Now that I am semi recovered I have donated to Food Cycle, who seem to be the anti Jack, in that they combat food waste rather than actively causing it, as per my bindaloo from today.
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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Hmmmmm. I think Jack nicked this recipe due to the amount of garlic/ginger, curry powder, butter and coconut milk
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Careful LG you'll be on the cover of Grifty Kitchen at this rate
Well done to you as well!
Just comparing this to the aubergine and lentil 'vindaloo' it's bizarre, especially considering they're both from Cooking on a Bootstrap!
Well slopped SP!Slop has been slung. Are you ready ninnies?
Ultimate Moussaka, 31p [VG/V/DF/GF*]
As the granddaughter of a Cypriot immigrant, I know my claim to have made the ‘ultimate’ moussaka is indeed a bold one. My grandfather would laugh in my face at the very notion of this vegan …cookingonabootstrap.com
I assembled my ingredients, some were free as I already had them. I had to get the aubergine, cashew milk, sunflower oil (because I usually cook with coconut oil but wanted to be PAINSTAKINGLY authentic), lentils, mustard, wine chopped tomatoes and dried thyme. I spent £13 although I do have some of those ingredients left for future slops.
I softy, gently rinsed the lentils and covered them with water. No amount of water was specified so I just covered them. This clearly wasn’t quite enough as the lentils absorbed it pretty quickly once they started boiling.
View attachment 1722414I While the lentils were cooking I started the sauce, chopping 6 cloves of garlic and adding them to a cold pan with two tablespoons of oil and two-small-onions’ worth of frozen onion because that’s how I roll.
View attachment 1722430
After a few minutes I added the other ingredients, making a lovely slop.
View attachment 1722450This included an entire teaspoon of dried thyme (or optional interchangeable herbs obvs) so I was feeling fairly hopeful that there might be at least a small amount of flavour.
I then rinsed the lentils again (THOROUGHLY. WARNED!) and added them to the slop.
View attachment 1722479
The recipe then inexplicably told me to fill a cup with water and pop it on the side.View attachment 1722480
And then I set about making the bechamel. I am fairly practised at making bechamel and felt concerned about stirring flour into cold oil, but it did form somewhat of a roux.
View attachment 1722490The cashew milk made a smooth sauce (no need to sieve out any lumps) but it didn’t really thicken. Also, there just wasn’t much of it.
But I ploughed ahead very finely slicing my aubergine.
View attachment 1722489
I then assembled the “moussaka”. There was literally a dribble of bechamel in each layer, but I dutifully spread it with the back of a spoon.
View attachment 1722493
I had not bothered to count my aubergine slices so the dearth (NB Jack: correct use of the word dearth) of aubergine in the top layer was entirely my fault. The dearth of bechamel was entirely Jack’s. I didn’t bother to grate the whole slice of bread, but I’m not sure extra breadcrumbs could have really saved this anyway.
View attachment 172250440 minutes later, I removed it from the oven and served myself up an eighth of it as per Jack’s claim that this serves 8, generously.
View attachment 1722506So, my verdict?
Well, it is edible but pretty flavourless. The aubergine is fairly chewy despite being so thinly sliced and the lentils are a bit chalky. It mostly tastes of tomato and garlic. One “portion” is definitely not generous and nutritionally is significantly lacking.
View attachment 1722511
i was debating giving it a 3, but honestly, I wouldn’t ever make it again. I’m sure it could be saved with some additional flavours and a decent bechamel (no seasoning in the bechamel and this jar of mustard, listed in the ingredients for the sauce, never got mentioned in the actual recipe)
View attachment 1722515
So I’m giving it a 2 - terrible. Would not recommend.
I have to say that I think if a recipe has a glaring error or omission, like a completely unused ingredient (mustard here) or a 'generous' portion being only 130 calories, it should be an automatic 2 at best. I suppose the final score should reflect the whole recipe and not just how edible the final product is.
Dear hearts, I'm going to do one of these, my friend is very involved with this small charity that works locally to us, hopefully it will bring a small amount of cheer to some people, fat more than any of her Christmas slops.
Attachments
That moussaka is so so sad. No potatoes? For anyone who likes to eat low carb (or just anyone really), Tom “Fingers” Kerridge has an insanely amazing moussaka recipe in his Dopamine Diet book. It’s one of the best things I have ever eaten. Probably not cheap, and not quick to cook, but would blow Jack’s sorry excuse (isn’t she like a scant 1/8 of a teaspoon Cypriot?) for a moussaka out of the water.
I’m a fan of Rick Stein’s moussaka myself. Obvs not a vegan recipe though.
