The chilli's done. The recipe was some what baffling as there's absolutely no bleeping timings (except boiling the tit out of beans for 10 mins) so I've had to use a bit of common sense- I have however followed the instructions EXACTLY to the letter. How can a recipe have no timings? Ludicrous.
Ingredients
I had everything in except the wine and chocolate, or so I thought! I had failed at the first hurdle- the all important forensic stocktake. Oh well, beans is beans. We have pinto here instead of kidney. I ploughed on. I'm currently having a car chaos this week so I yomped to the village shop to pick up the wine (£7.95) and chocolate (95p). Definitely more expensive than it could of been, but not every one has access to Asda Jack, sue me. I also wanted to actually drink the wine.
A note here- wine and dark chocolate? Very bougie ingredients for a budget recipe. A brave squig flagged this in the website comments, to which Jack retorted her friends often brought round wine to her dinner parties, and she kept leftovers under the sink. We all know this is a complete fantasy.
Method
The first task for any discerning slop chef- bean rinsing. Here's the money shot.
Rinsed baked beans and pinto beans went into a saucepan with cold water, Jack instructs a rapid boil for 10 minutes followed by a simmer for an unspecified time until they're soft. It struck me at this point perhaps she was getting her dried beans mixed up with her tinned, but I decided the less I thought about Jack's methods the better. Off they boiled.
Whilst I committed the bean massacre, diced onion (no size specified, quelle surprise, so I went smallish) and chopped chilli went into a cold pan with oil. They were joined with - probably my aneurysm now - a 'shake' of paprika and cumin. Barely a smattering.
Now the method here states cook these on a low heat. As the beans were well on their way to obliteration I cranked the heat up slightly to get them going, then lowered. Sounds obvious, but the recipe just doesn't tell you this. Once these were softened, as instructed I added the wine, toms and stock cube to the luke warm pan. I was losing patience here fraus.
It's time to check on the beans.
They're back in the sink, colander's working overtime tonight. The baked beans have taken quite the battering but the pinto's are still holding their own. Into the pan they go.
The dog disappeared at this point, there was a bad, cloying smell emitting from the pan. We cook on- I obediently stirred until the chocolate was melted. Time to serve!
I divided the slop into quarters, and plated. Calories per person - 263. I fart-arsed about at this point creating this performative shot (what on earth did I need a knife for?). The chilli didn't move an inch, solid as a rock. The baked beans have dissolved into a thickening agent. PS. Sorry for the lack of props, I was DONE at this point. Jack provided no serving suggestion short of gormlessly sticking a spoon in her mouth so I popped it on a plate so you can scale it. Pathetic.
Taste
It tastes like beans in tomato sauce, like the ones I rinsed 45 minutes ago. It will come as no surprise to anyone that it tastes of NOTHING. The wine and chocolate are so performative it's laughable. The money you've spent on those ingredients could have been spent on cinnamon, garlic, oregano, crushed chilli flakes, maybe some mushrooms, a tin of sweetcorn, red peppers, smartprice cheddar.. it would be so much better and more nutritious. The wine and chocolate are lovely as a finishing touch in a middle class kitchen but a chilli holds up without them, get the basics right first FFS. It's thoughtless, I don't think more than 10 mins went into writing this recipe. Mumma Jack's best ever? Please.
Verdict
I would have given this a 2 as it's technically edible, but as I had to make up all the timings, it's getting a 1.5. It's a boring meal, completely uninspiring and not worth the 45 mins it took to make. I'm lucky I had the time and resources as an experiment, but I'd be pretty disheartened if I had to serve this to my family. I ate one portion and put the rest in a bowl for the fridge. Worth noting the bowl was the same size as the one Jack was holding on the website- so she's eating 3 portions of this in the photo. Granted food styling and photography isn't exactly accurate, and I wouldn't usually be arsed, but for a budget cook it's incredibly misleading to show triple the portion size as a standard portion.
Donations made to my local foodbank and a dog shelter close to my heart who are struggling with bills at the mo. I'll post the receipts later when I've worked out how to blank out the details.
