In my head, the Isle of White is where the movie Midsommar takes place.
Ruby Granger #29 Is it soon yet?
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Nope.
Does anybody know what her current novel roughly is about? Has she shared any more information than it being Young Adult?
On a side note, I have not read much Young Adult, so correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they usually about teens falling in love? I absolutely cannot imagine her writing about that. It must be another asexual bullying story, but with a protagonist older than Erimentha.
On a side note, I have not read much Young Adult, so correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't they usually about teens falling in love? I absolutely cannot imagine her writing about that. It must be another asexual bullying story, but with a protagonist older than Erimentha.
It’s a mystery (no I mean literally, it’s supposed to be a mystery) about a child that goes missing, and the protagonist (Roobamenthie Barkerton) is a Bad Friend, because she was too busy worrying about getting a low First and picking her cuticles bloody to go find the child (who is several years her junior, which raises no red flags at all), even though she is a contortionist and has X-ray vision. But this is probably because her parents are off to live on a farm upstate (sic) so she lives with her grandmother, a.k.a. the only person able to appreciate all the housecleaning that Roobamenthie does (because she is a literal saint and also has OCD like some other, totally-not-plagiarised book characters).
I’m fairly confident this summary will go on to save many, many people’s hard-earned cash.
Details revealed so far:
It's a YA mystery titled 'Lottie Parton is a Bad Friend'.
The book's protagonist, Lottie Parton, is just Ruby/Erimentha again with a different name. She's hyper-fixated on studying, obsessed with grades and has vague and poorly-defined OCD traits.
The main plot centres around Lottie trying to find a missing 9-year-old girl, Janey, who is apparently Lottie's friend. Lottie is in Year 10, so 14-15 years of age - far too old to be friends with small children. The child's dissappearance is apparently Lottie's fault.
In the samples shown so far, no investigation appears to be happening, and the book is about how a missing child's burdensome dissappearance affects Lottie's concentration when she's trying to study. She appears more invested in wishing she was part of the "mean girl" clique-y friendships of other students than finding the probably dead child whose disappearance is her fault.
This, like Erimentha Parker's To-Do List, takes place in a world without boys and romance. The only male characters are teachers, parents and possibly siblings/cousins.
It seems to be set at another girl's private school, because Ruby has never socialised with boys and so has no idea how to write them. She also has no idea how to write girls, either, which is why the main character is herself and everyone else is a cardboard cliché stolen from another YA book she skimmed through.
All the teachers are interchangeable and talk exactly the same.
All the students are interchangeable. They all appear to have been written with OCD traits.
It's about bullying again. A subplot recycled from Erimentha Parker involves Lottie choosing not to snitch on some classmates for bullying another girl, even though this time, the bullying is practically attempted murder (hurling rocks at a girl's head). It's not the time to alert thr authorities. Instead, Lottie has printed and compiled a binder full of evidence to use at a later date, like when the bullies have successfully killed someone or insulted Lottie's planner.
It looks like a trainwreck. It's a bad Wattpad book that Ruby thinks will catapult her to Stephen King levels of success.
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Off topic but the Isle of white always reminds me of the most iconic xfactor audition ever "I'm Holly Gervis and I'm from the sunny Isle of White"
I would love to see a three hour long documentary where Roobs is tasked with teaching an inner-city state school GCSE English class. I believe she genuinely couldn’t function if she had to interact with 30 working class kids who don’t see her as the super brain head girl. I’d give her ten minutes before we get a close up of this:
I suspect that's exactly it, and it's all explained in the prologue to Lottie Parton:
After the hundredth thousandth "Did you know", the local peasants revolt and try to attack Erimentha with her own memorized set of encylopedias (every page personally laminated). Erimentha and her parents are forced to flee, forgetting Nathan in their haste. They are given new identities to protect themselves, and Erimentha decides to call herself Lottie Parton as a fresh start. But, as Lottie herself would and does say, did you know that history always repeats itself?
(please take Erimentha off Amazon, Ruby!)
That or the big final twist is that Erimentha is now 43 years old and had just snuck into high school under an assumed name.
