Single by Choice

[Zenchick101]

Zen, it’s the energy. Ye got it in one. Am I feck spending hours wondering why some Henry hoover lookin trout man doesn’t want me when I could be eating Lindt balls and watching blankety blank in my pjs.

Agreed. Frankly I'm late twenties setting up roots for myself - building a life at the moment and literally am mentally too occupied with other adult things I have to get done, to have the energy for a relationship. Mentally unavailable at the moment.

 

[Zenchick101]

Well if it works for you, and makes you happy then I say, go for it. For me, I’d rather water my plants then wonder if what I’m doing is making me more attractive to a man. But you do you.

Appreciate it. I just meant that at least for right now I need affection and company but I don't want to give up the freedom being single gives me.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I was with a string along for eight years. When I finally threw in the towel he was with someone else within a month. Luckily for him she "didn't want to get married" so he struck lucky. I felt quite upset and bitter too for some time. I've really gone off men over the last couple of years and the apps confirmed I was much more mentally healthy steering clear of them!

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

If said SHAG was guaranteed to be a satisfying experience for YOU then I would say go for it but in my experience and many other app defectors, it's a bit like a needle in a haystack, ie. Rather unlikely!

 

[mousey]

I don’t think I’ve ever had enough motivation to seek a partner as I’ve always had low attraction levels. When I was younger and I went out with my friends to them it was all about copping off or finding a date whereas I just wanted to have a dance and have fun! Pesky men chatting us up always irritated me.

Wait are you me?! Ha ha ha. Very similar to my life experiences, don’t interrupt my dancing please!

 

[Zenchick101]

They're 100% deluded, it's hilarious! I don't know of anyone my age (just out of my 20s) who settled with someone a lot older. They'll find out the hard way when they get to 50 and realise no one wants their outdated sperm and beer belly, and that the whole 'men age gracefully' thing is limited to rich celebs!

yeah I know of literally one person and the guy is 15 years older not 30 then her and fit and cute

 

[hehehe]

Happily happily single for 6 years. Don’t want to be in a relationship. Bisexual but only had 2 relationships in my life and both with men with one resulting in my son. Anyway, little old Ms Eyes over ere is having a fwb situation with a woman I met through work and I heckin love it. Not told anyone but felt like I could be honest with you lot. She’s in her mid 20s and doing a PhD so busy busy busy but we get together every week and snog like 16 year olds

This is my perfect life tbh

 

[sleepflowers]

@Olgivy can I ask - were you ever on the Female Dating strategy subreddit? Because those women were a balm to my soul when my life felt shitty and out of control in regards to men and your comments have so much of their spirit, and I mean that as a compliment.

FDS is still around on the down low truly a revolutionary attitude changer for me that I would implore any straight women to look at.

 

[al255]

Yeah I get that. Sometimes I think it'd be nice but then I really enjoy going home and just having no one to entertain or speak to. I like to just make tea and then loaf about on the sofa with full control of the remote. In theory, it'd be nice to have someone to do something with on the weekend but then the weekend rolls around and I'm too exhausted to do anything anyway. Today I got up at 11am and spent the day reading my book on the sofa and eating a pick n mix. Hardly relationship material

I love having nothing to do or nobody to piss me off on a weekend when my daughter is at her dads sometimes it’s boring in summer though when I wanna go day drinking in a beer garden and all my mates are busy with their boyfriends

 

[Londoncailín]

I spent a lot of my 20s looking for a partner because I thought I had to and I also wanted to be a mum. At the age of 47 I have just managed to extricate myself from a 17 year extremely toxic relationship in which the only good thing I got out of is my daughter. Now I am in the position of using that awful clichéd phrase of trying to "find myself" my girl being of an age where she doesn't need me as much and I have time for me. I am not sure what to do with myself but I know with a deep certainty that I will never be in another relationship, I am so much happier with the freedom I have to live exactly how I want to. No compromise, no criticism, no pandering to others needs. I am excited about the future for the first time in forever!

