Well, it had to happen eventually. Where do we reckon she stole it from? I'm gonna go with the tried and true BBC Good Food website.
Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley
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The trial of these recipes proves that the celebrity chefs, cooks, foodies etc ( side eyes Nigella and Jay) freely give away their endorsements or lie ( depending on your perspective) in order to remain in the public eye/appease their paymasters ( Jay as a Guardian person). They are very much to blame, no way has Jay or Nigella had their chops around these unfortunate concoctions.
I remember Stephen Fry saying that he refuses to say anything negative about what he reviews/tests etc… the world of celebrity endorsements is morally corrupt.
I also wonder that now the tide has turned, if anyone she has plagiarised work from will be daring enough to call her out on it? I know it is murderously expensive legally, but I bet she’s very guilty of what she has openly accused others of.
In amongst the hilarity and jokes, I really think you guys are doing a big service in proving that the majority of her recipes don’t work, are revolting, or at best are just ‘meh’.
Thank you to everyone for your time, effort, money in making and testing the recipes.
I remember Stephen Fry saying that he refuses to say anything negative about what he reviews/tests etc… the world of celebrity endorsements is morally corrupt.
I also wonder that now the tide has turned, if anyone she has plagiarised work from will be daring enough to call her out on it? I know it is murderously expensive legally, but I bet she’s very guilty of what she has openly accused others of.
In amongst the hilarity and jokes, I really think you guys are doing a big service in proving that the majority of her recipes don’t work, are revolting, or at best are just ‘meh’.
Thank you to everyone for your time, effort, money in making and testing the recipes.
90% vegan
A Jack recipe containing dead bugs is the least surprising thing I’d expect to read
She's a bodybuilder, needs all the protein she can get
Hello, and welcome to November, everyone! Several years ago, Old Harold and I spent a lovely New Year in Asheville, North Carolina. I have also been eating with FRIENDS (because I have them) at a restaurant I introduced them to that has a sister restaurant that does drinks. I should mention that I sometimes visit the first restaurant to have meetings also. Or even just lunch.
Anyway, turns out that tonic water, sparkling water and soda water are interchangeable, as are all sorts of vinegars.
Anyway, turns out that tonic water, sparkling water and soda water are interchangeable, as are all sorts of vinegars.
Because Jack Kindly told me, and before you all think I’ve gone bonkers, I thought I’d try a Jack-inspired typically self absorbed, nonsensical and self important preamble to my slopalong: beverage version here
VINEGAR TONIC (OR SODA WATER OR SPARKLING WATER) SLOPALONG
My Old Harold is not a chef, just a simple first responder like jacks dad, but in less humiliating trousers. Fortunately however, Jack reassures all us plebs that we don’t have to have FANCY vinegars and just a simple red or a cider is fine for the likes of us, then later lists other things we might have in like white vinegar, or we can go wild in the vinegar aisle, whatever, really. I’m just going to go with what I have in.
VINEGAR TONIC (OR SODA WATER OR SPARKLING WATER) SLOPALONG
My Old Harold is not a chef, just a simple first responder like jacks dad, but in less humiliating trousers. Fortunately however, Jack reassures all us plebs that we don’t have to have FANCY vinegars and just a simple red or a cider is fine for the likes of us, then later lists other things we might have in like white vinegar, or we can go wild in the vinegar aisle, whatever, really. I’m just going to go with what I have in.
The Vessel: Jack prefers a tall glass but reassures me that any glass will do. I decide to go with these three from Anthropologie which I (from left to right) 1. Found in a puddle 2. Bought in a “thrift store” 3. A friend left on my doorstep
Please note that as I had no £44 display wallpaper knocking around the place I have made a lovely background on mytiny desk ikea lack out of a creased ikea tea towel and a creased Target napkin.
