I did not. I touched it with the spoon. It gave me the boak. It wasn’t even off the heat more than a couple of minutes and decided to get a nice wee slimy coat on.
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Oh hell's teeth. I did manage to screw up the formatting. I am so sorry
Ratings:
Ingredients. 4. Decent ingredients. You could use the lentils, tomatoes and spices as a base for a lentil dhal and eat the mandarins for dessert.
Recipe. 2. Slightly dubious timings. Boiling anything lentil based hard for half an hour is going to render it into inedibility.
Visual appeal. 1. If you wanted to know what fake vomit looks like, here's how to make it. I often make and enjoy lentil dhal, but this is something else.
Texture. 1. It's more of a case of texture, what texture
Taste. 0, 0.5 if I am being generous. I'm not entirely sure what JM was aiming for when she concocted this recipe, but it sure wasn't taste. Take out the mandarins, seriously up the spices and cook the lentils a bit more gently and it might actually be vaguely edible. This isn't though and it's going in the bin when it's cooled down.
Ratings:
Ingredients. 4. Decent ingredients. You could use the lentils, tomatoes and spices as a base for a lentil dhal and eat the mandarins for dessert.
Recipe. 2. Slightly dubious timings. Boiling anything lentil based hard for half an hour is going to render it into inedibility.
Visual appeal. 1. If you wanted to know what fake vomit looks like, here's how to make it. I often make and enjoy lentil dhal, but this is something else.
Texture. 1. It's more of a case of texture, what texture
Taste. 0, 0.5 if I am being generous. I'm not entirely sure what JM was aiming for when she concocted this recipe, but it sure wasn't taste. Take out the mandarins, seriously up the spices and cook the lentils a bit more gently and it might actually be vaguely edible. This isn't though and it's going in the bin when it's cooled down.
Would you say overall a 1 - dire? Also very well slopped!
It looked alright compared to Jack's version but that just shows that's not an indicator of edibility.
For the spoilers move the [/SP0ILER] to the end of that section, and the spoiler title for that section goes in the quote marks here [SP0ILER="xxxxxx"]
To be honest, the chaos formatting really added an edge to the chaos cooking. The added depth missing from sad mandarins came from HTML in the end.
I've just calculated the calories for this.
A 'generous' portion of red lentil and mandarin curry has 205 calories in it. A Mars bar has more calories than that.
I know which one I would have preferred.
A 'generous' portion of red lentil and mandarin curry has 205 calories in it. A Mars bar has more calories than that.
I know which one I would have preferred.
I wouldn't even give it a 1 to be honest. That's implying there is at least an element of edibility. I would give it a 0 because quite frankly it's about as edible as dog tit.
.A Treatise on Tinned Mandarins (2022), in light of recent recipes...
I found the JM variation on Feijoada (https://wiselivingmagazine.co.uk/fo...make-jack-monroes-take-on-brazilian-feijoada/) - usually a super-hearty Brazilian dish made with black beans and lots of chunks of pork and beef; the kind of thing that's actually reasonably easy to make on the cheap as it's traditionally made with cheap cuts of meat. I have Brazilian family members (
) who have made this for me and the important thing to understand is that it's a very solid, smoky, salty dish, and because of this it's sometimes served with slices of orange on the side to cut the denseness of the flavour.
In the JM version, the bleeping tinned mandarins are cooked into the dish, boiling them down and rendering the sharpness of their citrus flavour completely useless, not to mention making an otherwise overcooked stewed meat...stew even more unpleasant*. I genuinely don't think she understands how flavours layer and work with each other. But more importantly, it is astonishing that this made it past editors, the marketing department, etc. There's some class-based thing that I can't quite articulate but where these publishing houses feel that poor people should be happy with whatever deranged combination of ingredients they're lucky to get their sad little hands on. Tinned stewing steak and mandarins? Sure!!! Imagine something like that finding it's way into something targeted at an upmarket audience.
*NB. I have not made this, I will not make this, but godspeed on any frau who wishes to attempt and prove me wrong.
I found the JM variation on Feijoada (https://wiselivingmagazine.co.uk/fo...make-jack-monroes-take-on-brazilian-feijoada/) - usually a super-hearty Brazilian dish made with black beans and lots of chunks of pork and beef; the kind of thing that's actually reasonably easy to make on the cheap as it's traditionally made with cheap cuts of meat. I have Brazilian family members (
) who have made this for me and the important thing to understand is that it's a very solid, smoky, salty dish, and because of this it's sometimes served with slices of orange on the side to cut the denseness of the flavour. In the JM version, the bleeping tinned mandarins are cooked into the dish, boiling them down and rendering the sharpness of their citrus flavour completely useless, not to mention making an otherwise overcooked stewed meat...stew even more unpleasant*. I genuinely don't think she understands how flavours layer and work with each other. But more importantly, it is astonishing that this made it past editors, the marketing department, etc. There's some class-based thing that I can't quite articulate but where these publishing houses feel that poor people should be happy with whatever deranged combination of ingredients they're lucky to get their sad little hands on. Tinned stewing steak and mandarins? Sure!!! Imagine something like that finding it's way into something targeted at an upmarket audience.
