To be honest, I think the only way I’m getting rid of the smell is to burn the house down.
Do we know any people who are, or were in the fire service?
Do we know any people who are, or were in the fire service?
Slopalong #3 She doesn't understand beans
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Hang on tight and Jack will be around with the hose. (That doesn't sound like it did in my head)
She can accredit saving you along with her work on Grenfell but don't expect her to carry you out of burning house due to her crumbly bones
She can accredit saving you along with her work on Grenfell but don't expect her to carry you out of burning house due to her crumbly bones
Was a bit miserable about going back to work but truly you have cheered me right up. Please let this be the first of many, other Fraus please chip in!
I'm chuffed this thread is getting a revival, just what a dark January needs, a bit o' slop
The tattoo ended me. Chapeau, Laz.Welcome to 2025 - I’m pov this month and my Slopalong choice is reflective of that.
I should say that as well as being a recipe of sorts, it’s a decent test of a method we all know and love, so I hope you’ll enjoy.
I will also now apologise for the repetitive nature of the photography; this was a deliberate way of showing the slow progress and trying to get the clock in at the same time.
Tonight’s recipe is:
View attachment 3352188
a month’s worth of husks and celery bumsvegetable peelings I’ve been saving since Christmas, made into a stock. I decided against photographing the vegetables going into the pot as they’d been in the freezer for a few weeks and at that point I wasn’t sure it was definitely going to work. In hindsight I should have photographed the whole thing.
I had two large pots of vegetable peelings and put them both on the hob with some water, added some pink and black peppercorns and didn’t add any salt - Jack didn’t cost salt but said this was salty. I haven’t tasted it so can’t confirm.
Anyway, Mr Laz is out having a deep tissue massage this evening, so away from the male gaze, I thought I’d kill some time. I just never knew how much…
stock boiled - this took around an hour. Not added to this is the estimated 3 weeks it’ll take to remove the smell from my house.
View attachment 3352195
Sadly, as I’m not a lesbian, I don’t own any carabiners or S-hooks. I do own a sieve (in fact I own two) but thought I’d attempt the method she used, draining the husky liquid over the sieve and into a pot.
I’m very glad I’m not using this method with pasta because let me tell you, it’s as slow as a week in the jail. I started this draining method at 18:50GMT; keeping in mind it’s liquid only, no pasta…
View attachment 3352207this is when the repetitive pics start; please note the time.
Time is marching on; 11 minutes have passed since the stock went into the British Airways Premium Economysquare cloth; so far very little has seeped through.
I decide to potter around the kitchen, making busywork. I clean the sides down and pop the dishwasher on. I realise there is a lot of gunk blocking the sink so I clear that too. I’m glad Mr Laz is out being pummelled
View attachment 3352217
5m back to the pot for another check-in.
View attachment 3352218
I decide to fill the mop bucket and give the hallway floor a quick going over.
back to the pot, progress is SLOOOOOOW; it’s like water torture TBH. I’m growing increasingly concerned about the smell in the house. I’m worried it’ll seep through the walls and into the neighbours houses.
I open most, but not all of the windows and the back door.
View attachment 3352222
gone off to light some expensive candles and will come back for another check soon enough.
22 minutes past 7; more than half an hour has now passed by. I popped a clean dish towel over the oven door (Timourous Beasties, no less. Found in a puddle)
View attachment 3352225
off I go; few more tasks which I’ve made into a collage here. Read a few pages of my book; swept the kitchen and living room floors and filled up the washing thing.
View attachment 3352232
back for another pot check. Im getting bored of this now, so contacted a very close friend of mine who is a very good tattoo artist. I asked him to create something deeply personal to me and tattoo it somewhere nobody will ever see. It’s gone through the healing process before the stock has drained through the square cotton.
as you can see, I’m getting bored of this now. I’ve brought a spoon out and started prodding the cloth to force the liquid through it a little quicker
View attachment 3352234
With some gentle prodding it’s all gone through finally. The cotton looks like Steptoe’s drawers and doesn’t smell much better so it’s been chucked in the washing machine.
