A little Friday night gift for all you lovely sloppers.
Plus I gave a contribution to my local food bank
Plus I gave a contribution to my local food bank
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Sorry dear heart 4's get automatically deleted so they don't duck up the graph.Possible, but they seriously fucked up with the prep vs cooking time.
@Notmycat please can I request the original dal makhani recipe from Cooking on a Bootstrap book for comparison. Thankyou.
Weirdly my Dal Makhani slopalong seems to have disappeared from the Wiki. Is this a deliberate attempt to sabotage our smol pixie because I gave it a 4Or, it is because I'm blind drunk (absolutely) following eating 1 portion of dal as my total nutrition for the day and a bottle of cava?
CONSPIRACY THEORY
Edited for typos cos I'm pissed
Also you were in against nos. 86 and 90 so that might have had something to do with it
Fabulous tender one x
Can you add it to media so it can go in the wiki?
Also with your donation we're up to £399.49 !! Chapeau sloppers!
Last edited:
So do I!
I was actually pissing myself when I stopped filming
The cake was a disaster and at first I thought the bread was going to be ok .. except it turned out to be a yawning chasm of existential doom on a plate
I have been lurking this thread a while now and it has given me motivation to scratch an itch of mine.
Jacks vegan belly pork.
Its a recipe she used to promote veganish by tweeting about it like it was the greatest gift to veganism since the creation of soy milk.
Now, despite it looking like a bowl of pot pourri at you nans house, jacks claims it is just like normal belly pork and her guests (allegedly) couldn't tell the difference.
As for the part about it been pinched and pilfered all over the place, well...it wasn't...if you google vegan belly pork other recipes looks like this:
So next week I shall be attempting jacks hommage to culinary homage to elderly airfresheners for everyone heres viewing delights..
Jacks vegan belly pork.
Its a recipe she used to promote veganish by tweeting about it like it was the greatest gift to veganism since the creation of soy milk.
Now, despite it looking like a bowl of pot pourri at you nans house, jacks claims it is just like normal belly pork and her guests (allegedly) couldn't tell the difference.
As for the part about it been pinched and pilfered all over the place, well...it wasn't...if you google vegan belly pork other recipes looks like this:
So next week I shall be attempting jacks hommage to culinary homage to elderly airfresheners for everyone heres viewing delights..
Absolutely. If you can tell me how one might go about doing soFabulous tender one x
Can you add it to media so it can go in the wiki?
Also with your donation we're up to £399.49 !! Chapeau sloppers!
Stunning. TENS ACROSS THE BOARD!
Go to:Absolutely. If you can tell me how one might go about doing so
Media
Jack Monroe
'Add media' button
'Upload file' button
Give it a title
Done!
You're in at no. 90 tender one x
Just don't mention M* P* muttering rude things!
Completely agree. The tattoos, the editing, the music.....I'm literally
Ah, you cheeky little fraus have j1gged things around hence my confusion.Sorry dear heart 4's get automatically deleted so they don't duck up the graph.
Also you were in against nos. 86 and 90 so that might have had something to do with it
no 90 was an empty vessel earlier.
I have severe hiccups (cava) and am bouncing off the walls like a human pinball (cava) evefry time I stagger off to the toilet. Currently very happy, check in with me again tomorrow for anupdate
Going to volunteer for another slop tomorrow so I can have a 1 week hattrick if I manage it before the weekend is out.
More raised in just over a week than a few months of Teemill! RemarkableAlso with your donation we're up to £399.49 !! Chapeau sloppers!
Genuinely though, this thread has been fantastic to follow. You’re all very talented. Entirely mad of course, but all the best ones are
Apologies I can't find dal makhani, I'm slow on replying to messages tonight.Possible, but they seriously fucked up with the prep vs cooking time.
@Notmycat please can I request the original dal makhani recipe from Cooking on a Bootstrap book for comparison. Thankyou.
Weirdly my Dal Makhani slopalong seems to have disappeared from the Wiki. Is this a deliberate attempt to sabotage our smol pixie because I gave it a 4
CONSPIRACY THEORY
Edited for typos cos I'm pissed
migraine.
