Single by Choice

[pinkmug]

I'm sorry to say I'm no longer single by choice. Not that I'm in a relationship - it's just no longer by choice!! Not sure what changed, maybe I'll come crawling back after a bit of dating, but I suddenly woke up one day and realised I want a partner. I want the physical intimacy, and I'm absolutely not someone who can do that without also having an emotional connection.

Anyway, I know it's very much frowned upon to announce your departure from a thread, but thanks singletons for the chats Maybe speak soon lol!

Don't apologise, this isn't a duty! It's totally fine to change your mind and want something else. I hope you meet someone great for you! Best of luck with dating 🩷

 

[MollyMalone]

Best wishes to you @peachesandcreamz I hope you find what you are looking for!

My interpretation of Single By Choice is not so much that I don't want or am not open to a relationship, partner, someone to "do life" with but more that the calibre of man available/interested is just not up to my standards. Therefore, single by choice

 

[DrNooo]

Agreed, I don't think being single by choice and wanting/being open to a relationship are necessarily mutually exclusive, I see it as choosing not to be in a relationship for the sake of it just because you don't want to be single. I've chosen to remain single until I meet someone who I properly want to be with and whilst I hope there is someone out there, I'd rather be on my own than settling for someone who isn't a good fit.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

Go for it @peachesandcreamz
I had a similar phase last year and did date (unsuccessfully).

I returned to being Single by Choice when the man I was seeing saw fit to spit on me when we were intimate and I thought “nah, dude can buy me all the flowers and promise me the world and I’m still not tolerating that”

so like others, I’m single by choice because most men appear to be utter weirdos in one way or another. If one were to one day surprise me then great but until then I’ll celebrate not having to put up with anything I don’t like - just to be in a relationship

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Don't apologise, this isn't a duty! It's totally fine to change your mind and want something else. I hope you meet someone great for you! Best of luck with dating 🩷

Lol absolutely - I'm sorry to myself for having to deal with Hinge and Bumble!! It was much more peaceful when I was happily single the last 9 years or so.

Completely agree with everyone about choosing yourself over lowering your standards just for the sake of intimacy. The 'change' in my eyes is that I'm now actively seeking someone I suppose - rather than living life without thinking about romance.

Thanks all for your kind wishes!

 

[Lalla]

Why in 2026 is it STILL seen as more of a measure of success to be in a (tit) relationship than practically anything else?

Also why is it that having your tit together, being solvent and successful seemingly counts for nothing because you're single?

Still seething about a meetup with some friends last week, where I got the 'seeing anyone?' question followed by the sad head tilt when I said I wasn't.

Following that, had to sit through discussion of how wonderful it is that friend X now has a partner and they're moving in together. Sure, Xs is in loads of debt, doesn't take any care of her health, and refuses to adult most of the time. What she needs is some MH intervention (we've tried, she refuses) but instead we're celebrating yet another boyfriend

 

[esk]

I'm always tempted to do the sad head tilt when a friend tells me that they've starting seeing someone.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

Why in 2026 is it STILL seen as more of a measure of success to be in a (tit) relationship than practically anything else?

Also why is it that having your tit together, being solvent and successful seemingly counts for nothing because you're single?

Still seething about a meetup with some friends last week, where I got the 'seeing anyone?' question followed by the sad head tilt when I said I wasn't.

Following that, had to sit through discussion of how wonderful it is that friend X now has a partner and they're moving in together. Sure, Xs is in loads of debt, doesn't take any care of her health, and refuses to adult most of the time. What she needs is some MH intervention (we've tried, she refuses) but instead we're celebrating yet another boyfriend

Literally been feeling *ALL* of this today. And feeling sorry for myself actually because no one celebrates my successes at all and instead I’m just constantly left out because I’m single. I can feel myself becoming quite bitter about friendships in general.

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

I genuinely don't feel this at all. All of my friends who were long-term married look at my life and say that if anything were to happen to their partners they wouldn't look for another relationship

 

[Boogs]

I work with traumatised young people and every single young woman I work with equates her worth to whether they have a man. I spend hours talking about self worth and not handing all their power over to men who they are seeking validation from. No matter how much they are able to reflect they can’t break the behaviour patterns. The young men I work with are also damaged and seeking connection to make them feel better but they are not all dependent on romantic relationships. It’s honestly depressing that it’s 2026 and young women still look at relationships like this. I am almost 5 years single by choice but so many people I know can’t go more than a few months single.

 

[petitspois]

I think a lot of it comes down to age. Now I’m close to 50, I’d say two thirds of my friends openly acknowledge their husbands are utter disappointments but still care for them enough not to leave. I’d suggest seeking out groups where friendships or special interests are the focus- there’s a supper club near me, a women’s travel group and a running club for example.

I’ve just checked this for typos and it comes across as a bit patronising and it’s really not meant to- just what I would do if I had my time again.

 

[StillLucilleBluth]

I genuinely don't feel this at all. All of my friends who were long-term married look at my life and say that if anything were to happen to their partners they wouldn't look for another relationship

Interesting, thanks for sharing this! It’s always interesting how different groups of people can be so… different. I’d say 90% of my female married friends would be immediately looking for the next husband if they found themselves divorced or widowed. They think I’m weird for not dating or trying to meet someone. Maybe that’ll change over time though. We’re early 40s.

 

[LaBlonde]

Interesting, thanks for sharing this! It’s always interesting how different groups of people can be so… different. I’d say 90% of my female married friends would be immediately looking for the next husband if they found themselves divorced or widowed. They think I’m weird for not dating or trying to meet someone. Maybe that’ll change over time though. We’re early 40s.

the majority of mine are the same (with some exceptions) - a lot of them are extremely male centered in a way that surprises and depresses me at the same time!

 

[BWGossip]

Not friends, but my siblings are like that : they always overlap their relationships, I've never known them single (they are 10-15 years older than me), for them being alone would be impossible. Their entire personality and life become their SO. I'm thankful to not have inherited that trait

Off topic but I want to do a solo trip soon-ish : if anyone here has tips/advices for a newbie, please share

 

[Meringue22]

Not friends, but my siblings are like that : they always overlap their relationships, I've never known them single (they are 10-15 years older than me), for them being alone would be impossible. Their entire personality and life become their SO. I'm thankful to not have inherited that trait

Off topic but I want to do a solo trip soon-ish : if anyone here has tips/advices for a newbie, please share

There is a thread for solo travelling that you may find useful

Solo travel advice & recommendations

Hoping someone on here is / has been brave enough to go on holiday alone and can give me some tips! I haven't been on holiday at all for about 5 years for various reasons plus of course the pandemic. My husband doesn't like going abroad (won't fly, everything else is too much hassle for him &...

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