The Vinegars and Water: Disappointingly not Chef-standard I have in white vinegar that Harold uses to pickle his jalapeños (ooh, Matron!) and Apple Cider vinegar that I am currently using to catch fruit flies in my kitchen (
, but I digress). Feeling sad that Jack’s metropolitan elite celebrity vinegars are out of my reach.
IT’S GOURMET according to the label. I can be like Jack (and probably not actually Leggy who I believe to be too sensible to be indulging her twit of a fiancée in this tasting endeavor) with my fancy vinegar after all! I also have a fancy water! As tonic, soda and sparkling are interchangeable I’ll have a FANCY fizzy La Croix also
Please note that as I had no £44 display wallpaper knocking around the place I have made a lovely background on my
The Vinegars and Water: Disappointingly not Chef-standard I have in white vinegar that Harold uses to pickle his jalapeños (ooh, Matron!) and Apple Cider vinegar that I am currently using to catch fruit flies in my kitchen (
, but I digress). Feeling sad that Jack’s metropolitan elite celebrity vinegars are out of my reach.
IT’S GOURMET according to the label. I can be like Jack (and probably not actually Leggy who I believe to be too sensible to be indulging her twit of a fiancée in this tasting endeavor) with my fancy vinegar after all! I also have a fancy water! As tonic, soda and sparkling are interchangeable I’ll have a FANCY fizzy La Croix also
Because I’m not a maniac I’m going to shrink down Jack’s recommended dosage, mostly because I don’t want fake Drs Gillian McKeith OR Jack Monroe “coming all over on me”. I split the can into approximate thirds then measure in approximately 1/3 of Jack’s recommended vinegar dose.
I managed to overpour on each one because I am not a LITERAL FOOD EXPERT. Apart from a tinge in the malt glass, you’ll have to take my word that the vinegars are in there, but you can trust me because I’m not a liar, thief, grifter or complete bleep
Two down, one to go. I did the Jack- recommend white first. It was SO bleeping RANK (literally, it just tasted of nothing other than vinegar that someone had stuck in a soda stream). I immediately grabbed the GOURMET malt which Jack did not mention in her recommends and it was…surprisingly palatable. It made me long for UK chips. In a fizzy way. I mean, I wouldn’t drink a ton of the stuff, or even drink it again, but it was doable and nostalgic. Nostalgic like long ago Calpol of 1970s childhoods, only vinegary, and with fizz.
Apple cider vinegar just tasted like apple cider vinegar, with fizz. i.e. bleeping Rank. I don’t even mind the taste of apple cider vinegar but the addition of fizz is a definite no. WARNED. Proof I drank all three, though I appeared to have left some residue in the apple cider one Oopsie!
Verdict: 1-Dire. If they were seriously necking this stuff, it must have been bleeping snowing in Hammersmith that night. I will note though that it’s one thing for us plebs, the VILE apple cider and white, and another for GOURMETS like Jack and Leggy. I felt my nostalgic trip down GOURMET malt vinegar memory lane to chip shops of yore saved this endeavor, and shall try this again with a bottle of Sarson’s next time I’m back in good old Blighty.
Don’t try this at home, tender ones.
I managed to overpour on each one because I am not a LITERAL FOOD EXPERT. Apart from a tinge in the malt glass, you’ll have to take my word that the vinegars are in there, but you can trust me because I’m not a liar, thief, grifter or complete bleep
Two down, one to go. I did the Jack- recommend white first. It was SO bleeping RANK (literally, it just tasted of nothing other than vinegar that someone had stuck in a soda stream). I immediately grabbed the GOURMET malt which Jack did not mention in her recommends and it was…surprisingly palatable. It made me long for UK chips. In a fizzy way. I mean, I wouldn’t drink a ton of the stuff, or even drink it again, but it was doable and nostalgic. Nostalgic like long ago Calpol of 1970s childhoods, only vinegary, and with fizz.
