Single by Choice

[peachesandcreamz]

I like not having a row about what to watch. Whenever I go home to see my family we spend an hour rowing about what we’re going to watch cause someone has already seen it, someone doesn’t like that actor blah blah blah.
I am grateful to be home with full control of the remote

Yesssss omg, also when I am with my family I realise how much disruption other people cause!! Within one single episode it needs to be paused 4 times, someone walks in front of the screen, someone coughs during an important bit of dialogue, someone's rustling a packet of crisps I can't stand it!

Don't get me wrong, I'm not a total hermit lol!! When my friends come over and we are watching TV we jabber away all night and pass snacks around. But at the end of the night - they go away! I don't have someone permanently on my sofa

 

[lanathebest]

that’s one of the saddest things I’ve ever read.
there was a girl who was sadly murdered by a tinder date when she was backpack in New Zealand. Obviously really sad and I’m not victim blaming here but when I watched it I was curious as to why she was going on tinder and arranging dates during what imo is the opportunity of a lifetime.

No victim blaming but cmon
There are certain rules as women we gotta follow to protect ourselves. And I can’t understand the naïveté of some. Being alone with a man in an empty place, locked place, is dangerous. Point blank.
Going into his car is dangerous. Elevator, let alone appartment on the first date. If not even 6 date.
You have to know the person before doing things like that.
and for fuck sake stop going in forrests alone. Stop walking in an alley alone. It’s sadly our reality that this is dangerous.
With dates for me it’s in a public place. And I dont go inside ur car, I dont go in ur place. I don’t know u dude. You can’t trust blindly just because he’s handsome or seems nice. Nah some people could hide dark sides. How do u think Dahmer got away with so much at first
And I can’t stand women not being able to say no. SAY NO. STOP BEING SHY OR SCARED. NO ONE CAN EVER TELL U WHAT TO DO LIKE CMON. Stop being intimidated by men. Seriously. Enough. I hate hearing stories of women thinking they HAVE TO do xyz. YOU DONT. You don’t have to do shit. And if u force urself because u r scared of being alone, IT’S BETTER than being with an abuser or asshole. I mean cmon have some self respect. Be tough.
but at the end of the day you do what u want Im just saying I wish things changed with women.
---

a friend of mine wanted to do this when we were in chicago! i was like: girl, i’m here to see the sights, eat some great food and do some amazing shopping, not trawl through chicago tinder to see if a random american dude might be prepared to buy me a drink wtf?!

the thought would literally never cross my mind on holiday tbh.

My pet peeve are women obsessing over men. Obsessing over boyfriends. All they talk about. Then once they date they kinda dont hang out with u. They take 383838 pics, they post it online with a cringy ass long paragraph about how this is the love of their lives. Then when things go south they obsess, they act like they are now a « bad bitch » but they’re not. They need a new boyfriend very soon or they might die. F***k off. I don’t have time for that

 

[Wooh]

Like she was a magnum

Edited to add: terrible situation obviously but that phrasing has killed me off

Same. Dying! I'm going to really enjoy my next Magnum, which will probably be soon. Great advertising for both

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I asked a friend recently and was asking if she planned to continue a hobby and she replied it was that or looking at her husband asleep, snoring in front of sport on the TV. I thought err ...no. I'll stick with single. Also I don't want someone to organise my time for me. I never know how I'm going to feel about days out, social occasions etc.

Excuse the asking and asked.

 

[Mrs Fluff]

next time one of your married / in a relationship friends starts on about time with partner and needing to do this etc. slightly changed the words and replace partner with cat. See their response when you say Oh I need to clean the cats things, cook for my cat, so can’t meet up today . They will say oh that’s so sad having to do all that for a cat, reply and smile with yeah imagine doing all that for a fully capable adult

Only cats are easier!

Urgh. I have Bumble and honestly rarely match with anyone because I won’t swipe on anyone that has “wants kids someday” ticked in their bio. What’s the point when I don’t want them!? It’s slim pickings. Another reason I rarely match with anyone is cause I’ve usually got my profile deactivated I just cannot be bothered to actually date or attempt to date. I don’t want kids or marriage and I don’t want to live with someone.

The only time I dislike being single is when I’m not invited out with “couples”. This sometimes happens in my extended friendship group - I’m closer to some of them than some others and yet I don’t get asked to certain things and it’s obvious the reason is because it’s intended to be a couples only night

Years ago (not now!) I used be a PA to somebody and their couply get togethers were off the scale. Very awkward tbf when any of the marriages fell asunder but y'know they decided to be smug to begin with so it ended up being strangely entertaining

 

[LaBlonde]

This is funny because it reminds me of me when I used to go out. I have good friends who were my ‘young’ friends. Same age but they didn’t have kids so I would go visit and we would go out in Manchester. I ALWAYS got told off for giving this ‘don’t come near me because I’m not sleeping with you’ look. Now they have kids so we no longer meet and go out so I don’t ever go out out.

thankfully my close friends (who i mainly go out with!) aren’t like that and we go out really to enjoy each other’s company (and drink cocktails ) - but i hear you on other friends. a mutual friend once told me i was a terrible wingwoman because i didn’t look like i was “inviting people over”, i said sorry but i wasn’t sure why i was apologising

 

[shadowcat5]

I agree! I don’t know how people don’t get sick of each other in that scenario. I don’t want to be negative, but I suspect that’s the sort of setup that will implode quickly and coworkers will have to deal with some of the fallout.

She already has with another guy in our company

 

[Tell.A.Tale]

I’m happily single and vegan and I feel like both those things make people react so defensively for no reason. Men especially.

