We'll see about that, @Mr Krabs is due to try this slop
Also less energy to run means absolutely duck all when you have to run them for 20x longer
Also less energy to run means absolutely duck all when you have to run them for 20x longer
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Friday Night Slop. An essay (I’m sorry lads, it really is an essay).
I already had the eggs, oil, salt and baking powder so those were free. The rest came from co-op:
I assemble my ingredients
So, I’ve already hit a snag – the tin of custard comes in 400g but recipe states 300g. I’ve not bought tinned custard before so not sure what is the norm? Anyway, I measure out 300g and hopefully will find a use for the leftovers (chuck it in a curry? Mix it with rice to make a face scrub?).
I also weigh out my self-raising flour and have a little chaos of my own:
By the way, why self-raising flour and baking powder?! Surely unnecessary as SRF already has baking powder/soda in it. Oh well, who am I to reason why.
I mix the milk with the custard. At this point, the recipe states ‘do it slowly, though, or else you run the risk of ending up with a milk soup and lumps of custard floating in it’. Oh, she does have a way with words, doesn’t she. She should be a food writer. Anyway, I digress. I don’t do it slowly because who has the time and I am BUSY, and... it’s fine. There are no lumps at any point. It’s almost like she… didn’t test the recipe?
Be-hole-d: my WELL-A-SORT- OF-HOLE (WASOH)! Isn’t she majestic? SHAN’T spoiler her, because I’m too proud of my culinary triumph.
Anyway, there seemed little point in her as I was then instructed to pour 300g of custard mixed with 300ml of milk and two eggs into said WASOH, which flooded her immediately. RIP WASOH. Your intentions were pure but your square footage was inadequate.
I mixed it all together and it looks like a lovely batter, to be fair. And it smells nice. Then I add the drained rhubarb. I was honestly surprised that it was not required to be rinsed. The rhubarb lives to rinse another day. Amounts-wise, it didn't seem like much compared to the batter, but I guess the more you add, the more you slop, so perhaps it's for the best.
The recipe then demands that I ‘Tip the rhubarb into the pancake mix and stir briskly’. I’m not clear why speed is of the essence here but I haven’t written 7 cook books, so what do I know.
At this point I’m quite pleased to see I’ve genuinely created an undeniable slop.
I now realise this makes a laughably enormous amount of batter. The recipe states it serves 4 and I am but one. I wonder if I could turn it into a cake…watch this space.
The slop sits in the fridge for ‘half an hour or so’ – oh I do enjoy these specific instructions. I give it 45 mins. It’s needs to cold ‘because…science’. Oh, so pithy, smol pixie, so pithy.
Time to pan my cakes! Oh, and put the oven on… according to the recipe ‘…place a clean baking tray in the middle shelf’. Phew, good thing she specified it should be clean. Not to mention the absolute wasteful use of the oven to ‘keep your pancakes warm…it also gives them a little rise’. Sorry what. They’re pancakes you absolute soup muncher.
I ‘dollop’ (sure) some oil into the pan once it’s warmed (scenes from JM here! But followed by advice on how not to burn your house down so we’re back on familiar ground, thank honk). The mixture is REALLY thick. It slides off the ladle in its own time and is somewhat undignified.
I fried them until golden on both sides but they were very thick dollops and am unsure they are cooked in the middle. Hopefully the bit where they hang out in the oven while they wait for their mates to join them may cook them through?
After 5 minutes in the oven, I serve them with the 'syrup drizzled over'. The juice is actually a watery consistency but that might be because I got the wrong type. I did try four shops before I found these one. Do you want me to STOP LIVING.
In short, there were not nice.
There was very little flavour in them, they were stodgy and raw in the middle and putting them in the oven (for 5 minutes) did very little as far as I could tell. Pouring the rhubarb water just further sogged the slop. The saving grace was that the outside bit was alright tasting – and dipped in the rhubarb water reminded me a little of pancakes with lemon juice. Maybe if I'd used a LOT less batter, they'd be ok. Unclear how much a dollop is, unfortunately.
There is a cake in the oven because I couldn’t bear to throw the leftover batter away. Will report back on that in due course.
