Dear Diary,
It’s been a busy week. Buckle Up
witches xx
This week was a busy one,
I got so much stuff done,
I moaned and groaned when I walked in the rain,
A ginge like me needs sun.
Let’s start at the start,
To go through the last few days-
I’m still binge eating junk,
And still insta stalking James
I heard he likes the girly girls,
So I got my fanny plucked,
I also heard he likes fit girls,
But boxing had me fucked
Then I heard another thing,
That he likes girls who are vain,
So I went off to Harrods for lunch,
And insta-d my champagne.
I opened a few furnace spots,
To distract my mind from James,
A ten out of ten excel review,
Every review reads the same
I ate a lot of crap this week,
That was not the plan,
But dominos messed my order up,
And ‘free’ pizza trumps any man.
I even bought an almond croissant,
I thought ‘this will do the trick’,
Again I failed -and I was ghosted,
James just give me your dick
Another day, another meal,
This time Camille messed up my dish,
I happily sat and ate my food,
Sweaty and smelling of fish
With all those failings building up,
And James not taking the hint,
I tried again with Diren & Fliss,
But third wheeling has me skint
I cannot wait until the day,
That nightclubs open here,
I’ll tell everyone I worked in a club,
Even though that was yester-year! 🥱
I met 50 Cent, And Ronan Keating,
I even met Ann Doyle,
Corporate by day, mad bastard by night,
And acting like I’m Royal
I am thinking of going to Ireland soon,
I miss my people there,
It is not (just) because I want,
Freebies for hair and skincare.
That ghastly love island started again,
Who cares about a strangers love life?
Thank God I hate it, it’s not for me,
Please James, just make me your wife
Twice this week I told a few lies,
On insta when sharing some links.
Book links were affiliate- yet nobody guessed,
And I’m only an ‘Medium’ when I shrink!!
There isn’t much to do in London,
I’ve tried all the pizzas here now,
A dominos here is different to home,
It’s only 100 Calories somehow!
McDonalds for breakfast, ice cream for lunch,
Balance for me is what works-
Maybe that’s why strange men ask me out,
But it’s only for James that I lurk.
So here is the problem, I’ve had one vaccine-
Number 2 is due in a month,
If I flew home now and sneaked in a Jansen,
Would that one troll call me a
bleep ???
Xxxxx Shiv-B-Yates