Ingredients
I had everything in except the wine and chocolate, or so I thought! I had failed at the first hurdle- the all important forensic stocktake. Oh well, beans is beans. We have pinto here instead of kidney. I ploughed on. I'm currently having a car chaos this week so I yomped to the village shop to pick up the wine (£7.95) and chocolate (95p). Definitely more expensive than it could of been, but not every one has access to Asda Jack, sue me. I also wanted to actually drink the wine.
A note here- wine and dark chocolate? Very bougie ingredients for a budget recipe. A brave squig flagged this in the website comments, to which Jack retorted her friends often brought round wine to her dinner parties, and she kept leftovers under the sink. We all know this is a complete fantasy.
Method
The first task for any discerning slop chef- bean rinsing. Here's the money shot.
Rinsed baked beans and pinto beans went into a saucepan with cold water, Jack instructs a rapid boil for 10 minutes followed by a simmer for an unspecified time until they're soft. It struck me at this point perhaps she was getting her dried beans mixed up with her tinned, but I decided the less I thought about Jack's methods the better. Off they boiled.
Whilst I committed the bean massacre, diced onion (no size specified, quelle surprise, so I went smallish) and chopped chilli went into a cold pan with oil. They were joined with - probably my aneurysm now - a 'shake' of paprika and cumin. Barely a smattering.
Now the method here states cook these on a low heat. As the beans were well on their way to obliteration I cranked the heat up slightly to get them going, then lowered. Sounds obvious, but the recipe just doesn't tell you this. Once these were softened, as instructed I added the wine, toms and stock cube to the luke warm pan. I was losing patience here fraus.
It's time to check on the beans.
They're back in the sink, colander's working overtime tonight. The baked beans have taken quite the battering but the pinto's are still holding their own. Into the pan they go.
The dog disappeared at this point, there was a bad, cloying smell emitting from the pan. We cook on- I obediently stirred until the chocolate was melted. Time to serve!
I divided the slop into quarters, and plated. Calories per person - 263. I fart-arsed about at this point creating this performative shot (what on earth did I need a knife for?). The chilli didn't move an inch, solid as a rock. The baked beans have dissolved into a thickening agent. PS. Sorry for the lack of props, I was DONE at this point. Jack provided no serving suggestion short of gormlessly sticking a spoon in her mouth so I popped it on a plate so you can scale it. Pathetic.
Taste
It tastes like beans in tomato sauce, like the ones I rinsed 45 minutes ago. It will come as no surprise to anyone that it tastes of NOTHING. The wine and chocolate are so performative it's laughable. The money you've spent on those ingredients could have been spent on cinnamon, garlic, oregano, crushed chilli flakes, maybe some mushrooms, a tin of sweetcorn, red peppers, smartprice cheddar.. it would be so much better and more nutritious. The wine and chocolate are lovely as a finishing touch in a middle class kitchen but a chilli holds up without them, get the basics right first FFS. It's thoughtless, I don't think more than 10 mins went into writing this recipe. Mumma Jack's best ever? Please.
Verdict
I would have given this a 2 as it's technically edible, but as I had to make up all the timings, it's getting a 1.5. It's a boring meal, completely uninspiring and not worth the 45 mins it took to make. I'm lucky I had the time and resources as an experiment, but I'd be pretty disheartened if I had to serve this to my family. I ate one portion and put the rest in a bowl for the fridge. Worth noting the bowl was the same size as the one Jack was holding on the website- so she's eating 3 portions of this in the photo. Granted food styling and photography isn't exactly accurate, and I wouldn't usually be arsed, but for a budget cook it's incredibly misleading to show triple the portion size as a standard portion.
Donations made to my local foodbank and a dog shelter close to my heart who are struggling with bills at the mo. I'll post the receipts later when I've worked out how to blank out the details.
, but I digress). Feeling sad that Jack’s metropolitan elite celebrity vinegars are out of my reach.
&
following the JM threads pretty much on and off from the start. I was one of those people who sent JM money when I could ill afford it, thinking that I was helping a single mum who was in a DIRE situation. I also, due to fear of Brexit shortages of fresh food (stirred up by our small pixie which now makes me think her she was putting the frighteners on to ensure more sales) bought A Girl Called Jack - and to my shame later on Tin Can Cook - and this thread has brought back the memory of attempting the tinned potato gnocchi recipe from AGCJ (I think - all slop books are interchangeable). As I am now in a much better place, I would be happy to recreate this 
🤌