Questions for those who have been through menopause

[Libbylulu]

How are you ladies coping with any increase in weight. Despite everything including calorie counting. 3x exercise classes a week+ lots of walking, I can’t shift anything. It’s really getting me down.

 

[Notworthy]

What age was everyone when they finished? I'm really struggling with my teenager, who won't go to school, is so lazy, rude to me - her friends even tell her not to speak to me the way she does. The other day she was going out of the house with her nipples hanging out of her top, which is a bralette. I told her to put on another top. She told me to F off at which point I lost it, grabbed her back, she was out the door and pushed her up the stairs. She went into school (she'd refused to go in earlier) and they took her to A and E as she had complained of dizziness and the police were with her. I don't know wether my losing it is menopause, or just me being totally drained by her, or if I'm unstable. She's staying with a friend now. I feel so low.

To be honest, if my Son had told me to Fuck Off, Menopause or no menopause I would've kicked his arse too. Girls can be so vicious, it's probably best she stays away for now and when she comes home, some ground rules are laid down. I do think we indulge our children too much, these days they seem to have a never ending source of cash and privileges that I never got.

Sorry you’re going through this. Do you have any friends or family for support?

My advice with teenagers, is pick your battles. If she wants to live in a pig sty, shut the door and let her!

My only rule with their rooms was that no food or plates or cups went in there.

Is there a teacher at school that you could get help from?

Dont give up on your daughter, she’s testing you. Let her know how much you love her and always will, you just dont like her behaviour.

And like others have said, speak to your doctor about how your feeling and see what other help you can get

Absolutely this, do the bare minimum, if the clothes aren't in the laundry basket, don't wash them. do not pick up after her, do not go in her room, it's her domain and if she wants to live in a pigsty, let her.
I know I've banged on about it on here but I cannot empthasize enough the importance of a diary. It really helps you understand the pattern and cope with things better. The symptoms are there but it doesn't encroach so much on life as you become able to distinguish what is hormonal behaviour and what is just normal stress. I know that when I start getting 'the smell' I'm about to hit the pityparty and withdraw from family so I can prewarn them.

ETA Your daughter comments that you are quite a relaxed Mother, it may be that your younger one needs more boundaries than you give her to feel secure. I was quite lax with my Son but only because I knew I could be as he was way more straight then I ever was at that age so I didn't need to be hardcore with him as he had his own very strong moral compass and wasn't particularly bothered about drinking and going out, totally anti drugs/smoking. Honestly if I hadn't have been there at the birth I'd swear he wasn't mine

 

[Notworthy]

Absolutely crying at the shagging all
Night

Thanks so much for the advice, really felt quite lost last week when the penny dropped was was actually happening

edited for spelling !

I'm just grateful I can still remember what it feels like even if I'll probably never experience it again.

 

[Notworthy]

I’m seeing a nutritionist who focus on menopausal women. There’s a bunch of things involved but the main thing she recommends for hot flushes are red and purple food: berries, tomatoes, eggplant, radicchio, anything in those colours. At least 3 portions of those a day. I’m on early days still, haven’t have enough yet to start seeing results- it takes a month for that. It’s just food, no harm trying. I’m hopeful, those hot flushes are killing me, I’ll try anything.

At the worst it will vary your diet. We should be eating different colour veg and fruit anyway

 

[LurkingAnnie]

I do consider it, but the passed 2mths all I've had is a few night sweats, really sore boobs and some serious bloating.

The more serious things I was suffering have gone away, which is why I feel I can cope again. Rewind about 4/5mths though and I was a mess, but thankfully all that hasn't come back!

Have you been to the docs and had your FSH levels checked?

Absolutely, but finding a doctor who is willing to give it at what they perseve as a young age and in their book minor symptoms will be a mission.