I'm starting to be concerned we may have to stage an intervention....Ah, you cheeky little fraus have j1gged things around hence my confusion.
no 90 was an empty vessel earlier.
I have severe hiccups (cava) and am bouncing off the walls like a human pinball (cava) evefry time I stagger off to the toilet. Currently very happy, check in with me again tomorrow for anupdate
Going to volunteer for another slop tomorrow so I can have a 1 week hattrick if I manage it before the weekend is out.
gonna have to face it you're addicted to slop 
Always love a tribute to Trifle Defender and also maybe a...Okay, I’m having to defrost my sausages which I didn’t really think of, so in the meantime I thought I’d do a little Bollock Sausage review.
I thought they’d be bad but they surprised me, they’re not only 40% pork but also about 40% edible.
For newbies these are the Asda essentials frozen sausages that Jack puts into a lot of her dishes. They £1.50 for twenty.
View attachment 1723119
First I paid tribute to our hero.
As you can see they’re almost as white as my chopping board.
View attachment 1723135
View attachment 1723136
Obviously they’re not going to be amazing at that price, and poor welfare meat is a whole other discussion.
But these are minging, I said before that I’m partial to overly processed food but I can’t think of anything good to say about these and neither could my sister.
The texture is weirdly dry and sort of foamy? They really do melt like Jack says. The part that doesn’t melt is the bleeping skin.
I refuse to believe that the skin is made of beef and not plastic, I still have bits in my teeth.
You can see from the picture that they go weird and saggy as soon as you take them out the oven, kind of like a limp dick with a dried up contact lens on it (soz about the imagery but it’s genuinely the best way I can describe it
Lastly the smell! The bleeping smell.
Have you ever had a very cheap sausage roll that kind of smells like fart? Well image that X five filling up your flat and that was from cooking one sausage. Why you’d stick these in instead of veg is totally beyond me, there’s probably more meat in a courgette too just from one caterpillar crawling across it.
Not recommended.
Stay tuned for the sausange, I’m sure it’ll be lovely
EDIT: forgot to actually say what they taste like and there’s a reason why - nothing. They literally taste of nothing
potential thread title? ...
the aftertaste is kind of like the belch of someone who’s eaten a fry up
Dearheart, was this the recipe with the inexplicable left over custard? Perhaps it would be better buried in that?You can’t blame me for trying
Am sorry if not. V hard to keep track of slop disasters. Do you want me to etc...
Last edited:
This was a difficult one to do precisely to Jack’s instructions as, well, there hardly were any.
I used the Post Office video and managed to find a couple more details about the recipe, but it’s been deleted off the website.
In the video she says that you only need tinned tomatoes, mozzarella, sausages, lasagne sheets, mixed herbs and a sprinkle of‘cheese’.
When I clicked on the link there for more info I got this weird tit?
In her Facebook post where she shared it there’s onions in the picture and a lot more than a sprinkle of cheese, so WFK? Maybe she was *gasp* trying to cost it as low as possible?!
I used the Post Office video and managed to find a couple more details about the recipe, but it’s been deleted off the website.
In the video she says that you only need tinned tomatoes, mozzarella, sausages, lasagne sheets, mixed herbs and a sprinkle of‘cheese’.
When I clicked on the link there for more info I got this weird tit?
So based off the info available to e as ‘someone who wanted to make it’ I just went with that! The video itself is vague AF.
I didn’t get mixed herbs because I don’t use them and I thought just oregano wouldn’t be that different.
Since she said I only needed a little cheese I just used what I had (FANCY! I love cheese, I buy nice cheese)
So here’s the ensemble! Complete with anaemic sausages.
I defrosted the sausage and went to *shudders* deglove them with one of myrusty trusty knives!
As I said before the skin on these things is bizarre. The discarded plastic looked like condoms used by someone who should definitely get looked at by a doctor.
The actual sausage ‘meat’ looked like the time I walked my friend’s dog who was very ill and had new meds that upset his tummy.