View attachment 3352243
Quick tidy up and leave this to cool down - I’ll use it in a risotto maybe Wednesday. How it tastes salty is yet to become clear…
View attachment 3352246
recipe rating:
It’s not much of a recipe really, is it? This was all the odds and sods i had leftover and had been chucking into bags in the freezer - it only works if you have space, though.
she doesn’t say how long you should simmer this stock for, or if there’s any veg you shouldn’t put in, so that won’t be helpful for many people.
method: what is there to say about this ‘Jack’s hack’ that hasn’t been said already? It’s dangerous; it’s slow; it’s unwieldy and not in the slightest bit practical. At more than 30 minutes to essentially drain liquid, I can’t imagine the mess you’d be left with trying to do this for rice or pasta, without a sieve and into a piece of cotton hanging over a tap. She’s never tried it; and neither have the people who shamefully allowed it to be committed to print. It would be so dangerous.
Scrappy Stock is my stripper name, thank space you for all you do 🫡
(I have two assignments to finish this week, I think a congratulatory/maybe procrastination slopping is in order)
I’m not sure what to do, but I do happen to have spam in the cupboard.
(I have two assignments to finish this week, I think a congratulatory/maybe procrastination slopping is in order)
I’m not sure what to do, but I do happen to have spam in the cupboard.
Nothing I read in 2025 will top this. I have retired from reading for the year. 11/10, guffawed.
I just had a quick browse of some Jack recipes to see if I could knock something together, and they're all rage inducingly awful.
I'm not sure why this has come as a surprise. We mither* over it constantly, but somehow seeing her atrocious "recipes" in the wild on the BBC Gold Food** website is something else.
*pronounced "mithered"
**I feel like Trading Standards should be involved. Her recipes barely meet the criteria for food, let alone good.
I'm not sure why this has come as a surprise. We mither* over it constantly, but somehow seeing her atrocious "recipes" in the wild on the BBC Gold Food** website is something else.
*pronounced "mithered"
**I feel like Trading Standards should be involved. Her recipes barely meet the criteria for food, let alone good.
Update:
Rather than waste theScrappy Stock Steptoe’s drawers stock, I decided to put it to good use in this evenings dinner.
I made a very nice leek and cheddar orzotto (recipe card from Waitrose).
At least something positive came out of it. This portion alone fed me, Mr Laz, our neighbour, the tree surgeon, 6 hungry, hardworking labourers and SB. Mr Laz has some for lunch tomorrow and Geoff at the Community Kitchen has 4 plastic tubs worth, with allergens written in RED BLOCK CAPS.
house still smells.
Rather than waste the
I made a very nice leek and cheddar orzotto (recipe card from Waitrose).
At least something positive came out of it. This portion alone fed me, Mr Laz, our neighbour, the tree surgeon, 6 hungry, hardworking labourers and SB. Mr Laz has some for lunch tomorrow and Geoff at the Community Kitchen has 4 plastic tubs worth, with allergens written in RED BLOCK CAPS.
house still smells.
Attachments
Looks good Laz! To be fair, any time I cook with pasta, I end up with enough to fill my bath
Are the labourers burly though? This is important information when determining portion size.
Sorry for the delayed response, I just had Geoff on from the Community Kitchen asking when the next lot of orzotto was on its way. Couldn’t get him off the line.
To answer your question, I don’t know of any other type of labourers. Aren’t they all burly/strapping?
*cough* no
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Chapeau, Laz. Seriously taken one for the team there…how you didn’t end up with second degree burns whilst straining that bog water is beyond me!!
I can’t even begin to imagine a world where you’d hang a cloth over a tap by all 4 corners whilst still having enough space to pour boiling hot water and pasta into it without either:*cough* no
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Chapeau, Laz. Seriously taken one for the team there…how you didn’t end up with second degree burns whilst straining that bog water is beyond me!!
Burning yourself or
The whole thing collapsing.