Apple cider vinegar just tasted like apple cider vinegar, with fizz. i.e. bleeping Rank. I don’t even mind the taste of apple cider vinegar but the addition of fizz is a definite no. WARNED. Proof I drank all three, though I appeared to have left some residue in the apple cider one Oopsie!
Don’t try this at home, tender ones.
oooof @Valiofthedolls thats a brave one, i can feel the heartburn just reading your post. sending antacid-ios
Yeah, this kind of solidifies something I've been thinking for some time.Hello, and welcome to November, everyone! Several years ago, Old Harold and I spent a lovely New Year in Asheville, North Carolina. I have also been eating with FRIENDS (because I have them) at a restaurant I introduced them to that has a sister restaurant that does drinks. I should mention that I sometimes visit the first restaurant to have meetings also. Or even just lunch.
Anyway, turns out that tonic water, sparkling water and soda water are interchangeable, as are all sorts of vinegars.
Because Jack Kindly told me, and before you all think I’ve gone bonkers, I thought I’d try a Jack-inspired typically self absorbed, nonsensical and self important preamble to my slopalong: beverage version here
VINEGAR TONIC (OR SODA WATER OR SPARKLING WATER) SLOPALONG
My Old Harold is not a chef, just a simple first responder like jacks dad, but in less humiliating trousers. Fortunately however, Jack reassures all us plebs that we don’t have to have FANCY vinegars and just a simple red or a cider is fine for the likes of us, then later lists other things we might have in like white vinegar, or we can go wild in the vinegar aisle, whatever, really. I’m just going to go with what I have in.The Vessel: Jack prefers a tall glass but reassures me that any glass will do. I decide to go with these three from Anthropologie which I (from left to right) 1. Found in a puddle 2. Bought in a “thrift store” 3. A friend left on my doorstep
View attachment 1714630
Please note that as I had no £44 display wallpaper knocking around the place I have made a lovely background on mytiny deskikea lack out of a creased ikea tea towel and a creased Target napkin.
The Vinegars and Water: Disappointingly not Chef-standard I have in white vinegar that Harold uses to pickle his jalapeños (ooh, Matron!) and Apple Cider vinegar that I am currently using to catch fruit flies in my kitchen (
View attachment 1714664
View attachment 1714667
IT’S GOURMET according to the label. I can be like Jack (and probably not actually Leggy who I believe to be too sensible to be indulging her twit of a fiancée in this tasting endeavor) with my fancy vinegar after all! I also have a fancy water! As tonic, soda and sparkling are interchangeable I’ll have a FANCY fizzy La Croix also
View attachment 1714669Because I’m not a maniac I’m going to shrink down Jack’s recommended dosage, mostly because I don’t want fake Drs Gillian McKeith OR Jack Monroe “coming all over on me”. I split the can into approximate thirds then measure in approximately 1/3 of Jack’s recommended vinegar dose.
I managed to overpour on each one because I am not a LITERAL FOOD EXPERT. Apart from a tinge in the malt glass, you’ll have to take my word that the vinegars are in there, but you can trust me because I’m not a liar, thief, grifter or complete bleep
View attachment 1714692
Two down, one to go. I did the Jack- recommend white first. It was SO bleeping RANK (literally, it just tasted of nothing other than vinegar that someone had stuck in a soda stream). I immediately grabbed the GOURMET malt which Jack did not mention in her recommends and it was…surprisingly palatable. It made me long for UK chips. In a fizzy way. I mean, I wouldn’t drink a ton of the stuff, or even drink it again, but it was doable and nostalgic. Nostalgic like long ago Calpol of 1970s childhoods, only vinegary, and with fizz.
View attachment 1714697
Apple cider vinegar just tasted like apple cider vinegar, with fizz. i.e. bleeping Rank. I don’t even mind the taste of apple cider vinegar but the addition of fizz is a definite no. WARNED. Proof I drank all three, though I appeared to have left some residue in the apple cider one Oopsie!