Rating: 2 (Terrible)
Cake rating TBC
I already had the eggs, oil, salt and baking powder so those were free. The rest came from co-op:
I also weigh out my self-raising flour and have a little chaos of my own:
I mix the milk with the custard. At this point, the recipe states ‘do it slowly, though, or else you run the risk of ending up with a milk soup and lumps of custard floating in it’. Oh, she does have a way with words, doesn’t she. She should be a food writer. Anyway, I digress. I don’t do it slowly because who has the time and I am BUSY, and... it’s fine. There are no lumps at any point. It’s almost like she… didn’t test the recipe?
Be-hole-d: my WELL-A-SORT- OF-HOLE (WASOH)! Isn’t she majestic? SHAN’T spoiler her, because I’m too proud of my culinary triumph.
Anyway, there seemed little point in her as I was then instructed to pour 300g of custard mixed with 300ml of milk and two eggs into said WASOH, which flooded her immediately. RIP WASOH. Your intentions were pure but your square footage was inadequate.
The slop sits in the fridge for ‘half an hour or so’ – oh I do enjoy these specific instructions. I give it 45 mins. It’s needs to cold ‘because…science’. Oh, so pithy, smol pixie, so pithy.
Time to pan my cakes! Oh, and put the oven on… according to the recipe ‘…place a clean baking tray in the middle shelf’. Phew, good thing she specified it should be clean. Not to mention the absolute wasteful use of the oven to ‘keep your pancakes warm…it also gives them a little rise’. Sorry what. They’re pancakes you absolute soup muncher.
I ‘dollop’ (sure) some oil into the pan once it’s warmed (scenes from JM here! But followed by advice on how not to burn your house down so we’re back on familiar ground, thank honk). The mixture is REALLY thick. It slides off the ladle in its own time and is somewhat undignified.
In short, there were not nice.
Rating: 2 (Terrible)
Cake rating TBC
Canal, I am
at your little extra touches, tile writing, home made tats and the doc’s holding your utensils. You are a bunch of funny uns. Thank you.
I’m slinging slop and this recipe is awful, it’s literally just ‘stick the ingredient in a tray and cook at an unspecified temperature until it’s cooked.’
Thanks for all you do Jack
Thanks for all you do Jack
Good grief. WHY would you ruin perfectly good pancakes (not you, dearheart. I’m addressing Jack)? Why not just make a rhubarb compote and serve alongside?
Perhaps ‘perfectly good’ is a stretch. On reflection.
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This is now my favourite post on the thread and it's not even about slop. Even slop can't save you Jack
Slop and tickle!Don't know if this has been said before but these threads are total slop and roll to me.
What about sticky brown poo? Jack was commissioned to create this recipe for children to make, so you know it will be both FUN and EASY!That bread tho.
I’m ready for another slop, I’m away this weekend but on annual leave Monday please no bread. Open to other suggestions
I think Jack decides how much she would eat (unsurprisingly a small amount of this gross shite) and divides the recipe by that to determine servings. It's completely disingenous to state "serves 2" just because she'd eat it in two servings/portions. The recurring theme of the servings being less than half the calories a meal should be, plus the photos being either a tiny bowl zoomed in or a normal bowl with 2 or 3 servings depicted, is really starting to paint yet another fraudulent picture to go along with the actual fake recipe photos (let alone the rest of the grift)."Serves 2" at only approx 250 calories each
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That would make far too much sense.
Did somebody already claim the poo? I mean I'm not bleeping taking it but either I dreamt someone claimed it (weird) or they actually did (pure insanity)
@Slop n slide
The DM utensil holder, the Stranglers reference, the fire warning on the tiles = su-bleeping-perb.
I thank you for your services to slop.
The DM utensil holder, the Stranglers reference, the fire warning on the tiles = su-bleeping-perb.
I thank you for your services to slop.
I’m pretty sure the man who started this whole escapade darling @Geetbo is making the poo. I may be wrong.
Bravo @Slop n slide
The DM’s on the worktop with a cloth underneath them for hygiene purposes and the utensils in a freezer bag ended me.
I keep laughing at this image @lurkerfrau
The DM’s on the worktop with a cloth underneath them for hygiene purposes and the utensils in a freezer bag ended me.
