Questions for those who have been through menopause

[If i told you …]

Is the menopause the most miserable thing to endure. It robs you of everything. Your looks
your hair
your figure
your energy
your libido
your elasticity of your skin
your night’s sleep

I could go on! Would love to know how to lose weight. Tried everything

 

[Reflected view]

What age was everyone when they finished? I'm really struggling with my teenager, who won't go to school, is so lazy, rude to me - her friends even tell her not to speak to me the way she does. The other day she was going out of the house with her nipples hanging out of her top, which is a bralette. I told her to put on another top. She told me to F off at which point I lost it, grabbed her back, she was out the door and pushed her up the stairs. She went into school (she'd refused to go in earlier) and they took her to A and E as she had complained of dizziness and the police were with her. I don't know wether my losing it is menopause, or just me being totally drained by her, or if I'm unstable. She's staying with a friend now. I feel so low.

Really hope your doing ok, teenagers can be challenging they’re going through their own tit trying to find who they are to and with yourself going through the menopause it will be a difficult time for the both of you, your going through big changes in your life and so is she, she doesn’t have the maturity to deal with it and that will be why she’s behaving the way she does, try to take time for yourself to process how your feeling and how you can deal with this situation if it comes up again, just remember to that this past year has a lot to do with how everyone is feeling ,we have been put into a situation that is not normal and it’s starting to taken it’s toll,

 

[Pixie06]

Thank you for your replies. She has got a social worker, as the school got involved them due to her attendance and attitude there, and at home. Disappearing out of the house at midnight when I was asleep at 13, hanging out with not the best of people. I've taken her to the GP and nothing has been done. Social services haven't done anything. I'm on mitrazapine. My eldest daughter (who's been through uni and has a great job, so I at least I know I've not done that bad a job! With her at least!) says I'm a really relaxed mum. Social Services have been pretty unsupportive and feel like I'm the one in the wrong for thinking its not ok for her to be going into town in her pyjamas and that I can't get into her room to hoover or clean because there is no floor space, despite spending hours and hours doing it, for her to trash it within days. I've given up now. I'm on my own, her father doesn't want anything to do with her. Her sister now has her own life and career in London. I don't know what to do.

 

[MrsD33]

Thank you for your replies. She has got a social worker, as the school got involved them due to her attendance and attitude there, and at home. Disappearing out of the house at midnight when I was asleep at 13, hanging out with not the best of people. I've taken her to the GP and nothing has been done. Social services haven't done anything. I'm on mitrazapine. My eldest daughter (who's been through uni and has a great job, so I at least I know I've not done that bad a job! With her at least!) says I'm a really relaxed mum. Social Services have been pretty unsupportive and feel like I'm the one in the wrong for thinking its not ok for her to be going into town in her pyjamas and that I can't get into her room to hoover or clean because there is no floor space, despite spending hours and hours doing it, for her to trash it within days. I've given up now. I'm on my own, her father doesn't want anything to do with her. Her sister now has her own life and career in London. I don't know what to do.

Sorry you’re going through this. Do you have any friends or family for support?

My advice with teenagers, is pick your battles. If she wants to live in a pig sty, shut the door and let her!

My only rule with their rooms was that no food or plates or cups went in there.

Is there a teacher at school that you could get help from?

Dont give up on your daughter, she’s testing you. Let her know how much you love her and always will, you just dont like her behaviour.

And like others have said, speak to your doctor about how your feeling and see what other help you can get

 

[Notworthy]

What age was everyone when they finished? I'm really struggling with my teenager, who won't go to school, is so lazy, rude to me - her friends even tell her not to speak to me the way she does. The other day she was going out of the house with her nipples hanging out of her top, which is a bralette. I told her to put on another top. She told me to F off at which point I lost it, grabbed her back, she was out the door and pushed her up the stairs. She went into school (she'd refused to go in earlier) and they took her to A and E as she had complained of dizziness and the police were with her. I don't know wether my losing it is menopause, or just me being totally drained by her, or if I'm unstable. She's staying with a friend now. I feel so low.

To be honest, if my Son had told me to duck Off, Menopause or no menopause I would've kicked his arse too. Girls can be so vicious, it's probably best she stays away for now and when she comes home, some ground rules are laid down. I do think we indulge our children too much, these days they seem to have a never ending source of cash and privileges that I never got.

Sorry you’re going through this. Do you have any friends or family for support?

My advice with teenagers, is pick your battles. If she wants to live in a pig sty, shut the door and let her!

My only rule with their rooms was that no food or plates or cups went in there.

Is there a teacher at school that you could get help from?

Dont give up on your daughter, she’s testing you. Let her know how much you love her and always will, you just dont like her behaviour.

And like others have said, speak to your doctor about how your feeling and see what other help you can get

Absolutely this, do the bare minimum, if the clothes aren't in the laundry basket, don't wash them. do not pick up after her, do not go in her room, it's her domain and if she wants to live in a pigsty, let her.
I know I've banged on about it on here but I cannot empthasize enough the importance of a diary. It really helps you understand the pattern and cope with things better. The symptoms are there but it doesn't encroach so much on life as you become able to distinguish what is hormonal behaviour and what is just normal stress. I know that when I start getting 'the smell' I'm about to hit the pityparty and withdraw from family so I can prewarn them.