It’s just so, so dangerous.
I have no idea how that one got past the publisher! Glad you (and your tattoo) remained safe.
I wish the Slopalong existed when I made the crappy chickpea, peach and tears of sadness curry. It was a disgrace. We feel strongly about food waste in this household but even one of my mini dustbins (who eats absolutely everything) couldn’t stomach it. It tasted of sadness and dispair.
My husband has yet to forgive me for the chickpea and peach curry that I made for him when I was a Jackolyte. Still it wasn’t as bad as the meal made with tinned stewing steak that I made for my mother. Her face still haunts me…
This made me laugh but also gave me very severe PTSD flashbacks to the aubergine curry I made. Oh god it was bad. So bad. My stomach still hurts from the somehow still raw onions in it and my sister claims the stink is the reason they not only moved house but to an entirely different county all together.
Dudes and frauens. The day has come. I have maketh the pear and mussel abomination. I know I promised this weeks ago, but in keeping with our Jackie - I do like an empty promise and a vague indication that things are in the pipeline. See Jacinda/Eels/Granola etc etc.
I'm actually off work sick - was planning on going back tomorrow but now may need an appointment with occy health first.
Ok. So it started with the original post. Bearing in mind there was no 'official' recipe so I was flying blind.
I started with assembling the ingredients.
My first thought was that I didn't know how to caramelise a pear so I took to google
The majority of the internet seemed to recommend brown sugar and cinnamon - but I took the bold assumption that this would have no place in a savoury dish. i settled for butter.
Everything got boiled, caramelised and blitzed. Apart from a few leeks I set aside as the original photo appeared to have whole ones nestling alongside the mussels and spuds.
Oh, i forgot to add the chickpeas so that was a late addition.
Time to assemble. There were no instructions if the mussels should be hot or cold. I mean I'm a lunatic but even i couldn't eat cold pickled mussels. There was no guidance on type of mustard so I just chose a random one from my cupboard. It was a hot one I bought from the local Polski supermarket because I liked the jar it was in.
Time to serve!
I'm so sorry lads after the build-up and excitement. i just couldn't do it. I couldn't even try it. So I offered it to Molly.
She actually growled at it I kid you not. This hound eats anything and everything.
Her bro just looked her agog that she even went near it. Again - he is a literal hungry caterpillar.
So sadly it has gone outside in the food bin which the foxes will probably rob. I'll be having the last laugh then tonight you foxy guys. I will donate every spare penny I have this month to my local food bank. That was a crime against food and humanity.
I'm actually off work sick - was planning on going back tomorrow but now may need an appointment with occy health first.
Ok. So it started with the original post. Bearing in mind there was no 'official' recipe so I was flying blind.
I started with assembling the ingredients.
My first thought was that I didn't know how to caramelise a pear so I took to google
The majority of the internet seemed to recommend brown sugar and cinnamon - but I took the bold assumption that this would have no place in a savoury dish. i settled for butter.
Everything got boiled, caramelised and blitzed. Apart from a few leeks I set aside as the original photo appeared to have whole ones nestling alongside the mussels and spuds.
Oh, i forgot to add the chickpeas so that was a late addition.
Time to assemble. There were no instructions if the mussels should be hot or cold. I mean I'm a lunatic but even i couldn't eat cold pickled mussels. There was no guidance on type of mustard so I just chose a random one from my cupboard. It was a hot one I bought from the local Polski supermarket because I liked the jar it was in.
Time to serve!
I'm so sorry lads after the build-up and excitement. i just couldn't do it. I couldn't even try it. So I offered it to Molly.
She actually growled at it I kid you not. This hound eats anything and everything.
Her bro just looked her agog that she even went near it. Again - he is a literal hungry caterpillar.
So sadly it has gone outside in the food bin which the foxes will probably rob. I'll be having the last laugh then tonight you foxy guys. I will donate every spare penny I have this month to my local food bank. That was a crime against food and humanity.
Molly's poor little face!
You really took one for the team there
You really took one for the team there