View attachment 1714719Verdict: 1-Dire. If they were seriously necking this stuff, it must have been bleeping snowing in Hammersmith that night. I will note though that it’s one thing for us plebs, the VILE apple cider and white, and another for GOURMETS like Jack and Leggy. I felt my nostalgic trip down GOURMET malt vinegar memory lane to chip shops of yore saved this endeavor, and shall try this again with a bottle of Sarson’s next time I’m back in good old Blighty.
Don’t try this at home, tender ones.
She has no taste-buds. None.
Do you think she had them surgically removed? Chemically burnt out?
They LEFT.
She SOLD them with her Denby, Wedgewood and CHESTERFIELD SOFA during The Poverty.
So, in January 2015 she did dry January but in January 2019 she gave up drinking because she was an alcoholic.Hello, and welcome to November, everyone! Several years ago, Old Harold and I spent a lovely New Year in Asheville, North Carolina. I have also been eating with FRIENDS (because I have them) at a restaurant I introduced them to that has a sister restaurant that does drinks. I should mention that I sometimes visit the first restaurant to have meetings also. Or even just lunch.
Anyway, turns out that tonic water, sparkling water and soda water are interchangeable, as are all sorts of vinegars.
Because Jack Kindly told me, and before you all think I’ve gone bonkers, I thought I’d try a Jack-inspired typically self absorbed, nonsensical and self important preamble to my slopalong: beverage version here
VINEGAR TONIC (OR SODA WATER OR SPARKLING WATER) SLOPALONG
My Old Harold is not a chef, just a simple first responder like jacks dad, but in less humiliating trousers. Fortunately however, Jack reassures all us plebs that we don’t have to have FANCY vinegars and just a simple red or a cider is fine for the likes of us, then later lists other things we might have in like white vinegar, or we can go wild in the vinegar aisle, whatever, really. I’m just going to go with what I have in.The Vessel: Jack prefers a tall glass but reassures me that any glass will do. I decide to go with these three from Anthropologie which I (from left to right) 1. Found in a puddle 2. Bought in a “thrift store” 3. A friend left on my doorstep
View attachment 1714630
Please note that as I had no £44 display wallpaper knocking around the place I have made a lovely background on mytiny deskikea lack out of a creased ikea tea towel and a creased Target napkin.
The Vinegars and Water: Disappointingly not Chef-standard I have in white vinegar that Harold uses to pickle his jalapeños (ooh, Matron!) and Apple Cider vinegar that I am currently using to catch fruit flies in my kitchen (
View attachment 1714664
View attachment 1714667
IT’S GOURMET according to the label. I can be like Jack (and probably not actually Leggy who I believe to be too sensible to be indulging her twit of a fiancée in this tasting endeavor) with my fancy vinegar after all! I also have a fancy water! As tonic, soda and sparkling are interchangeable I’ll have a FANCY fizzy La Croix also
View attachment 1714669Because I’m not a maniac I’m going to shrink down Jack’s recommended dosage, mostly because I don’t want fake Drs Gillian McKeith OR Jack Monroe “coming all over on me”. I split the can into approximate thirds then measure in approximately 1/3 of Jack’s recommended vinegar dose.
I managed to overpour on each one because I am not a LITERAL FOOD EXPERT. Apart from a tinge in the malt glass, you’ll have to take my word that the vinegars are in there, but you can trust me because I’m not a liar, thief, grifter or complete bleep
View attachment 1714692
Two down, one to go. I did the Jack- recommend white first. It was SO bleeping RANK (literally, it just tasted of nothing other than vinegar that someone had stuck in a soda stream). I immediately grabbed the GOURMET malt which Jack did not mention in her recommends and it was…surprisingly palatable. It made me long for UK chips. In a fizzy way. I mean, I wouldn’t drink a ton of the stuff, or even drink it again, but it was doable and nostalgic. Nostalgic like long ago Calpol of 1970s childhoods, only vinegary, and with fizz.