Everything was ready to go! I found the concept of pouring tinned tomatoes straight into it so weird, it didn’t feel right.
I only used a little tray and half of most of the ingredients as I didn’t want to be wasteful. She says to layer until ‘you run out of sausages’ but I ran out of tomatoes much faster.
There was a pitiful amount of mozzarella dispute it being a much higher ratio than she used in her’s.
So into the oven! She didn’t say what temp or for how long so I put it in at 180c and waited until ‘most’ of what looked like slightly red water had been absorbed.
I kept checking and it took ages for it to look golden or not like it had a moat around it. It probably stayed for for about an hour before I took it out as I didn’t want it to be completely burned.
I didn’t get mixed herbs because I don’t use them and I thought just oregano wouldn’t be that different.
Since she said I only needed a little cheese I just used what I had
(FANCY! I love cheese, I buy nice cheese)
So here’s the ensemble! Complete with anaemic sausages.
I defrosted the sausage and went to *shudders* deglove them with one of my
As I said before the skin on these things is bizarre. The discarded plastic looked like condoms used by someone who should definitely get looked at by a doctor.
The actual sausage ‘meat’ looked like the time I walked my friend’s dog who was very ill and had new meds that upset his tummy.
Everything was ready to go! I found the concept of pouring tinned tomatoes straight into it so weird, it didn’t feel right.
I only used a little tray and half of most of the ingredients as I didn’t want to be wasteful. She says to layer until ‘you run out of sausages’ but I ran out of tomatoes much faster.
There was a pitiful amount of mozzarella dispute it being a much higher ratio than she used in her’s.
So into the oven! She didn’t say what temp or for how long so I put it in at 180c and waited until ‘most’ of what looked like slightly red water had been absorbed.
I kept checking and it took ages for it to look golden or not like it had a moat around it. It probably stayed for for about an hour before I took it out as I didn’t want it to be completely burned.
VERDICT:
What I was left with was some ‘surprisingly’ cooked pasta sheets with a very very bland and undercooked tomato substance around them.
I was actually quite hopeful when I got it out as it just smelled like tomato
and I could see that the pasta seemed to be cooked which I wasn’t expecting!
Unfortunately, it’s not lasagne at all. It’s pasta with some very undercooked tomato and little lumps of bland boiled Bollock sausage. The cheese was basically not there. Because it was just mozzarella, because there barely was any and because it was layered it ended up being completely rubbery and tasteless. The cheddar I used was lost, the bits you could taste were crispy and burned.
Jack said that the cheap sausages would ‘disintegrate’ (she has some an appetising way with words doesn’t she?) and be more like mince. That was completely wrong! It just stuck together in lumps, probably because it’s so cheap and is mostly binding agent? And it got all rubbery and wet. It’s like it didn’t absorb the tomato at all.
My sister and I didn’t want to waste it so we picked at the pasta and cheese which were edible to some degree? But the sausages and chunks of semi raw tomato were foul.
What I was left with was some ‘surprisingly’ cooked pasta sheets with a very very bland and undercooked tomato substance around them.
I was actually quite hopeful when I got it out as it just smelled like tomato
and I could see that the pasta seemed to be cooked which I wasn’t expecting!
Unfortunately, it’s not lasagne at all. It’s pasta with some very undercooked tomato and little lumps of bland boiled Bollock sausage. The cheese was basically not there. Because it was just mozzarella, because there barely was any and because it was layered it ended up being completely rubbery and tasteless. The cheddar I used was lost, the bits you could taste were crispy and burned.
Jack said that the cheap sausages would ‘disintegrate’ (she has some an appetising way with words doesn’t she?) and be more like mince. That was completely wrong! It just stuck together in lumps, probably because it’s so cheap and is mostly binding agent? And it got all rubbery and wet. It’s like it didn’t absorb the tomato at all.
My sister and I didn’t want to waste it so we picked at the pasta and cheese which were edible to some degree? But the sausages and chunks of semi raw tomato were foul.
Rating is 2 (I’m in a very generous mood) because it’s mostly edible and didn’t make anyone throw up.