I've put myself down for another little recipe Whoa F*ck Dressing
It's got everything you would want from a Monroe number:
shop.tonkotsu.co.uk
It's got everything you would want from a Monroe number:
- Jack being given a friend's product for free then trying to reverse engineer it on the cheap, rather than promote the product or just... buy some more
- Then posting the recipe on her website to 500,000
potential customersreaders - NO praise whatsoever for the original ("all I could remember was the sheer amount of chilli flakes suspended in a sesame oil dressing") but exaggerated praise for her version ("my tastebuds shot off on an exuberant joyride... made my eyes pop and my tongue sing")
- Basically saying make her version don't buy the real thing (with friends like Jack eh?)
- Claims it will get better with age and the concerns over things in oil having botulism are 'scaremongering'
- 'Sainsbugs'
- A reader corrects her about the botulism which she accepts (!) but only as a 'wrong word'
- Says she'll correct it but never does, gets called out on it months later
- Reader irritatedly explains that many would like to sell this kind of product but they're so risky they don't/won't
- Therefore highlighting a major benefit of buying the real product in the first place
- It oozes with narcissism
Tonkotsu
Shop for the perfect present for the ramen lover in your life. Use our vouchers in any Tonkotsu restaurant (sorry, excludes Selfridges). Looking for Eat the Bits Chilli Oil? Head back to the Tonkotsu website to find the Chilli Oil shop
shop.tonkotsu.co.uk
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Nobody was more surprised than me, dear heart.
It was the lower end of a 4 rating due to the undercooked onion, lack of creamy buttery taste and the unauthentic lentil to kidney bean ratio (should be more 70/30 than 50/50). I took into account the fact this is a budget version in order to keep costs down so I shall painstakingly pick some of the kidney beans out as they are not my favourite.
I inhaled it greedily as it was 3pm by the time it had cooled ready to be reheated and I hadn't eaten anything up until that point. I won't make it again as there are better recipes out there that are more to my taste. Can't knock the price of the ingredients, the calorie content or the spicy kick though so overall it was a success. Then again, anything was going to be better than the fish paste pasta recipe I did previously
Oh dear god. I'm reminded of that bit in National Lampoon's where the Da cuts into the turkey and a big puff of smoke comes out
@That Forensic Man i didn't realise I could award a zero for my slop (and it was slop despite being a cake), please can you amend my rating to 0 please.
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Did it work?
Half scores rounded down because duck Jack.
Note two of the middle class ratings were being generous, we really shouldn't be, Jack certainly isn't.
Note two of the middle class ratings were being generous, we really shouldn't be, Jack certainly isn't.
Yes tender one x
yet another recipe that's actively hazardousI've put myself down for another little recipe Whoa F*ck Dressing
It's got everything you would want from a Monroe number:
I bought chilli flakes (in error for another version of pasta sauce) and white wine vinegar for slops, and only need to get hold of sunflower and peanut/sesame oil. I've also decided to buy the real thing to compare but also to spite Jack - £5.95
- Jack being given a friend's product for free then trying to reverse engineer it on the cheap, rather than promote the product or just... buy some more
- Then posting the recipe on her website to 500,000
potential customersreaders- NO praise whatsoever for the original ("all I could remember was the sheer amount of chilli flakes suspended in a sesame oil dressing") but exaggerated praise for her version ("my tastebuds shot off on an exuberant joyride... made my eyes pop and my tongue sing")
- Basically saying make her version don't buy the real thing (with friends like Jack eh?)
- Claims it will get better with age and the concerns over things in oil having botulism are 'scaremongering'
- 'Sainsbugs'
- A reader corrects her about the botulism which she accepts (!) but only as a 'wrong word'
- Says she'll correct it but never does, gets called out on it months later
- Reader irritatedly explains that many would like to sell this kind of product but they're so risky they don't/won't
- Therefore highlighting a major benefit of buying the real product in the first place
- It oozes with narcissism
Tonkotsu
Shop for the perfect present for the ramen lover in your life. Use our vouchers in any Tonkotsu restaurant (sorry, excludes Selfridges). Looking for Eat the Bits Chilli Oil? Head back to the Tonkotsu website to find the Chilli Oil shop
View attachment 1722595
View attachment 1722596
Been browsing the recipe list for a dessert to follow the disastrous moussaka. What in the name of LJC is Sleazecake? Also would like to take a look at the Jaffa cake in a cup. Both from Bad Food for Slop Days @Notmycat Thank(space)you
I have donated to a local food bank as penance for slop
Oil in béchamel?Slop has been slung. Are you ready ninnies?
