Single by Choice

[Fledgling Psycho]

You see couples like that in the supermarket and at the shops as well. I’ll never forget the time I was in Primark and there was this bloke standing there in the middle of the aisle watching a football match on his phone while his white his wife or girlfriend was rummaging through the rails. Like if you want to watch the football that much stay at home or go to the pub and let your over half go shopping on their own.

Oh yes. Mooching blokes. Hanging around the dressing rooms while the wife comes out for him to approve or disapprove the outfit. I've seen them in Sainsburys TU trailing around behind their wives. I'd be screaming my head off at them to F off and I'll wear what I like!
How can people want to be glued together?

 

[Lalla]

I do not miss the sound of cereal being eaten at 9.30pm.
If I was ever gonna murder someone Kellogs cornflakes and an gob that didn't shut when eating would have been my reason.

Those things are like death by a thousand cuts.
My Ex and I used to joke about the little things that irritate you about each other, which over a long relationship just get more and more annoying...you either have to learn to ignore them or get to 80 and end up beating your spouse to death with a rolling pin (or other kitchen utensil of choice) at the breakfast table because you just CANNOT listen to them chew loudly/ stir their tea repeatedly/ scrape the spoon in their cereal bowl one more time

 

[soph30]

I’ve noticed this has become more of what the people on the apps have said they’re looking for or that they’re open to exploring. I don’t understand

I love being single but the world is getting so sad and lonely with no commitment or responsibilities expected or needed

Note I don’t correlate that to a family or a partner, just human relationships in general

 

[newtoyou]

I'm in the same boat, I started talking to someone last weekend on a friendship basis, local group.

I was alarmed that he thought it was something more and moved so quick. I thought bloody hell slow down!!

This happened to me yesterday! He kept texting and texting even though I told him I don’t develop romantic feelings for people. God it’s hard work keeping up a convo with someone that you don’t want to

 

[mousey]

sending you - it’s SO tough. i was at a family party over the weekend and my aunt was talking about my cousin (25) and how she’s been in a relationship since she was 13 and i could feel everyone looking at me. i don’t know why people insist on (a) being awkward and (b) asking such invasive questions.

i did see this on insta this morning though which seems to speak to both of us x (and probably other people here too!)

Thank you so much! It is awkward and invasive and I don’t know what they’re trying to achieve really.

Is it from a place of genuine curiosity for them (in which case they should stop being nosey) or do they think we could never possibly be happy without someone by our side?!

 

[newtoyou]

Haha this is a true thing. It’s all about the pheromones. I loved the smell of my ex, even his sweaty body. Sounds so weird but it is a thing.

Oh I can definitely believe it’s a biology thing, I just can’t imagine it cos men = smell bad to me

 

[shadowcat5]

twitter is telling me that it’s “singles day” (who knew this was a thing?) so happy singles day to my fellow fabulous single people treat yourself! xx

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this time last year i was in intense paranoia because the guy i had been dating for nine months began ghosting me after making plans for christmas and so i spent most of november in deep despair. this year however, i am amazing

Oh cool! Happy Singles Day to my lovely tattle friends! We are fabulous

 

[Quattro formaggi]

Hello
I am in my forties , been divorced twice, single two years and can't see me ever changing my mind on that.
I attract narcissistic men who like to change me. I just don't trust my judgement with men so have decided it's easier to be single.
I love the mental freedom too much. I just have to think about my kids and myself.
I struggled at first with this as spending years being told I was basically crap was a lot to undo.
I would say the last six months I have grown to like myself again, enjoy my own company, relish being selfish.
I can't and won't give this up. I get love from many sources , don't need it from romantic love.
So glad I found this post.

Don’t give up! You sound like you are doing brilliant. I’m the same age and I just can’t see the point of being in another relationship now. Like you I attract the wrong men and always end up worse off.

 

[unidentified]

I live in a big city and quite a few friends and acquaintances have got into polyamory/ENM. I'm not against it and they seem happy, but part of me wonders what they're seeking from these extra partners, other than sex, that they can't get from nurturing their existing friendships? They never have time for friends anymore because they have a whole polycule on rotation. It also just seems a faff with all the extra logistics, communication, boundaries, jealousy etc esp the ones with 'primary partners' or spouses. I just wouldn't have the energy and patience!

I’ve noticed this has become more of what the people on the apps have said they’re looking for or that they’re open to exploring. I don’t understand

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@mozzarellagirl What a great article. I absolutely agree with everything she says. So many a terrified to be alone but some of us require it.

 

[Zenchick101]

I'm not actively looking to date as well because many men are just looking for something casual - (late 20's), from what I've heard many think they'll find a woman 20 years younger so they can wait and settle down in their 50's

 

[Wooh]

We need an eyeroll for that guy!

 

[unidentified]

I have found my people! YES YES YES to everything that’s been said.

It is funny people have mentioned autism. This again is something I have considered of late. My sister was diagnosed earlier this year in her late 40’s and my daughter is awaiting the outcome of her assessment and as I have completed the family side of their assessments it was like this is ME. I think this links very closely with me identifying as Demisexual and needing that connection. It is strange how you also say about playing a role during sex, I too have done this in the past. Maybe oversharing here but with the men I have had sex with I always felt like I needed to play this role which meant my brain never switched off and I would never climax. There is only my ex boyfriend that ever gave me an orgasm and that it because he got my head and I got his and that sex was incredible. It was the whole feeling as one sick:) and I don’t think that helps in me never finding someone else. I can’t entertain the idea of needing to act again.

 

[Remotecontrol]

I’m embarrassed to admit I’ve been where your friend is I used to spend a lot of time worrying what they thought of me and the idea that I might not be into who they really were didn't even enter my mind. Hopefully that side of me is dead and buried now.

Me too. Then you get a bit of space from them and realise they are just a bloke, and wonder why you were wasting that time worrying

 

[shadowcat5]

Do you ever hear other people complain about their partner and get the itch to tell them that their partner is being a dick on purpose?

 

[L3moning]

That is my experience. So many men who I’ve had casual things with in the past assume because I’m single I’ll want to fuck them again. If they’d been any good, they wouldn’t have been a casual thing so really not sure what is in their heads

Men who like men are just as bad for this in my experience. Some of them need a good slap, tbh.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@peachesandcreamz What a wonderful post! I was feeling a little gloomy but you've cheered me right up! You're right. It's brilliant being single.

And so true. Especially the pleasure bit!!

Those older men. "How could you possibly live without my dick?"

 

[tomato_paste]

@Olgivy can I ask - were you ever on the Female Dating strategy subreddit? Because those women were a balm to my soul when my life felt shitty and out of control in regards to men and your comments have so much of their spirit, and I mean that as a compliment.

 

[qqwertyy]

Tedious is perfect

 

[petitspois]

This was a big realisation for me. I didn’t like being the “single” one. I also felt I got left out when there were couples dinners and couples weekends away. I realised I wanted a relationship for the social aspect and because that’s what society expects. I didn’t actually want one though. When I dipped my toe in, I felt so drained by it. By all of it: Their presence in my space (physical / emotional / mental). The obligation to message daily and call and fain interest in their jobs and lives.

I am genuinely so much happier on my own, in my own space. And I’m not a hermit. I’m a very social person. I feed off others (postive) energy. I just don’t want a relationship. I mean maybe one where we see each other once or twice a week and never live together. I could *maybe* see the appeal in that but then, I have completely lost all interest in sex. Not sure if it’s age / perimenopause but could think of nothing I would rather do less, so really I don’t think my once or twice a week / not live together / not have sex criteria is going to appeal to anyone! And I am actually 100% ok with that.

I feel exactly the same.