I went to the launch lunch of a well-known charity telethon a few years ago, and met a few people:
- Mel C said she’d reunite with the Spice Girls “over [her] dead body”;
- Anneka Rice was a stuck-up witch, who had just been on Hunted for SU2C and was very disparaging about that, too;
- Dr Ranj was tiny, smelt dreamy and was very sweet. He was was there with his boyfriend;
- Gareth Malone only wanted to talk about the tour he was just about to go on;
- Jeremy Vine told me I needed to find some clever teammates if I wanted to go on Eggheads;
- Alfie Boe was, like, five foot nothing and very lovely;
- Michael Ball was very stuck-up
- Spencer Matthews was a no-show
- Craig Charles hosted our table and was lovely. He didn’t mind me fan-girling over Robot Wars
- The Sons of Pitches (vocal group found on a Malone reality show) were amazing live!
My friend’s dad used to be the chairman of a football club that Robbie Williams is very closely associated with, and he rang their house and was like, “Hi, it’s Robbie”. Totally normal.
Jeremy Clarkson was very sweet to my sister when she asked for his autograph.
Family members are neighbours of Sophie Snuggs, née Carter, friend of the Duchess of Cambridge. They live on a closed cul-de-sac and decoy Range Rovers turn up so that Kate can get in and out without being hounded. Kate comes for parties, and stuff. These same family members viewed Simon Cowell’s house when it was for sale and apparently he has massive pictures of himself on the wall. These family members also used to have an apartment on a well-known Caribbean island in the same block as Cilla Black. Cliff used to come and stay with her, too. They rented their apartment to Des O’Connor, and shortly after his partner announced she was pregnant. It doesn’t bear thinking about!
