Single by Choice

[soph30]

“Because I am an English lady, and the Americans monopolise the market”

 

[MarthaFarkus]

I just want to say quickly, I wasn't insinuating neurodiverse = ace. It was more that I was wondering as I compartmentalise everything so I wasn't sure if my splitting up of attraction was an asexual/ace thing or my autistic brain lol!

ETA: or both, or neither... you catch my drift

Oh no, don’t worry I was just surmising. Like you say, could be either/or. Humans are complex eh

 

[qqwertyy]

Sounds like my mum to be fair my parents are quite good about not being too openly 'worried' about me, but I can always sense the underlying tone of fear

Same! Nobody says anything directly but it oozes out of every pore

 

[sleepflowers]

Christ, talk about projection.

They can fuck right off with wanting ‘reassurance’ - I hope the poor daughter never realises that she is a disappointment to her mother for being *gasp* SINGLE at *shock horror* 31. And look how her mother just dismisses all her achievements.

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Sounds like my mum to be fair my parents are quite good about not being too openly 'worried' about me, but I can always sense the underlying tone of fear

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Happily happily single for 6 years. Don’t want to be in a relationship. Bisexual but only had 2 relationships in my life and both with men with one resulting in my son. Anyway, little old Ms Eyes over ere is having a fwb situation with a woman I met through work and I heckin love it. Not told anyone but felt like I could be honest with you lot. She’s in her mid 20s and doing a PhD so busy busy busy but we get together every week and snog like 16 year olds

Living the dreammmmm!!!

 

[qqwertyy]

Good god, I didn’t realise it was so prevalent. What is this world we are living in

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

I sent this to a fellow single friend because it reminded me so much of her!

 

[peachesandcreamz]

Don't you worry, I've a big group of vibrating pals in my bedside drawer 🥲

Thanks ladies, sounds like it's slim pickings out there still!!

 

[Meringue22]

Men are cringe. Im waiting for a normal guy. The word is NORMAL.
---

Romantic rships have been put on a pedestal. Other types of love can be just as fulfilling if not better..

This is so true! 🩷

 

[GiftedNotFree]

I have been single for 8 years by choice, I love my own company and freedom, but this last while I have been thinking of a guy i dated in my 20s, even to the point of having dreams about him, does this mean something?

This happens to me from time to time with one specific ex boyfriend that I was with in my early 20s (around 13 years ago).
I dream of him too occasionally but for me I think it’s because I miss him as a friend (we ended on good terms but have lost touch now) and I feel generally nostalgic for that particular time in my life (out with that relationship).
Not because I love him or want to be with him.

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Right gang, going to be blunt so avert your gaze if you're easily offended - but I'm sorry to say I need a SHAG!!!

I know a lot of people can be happily single and still get laid, but it's been nearly 6 years now and I just cannot imagine being intimate with someone. I need to know and deeply trust a person before I could even entertain the idea so Tinder & co are out of the question. What's the answer!!!

Yours sincerely,
A should-be Love Honey shareholder xx

Would a vibrator not suffice?

 

[shadowcat5]

I’m more than happy to give my perspective. I 100% feel that having a long term relationship during secondary school has impacted my life. Like I said previously, it was a very mature relationship from the age of 12/13 - 17. We would see eachother every evening, stay over at eachothers houses, go on days out with both of our families, go away for family weekends away and also being sexually active from a young age. I didn’t realise it at the time, but now as an adult, I realise those intense and big feelings were just too much for two teenagers to deal with and cope with. It left me with a lot of heart break when it ended. I would say it’s also left me quite nervous about dating / new relationships because I never “flirted” and got to know other people. I was tied down to one person and reliant on that relationship during a time when I should have been exploring myself as a teenager.
I personally (I don’t want to be a controlling parent and restrict my child) but I would advise my child(ren) to enjoy being young and not to get into too serious relationships during their school age years as I just don’t think anyone is mentally mature enough for the feelings that come with it (no matter how grown up you feel at the time, you realise when your an adult how young and immature you were).
Having said that, I do believe everything happens for a reason and it’s shaped the person I am today both positively and negatively. And some people do have amazing stories of being together throughout school and staying together in a healthy relationship.
I’m still only in my early 20’s so I cannot comment on how it’s affected my relationships as an adult since I haven’t had one since my child. The main thing I would say, is I do feel like I’m more aware about what I want and need from a partner but I would say part of that is just general maturing into an adult, not necessarily purely from having a relationship during school.
Sorry I rambled on abit but I hope that helps to understand my perspective x