Cost wise, it was pretty cheap. I wanted to get an Asda essentials lasagne to compare but they were sold out. I’m not a fan of ready meal lasagnes because it’s one of my favourite foods and if I’m going to have it I want it to be really good, but this is by far the worst lasagne I’ve ever had and I’d have a ready meal one (which would be cheaper) anyday in all honesty. Actually, we had a hankering so had a frozen vegetable lasagne at midnight instead because we were hungry.
Cost wise, it was pretty cheap. I wanted to get an Asda essentials lasagne to compare but they were sold out. I’m not a fan of ready meal lasagnes because it’s one of my favourite foods and if I’m going to have it I want it to be really good, but this is by far the worst lasagne I’ve ever had and I’d have a ready meal one (which would be cheaper) anyday in all honesty. Actually, we had a hankering so had a frozen vegetable lasagne at midnight instead because we were hungry.
What I would recommend that wouldn’t raise the cost much at all:
1. Cook the tinned tomatoes on the hob with garlic, herbs and onions before adding it to the dish. I always cook more than I need for the lasagne and then save some to have as bolognaise. Personally I use passata not tinned tomatoes (chopped or plum) because I’m not a fan of the lumps.
2. Make a bleeping béchamel. It’s flour, butter/oil/whatever and milk. Even if you don’t want to put a lot of cheese in to keep the price down it will add different textures and stop it from being so boring and depressing.
3. Use vegetables or veggie mince. Especially veggie mince because they’re not expensive these days and you can get a big frozen bag that will last a few meals.
1. Cook the tinned tomatoes on the hob with garlic, herbs and onions before adding it to the dish. I always cook more than I need for the lasagne and then save some to have as bolognaise. Personally I use passata not tinned tomatoes (chopped or plum) because I’m not a fan of the lumps.
2. Make a bleeping béchamel. It’s flour, butter/oil/whatever and milk. Even if you don’t want to put a lot of cheese in to keep the price down it will add different textures and stop it from being so boring and depressing.
3. Use vegetables or veggie mince. Especially veggie mince because they’re not expensive these days and you can get a big frozen bag that will last a few meals.
Done, as an aside I was talking to my sister about what to make with the leftover sausages and she suggested ‘bollocknaise’.
chapeauThis was a difficult one to do precisely to Jack’s instructions as, well, there hardly were any.
I used the Post Office video and managed to find a couple more details about the recipe, but it’s been deleted off the website.
View attachment 1723874
View attachment 1723876
In the video she says that you only need tinned tomatoes, mozzarella, sausages, lasagne sheets, mixed herbs and a sprinkle of‘cheese’.
When I clicked on the link there for more info I got this weird tit?
View attachment 1723902In her Facebook post where she shared it there’s onions in the picture and a lot more than a sprinkle of cheese, so WFK? Maybe she was *gasp* trying to cost it as low as possible?!
View attachment 1723881
So based off the info available to e as ‘someone who wanted to make it’ I just went with that! The video itself is vague AF.
View attachment 1723890
I didn’t get mixed herbs because I don’t use them and I thought just oregano wouldn’t be that different.
View attachment 1723901
Since she said I only needed a little cheese I just used what I had
View attachment 1723908
So here’s the ensemble! Complete with anaemic sausages.
View attachment 1723913
I defrosted the sausage and went to *shudders* deglove them with one of myrustytrusty knives!
View attachment 1723914
As I said before the skin on these things is bizarre. The discarded plastic looked like condoms used by someone who should definitely get looked at by a doctor.
View attachment 1723916
The actual sausage ‘meat’ looked like the time I walked my friend’s dog who was very ill and had new meds that upset his tummy.
View attachment 1723918
Everything was ready to go! I found the concept of pouring tinned tomatoes straight into it so weird, it didn’t feel right.
View attachment 1723919
I only used a little tray and half of most of the ingredients as I didn’t want to be wasteful. She says to layer until ‘you run out of sausages’ but I ran out of tomatoes much faster.