I am excited for you

 

[MarthaFarkus]

im really glad we can have conversations like this. I still haven’t quite figured out what I am (im on the asexual spectrum somewhere) but hearing people talk really helps with that and making me feel like I’m normal.

maybe this is down to being autistic or whether it’s a sexuality thing or both, so I am eager to know if this is a thing other people experience on here and where better to ask I guess

i can recognise sexual attraction vs romantic attraction vs I just find you aesthetically very pleasing but that’s where it ends. I’ve never done research on it so I don’t know but I’m wondering if other people feel this way

100% yes! I mentioned up thread that I can find men very attractive but that’s where it ends. I’m open to going and and doing stuff with men as a companion type thing but again, that’s where it ends. I’m being testing for adult autism but I don’t think being Ace is specifically aligned with being neurodiverse but I’m willing to bet a lot of asexuals fit that bill.

Just go with how you feel, there are no rules

 

[al255]

God I feel like I could have written this myself. I discovered the term demisexual this year and I feel this resonates with me perfectly.

I have been single for nearly 9 years. I had a very deep emotional connection with my ex and I’m not sure I can ever recreate that again but without that I can’t entertain the idea of being with someone.

I’ve never heard of this before, demisexual! I’m going to look it up more. I absolutely hate the idea of someone invading in my space and I love being able to come home and shut the door to everyone. I hate people coming over

 

[qqwertyy]

Probably taking it a step too far and outside of this thread I would just come across as bitter but I equally hate the term husband (or wife). As in, I’ll be making plans with a friend and she’ll respond with “I’ll check with my husband” and it grates on me because your husband has a name, and I knew him before you so just use his name FFS. What point is it ever to use the terms wife or husband around people you know very well?

I daren’t open that can of worms but Harry and Meghan are the absolute worst for this.

 

[Badirene]

Bloody fabulous because it means pancake day is nearly here

Same, planning on having blueberry and lemon curd pancakes, I may have been thinking about this since Christmas.

 

[Zulkraa]

Interesting article and lots of points I can relate to:

24 Reasons Someone Prefers Being Single Over A Relationship

Many young adults prefer being single over choosing to enter into committed relationships. Here are 25 reasons why they choose to fly solo.

www.powerofpositivity.com

 

[kendallroysdownfall]

Bascially, even when we are genuinely happy being single, everybody doubts us, including ourselves.

I don't doubt myself and after 10+years of my unhappily coupled friends observing my lifestyle, neither do they.

 

[QueenBW]

Absolutely loved this article:

I'm 70 And I've Lived Alone My Entire Adult Life. Here's What Everyone Gets Wrong About Single People.

"For people like me who are single at heart, the risk is not what we'll miss if we do not organize our lives around a romantic partner, but what we'll miss if we do."

www.huffpost.com

It resonated so much with my own thoughts on single hood.

What a fascinating read! Adding her book to my TBR.

 

[Alix]

Would anybody consider this a red flag a guy constantly texting asking to meet up every single day when u have already explained the situation u have kids and can only arrange to meet when u are child free then they reply back what u doing now would love to meet u Even for a minute after u explained the situation

Definitely. Either he's not capable to comprehend a written text, he doesn't care about and doesn't respect your boundaries or he's just trying to pressure you into meeting him, lovebomb you to get some sex...basically what has been already said. I'm sorry, it's always such an disappointment to discover just another idiot

 

[Amoo]

Like others I rarely see anyone I think is attractive. I bumped into a man in Morrison's the other day (neither of us was looking where we were going) and noticed he was quite handsome

Such experiences are then usually followed by the man's wife catching up with him. Bah.

 

[FilthyGorgeous]

I had wondered that. The guy looks very into his fitness. He has that fitness fanatic look. So him being in these classes is especially odd because he looks as though he should be lifting and throwing really heavy stuff in the free weights area not doing press ups and sit ups to an Ed Sheeran megamix with a load of women.

Prob perving at the women in their leggings