She honestly is so obsessed with cottages, hun, there’s more to life than restricting your life to one thing and certain looks, if you’re that bothered go and move into the one you bought.....
What a cringeErimentha is pissed that they stayed in their forms, missing vital classes where she could have harassed her teachers into reading her stack of book reviews. I hope these public servants belong to a union.
Her classmates are giggling. She introduces herself to the teacher and says, "I would like to apologise on behalf of our table for our behaviour."
EXCUSE ME? Who is bullying who in this story? It's their first day of school too, and this charlatan takes it upon herself to speak for the table? Is this an attempted coup?
Everything about this is magical oh my god. “Lidl to Erimentha’s Waitrose” is an incredible line.Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 3
We've reached our first antagonist, Kimberly. Her family spent the summer in Cancun, which must be the upper-middle-class equivalent of 2 weeks in an all-inclusive in Magaluf via Easyjet. She also has icy blue eyes; Ermientha has an unhealthy obsession with other people's body parts in this book. More on that later.
Erimentha is pissed that they stayed in their forms, missing vital classes where she could have harassed her teachers into reading her stack of book reviews. I hope these public servants belong to a union.
Her classmates are giggling. She introduces herself to the teacher and says, "I would like to apologise on behalf of our table for our behaviour."
EXCUSE ME? Who is bullying who in this story? It's their first day of school too, and this charlatan takes it upon herself to speak for the table? Is this an attempted coup?
Out comes the infamous Globalisation speech during the Geography lesson, and I'm starting to feel triggered by hearing a child repeatedly say to an adult, "Did you know?"
Erimentha decides to ignore Kimberly for the rest of the lesson as she made a smart-mouth comment (deserved, in my opinion) and after class she takes it upon herself to squeeze the teacher like an old lemon. The teacher suggests Erimentha write a presentation on the subject as a way of getting her to go away. Erimentha earnestly writes a list about it, totally missing the hint.
It's lunchtime and the school is serving the proles stodgy filth of fishcakes and chips. Erimentha being vegan, virtuously piles her plate with salad and so does a classmate after being shamed about eating ones seven-a-day. I double check that this is a book about others bullying Erimentha, and not the reverse.
Another antagonist, Izzy (note the cheap and cheerful names given to them - they are Lidl to Erimentha's Waitrose) deliberately spills water on Erimentha (at this point, I would have force-fed her a saveloy) but she sternly tells Izzy off and not to worry as she bought a spare uniform with her (because of course she has)
Kimberly accuses Erimentha of being a psychopath, accusing her of tripping Izzy during watergate. Erimentha denies being one - she's read the DSM-V and doesn't meet the diagnostic criteria, which is something all 12 year olds do.
I'm beginning to wonder if Erimentha isn't in fact, a dark overlord mastermind in this story.
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Disclaimer: this is a light-hearted poke at someone's creative writing exercise. When I was Ruby's age, I'd write a small chapter about my drunken uni one-night-stand(s)
I feel like her family might be the sort to encourage their children in their creative endeavours however cringe that may be. If she hadn't have gone to private school I'm sure she would have ended up at one of those Steiner schools (no hate, I almost ended up going that route thanks to slightly hippie parents who were also, puzzlingly, actual dictators when it came to us watching TV - they're great though!) indulging her creativity. She must have some level of natural intelligence to be able to get firsts in all her essays, because you need some level of intelligence to write that way, but recently I have become more and more aware of the fact she probably isn't naturally that bright and just knows the formula for essays - I managed to get an A* back at GCSE (when letters were a thing) in my Design Tech because I knew the formula for the coursework project and literally needed 4 marks in the exam for said grade - because she has really been showing a lack of taking things in the correct context recently, along with her mispronunciations...i can’t believe that NONE of her family told her that it might be a bad idea to write, publish and SELL wish fullfillment self-insert fanfiction about her putting her school bullies in their place.
Considering that she read Call Me by Your Name I dont think her reading the book is actually that unlikely.The Queen's Gambit is a book too so she might try to read it instead of watching the show. Not sure it would be her thing tho haha
Still can't. Just can't. How? What did she read into it? Did she actually just skip all the romantic stuff? (Yeah, sorry. Don't want to open up this discussion again. But it hurts me physically that she claims to love this book when all she ever reads are children books.)Considering that she read Call Me by Your Name I dont think her reading the book is actually that unlikely.
This has made me dig out my copy on Kindle and I’d just like to add some additional information here. Turns out, Erimentha (aged 11) spent the summer discovering Plath (including The Bell Jar and her letters to Ted Hughes) and decided to write a pamphlet on the history of the treatment of mental illness from Plath’s time to the present day, so that she could present it to the GCSE psychology teacher at her new school. At age eleven. That is all.She's on her way to the library and mentions she wrote a pamphlet for a teacher and can also give it to Mr Aldridge as there is a historical element. Mr Aldridge needs to attend a support group, this burden is way beyond his remit. By the end of this chapter, I expect Erimentha is That Child discussed over breaded garlic mushrooms at the Slug and Lettuce on a Friday night staff outing.
These overviews are genuinely making my day and have made me laugh out loud multiple times, please keep doing them!Erimentha Parker's to do list
Chapter 4
Overview: Chapter 4 is a brief one so I thought I'd recap it today as I have nothing productive to do. It's generally an interesting insight into Erimentha's relationship with adults - her overfamiliarity with staff at the school and how she expects them to be dazzled by her brilliance despite the fact they have a heavy workload and are responsible for several other young people.
i think it would be cool to archive them in a wiki bc they genuinely have me laughing out loud.These overviews are genuinely making my day and have made me laugh out loud multiple times, please keep doing them!
I was thinking this! Maybe in an FAQ/Primer for new people to the forum?i think it would be cool to archive them in a wiki bc they genuinely have me laughing out loud.
Didn't Ruby say in a video that her first actual paper she ever wrote was about mental illness?This has made me dig out my copy on Kindle and I’d just like to add some additional information here. Turns out, Erimentha (aged 11) spent the summer discovering Plath (including The Bell Jar and her letters to Ted Hughes) and decided to write a pamphlet on the history of the treatment of mental illness from Plath’s time to the present day, so that she could present it to the GCSE psychology teacher at her new school. At age eleven. That is all.