicey in some places) was preserved in a great deal more salt and/or smoked more heavily, and she didn't want the taste of salty, smoky bacon to entirely overwhelm the very delicate nature of the French delights she was serving up.
Now though, modern techniques use less salt and the curing process is less focused on smoking the meat to the point it can survive a month outside a fridge. There is no point to blanching/rinsing bacon. We left it behind with rationing!
I'd probably say book, as it's
I'm just... Limbering up.. for my 9p burger recipe... Fact gathering. Already I'm annoyed because the image of the burger has a bun, chutney and lettuce. I think you could put an old sandal in a brown roll and it would look so tasty.
Forensic fraus - was there ever a recipe for this do we know? I can only find her tweets about it and our mitherings. If not I’m going to consult the lists and find another contender. I seem to remember it’s got a specialist ingredient but obviously I’ll be able to use anything at all as a substitute.
If not I’m going to consult the lists and find another contender. I seem to remember it’s got a specialist ingredient but obviously I’ll be able to use anything at all as a substitute.
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