From the Big Jack "The proper ‘special sauce’ has onion powder and garlic powder in, but they’re not ingredients I tend to keep in the house, so I left them out." I thought she has a million different spices and whatnot?JCMP please tender one x
I found a couple of fascinating recipes on that website from Veganish
"I want filth and goo, but you may think otherwise"
Indeed
The Big Jack from Vegan(ish) by Jack Monroe
Sometimes I am overcome with a sense of culinary mischief; a need to meddle in tried-and-tested popular dishes to see if I can recreate my own versions of them. This is one of those times. The usua...app.ckbk.com
Breakfast MuckMuffin from Vegan(ish) by Jack Monroe
I started with a standard McMuffin as my point of reference for this recipe, thinking I would recreate the beef patty and egg in a white muffin with a slice of American cheese. It’s not where I end...app.ckbk.com
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
- Start date
-
- Tags
- Jack Monroe Threads Wiki
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
I especially hate the way she puts disclaimers on everything (excuses. I mean excuses.) "I couldn't wear my waistcott, ma-am, it had ketchup on so I's had to wear this expensive ballgown-thing"
Attachments
I
@heastlanda recipe from the books
Recipes from Vegan-ish
The Big Jack & Breakfast Muckmuffin
Sleazecake and Ice cream cake from Good Food for Bad Days
Attachments
Last edited:
It’s coming…
@heastlanda It looks like the red lentil and mandarin curry is the same ingredients and recipe between website and book but she removed this blurb for the book that explains it's a variation on the peach and chickpea curry from A Girl Called Jack, instead just says "I threw this together".
Also it goes from "serves 4 generously" to just "serves 4"
I looked and this and was like where's the mince beef? Ohhh......
Last edited:
Right. I'm hungry so it's time to get cooking.....
Choppy egg ain't even her idea. Probably why it's edible tbh.
My mum made it for me as a kid. I make it for my own. It's nothing revolutionary.
Right so. Mince and onions with notions, eh?
I apologise in advance. This will nowhere near be as witty as some Frauens work. I’m on my phone and it’s complicated!
Off I went to Morrisons to collect the things I didn’t have.
So the slopping began. And Frauen, this really was slopping.
Then we had the slow simmer for 20 minutes. The only thing I can take from this is that something definitely reduced, but it wasn’t the amount of liquid. I could see very little in the way of solids in this pan.
So, it’s cooked! I’m ready to eat! Let me just prepare some bread… oh wait…
I power on and plate up. Here’s the finished product!
tit sorry, that’s the dogs food. More visible texture though.
Whoops. HERE is the finished product:
It just resembles watery slop. Same consistency too.
So, taste? Overpoweringly of red wine, with a bitter after taste. I couldn’t manage more than a couple of teaspoonfuls. DIRE.
And it struck me as such a waste. Mince, onions and gravy granules comes to around £5, which is cheaper than this shite, and more substantial. What planet is this woman on? This is literal slop. And why add red wine? It totally drowns out any other potential flavour in the dish. Honestly, grim.
Charity payment incoming. Slop outgoing (to the bin)
I apologise in advance. This will nowhere near be as witty as some Frauens work. I’m on my phone and it’s complicated!
Off I went to Morrisons to collect the things I didn’t have.
There were no cheap mince and onions tins, and only one mid range. The recipe called for two so I had to go spenny.
Total cost to buy the ingredients I didn’t have was £5.48
Total cost to buy the ingredients I didn’t have was £5.48
So the slopping began. And Frauen, this really was slopping.
The recipe told me to fling everything in a pan. There was no mention of stirring but stir I did, because I am not a criminal. I did question the logic of adding more onions when onions are already present but who am I to judge?
Then we had the slow simmer for 20 minutes. The only thing I can take from this is that something definitely reduced, but it wasn’t the amount of liquid. I could see very little in the way of solids in this pan.
Just looked like gravy tbh. Smelt overpoweringly of red wine.
So, it’s cooked! I’m ready to eat! Let me just prepare some bread… oh wait…
It’s grown a skin. Nice.
I power on and plate up. Here’s the finished product!
Whoops. HERE is the finished product:
It just resembles watery slop. Same consistency too.
So, taste? Overpoweringly of red wine, with a bitter after taste. I couldn’t manage more than a couple of teaspoonfuls. DIRE.
And it struck me as such a waste. Mince, onions and gravy granules comes to around £5, which is cheaper than this shite, and more substantial. What planet is this woman on? This is literal slop. And why add red wine? It totally drowns out any other potential flavour in the dish. Honestly, grim.
Charity payment incoming. Slop outgoing (to the bin)
Attachments
The Squits with Notions.
Why oh whyyyy does she use the word “slop” in her recipes?! Absolutely revolting 
The dog’s food definitely looks more appetising!
The dog’s food definitely looks more appetising!
Am honestly quite disgusted at how such a basic recipe could go disastrously wrong. It would be an expensive mistake for those who can ill-afford to mess around. It tasted disgusting.
Im sorry but thats the contents of a bedpan on the dysentery ward and nobody will convince me otherwise.