View attachment 1723921
There was a pitiful amount of mozzarella dispute it being a much higher ratio than she used in her’s.
So into the oven! She didn’t say what temp or for how long so I put it in at 180c and waited until ‘most’ of what looked like slightly red water had been absorbed.
View attachment 1723922
I kept checking and it took ages for it to look golden or not like it had a moat around it. It probably stayed for for about an hour before I took it out as I didn’t want it to be completely burned.
View attachment 1723925
VERDICT:
What I was left with was some ‘surprisingly’ cooked pasta sheets with a very very bland and undercooked tomato substance around them.
View attachment 1723928
I was actually quite hopeful when I got it out as it just smelled like tomato
View attachment 1723930
Unfortunately, it’s not lasagne at all. It’s pasta with some very undercooked tomato and little lumps of bland boiled Bollock sausage. The cheese was basically not there. Because it was just mozzarella, because there barely was any and because it was layered it ended up being completely rubbery and tasteless. The cheddar I used was lost, the bits you could taste were crispy and burned.
View attachment 1723935
Jack said that the cheap sausages would ‘disintegrate’ (she has some an appetising way with words doesn’t she?) and be more like mince. That was completely wrong! It just stuck together in lumps, probably because it’s so cheap and is mostly binding agent? And it got all rubbery and wet. It’s like it didn’t absorb the tomato at all.
My sister and I didn’t want to waste it so we picked at the pasta and cheese which were edible to some degree? But the sausages and chunks of semi raw tomato were foul.
Rating is 2 (I’m in a very generous mood) because it’s mostly edible and didn’t make anyone throw up.
Cost wise, it was pretty cheap. I wanted to get an Asda essentials lasagne to compare but they were sold out. I’m not a fan of ready meal lasagnes because it’s one of my favourite foods and if I’m going to have it I want it to be really good, but this is by far the worst lasagne I’ve ever had and I’d have a ready meal one (which would be cheaper) anyday in all honesty. Actually, we had a hankering so had a frozen vegetable lasagne at midnight instead because we were hungry.
View attachment 1723943
What I would recommend that wouldn’t raise the cost much at all:
1. Cook the tinned tomatoes on the hob with garlic, herbs and onions before adding it to the dish. I always cook more than I need for the lasagne and then save some to have as bolognaise. Personally I use passata not tinned tomatoes (chopped or plum) because I’m not a fan of the lumps.
2. Make a bleeping béchamel. It’s flour, butter/oil/whatever and milk. Even if you don’t want to put a lot of cheese in to keep the price down it will add different textures and stop it from being so boring and depressing.
3. Use vegetables or veggie mince. Especially veggie mince because they’re not expensive these days and you can get a big frozen bag that will last a few meals.
Done, as an aside I was talking to my sister about what to make with the leftover sausages and she suggested ‘bollocknaise’.
Oh my God I LOVE that cheese and miss it dearly. I'm on year 5 in the US and don't get home (NI) nearly enoughThis was a difficult one to do precisely to Jack’s instructions as, well, there hardly were any.
I used the Post Office video and managed to find a couple more details about the recipe, but it’s been deleted off the website.
View attachment 1723874
View attachment 1723876
In the video she says that you only need tinned tomatoes, mozzarella, sausages, lasagne sheets, mixed herbs and a sprinkle of‘cheese’.
When I clicked on the link there for more info I got this weird tit?
View attachment 1723902In her Facebook post where she shared it there’s onions in the picture and a lot more than a sprinkle of cheese, so WFK? Maybe she was *gasp* trying to cost it as low as possible?!
View attachment 1723881
So based off the info available to e as ‘someone who wanted to make it’ I just went with that! The video itself is vague AF.
View attachment 1723890
I didn’t get mixed herbs because I don’t use them and I thought just oregano wouldn’t be that different.
View attachment 1723901
Since she said I only needed a little cheese I just used what I had
View attachment 1723908
So here’s the ensemble! Complete with anaemic sausages.
View attachment 1723913
I defrosted the sausage and went to *shudders* deglove them with one of myrustytrusty knives!