ETA Your daughter comments that you are quite a relaxed Mother, it may be that your younger one needs more boundaries than you give her to feel secure. I was quite lax with my Son but only because I knew I could be as he was way more straight then I ever was at that age so I didn't need to be hardcore with him as he had his own very strong moral compass and wasn't particularly bothered about drinking and going out, totally anti drugs/smoking. Honestly if I hadn't have been there at the birth I'd swear he wasn't mine

 

[Pixie06]

To be honest, if my Son had told me to duck Off, Menopause or no menopause I would've kicked his arse too. Girls can be so vicious, it's probably best she stays away for now and when she comes home, some ground rules are laid down. I do think we indulge our children too much, these days they seem to have a never ending source of cash and privileges that I never got.



Absolutely this, do the bare minimum, if the clothes aren't in the laundry basket, don't wash them. do not pick up after her, do not go in her room, it's her domain and if she wants to live in a pigsty, let her.
I know I've banged on about it on here but I cannot empthasize enough the importance of a diary. It really helps you understand the pattern and cope with things better. The symptoms are there but it doesn't encroach so much on life as you become able to distinguish what is hormonal behaviour and what is just normal stress. I know that when I start getting 'the smell' I'm about to hit the pityparty and withdraw from family so I can prewarn them.

ETA Your daughter comments that you are quite a relaxed Mother, it may be that your younger one needs more boundaries than you give her to feel secure. I was quite lax with my Son but only because I knew I could be as he was way more straight then I ever was at that age so I didn't need to be hardcore with him as he had his own very strong moral compass and wasn't particularly bothered about drinking and going out, totally anti drugs/smoking. Honestly if I hadn't have been there at the birth I'd swear he wasn't mine

I've tried setting boundaries I don't want her out after it's dark, I want to know where she's going and who she's with. She just does what she wants. She puts herself in dangerous situations (ie travelling miles away from home to meet a boy she met on snapchat) if I tell her she's not to go out, she goes out anyway. She walks all over me. I haven't got anyone to help me or back me up.

 

[Notworthy]

I've tried setting boundaries I don't want her out after it's dark, I want to know where she's going and who she's with. She just does what she wants. She puts herself in dangerous situations (ie travelling miles away from home to meet a boy she met on snapchat) if I tell her she's not to go out, she goes out anyway. She walks all over me. I haven't got anyone to help me or back me up.

I really feel for you, it must be terrifying.

 

[Rowan]

How is her behaviour when at school?
Some schools have a Pastoral team that you can ask to be put in contact with.
Teachers teach and rarely know how to deal with rebellious teen other than to give them detentions.

PS; if she is school refusing what are the school doing to get her in?
They are legally bound to provide all students with an education.
They should be calling a meeting and putting a plan in place to re engage your daughter in her education.

 

[Base2019]

Random question but are sore boobs a thing with menopause?

 

[Notworthy]

Random question but are sore boobs a thing with menopause?

Can do yes. Our hormones fluctuate more widely during Peri so peaks can be higher than usual. Estrogen promotes breast tissue growth so if your Estrogen is peaking you may get sore boobs. Because research is still a bit thin on the ground there are still lots of theories but I have never had a hot flush and suspect that is because I am Estrogen dominant, I've not really had any vaginal dryness but my boobs seem to be a lot bigger than they used to be.

 

[Pixie06]

How is her behaviour when at school?
Some schools have a Pastoral team that you can ask to be put in contact with.
Teachers teach and rarely know how to deal with rebellious teen other than to give them detentions.

PS; if she is school refusing what are the school doing to get her in?
They are legally bound to provide all students with an education.
They should be calling a meeting and putting a plan in place to re engage your daughter in her education.

Yes she has somebody allocated to her at school, she gets on very well with. And the person does do their best, follows up social services has it all logged on record. She gets lots of detentions and doesn't do them. She's now speaking to me as if nothing has happened. I had to leave my part time job as I had to concentrate on making sure she got to school, and I was very unreliable as something was always kicking off. I need to find work for my own future and security and I'm not young and worried sick.

 

[Reflected view]

Random question but are sore boobs a thing with menopause?

Hey some months my breasts are so sore and big

 

[Notworthy]

Yes she has somebody allocated to her at school, she gets on very well with. And the person does do their best, follows up social services has it all logged on record. She gets lots of detentions and doesn't do them. She's now speaking to me as if nothing has happened. I had to leave my part time job as I had to concentrate on making sure she got to school, and I was very unreliable as something was always kicking off. I need to find work for my own future and security and I'm not young and worried sick.

It infuraites me when Schools do this, it's clearly not changing her behaviour so wha'ts the point

 

[Base2019]

Can do yes. Our hormones fluctuate more widely during Peri so peaks can be higher than usual. Estrogen promotes breast tissue growth so if your Estrogen is peaking you may get sore boobs. Because research is still a bit thin on the ground there are still lots of theories but I have never had a hot flush and suspect that is because I am Estrogen dominant, I've not really had any vaginal dryness but my boobs seem to be a lot bigger than they used to be.