*NB. I have not made this, I will not make this, but godspeed on any frau who wishes to attempt and prove me wrong.
That was the point I reached for a bucket!
Its a tough call, but I think my favourite thing about Slopalong is imagining all the fraus busily scrawling twattoos all over their arms before they begin 
Well said smol one. This tagline for The Guardian writeup of the same seems a bit off "don't worry, you don't have to eat horrible ethnic ingredients!".A Treatise on Tinned Mandarins (2022), in light of recent recipes...
I found the JM variation on Feijoada (https://wiselivingmagazine.co.uk/fo...make-jack-monroes-take-on-brazilian-feijoada/) - usually a super-hearty Brazilian dish made with black beans and lots of chunks of pork and beef; the kind of thing that's actually reasonably easy to make on the cheap as it's traditionally made with cheap cuts of meat. I have Brazilian family members (
In the JM version, the bleeping tinned mandarins are cooked into the dish, boiling them down and rendering the sharpness of their citrus flavour completely useless, not to mention making an otherwise overcooked stewed meat...stew even more unpleasant*. I genuinely don't think she understands how flavours layer and work with each other. But more importantly, it is astonishing that this made it past editors, the marketing department, etc. There's some class-based thing that I can't quite articulate but where these publishing houses feel that poor people should be happy with whatever deranged combination of ingredients they're lucky to get their sad little hands on. Tinned stewing steak and mandarins? Sure!!! Imagine something like that finding it's way into something targeted at an upmarket audience.
*NB. I have not made this, I will not make this, but godspeed on any frau who wishes to attempt and prove me wrong.
I think she understands it's Brazilian and that's about it.
Jack Monroe's pork and black bean feijoada recipe
This Brazilian stew should be made with pigs' snouts, ears and trotters – but don't worry, you can use bacon and sausage instead
www.theguardian.com
The comments section is always worth browsing, fair point about the smart price sausages
Holy Batman she actually says to heat the oil in the pan for her McMuffin recipe but then ruins the good advice by telling the reader to toast the muffins in the oven when doing so in a toaster would be much cheaper.JCMP please tender one x
I found a couple of fascinating recipes on that website from Veganish
"I want filth and goo, but you may think otherwise"
Indeed
The Big Jack from Vegan(ish) by Jack Monroe
Sometimes I am overcome with a sense of culinary mischief; a need to meddle in tried-and-tested popular dishes to see if I can recreate my own versions of them. This is one of those times. The usua...app.ckbk.com
Breakfast MuckMuffin from Vegan(ish) by Jack Monroe
I started with a standard McMuffin as my point of reference for this recipe, thinking I would recreate the beef patty and egg in a white muffin with a slice of American cheese. It’s not where I end...app.ckbk.com
BIB - I was reading the post and thought that looks okay...Why oh whyyyy does she use the word “slop” in her recipes?! Absolutely revolting
The dog’s food definitely looks more appetising!
Excellent work @EllaEm87
Dreadful to see what this charlatan has being getting away with for far too long.
I hope every comment on Amazon is replied to with the slopalong
Bravo, but I think you may be a can adrift on your maths - I make your shopping total £7.97, which makes the mince, onion and gravy granules option look even more appealing!
It would be interesting if Miguel/Jamie Oliver have any recipes for the same kind of meal as Jack, to see someone do both and compare them
I've not managed to make Jack's take on Tattie Scones yet - I had a much busier weekend that I was expecting, so went with shop-bought potato bread for Sunday brunch instead.
I'll get slopping later in the week, so it should still be less delayed than any of Jack's coming soons!
I'll get slopping later in the week, so it should still be less delayed than any of Jack's coming soons!
Poor people don’t have toasters, it’s obvious you’ve never been thrashing and wailing on the floor in poverty. Do you want her to just stop breathing?
Maths was never my strong point. You could say I’m not terribly forensic.
K
Kids felt tip pens in my case. Unfortunately the purple didn't wash off as well as the others. I had to do the school run with the word arse on my knuckles. I made sure I kept my hand in my pocket while I was on the playground.Its a tough call, but I think my favourite thing about Slopalong is imagining all the fraus busily scrawling twattoos all over their arms before they begin
Its looks like you had a run in with norovirus. Honestly pet, god will be giving you a free pass into heaven for this.
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