Ultimate Moussaka, 31p [VG/V/DF/GF*]
As the granddaughter of a Cypriot immigrant, I know my claim to have made the ‘ultimate’ moussaka is indeed a bold one. My grandfather would laugh in my face at the very notion of this vegan …
I assembled my ingredients, some were free as I already had them. I had to get the aubergine, cashew milk, sunflower oil (because I usually cook with coconut oil but wanted to be PAINSTAKINGLY authentic), lentils, mustard, wine chopped tomatoes and dried thyme. I spent £13 although I do have some of those ingredients left for future slops.
I softy, gently rinsed the lentils and covered them with water. No amount of water was specified so I just covered them. This clearly wasn’t quite enough as the lentils absorbed it pretty quickly once they started boiling.
View attachment 1722414I While the lentils were cooking I started the sauce, chopping 6 cloves of garlic and adding them to a cold pan with two tablespoons of oil and two-small-onions’ worth of frozen onion because that’s how I roll.
View attachment 1722430
After a few minutes I added the other ingredients, making a lovely slop.
View attachment 1722450This included an entire teaspoon of dried thyme (or optional interchangeable herbs obvs) so I was feeling fairly hopeful that there might be at least a small amount of flavour.
I then rinsed the lentils again (THOROUGHLY. WARNED!) and added them to the slop.
View attachment 1722479
The recipe then inexplicably told me to fill a cup with water and pop it on the side.View attachment 1722480
And then I set about making the bechamel. I am fairly practised at making bechamel and felt concerned about stirring flour into cold oil, but it did form somewhat of a roux.
View attachment 1722490The cashew milk made a smooth sauce (no need to sieve out any lumps
But I ploughed ahead very finely slicing my aubergine.
View attachment 1722489
I then assembled the “moussaka”. There was literally a dribble of bechamel in each layer, but I dutifully spread it with the back of a spoon.
View attachment 1722493
I had not bothered to count my aubergine slices so the dearth (NB Jack: correct use of the word dearth) of aubergine in the top layer was entirely my fault. The dearth of bechamel was entirely Jack’s. I didn’t bother to grate the whole slice of bread, but I’m not sure extra breadcrumbs could have really saved this anyway.
View attachment 172250440 minutes later, I removed it from the oven and served myself up an eighth of it as per Jack’s claim that this serves 8, generously.
View attachment 1722506So, my verdict?
Well, it is edible but pretty flavourless. The aubergine is fairly chewy despite being so thinly sliced and the lentils are a bit chalky. It mostly tastes of tomato and garlic. One “portion” is definitely not generous and nutritionally is significantly lacking.
View attachment 1722511
i was debating giving it a 3, but honestly, I wouldn’t ever make it again. I’m sure it could be saved with some additional flavours and a decent bechamel (no seasoning in the bechamel and this jar of mustard, listed in the ingredients for the sauce, never got mentioned in the actual recipe)
View attachment 1722515
So I’m giving it a 2 - terrible. Would not recommend.
Imagine being on holiday and having to eat tinned sardines ALL WEEK. Maybe that's what happened in Dordecht?
My Harold happened to be looking over my shoulder when I watched the bread ‘slicing’ video. He’s now mumbling “courgette, lemon and Sultana?” to himself.
I've put myself down for another little recipe Whoa F*ck Dressing
It's got everything you would want from a Monroe number:
I bought chilli flakes (in error for another version of pasta sauce) and white wine vinegar for slops, and only need to get hold of sunflower and peanut/sesame oil. I've also decided to buy the real thing to compare but also to spite Jack - £5.95
- Jack being given a friend's product for free then trying to reverse engineer it on the cheap, rather than promote the product or just... buy some more
- Then posting the recipe on her website to 500,000
potential customersreaders- NO praise whatsoever for the original ("all I could remember was the sheer amount of chilli flakes suspended in a sesame oil dressing") but exaggerated praise for her version ("my tastebuds shot off on an exuberant joyride... made my eyes pop and my tongue sing")
- Basically saying make her version don't buy the real thing (with friends like Jack eh?)
- Claims it will get better with age and the concerns over things in oil having botulism are 'scaremongering'
- 'Sainsbugs'
- A reader corrects her about the botulism which she accepts (!) but only as a 'wrong word'
- Says she'll correct it but never does, gets called out on it months later
- Reader irritatedly explains that many would like to sell this kind of product but they're so risky they don't/won't
- Therefore highlighting a major benefit of buying the real product in the first place
- It oozes with narcissism
Tonkotsu
Shop for the perfect present for the ramen lover in your life. Use our vouchers in any Tonkotsu restaurant (sorry, excludes Selfridges). Looking for Eat the Bits Chilli Oil? Head back to the Tonkotsu website to find the Chilli Oil shop
View attachment 1722595
View attachment 1722596
Roll up! roll up! Get your botulism here! 
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