Why does she think things like CRAPuccino and MUCKmuffin sound appetising?
"Oh wait,, it's grown a skin".
I have expired.
I have expired.
Why doesn't she use them. They're just for show, like plastic fruit in a show home. Especially the spice. She barely threatens her food with spice. I've got a mate who insists people who can't handle spice are crap in bed
Right people. Here are the results of Jack's Red lentils and mandarin curry. Hopefully I haven't managed to screw up the formatting.
So I went to Tesco this morning for the ingredients. The spices I already have and the marmite and vitalite are for something different. Total cost= £4.02 or £1 a portion. 26p a portion my arse.
The recipe said to weigh out 150g lentils, so I did. Doesn't seem like much but I haven't published 7 cookbooks so what would I know? They were then simmered vigorously for 10 mins and rinsed. Upon rinsing, the lentils that had already turned to mush ended up going down the plughole.
Then I was supposed to put the lentils back in the pan, heat them up again and add the rest of the ingredients. So I did. At this point in time, it really isn't smelling that great and the dog has already disappeared from the kitchen. Usually she hangs around incase there's something for her.
The whole concoction is then supposed to be cranked up on high and boiled for another 20 mins. Leaving aside how much gas it would cost for 30 mins, the lentils are about to get boiled into oblivion. Still, I am sticking to the recipe faithfully so.....
Top screenshot is Jack's version, bottom photo is mine. At this point it has a smell vaguely reminiscent of my circus toilet cleaner. Interesting as that wasn't the effect I was going for but as I've had to wait half an hour for my lunch to cook, I'm getting beyond hungry. Dog still nowhere to be seen
Time for a taste. Please excuse the black chunky handled spoon. Unlike JM I genuinely have RA. It's a choice between a fat hands spoon (as my kids call it) or a thin handled spoon and not being able to pick the spoon up in the first place. I didn't have any fancy backing paper but seeing as it's nearly Christmas I thought an Asda bag for life would add a festive twist. Although it looks like quite a lot, there is only 1 ladle full of curry in the bowl. The only person this is going to be a generous serving for is one of my son's lego people. Dog still nowhere to be seen. So I take a generous spoonful because I'm beyond hungry. Well duck me this is quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. Somehow it has a really nasty metallic taste. I can't taste any of the chilli, turmeric, cumin or anything else. If anyone wants to know what sadness and misery tastes like it's this. Jack must really hate food or be a really crap cook. No-one in their right mind would ever think that mandarins, lentils and tomatoes would be anything other than disgusting. The only thing I can think this would be useful for would be as some of that fake vomit you used to be able to buy in joke shops.
Ratings to follow.
Part 1. The ingredients
So I went to Tesco this morning for the ingredients. The spices I already have and the marmite and vitalite are for something different. Total cost= £4.02 or £1 a portion. 26p a portion my arse.
Part 2. The lentils
The recipe said to weigh out 150g lentils, so I did. Doesn't seem like much but I haven't published 7 cookbooks so what would I know? They were then simmered vigorously for 10 mins and rinsed. Upon rinsing, the lentils that had already turned to mush ended up going down the plughole.
Part 3. In the pan.
Then I was supposed to put the lentils back in the pan, heat them up again and add the rest of the ingredients. So I did. At this point in time, it really isn't smelling that great and the dog has already disappeared from the kitchen. Usually she hangs around incase there's something for her.
Part 4. Won't somebody think of the lentils??
The whole concoction is then supposed to be cranked up on high and boiled for another 20 mins. Leaving aside how much gas it would cost for 30 mins, the lentils are about to get boiled into oblivion. Still, I am sticking to the recipe faithfully so.....
Part 5. Ding ding, time's up
Top screenshot is Jack's version, bottom photo is mine. At this point it has a smell vaguely reminiscent of my circus toilet cleaner. Interesting as that wasn't the effect I was going for but as I've had to wait half an hour for my lunch to cook, I'm getting beyond hungry. Dog still nowhere to be seen
Part 6. The proof is in the tasting
Time for a taste. Please excuse the black chunky handled spoon. Unlike JM I genuinely have RA. It's a choice between a fat hands spoon (as my kids call it) or a thin handled spoon and not being able to pick the spoon up in the first place. I didn't have any fancy backing paper but seeing as it's nearly Christmas I thought an Asda bag for life would add a festive twist. Although it looks like quite a lot, there is only 1 ladle full of curry in the bowl. The only person this is going to be a generous serving for is one of my son's lego people. Dog still nowhere to be seen. So I take a generous spoonful because I'm beyond hungry. Well duck me this is quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever eaten. Somehow it has a really nasty metallic taste. I can't taste any of the chilli, turmeric, cumin or anything else. If anyone wants to know what sadness and misery tastes like it's this. Jack must really hate food or be a really crap cook. No-one in their right mind would ever think that mandarins, lentils and tomatoes would be anything other than disgusting. The only thing I can think this would be useful for would be as some of that fake vomit you used to be able to buy in joke shops.
Ratings to follow.
- Status