My mental health right now is good, but to gear myself up for the fight and be let down I cba with.
Being a general patient now needing treatment is hard enough, and being a woman needing help is proper tough so this will be unbelievably hard and I don't know if I have the energy

It's like doctors need you at breaking point from what I've read and heard

I’m in my 30s and I’m currently in my 3rd year of taking HRT. I basically educated myself, went with a symptom checker from the menopause society and then listed what I thought I needed.

sadly, there’s so much negativity about giving younger people HRT because of the “risks”. I just ended up fighting my corner and demanding blood tests to prove I was in menopause

 

[Suzesnooze]

I can remember my Mum going through it and I worked out she would have been 49 (but had probably had it a few years previous) but the things she was experiencing both me and one of my sisters have also experienced which is a feeling of depression and wanting to run away from it all. I can remember my Mum's hot flushes as she would say 'open that door, it's boiling' then 10 minutes later 'close that door, it's freezing'!

 

[ClockworkDolly]

What’s the best way to take spirulina ? Tablet or powder ? Iv been thinking about this for a few weeks now and did you find any other benefits from taking it ?

I used to take it via tablets, as at the time it was always more convenient for me to take. I have tried the powder, but it’s not a great taste. Probably better to mix it up in a smoothie if you’re going to take it that way.

I took it for one particular problem intially, but I have taken it on and off for years. I have found it beneficial to my skin, less breakouts.

Around 13 years ago I had a very bad breakdown and my nan said to me that she thought I was going’through the change’. I totally dismissed this as I thought I was too young, said the doctor would have considered this and I’d never heard of peri. Looking back she was absolutely right. They also diagnosed me with bipolar instead which is absolute tosh. The menopause has absolutely chewed me up and I’m still suffering. There really should be more help offered in this day and age. I often think of ladies suffering years ago, not talking about it or getting help. Women really do get the rough end of the stick!

I agree with you. So little is known about the menopause, what to expect, what peri-menopause means, etc. You might get a leaflet off of your Doctor, but there will usually be nothing of value written upon it!

I did not have a clue what peri-menopause was, I had never heard of it. It was only because my periods were so infrequent that I looked up menopause itself.

Like you say, years ago it must have been awful for women to go through menopause. I think the menopause has been worse than any period I have had, because at least those dry up after 7 days!

It is the onslaught of symptoms, one minute you feel normal, then along comes the menopause and hits you with both barrels!

I bet donkey's years ago, when menopause was never spoken about at all, women must have thought they were literally going mad. Like you say, all that was ever mentioned was hot flushes. Funnily enough, I know one or two oder women who literally hate hearing about the menopause in mainstream media. I wonder if it's because they were of a 'put up and shut up' generation as their attitude is very much about not 'making a fuss' and 'just get on with it'.

I do think many older women have been conditioned into not talking about menopause and quite likely, they probably had nobody to discuss it with anyway.

Those of us going through it know that it is not a “one size fits all” thing either.

You do feel like you are going bonkers because there are to many things happening all at the same time.

 

[House of Tea]

I decided to give up alcohol (wine) about 6 weeks ago for a while to see if it made a difference to sleep/anxiety. I was hoping for no difference, I didn’t want to give it up for good. The result - it has made such a difference. I go to bed, sleep immediately and don’t wake up for 7 hours. Before I used to have to get up, and then the anxiety kicked in. It looks like sadly menopause and alcohol don’t mix for me.

 

[lockdown sux]

Sending love to you all. It’s bloody crap isn’t it

 

[Catfan2]

I’m going through it at the moment. It’s awful - hot flushes, memory loss, insomnia, everything aches; I could go on! The best thing has been no feelings of rage leading up to a period, I was like a different person when pre-menstrual. I have terrible anxiety now, plus toilet phobia, possibly the menopause is causing this as I haven’t always been like it.