Now single I can forgive but VEGAN? Only kidding lovely Lucille

 

[LaBlonde]

im really glad we can have conversations like this. I still haven’t quite figured out what I am (im on the asexual spectrum somewhere) but hearing people talk really helps with that and making me feel like I’m normal.

maybe this is down to being autistic or whether it’s a sexuality thing or both, so I am eager to know if this is a thing other people experience on here and where better to ask I guess

i can recognise sexual attraction vs romantic attraction vs I just find you aesthetically very pleasing but that’s where it ends. I’ve never done research on it so I don’t know but I’m wondering if other people feel this way

i wonder that myself! i have ocd and a few of the other ace folk i’ve spoken with definitely seem to be neurodiverse. i wonder if having some degree of anxiety or triggers plays into it in some way. i can certainly see why my ocd causes me to overthink situations like this, but also i don’t know if it necessarily causes the lack of initial attraction that i feel.

it’s weird. i can find someone aesthetically pleasing at a first glance, but that sexual attraction doesn’t even come into play until i can connect with them as a person. this is even with celebrities and such.

i’ve always had a fairly low sex drive too, and find sex in itself awkward and like i’m playing a role and get into my own head during it. admittedly i don’t know if i’ve slept with many people who i have a genuine connection with on my level or rather that i did it in relationships etc because i felt like i should and it was expected.

idk, feelings!

 

[GiftedNotFree]

For anyone interested there is a solo travel thread:

Solo travel advice & recommendations

Hoping someone on here is / has been brave enough to go on holiday alone and can give me some tips! I haven't been on holiday at all for about 5 years for various reasons plus of course the pandemic. My husband doesn't like going abroad (won't fly, everything else is too much hassle for him &...

tattle.life

Thanks for sharing! I booked a solo trip to NYC in the spring.

 

[sleepflowers]

Thanks for sharing! I booked a solo trip to NYC in the spring.

Enjoy!! I did NYC solo a couple of years ago and enjoyed it. So much less stressful when you speak the same language!

 

[Lalla]

I’m quite solitary and love spending time on my own. My dream is to live in a field with no one else around me. I would sit and look on to a view, potter in the garden and tend to animals. My dad tells me it would be the worst thing for me because I spend too much time alone already. I don’t agree. It’s whatever suits you isn’t it

Agreed - I don't want to live anywhere super rural (I've got a friend who is in quite an isolated part of the West Country and that's too far off the beaten track for me), ideally I'd like to be within 3-5 miles of a supermarket for example but there are quite a few places in the areas I'm looking that I could achieve that but also not be cheek by jowl with other houses. And I'm thinking that being in a village or that close to a town would still give me the option to be social and join clubs and things as and when I felt the need for more human interaction - and if I didn't then I could happily be alone in my country cottage with a dog or two

 

[petitspois]

I’m happily single and have decent female friends but, listening to my daughter’s difficulties with a mean girl in school, reminded me that one reason we end up starting or continuing relationships with men - particularly when we’re younger- is to reduce your exposure to those kind of women.

 

[Here for gossip]

Tbh I think you’d be better off sharing that on the dating thread.

But am a single woman by choice for 9 years now and it's only recently I started talking to a guy am still fully single so don't understand why it can't be posted on this as a discussion

 

[LaBlonde]

Guys, I feel only you would understand how stupid this is. Long story short I was on this free counselling site talking about the fact that I think I’ve developed feelings for someone for the first time in my life (it’s a no go btw). I explained that I’ve never had these feelings and had been happily single forever. And the person replied “you need to get married” (not to this person I like, just in general). And “it’s the only solution” Great, thanks.

wow i’ll just get out the catalogue and order a husband shall i?!?!!

as above, please tell me it wasn’t the counsellor who said this.

 

[Chocolategoggler]

sending you - it’s SO tough. i was at a family party over the weekend and my aunt was talking about my cousin (25) and how she’s been in a relationship since she was 13 and i could feel everyone looking at me. i don’t know why people insist on (a) being awkward and (b) asking such invasive questions.

i did see this on insta this morning though which seems to speak to both of us x (and probably other people here too!)

I love this!
I'm reading a book and one of the people in it responded about it being a patronising comment. Might use that in some way in future.

 

[Zenchick101]

I was with a string along for eight years. When I finally threw in the towel he was with someone else within a month. Luckily for him she "didn't want to get married" so he struck lucky. I felt quite upset and bitter too for some time. I've really gone off men over the last couple of years and the apps confirmed I was much more mentally healthy steering clear of them!

strung along for four, he's a huge cheater and found my replacement in what four months? in the meantime tried stringing me along till he locked that down and tried making me his sidepiece afterwards

 

[Closedeyes]

Also, a question for all of you - how do you deal with being touch starved? All I want is to be held sometimes.

Felt this about a year into being single and booked myself in for a massage. I now try and get one every 8 weeks or so and enjoy getting my hair washed at the salon when I go!

 

[sleepflowers]

I notice how the men act trying to get onto trains/getting a seat & that’s all I need to remember - no thanks!

This gives me a massive cringe honestly, then when they're challenged online about it they're like 'ooooh well feminism says we're all equal so you should stand!!' it's not even about that, it's about looking like a pathetic childish little boy with no consideration of others.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Grrr there were about three of "those" couples clogging up the aisles of my local Co-op just now. Dithering & discussing what they should buy. Can't shop alone even! Love this thread. Have never been able to express my non envy of gruesome twosome syndrome anywhere.

Wow - he must have been bloody good! Seriously though, no man is THAT good (and they're never as good as they think they are).

I think it's called Illusory Golden Dick virus.

@aidil Thing is he ends up wasting your precious time by proxy. I'm ashamed to think of friends I put through this nonsense.