I keep laughing at this image @lurkerfrau
Geetbo was making the poo but changed to corned beef bolognese (what's the difference
)Poo recipe is here: https://d2qzqk7xzgae64.cloudfront.net/StickyBrownPoo.pdf
ETA oh cripes
She says substitute an egg for 3 tbsp marmalade? wot?
I noticed on Slop n slide's rhubarb and custard pancakes she also says swap an egg for apple sauce??
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This is now my favourite post on the thread and it's not even about slop. Even slop can't save you Jack
Slop and tickle!
I'm really hoping for a Slopalong wedding @MancBee and @Geetbo - don't disappoint me, I have a spenny stetson I need to give an airing to. I also have a washed out Viv (RIP) t-shirt bought secondhand on eBay 10 years ago I can style with it.
Let's make this happen! The wedding breakfast can be provided by The Canal via Jack's so-called cookbooks.
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Okay, I’m having to defrost my sausages which I didn’t really think of, so in the meantime I thought I’d do a little Bollock Sausage review.
I thought they’d be bad but they surprised me, they’re not only 40% pork but also about 40% edible.
For newbies these are the Asda essentials frozen sausages that Jack puts into a lot of her dishes. They £1.50 for twenty.
First I paid tribute to our hero.
As you can see they’re almost as white as my chopping board.
Obviously they’re not going to be amazing at that price, and poor welfare meat is a whole other discussion.
But these are minging, I said before that I’m partial to overly processed food but I can’t think of anything good to say about these and neither could my sister.
The texture is weirdly dry and sort of foamy? They really do melt like Jack says. The part that doesn’t melt is the bleeping skin.
I refuse to believe that the skin is made of beef and not plastic, I still have bits in my teeth.
You can see from the picture that they go weird and saggy as soon as you take them out the oven, kind of like a limp dick with a dried up contact lens on it (soz about the imagery but it’s genuinely the best way I can describe it
Lastly the smell! The bleeping smell.
Have you ever had a very cheap sausage roll that kind of smells like fart? Well image that X five filling up your flat and that was from cooking one sausage. Why you’d stick these in instead of veg is totally beyond me, there’s probably more meat in a courgette too just from one caterpillar crawling across it.
Not recommended.
I thought they’d be bad but they surprised me, they’re not only 40% pork but also about 40% edible.
For newbies these are the Asda essentials frozen sausages that Jack puts into a lot of her dishes. They £1.50 for twenty.
First I paid tribute to our hero.
As you can see they’re almost as white as my chopping board.
Obviously they’re not going to be amazing at that price, and poor welfare meat is a whole other discussion.
But these are minging, I said before that I’m partial to overly processed food but I can’t think of anything good to say about these and neither could my sister.
The texture is weirdly dry and sort of foamy? They really do melt like Jack says. The part that doesn’t melt is the bleeping skin.
I refuse to believe that the skin is made of beef and not plastic, I still have bits in my teeth.
You can see from the picture that they go weird and saggy as soon as you take them out the oven, kind of like a limp dick with a dried up contact lens on it (soz about the imagery but it’s genuinely the best way I can describe it
Lastly the smell! The bleeping smell.
Have you ever had a very cheap sausage roll that kind of smells like fart? Well image that X five filling up your flat and that was from cooking one sausage. Why you’d stick these in instead of veg is totally beyond me, there’s probably more meat in a courgette too just from one caterpillar crawling across it.
Not recommended.
Stay tuned for the sausange, I’m sure it’ll be lovely
EDIT: forgot to actually say what they taste like and there’s a reason why - nothing. They literally taste of nothing
the aftertaste is kind of like the belch of someone who’s eaten a fry up.
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It's very frustrating because that microwave chilli could easily be shared as a recipe for one and it would be reasonable (although of questionable quality), but nobody who shares them bothers to take a minute to check calories
All poos are interchangeableGeetbo was making the poo but changed to corned beef bolognese (what's the difference
Poo recipe is here: https://d2qzqk7xzgae64.cloudfront.net/StickyBrownPoo.pdf
ETA oh cripes
View attachment 1723162
She says substitute an egg for 3 tbsp marmalade? wot?
I noticed on Slop n slide's rhubarb and custard pancakes she also says swap an egg for apple sauce??
What's the couple nickname? MancBo? GeetBe?
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