View attachment 1714697
Apple cider vinegar just tasted like apple cider vinegar, with fizz. i.e. bleeping Rank. I don’t even mind the taste of apple cider vinegar but the addition of fizz is a definite no. WARNED. Proof I drank all three, though I appeared to have left some residue in the apple cider one Oopsie!
View attachment 1714719Verdict: 1-Dire. If they were seriously necking this stuff, it must have been bleeping snowing in Hammersmith that night. I will note though that it’s one thing for us plebs, the VILE apple cider and white, and another for GOURMETS like Jack and Leggy. I felt my nostalgic trip down GOURMET malt vinegar memory lane to chip shops of yore saved this endeavor, and shall try this again with a bottle of Sarson’s next time I’m back in good old Blighty.
Don’t try this at home, tender ones.
SO many questions but the most pressingHello, and welcome to November, everyone! Several years ago, Old Harold and I spent a lovely New Year in Asheville, North Carolina. I have also been eating with FRIENDS (because I have them) at a restaurant I introduced them to that has a sister restaurant that does drinks. I should mention that I sometimes visit the first restaurant to have meetings also. Or even just lunch.
Anyway, turns out that tonic water, sparkling water and soda water are interchangeable, as are all sorts of vinegars.
Because Jack Kindly told me, and before you all think I’ve gone bonkers, I thought I’d try a Jack-inspired typically self absorbed, nonsensical and self important preamble to my slopalong: beverage version here
VINEGAR TONIC (OR SODA WATER OR SPARKLING WATER) SLOPALONG
My Old Harold is not a chef, just a simple first responder like jacks dad, but in less humiliating trousers. Fortunately however, Jack reassures all us plebs that we don’t have to have FANCY vinegars and just a simple red or a cider is fine for the likes of us, then later lists other things we might have in like white vinegar, or we can go wild in the vinegar aisle, whatever, really. I’m just going to go with what I have in.The Vessel: Jack prefers a tall glass but reassures me that any glass will do. I decide to go with these three from Anthropologie which I (from left to right) 1. Found in a puddle 2. Bought in a “thrift store” 3. A friend left on my doorstep
View attachment 1714630
Please note that as I had no £44 display wallpaper knocking around the place I have made a lovely background on mytiny deskikea lack out of a creased ikea tea towel and a creased Target napkin.
The Vinegars and Water: Disappointingly not Chef-standard I have in white vinegar that Harold uses to pickle his jalapeños (ooh, Matron!) and Apple Cider vinegar that I am currently using to catch fruit flies in my kitchen (
View attachment 1714664
View attachment 1714667
IT’S GOURMET according to the label. I can be like Jack (and probably not actually Leggy who I believe to be too sensible to be indulging her twit of a fiancée in this tasting endeavor) with my fancy vinegar after all! I also have a fancy water! As tonic, soda and sparkling are interchangeable I’ll have a FANCY fizzy La Croix also
View attachment 1714669Because I’m not a maniac I’m going to shrink down Jack’s recommended dosage, mostly because I don’t want fake Drs Gillian McKeith OR Jack Monroe “coming all over on me”. I split the can into approximate thirds then measure in approximately 1/3 of Jack’s recommended vinegar dose.
I managed to overpour on each one because I am not a LITERAL FOOD EXPERT. Apart from a tinge in the malt glass, you’ll have to take my word that the vinegars are in there, but you can trust me because I’m not a liar, thief, grifter or complete bleep
View attachment 1714692
Two down, one to go. I did the Jack- recommend white first. It was SO bleeping RANK (literally, it just tasted of nothing other than vinegar that someone had stuck in a soda stream). I immediately grabbed the GOURMET malt which Jack did not mention in her recommends and it was…surprisingly palatable. It made me long for UK chips. In a fizzy way. I mean, I wouldn’t drink a ton of the stuff, or even drink it again, but it was doable and nostalgic. Nostalgic like long ago Calpol of 1970s childhoods, only vinegary, and with fizz.