All that picking and peeling of skin she keeps doing isn't OCD, it's her layers of fake freckles and "age-defying" make-up cracking under the pressure of surprise 4th period geography tests.
She's not just unpopular because she's an abrasive ass this time around, it's also because everyone's confused and afraid of the middle-aged woman lurking around their school. 9-year-old Janey figured out Erimenta/Lottie's secret and had to be disappeared down a mineshaft, along with several teachers who didn't grade her high enough.
Nathan and Mr Aldridge will reappear in the final act to try to put a stop to Erimentha/Lottie's reign of terror, like Van Helsing and Jonathan Harker trying to kill Dracula. But all those years of not eating or sleeping have slowed her breathing and heart rate to a crawl, so Nathan mistakenly believe she's dead after belting her over the head with her own compendium of evidence. He drops his guard and is impaled by a Number 2 pencil.
Alridge is tossed out of a 3rd storey window, but he lands on an inconsequential child with C+ average grades from a low-income family, so it's left ambiguous if he lives to grade another day.
Erimentha/Lottie flees, off to another school in another town to repeat the cycle again.
The final page is her opening up her brand new Autumnal Gourd Productivity Planner and writing a new name in the 'About Me' section: Arabella Cosmina Bouffington-Smythe. Her pen hovers over the 'Age' section... She ponders her choices for her new identity. She puts the pen away in her meticulously-organised desk drawer, full of stationery taken from murdered teachers like trophies. She takes out a Crayola crayon and writes...'Age: 7.'
Wow, I just saw this video in which Ruby is bragging about her Christmas gifts, and wow. I've always thought that scene from the HP book where Dudley received a ton of gifts was an exaggeration.
Okay I'm not gonna say anything about this cookie
Okay I'm not gonna say anything about this cookie
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Except it's worse! Dudley only has 36 presents, while Ruby gets:
In her stocking: 16 presents
From Santa: 23
From Daddy Bones: 3
From Mother Granger: 4
From both of her parents: 10
From Marfa: 10
From friends: 16
And from her family: 6
That's 88 total! Dudley would be shook.
Of course I did count every item, so the three pens or three packs of licorice were probably wrapped together and could have been counted as one present, but still pretty wild... growing up my parents would usually do three presents and some candy, and my siblings and I would give each other handmade presents, and I thought that was pretty good!
List of similarities between Dudley and Ruby:
- receiving tons and tons of birthday presents (although unlike Ruby, Dudley doesn't film videos about it. He also doesn't add the obligatory lip-service disclaimer about how lucky he is, so Ruby wins this round)
- attending expensive private schools
- following a weird diet/food issues of some kind or other (that get ignored by the parents)
- lack of independence, an unhealthily close attachement to mommy and daddy
- academic underachievers (Dudley never did that well in school, Ruby only achieved a low First on her dissertation even though she worked syo syo hard on it)
- no interest in romance
- frequently wears a straw boater hat
- beset by mean haters who harshly criticize their lack of personal development and question their parents' parenting choices (Dumbledore for Dudley, Tattle for Ruby)
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I choked on my ice cube.
I am. The cookie looks like an abnormally large dog poo. There, I said it.
Lol, me too.* I think @gossip_guy has enough material for an Erimentha/Lottie parody novel. Either that or a terrifying horror movie.
*Not the ice cube part. I don't have any ice cubes.
Would really like to turn into a big human ice cube right now, though. Maybe if I think hard enough I can *manifest* it and transform from heatwave fireball to human-shaped igloo. Maybe this is the 'casual magic' that Jade talks about.I screamed at the straw boater hat
I'll also add "there lives another weird kid in the house who is unfairly ignored by the family"
Firstly, goodness I forgot how awful her fake Hermione accent was (it does fade after the first few minutes though). Secondly, we all know she didn't eat that 'cookie'.
^ To be fair, I wouldn't eat that either lol
I'm obsessed with the fact that you called Ruby an academic underachiever because she got a low First.
Cue crying Ruby meme
That’s not even the worst of them, I watched a couple a while ago and one of them was 110+ presents.
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