View attachment 1723914
As I said before the skin on these things is bizarre. The discarded plastic looked like condoms used by someone who should definitely get looked at by a doctor.
View attachment 1723916
The actual sausage ‘meat’ looked like the time I walked my friend’s dog who was very ill and had new meds that upset his tummy.
View attachment 1723918
Everything was ready to go! I found the concept of pouring tinned tomatoes straight into it so weird, it didn’t feel right.
View attachment 1723919
I only used a little tray and half of most of the ingredients as I didn’t want to be wasteful. She says to layer until ‘you run out of sausages’ but I ran out of tomatoes much faster.
View attachment 1723921
There was a pitiful amount of mozzarella dispute it being a much higher ratio than she used in her’s.
So into the oven! She didn’t say what temp or for how long so I put it in at 180c and waited until ‘most’ of what looked like slightly red water had been absorbed.
View attachment 1723922
I kept checking and it took ages for it to look golden or not like it had a moat around it. It probably stayed for for about an hour before I took it out as I didn’t want it to be completely burned.
View attachment 1723925
VERDICT:
What I was left with was some ‘surprisingly’ cooked pasta sheets with a very very bland and undercooked tomato substance around them.
View attachment 1723928
I was actually quite hopeful when I got it out as it just smelled like tomato
View attachment 1723930
Unfortunately, it’s not lasagne at all. It’s pasta with some very undercooked tomato and little lumps of bland boiled Bollock sausage. The cheese was basically not there. Because it was just mozzarella, because there barely was any and because it was layered it ended up being completely rubbery and tasteless. The cheddar I used was lost, the bits you could taste were crispy and burned.
View attachment 1723935
Jack said that the cheap sausages would ‘disintegrate’ (she has some an appetising way with words doesn’t she?) and be more like mince. That was completely wrong! It just stuck together in lumps, probably because it’s so cheap and is mostly binding agent? And it got all rubbery and wet. It’s like it didn’t absorb the tomato at all.
My sister and I didn’t want to waste it so we picked at the pasta and cheese which were edible to some degree? But the sausages and chunks of semi raw tomato were foul.
Rating is 2 (I’m in a very generous mood) because it’s mostly edible and didn’t make anyone throw up.
Cost wise, it was pretty cheap. I wanted to get an Asda essentials lasagne to compare but they were sold out. I’m not a fan of ready meal lasagnes because it’s one of my favourite foods and if I’m going to have it I want it to be really good, but this is by far the worst lasagne I’ve ever had and I’d have a ready meal one (which would be cheaper) anyday in all honesty. Actually, we had a hankering so had a frozen vegetable lasagne at midnight instead because we were hungry.
View attachment 1723943
What I would recommend that wouldn’t raise the cost much at all:
1. Cook the tinned tomatoes on the hob with garlic, herbs and onions before adding it to the dish. I always cook more than I need for the lasagne and then save some to have as bolognaise. Personally I use passata not tinned tomatoes (chopped or plum) because I’m not a fan of the lumps.
2. Make a bleeping béchamel. It’s flour, butter/oil/whatever and milk. Even if you don’t want to put a lot of cheese in to keep the price down it will add different textures and stop it from being so boring and depressing.
3. Use vegetables or veggie mince. Especially veggie mince because they’re not expensive these days and you can get a big frozen bag that will last a few meals.
Done, as an aside I was talking to my sister about what to make with the leftover sausages and she suggested ‘bollocknaise’.
Well slopped and thanks for the cheesy memories 
Frau’s I have to go to a wedding today (unless the OH to be LEAVES before 1:30pm) so I’m going to have to be sociable and have minimal catch up’s on the slops. I am howling and crawling at the floor I’m so sad. Might keep you up to date on the food though. However it is in a FANCY hotel so likely a slop free zone. TOOT TOOT!
the tile 
It was. Trust me, there was no saving it. It’s in the food bin under a brick to
I was away with work for a few days this week but I will do the chickpeas spinach and bread during the week. I need to drop some weight for next weekend anyway!
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