View attachment 1714697
Apple cider vinegar just tasted like apple cider vinegar, with fizz. i.e. bleeping Rank. I don’t even mind the taste of apple cider vinegar but the addition of fizz is a definite no. WARNED. Proof I drank all three, though I appeared to have left some residue in the apple cider one Oopsie!
View attachment 1714719Verdict: 1-Dire. If they were seriously necking this stuff, it must have been bleeping snowing in Hammersmith that night. I will note though that it’s one thing for us plebs, the VILE apple cider and white, and another for GOURMETS like Jack and Leggy. I felt my nostalgic trip down GOURMET malt vinegar memory lane to chip shops of yore saved this endeavor, and shall try this again with a bottle of Sarson’s next time I’m back in good old Blighty.
Don’t try this at home, tender ones.
What the fizz is an enu? Is she getting Ducks and Emu mixed up? Is she misspelling (and miss using) ennui?
OH she means menu doesn’t she. Stand down.SO many questions but the most pressing
What the fizz is an enu? Is she getting Ducks and Emu mixed up? Is she misspelling (and miss using) ennui?
Vinegar and Tonic. VINEGAR AND TONIC?!!?!??!!? What fresh hell is this!
I'm currently off drinking and a little can of tonic water if I am craving a gin hits the spot just perfectly. Why in all that is good and holy would I add bleeping vinegar?
Definite snow storms in Hammersmith. Vali you are a bleeping hero xx
I'm currently off drinking and a little can of tonic water if I am craving a gin hits the spot just perfectly. Why in all that is good and holy would I add bleeping vinegar?
Definite snow storms in Hammersmith. Vali you are a bleeping hero xx
Apparently, you could just eat her soda bread, which has an embarrassment of baking soda. Should cure all ills.
If you haven’t nibbled on a dead fly to stave off hunger, you’ve never been a pov and have no right to comment on the price of rice WARNED
*please don’t eat flies they live on SH1TTERS
1 tsp of chilli flakes in a vindaloo 
Jack has all the spice tolerance of a Danish slug with IBS.
Should she ever attempt to kick our shins we need only flick a single Jalapeno at her and she will instantly burst into flames.
Jack has all the spice tolerance of a Danish slug with IBS.
Should she ever attempt to kick our shins we need only flick a single Jalapeno at her and she will instantly burst into flames.
Evening you slopalong extraordinaires! I've not forgotten my Sleepy Potatoes, I've just been BUSY and two threads, however slow ATM, is a lot. I've been 
at all your efforts, I love your authentic photos and methods, step by step. Keep it up!
Anyway, I'm going to duck off again now x
at all your efforts, I love your authentic photos and methods, step by step. Keep it up!Anyway, I'm going to duck off again now x
This is a brilliant idea.
A few summers ago the regional govt here hired a consultancy group to develop recommendations for a food security strategy (prompted by a couple of supermarket chains closing their stores in the area). I was appalled by the questionnaire that was sent out. It implied that people who aren't eating well are basically too stupid to know where to shop or how to cook, or that they don't know of alternatives like farmers' markets. (All of the farmers' markets in our region are on Sundays, in locations served by bus once an hour, and full of "farmers" whose main agricultural activity is going to the fruit and veg wholesaler. But that's a separate rant.)
I'm thinking a lot about that every time I see someone on Twitter recommend JM's recipes, or a Tweet from a foodbank saying they handed out JM books. I really appreciate the fraus und herren on here who have shared their experiences with using food banks, and how much grifters like JM are hurting people in need rather than helping.
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i truly think it’s related to her grotesquely enlarged adenoids
I don’t think anything could have improved the taste when you’re starting with a base of blended raw onion - the thing just tasted of raw onion juice, and there was no way that was going to “cook out” or whatever she was thinking. I just don’t think she even attempted this recipe. She can’t have.
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