 

[MrFMercury]

I’m so glad a Tattler pointed this thread out to me. I’ve been in early menopause since a hysterectomy at 38. My health situation is really complex (& outing) so it means I have 3 different specialists I have to try and get to agree a treatment plan with each other and my GP and er me too. They all focus on their specific bit which I understand and because there are risks attached to doing anything they all keep saying to “wait and see”. I suspect they think if we wait long enough I’ll see myself through the whole thing. Trouble is ive put weigh back on after losing 9 stone just a couple of years before that op. My sex drive has disappeared and left no forwarding address and while I am disabled yes that didn’t impact my enjoyment of orgasams and I’d quite like them back.

sorry. Didn’t realise I was feeling a bit venty. Honestly though. 52% of the population face this and it still feels like a big surprise for anyone I try and tackle this with!

 

[Suzesnooze]

Just been to my Dr, (after 3 month wait) can’t get testosterone on the NHS apparently, asked about menopause clinic they are all booked, asked about private clinics, apparently booked up too. So no testosterone for me. Also haven’t been taking my progesterone properly so got to have an emergency scan arranged. Fuck this, I just want to cry.

Yes it’s hard to get testosterone on the NHS which is why the celebs eg. Davina McCall that talk about it get on my nerves as they’ve all used private health care.

 

[knickerbocker glory]

How's everyone managing the hot weather? I feel like my body can't process the heat, I'm sweating 24/7. And can't sleep at night. I'm dreaming of Winter and being too cold atm.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I've gone from a size 10/12 to a 16 and as for my boobs they a ridiculously enormous and at only small height I can't carry more weight. None of my clothes fit, it's really depressing me.

I've only just seen this and I'm exactly the same! I can't cope with my boobs anymore. So many sore neck days. I had an awful time during menopause too, my personality changed so quickly. I'm a lot more stable now but I've never cried so much. Also depresses me having no clothes that fit.

 

[Kittylover2019]

I found myself thinking over things from years ago that I had successfully blocked out.

I did lose a lot of confidence.

I also found myself taking things too personally and going over and over in my head things people had said.

I have always suffered with anxiety so the anxiety side is not new to me but I have quite a few friends that are suffering with it for the first time in their lives due to peri and really struggling.

Us poor women and what we have to go through

You could be talking about me it's so sad isn't it. I'm sorry you feel like this.

 

[Notworthy]

Yes I believe you can go and see her privately. Shame she doesn't work for free on the NHS!

None of the good ones do. All these celebrities discussing the menopause go privately, fucks me right off. I don't have an issue with them going private, I have an issue with the idea that all women have the same access when they don't. Anyway job for today is to email my MP about the appalling menopause service GPs provide

 

[OhDearFords]

Hello everyone. I’m only read up to page 10 here so apologies if this has been discussed already, but has anyone tried Happy Mammoth supplements? I’m being marketed aggressively on Facebook and they claim to help reduce the hormonal bloating that I’ve started to notice. (Plus balance hormones and restore gut health etc etc). Reviews online are tricky to trust and I thought you wonderful souls here might know. (For ref, am 43 and have some peri symptoms, one of which is bad bloating and the appearance of a new, stubborn spare tyre….)

 

[Reflected view]

I second this!

Me to, I stopped running there for a few wks, my mood and insomnia went to a new level I’m back out running and my mood is changing, still have nights where insomnia is a killer but once I’m back into my regular routine and not eating a lot of crap it will get back to some form of normality for me

 

[* sweet but salty *]

I had a hysterectomy and as I’m still young I have a high dose HRT but Louise newson has some amazing podcasts full of info! I’ve found a lot of GPS are useless with knowing about hrt and hormones unless you fit into the category of just needing the standard normal levels of hrt and they can send you away with patches or tablets. I ended up paying private to speak to a hormone specialist who has been amazing testing my hormones and prescribing things to help!

 

[Notworthy]

Hey, not sure where to start I feel iv hit a low feeling very insecure in my marriage, feeling invisible, unattractive, thinking my husband is with other people feel I’m going crazy and loosing my mind, this has just come out of the blue iv been raking my mind for clues, actions and behaviours and nothing, it’s not adding up I just have these overwhelming feelings and thoughts, so my question is, is this part of the peri menopause/menopause?? Or should I be worried that these feelings and thoughts are my gut and intuition telling me something.

It's almost certainly the menopause.