Single by Choice

[Tell.A.Tale]

I had to have a stern word with a good friend this week because she far too often drops phrases like ‘when you find your person’ into our conversations. It’s so patronising. I’m nit actively dating and I really like my solo life, where does she imagine I’m unearthing this mystery ‘person’ and for what purpose?! There is pretty much nothing a partner would bring to my life apart from financial support but I’m so proud that I run my life and my home on just my income. All this to say, balls to being spoken down to as if my life is a waiting room for something else!

Resonate with this loud and clear. My closest friend said to me the other day that “everyone wants to be loved / everyone wants “their person” and it really grated on me. She met “her person” at 36 (they’re both women), and honestly 6 years in and I hate being around them now, because it’s just non stop bickering. Why do people think that is what others want just because they are alone? I’ll take my single and peaceful status over a paired up but constantly annoyed status any day of the year!

And I was genuinely in love once. I know I’ll never feel the way I did about someone I was with for 7 years but I also know it was very toxic / unhealthy / abusive and isn’t something I want again so I choose to be single. And I am genuinely happy with that choice.

 

[qqwertyy]

I’m not wife material and I don’t want a husband or even a boyfriend, and I don’t want a man in my house, but if it was the 1800s and I was a rich French lady I’d definitely be taking a lover. Sadly I don’t think that’s a thing nowadays.

I downloaded the dating apps again tonight and noped the hell out of there in record time.

 

[sleepflowers]

I had to have a stern word with a good friend this week because she far too often drops phrases like ‘when you find your person’ into our conversations. It’s so patronising. I’m nit actively dating and I really like my solo life, where does she imagine I’m unearthing this mystery ‘person’ and for what purpose?! There is pretty much nothing a partner would bring to my life apart from financial support but I’m so proud that I run my life and my home on just my income. All this to say, balls to being spoken down to as if my life is a waiting room for something else!

I hate this 'my person' thing that's become popular in recent years. No one is anyone's person. Everyone is their own and doesn't belong to anyone. I've never been in love but I think the attraction and beauty of it is both of you choosing the other person actively, not just assuming ownership. Saying we are all finding 'our person' just implies none of us are complete on our own.

 

[newtoyou]

I hate this 'my person' thing that's become popular in recent years. No one is anyone's person. Everyone is their own and doesn't belong to anyone. I've never been in love but I think the attraction and beauty of it is both of you choosing the other person actively, not just assuming ownership. Saying we are all finding 'our person' just implies none of us are complete on our own.

Exactly this, ditto with “the other half”. Never been in love and it seems lovely from the outside. But the way society pushes the idea of not being a whole human or have had a successful life without a romantic partner is crazy.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

Probably taking it a step too far and outside of this thread I would just come across as bitter but I equally hate the term husband (or wife). As in, I’ll be making plans with a friend and she’ll respond with “I’ll check with my husband” and it grates on me because your husband has a name, and I knew him before you so just use his name FFS. What point is it ever to use the terms wife or husband around people you know very well?

 

[qqwertyy]

Probably taking it a step too far and outside of this thread I would just come across as bitter but I equally hate the term husband (or wife). As in, I’ll be making plans with a friend and she’ll respond with “I’ll check with my husband” and it grates on me because your husband has a name, and I knew him before you so just use his name FFS. What point is it ever to use the terms wife or husband around people you know very well?

I daren’t open that can of worms but Harry and Meghan are the absolute worst for this.

 

[QueenBW]

I had to have a stern word with a good friend this week because she far too often drops phrases like ‘when you find your person’ into our conversations. It’s so patronising. I’m nit actively dating and I really like my solo life, where does she imagine I’m unearthing this mystery ‘person’ and for what purpose?! There is pretty much nothing a partner would bring to my life apart from financial support but I’m so proud that I run my life and my home on just my income. All this to say, balls to being spoken down to as if my life is a waiting room for something else!

Lots of people, both coupled and single, treat being single as some problem to fix/a medical condition to heal. It is infuriating. We can be perfectly happy, fulfilled and complete on our own. Singleness is not a limbo we're trying to escape.

But I think a lot of people are really unhappy with themselves and need to be with someone all the time because they can't stand themselves. I guess in that case, you do need to escape being single.

 

[Nurseali]

Being single is a luxury most of my friends wish they could afford

 

[Millais]

They don’t wash.

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

If I never smell a cheesy ball sack again - I will die a happy woman!

 

[Missmopps]

If I never smell a cheesy ball sack again - I will die a happy woman!

don’t buy those deli sausage treats if you have a dog then as they smell exactly like sweaty ballsacks!!

 

[qqwertyy]

I went out last night for a friend’s birthday - all women, 30s/40s, some I knew and some I didn’t. Non-stop chat about men and dating (yawn). So many women stressed about being behind/not settled down/feeling like a loser and listing out their failures, which basically covers every aspect of my life - renting, living alone, single, doing stuff alone rather than making memories with a partner.

I don’t know how to do this anymore. I’m constantly feeling like my life and choices are not enough, that I’m less important, that I have nothing to add to conversations. Nobody directly says it to me and I don’t actually believe it myself, but the thought of so many people feeling sorry for me simply because I don’t have a bleeping partner is exhausting. And that’s without even starting on being childfree.

I can’t afford to buy a house and I couldn’t afford a child even if I wanted one. I don’t want to live in the suburbs. I like doing stuff alone. The sole purpose of my existence is not to find a man. I feel like I’m a caricature of a single girl sometimes, like a modern day Bridget Jones who everyone secretly judges and pities.

Sorry for the long rant but I am so, so tired right now. Society and the patriarchy has done a number on everyone and I don’t know why so many people just can’t see it.

 

[aidil]

I went out last night for a friend’s birthday - all women, 30s/40s, some I knew and some I didn’t. Non-stop chat about men and dating (yawn). So many women stressed about being behind/not settled down/feeling like a loser and listing out their failures, which basically covers every aspect of my life - renting, living alone, single, doing stuff alone rather than making memories with a partner.

I don’t know how to do this anymore. I’m constantly feeling like my life and choices are not enough, that I’m less important, that I have nothing to add to conversations. Nobody directly says it to me and I don’t actually believe it myself, but the thought of so many people feeling sorry for me simply because I don’t have a bleeping partner is exhausting. And that’s without even starting on being childfree.

I can’t afford to buy a house and I couldn’t afford a child even if I wanted one. I don’t want to live in the suburbs. I like doing stuff alone. The sole purpose of my existence is not to find a man. I feel like I’m a caricature of a single girl sometimes, like a modern day Bridget Jones who everyone secretly judges and pities.

Sorry for the long rant but I am so, so tired right now. Society and the patriarchy has done a number on everyone and I don’t know why so many people just can’t see it.

You’ve perfectly articulated how I feel right now! I met up with a couple of friends recently who are both in long term relationships - they were talking about weddings, babies, weekend breaks with their partners. I was talking about the work I was putting in for my post-graduate certificate at work and immediately got a load of “god do you not want a break”, “there is more to life than studying”, “you need to give it a rest” etc. Why are my life choices to be pitied just because they’re not what society says I should be doing in my 30s?!

 

[newtoyou]

I know someone who came into a lot of money and decided to self fund a phd. The immediate response from someone else I knew was “why doesn’t she buy a house?!”. Maybe cos she doesn’t want to??!!