Hey some months my breasts are so sore and big

Thanks ladies nice to have you here to ask xx

 

[Reflected view]

Thanks ladies nice to have you here to ask xx

It’s a great thread, iv learnt so much

 

[Notworthy]

For anyone on Facebook there are some really good groups, I particularly liked Perimenopause thriving and surviving. Also there is a company called Simply Hormones, there is an excellent TV programme hosted by Sian Williams on this page that is worth watching https://simplyhormones.com/press/#tv

 

[Annie101]

And here i thought i picked up weight on my boobs only. Do they go back to normal size?

 

[Blowup80]

Hi everyone. I'm 41 and started Peri menopause at 37. Periods stopped so did pregnancy tests, negative. Flushes started at night and felt lethargic. Year later my periods which had only gone for a few month became horrendous, really heavy, awful pains around my vagina then passing clots. Then anxiety hit me from nowhere, panic attacks everyday, with really bad hot flushes. Had to take time off work. I had bloods done and it was confirmed as early menopause. I also went psycho! Never had mood swings like it! Thought I would kill my partner a few times bless him. Now I'm few years in. I have the coil fitted and use an oestrogen gel twice a day, I also had to take a low dose of anti depression meds to help with the anxiety. I'm trying to get off these now by using Magnesium tablets. I have bigger boobs too, they just came from nowhere. I don't have flushes that bad now but I don't sleep very well. Some nights I'm wide awake till 3am. I find eating well and exercise helps my mood. Sorry for the long post! There first couple of years were definitely the worst!

 

[Notworthy]

Hi everyone. I'm 41 and started Peri menopause at 37. Periods stopped so did pregnancy tests, negative. Flushes started at night and felt lethargic. Year later my periods which had only gone for a few month became horrendous, really heavy, awful pains around my vagina then passing clots. Then anxiety hit me from nowhere, panic attacks everyday, with really bad hot flushes. Had to take time off work. I had bloods done and it was confirmed as early menopause. I also went psycho! Never had mood swings like it! Thought I would kill my partner a few times bless him. Now I'm few years in. I have the coil fitted and use an oestrogen gel twice a day, I also had to take a low dose of anti depression meds to help with the anxiety. I'm trying to get off these now by using Magnesium tablets. I have bigger boobs too, they just came from nowhere. I don't have flushes that bad now but I don't sleep very well. Some nights I'm wide awake till 3am. I find eating well and exercise helps my mood. Sorry for the long post! There first couple of years were definitely the worst!

It really is tit. My 1st symptom was anxiety/panic attacks at 46 which is pretty much bang on time wise. I'm socked at how many women are in denial about the menopause though. I had a successful business that I ended up selling as I thought that was the cause of my anxiety/depression, then i got a job on the railway paying decent money and left that as again I thought it was the job making me feel like tit, thn I tried to kick my Son out of the house.. Met a friend for coffee about 2 years after the 1st symptoms and told her about thinking i had early onset demetia and she told me I was probably in peri. I was so angry because I had had a new coil fitted and asked the GP then how I would recognise the onset of menopause as I didn't get periods and she just told me I probably wouldn't notice. Well I didn't notice cos no one bothered to tell me what other symptoms to look out for. I thought it was all hot flushes which I wasn't getting and I skipped out of the surgery, thinking I had dodged a bullet.

 

[Blowup80]

It really is tit. My 1st symptom was anxiety/panic attacks at 46 which is pretty much bang on time wise. I'm socked at how many women are in denial about the menopause though. I had a successful business that I ended up selling as I thought that was the cause of my anxiety/depression, then i got a job on the railway paying decent money and left that as again I thought it was the job making me feel like tit, thn I tried to kick my Son out of the house.. Met a friend for coffee about 2 years after the 1st symptoms and told her about thinking i had early onset demetia and she told me I was probably in peri. I was so angry because I had had a new coil fitted and asked the GP then how I would recognise the onset of menopause as I didn't get periods and she just told me I probably wouldn't notice. Well I didn't notice cos no one bothered to tell me what other symptoms to look out for. I thought it was all hot flushes which I wasn't getting and I skipped out of the surgery, thinking I had dodged a bullet.

It is a really misunderstood and women are not educated on recognising the symptoms so end up thinking they are going insane, relationships break down or in your case selling a business. There needs to be more information to women and workplaces which is starting to be seen in some which is positive. There are also some good websites like Megs Menopause. When I was younger I thought women cried, had hot flushes and periods stopped and that was it! There are over 30 symptoms and no woman is the same.
Funny you should mention your son. My partners mother kicked him out for being untidy when she was starting the menopause! Then rang him a month later crying saying sorry. It can make you very rash and nasty at times but I've found its like a switch that goes on and you can't do anything until it goes back off. I attacked my partner with a welly once! We laugh now but I went mental over nothing.