Thank you so much for replying and being honest!
It really is interesting to hear another perspective xx

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Someone close to me had a relationship end recently. He is very upset because he thought things were going well and really liked her. The reason for the breakdown in the relationship? She has orthorexia and her commitment to it was being adversely affected by their dates,eg a meal out, cinema treats, a cocktail, or a coffee with cake, meant macros/calorie aims were being compromised. So she chose the orthorexia over a boyfriend. Its very sad actually. Sad too for my friend who is now very disillusioned with the dating scene, but singledom for him will be very lonely due to his having a very small friend group

What’s orthorexia?

 

[shadowcat5]

I’d class myself as single by choice! I have a 6 year old who I had when I was 17 with my ex (we weren’t together anymore by the birth). Our relationship was a lot at a very young age. We were together all throughout secondary school and we had a very serious and ‘adult’ relationship considering how young we were. In reflection I regret that relationship because it left me with a lot of big feelings, heart break and issues to deal with alongside becoming a single mum at such a young age.
I’ve not been interested in a relationship since becoming a mum. I’ve worked hard on myself to repair after heartbreak, continue my education / career and a lot of self growth.
The main thing I find hard is everyone else’s opinions and expectations about my dating life. Constant questions about when I’m going to find myself a boyfriend, every night out with friends is always focused on them trying to find me someone to set me up with people just find it crazy that I’m actually quite content with my life, being single and focusing on myself. I’m still working on my life and the idea of having another person to consider just freaks me out. Also the idea of dating makes me feel so awkward, especially having to consider my child.
It can be lonely at times as every single one of my friends are in a relationship so they’re often busy with their partners.

Out of interest (and feel free to ignore this if it's too personal) - do you feel having a relationship all through secondary school changed your experiences or focussed your attention elsewhere and do you think it impacted your life now (your child aside obviously!)? I ask because, my old friends and little cousin did the same thing whereas I didn't (mostly because I was autistic and bullied so no one liked me haha) and whilst at the time it felt like I was missing out, I look back and I'm not sure if I did miss out really. So I am interested in your perspective (if you're willing to give it!)

 

[GeminiMoon]

I was a single non driving mum for 4 years, my child has urinary incontinence which her consultant is based in the next city over, and I have an autoimmune disease so I'm regularly in hospital for reviews and check ups and we managed with public transport, taxis and favours from family. It is hard but it is possible.

Thank you Somehow I’ve built it up in my mind…

 

[Meringue22]

Lupins are so colourful. I wish they took better care of the plants in B&M, so many of them were drier than the Sahara desert!

I only ever buy from there if they look healthy. It’s horrible when you see them all dried out and dead!

 

[Zenchick101]

So a former pornstar or escort can't get the job done? Being a straight woman is just the pits of despair, isnt it?

former SW at one point and yes he's doing everything hypothetically right, and yet still no finish line.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Chocolategoggler Thanks

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

The first day to day things that I don't miss that come to mind....

1. No putting up with a stinking toilet or drips or pee on the seat or floor
2. No big baby stuff when they are ill
3. No need to coo and nod when they talk, at considerable length, about their strava/bike/run/swim etc..
4. No need to feel like you should have sex when you're not 100% keen
5. Can suit yourself with meals, holidays and house decor
6. No need to deal with in laws
7. No need to feel obliged to tidy up after them and bear the mental load of organising them and their lives

No 7 is absolutely what I miss the least…

 

[peachesandcreamz]

I’ve heard a lot about that! Decided to get the other one as it was the cheaper option. But often wondered if the one you have is better!

Life. Changing!