Slopalong #2 You can’t polish a turd, but you can cover it in parsley

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meizee

I never knew how invested I was in what Fraus kitchens look like until these threads.
 
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definitelynotvlad

I can’t find the list for I am a fool, but I donated £10 + gift aid to my local food bank x
 
Reactions: 24

Notmycat

Tin Can Cook - Pasta e ceci

A Girl Called Jack - Gnocchi

Good Food for Bad Days - Microwave Lemon Curd and Blueberry Porridge

A Year in 120 Recipes - Iced breakfast tarts
 

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FlirtyThirty

It will be interesting to arrange the slops by date published - have they always been godawful made up piles of shit or has she got worse/better with time? I’m imagining starting poorly and getting worse.
 
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Hold my beans

Notmycat said:
@Hold my beans - fish crumble

@HotesTilaire lentil Bolognese?
Click to expand...
Thanks! I was so desperate to make it, I did a quick search and found it in the Guardian here.. https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.th...to-tinned-fish-four-easy-recipes-for-lockdown (posted because I know you'll all be desperate to make it too! They look identical to me.


I had all the ingredients except the mackerel, tinned peas, tinned carrots and lemon juice. I used a lemon I had rather than buy another bottle that I'd use once then throw out in 6 months time (waste!).
Just checked my receipt and I wasn't charged for the carrots so a total cost of £1.04 for the mackerel and peas!
Recipe said to mix the flour with hot oil to start my cheese sauce. It took about 20 mins to get all the lumps of flour out of my sauce

Struggling to add the photos separately on my phone so here's all

My house stinks.
It took 35 mins to prepare, not 10 as the recipe says by which time the little glow I had in my solar powered garden light had died.
All I can taste is mackerel, dry breadcrumbs and tinned peas

I give it a 1: DIRE

Eta... I donated 2 advent calendars to the food bank
 
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Falkor

Okay, here we go.

I had everything in the cupboard apart from sprouts 95p and brie £1.90 - unusually, the website and book versions of the recipe are identical apart from one of them specifying brie rather than any leftover cheese, so that's what I went for.


First step, finely slice 80g of sprouts. This was 5 sprouts.



Put flour, bicarb, salt and sprouts into a mixing bowl and make a well (yes this is one of the 'a kind of hole' recipes).



Eggs and milk into the well.



The next instruction is to crumble your cheese in. Well, I don't think this is going to crumble...



I settled for tearing it into small chunks.



Mix well with a wooden spoon, adding extra flour or water if necessary. Mine went like thick wallpaper paste.



I added a spoonful of flour and flattened it out to the prescribed 'around 2cm thick'.



This is one of those rare occasions when Jack does tell you to preheat the oil in the frying pan. She suggests a medium heat for a few minutes each side or until risen and golden. I put it on 5 out of 9 and dropped the first three in for three minutes. Please excuse the straggly bits, it's not easy to cut out scones neatly when there are bits of shredded sprout in the way.



At three minutes I flipped them and things were looking quite promising.



The recipe costs the oil at 3p from a £3 per litre bottle, so 10ml if my maths is right. These things drink oil like crazy, I had to put another glug in when I flipped and for the second batch.

The finished product.



Just one problem - as you may have guessed, they're still raw in the middle.



In the interests of science, I sliced the top off one and ate it. It tasted of flour and salt. No cheese, no sprouts. Spreading butter on it might have improved it, but only because it would have tasted of butter.

I think if she'd baked these in the oven the traditional way they'd have been been absolutely fine and a solid 3 or even perhaps a 4, but made with the frying pan method they're a definite 1!

Can't find a way to donate cash to our local foodbank, but they have a list of things they're short of on their website, so I will make a suitable donation via their supermarket collection point when I'm in on Saturday.
 
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HotesTilaire

I found the lentil rage on her website, but I can’t actually be bothered to make cold onion tomato slop
 
Reactions: 21

Nonah

Why the ever living frig would you fry a scone?
 
Reactions: 41
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