Sorry off topic but Letterland? What a blast from the past most people I talk to cant remember the likes of Munching Mike and Naughty Nick I bet you’re familiar with the Village with 3 Corners too !!!So are the "young" lovers having only 3 nights in Barbalona?
3 nights is good, but considering it's such an important birthday for such a special person, I thought they'd be there slightly longer.
And, as she's spent a lot of the time lounging by the pool, drinking cats piss, "reading" (I don't think she's actually progressed beyond the Oxford Reading Tree, she's possibly finished letter land though), filming and photographing herself and swearing.
And SHOPPING, obviously.
There must be so much more to do & see in Barbalona, and apart from a photo outside the famous cathedral, a taxi protest & countless bars, what have they seen?
Have they been to the zoo, for Joyce to learn about looking after birds properly?
Have they enjoyed some culture, history and architecture?
Have they tried Tapas or Paella?
Nope, I don't think so.
They should have stayed in a hotel nearer to home.
They could have had a decent hotel with an outdoor swimming pool, gone on a bike ride.
& had the much needed quality time alone together, without so much travelling and devastating disappointed for our Rach.
Silly twit Joyce!
- Status
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What in the universal credit of all things chav is going on here.
They look like they've just been down to see the lucky lucky men on the market
Ive said before,I love a bit of Gucci and have bought myself a number of bits from my fritter money but wear them all at once like that looks ridiculous!
Does anybody else think Emily might have something to do with stabby’s disappearance?
Whilst stabby was firmly inserted up Ratshits hole Emily was really distant.
Now stabby has disappeared Emily has claimed her spot back up the hole.
Whilst stabby was firmly inserted up Ratshits hole Emily was really distant.
Now stabby has disappeared Emily has claimed her spot back up the hole.
Lucky lucky men? I thought it was looky looky menWhat in the universal credit of all things chav is going on here.
They look like they've just been down to see the lucky lucky men on the market
Lazy old tart.
I would be embarrassed “trotting” around in full Gucci. Wear the glasses, bag or shoes but not at the same time 
. The pair of them look like utter fools.
. The pair of them look like utter fools.And the Hairy Hat Man,
Impy Ink, kicking King, kissing cousins.
All the bain of my fckn life! And a bit odd too!
Then kipper, Biff & Chip, they were unbearable
.My favourites were the Fuzz Buzz series & the Fat Pig.
It was a good day when my children finished reading schemes and could choose their own books
.
She looks so crass in head to toe Gucci I feel so embarrassed for her.
I feel so embarrassed for her.She thinks it makes her look rich and important......it makes her look cheap because most people will think it's all fake 
haha it is, never even noticed. predictive text must have changed itLucky lucky men? I thought it was looky looky men
This!! Probably thinks they are turning heads and leaving strangers wondering who this clearly famous couple is….funny thing is I’m sure nobody has given a second look as they just look like every other wanna be / new (scammed) money / reality TV / thick as mince (despite being a best selling author) chav out there. Only geriatric versions of.She thinks it makes her look rich and important......it makes her look cheap because most people will think it's all fake
I know people have said about Seb not having support, maybe he’s struggling etc. But I just wanted to make the point that even if he’s doing amazing, they need to be there too. Only because that’ll be their excuse ’We knew he’d be fine, he’s confident he’ll do ok’ etc.
My eldest came out of an exam last week. He’d done well, it was marked there and then. He’d smashed it and omg was he buzzing! The grin on his face was absolutely priceless. My mum picked him up as I was at work, she said he could barely sit still. And when I got home an hour later it was so great to be there to say well done mate, proud of you.
These are moments you can’t get back, Rach. The good and the bad. They need you there.
My eldest came out of an exam last week. He’d done well, it was marked there and then. He’d smashed it and omg was he buzzing! The grin on his face was absolutely priceless. My mum picked him up as I was at work, she said he could barely sit still. And when I got home an hour later it was so great to be there to say well done mate, proud of you.
These are moments you can’t get back, Rach. The good and the bad. They need you there.
Time for a script 
.
Scene: Inside Barcelona hotel room with MacBook playing wave music to help Rachael with Barbados FOMO
Rach: “Joooooooosh, last night before I had my breakdown and posted two birthday messages to myself full of rage, I was on Tatt… umm I mean in my DMs and trolls were saying I can’t dress Jooooooooosh. Can you help me? *pulls out pea green tracksuit and Josh’s sandals.* Are these okay bubba?
Slosh: *Wakes up, has a shot of Vodka* “You are fit. Oh, they are my sandals and that tracksuit is lush, but a bit warm. Try this white dress. *Checks label, takes another shot of Vodka.* It’s River Island, so I’ll make the tag small.”
Rach: “That’s not a dress Jooooooosh. It’s more like a sheet. Look at all the material. Can’t I wear a bikini with my Vans and socks?’
Phone rings. They both stare at it in silence. Rach looks at it, see’s it’s Lula and clicks cancel.
Slosh: “My world, wear the white dress with no knickers. That will make you feel good. Wait *opens man bag and rifles through Gucci products, ticks them of his itinerary of outfits for Thursday.* I’ve got all your birthday presents, best Mum in my world. You will look like a milf.”
Rach: *starts sobbing horrifically* “NONE OF THAT IS PATCHWORK GIRLS CLUB COLOURS.”
Slosh: *opens a bottle of Gin, pours himself 1/2 a pint, picks up phone and rings Jo.* “Hi, it’s Josh. She’s doing it again. I can’t make her happy. She’s my life boss, what can I do to make it better? Can you arrange a homecoming party?”
Rach: “Who are talking TO? Is it the TROLLS? I’m bleeping FORTY and loving it. Give me a spray tan now and I’ll pay you, tip and wear the white sheet.”
*Jo’s voice can be heard faintly in the background saying that the kids are falling apart. Rach swiftly cancels call.*
Slosh: “You won’t regret it. Astrid would agree with me.” *Starts giving Rach a list of beautiful white birds describing their natural habitat and mating rituals*
Rach: “It’s my shop not Astrid’s. All mine! I’ve changed lives. Everyone loves me. Trolls hate me because they hate themselves.” *puts on white dress seething through teeth*
Slosh: *mixes himself a Caribbean cocktail with half a bottle of Malibu* “Gucci, don’t wear your UGGs. Wear the Gucci.” *Checks watch and takes a quick picture of it.*
Rach: *under breath.* “bleeping hate Gucci, hate Barcelona, hate easyJet, FML, everything’s tit. Miss Em soooooo much, it hurts my heart.”
*Reception calls room phone, they both stare at it. Josh goes to answer, but Rach dives towards it shouting “It’s a kid,” and breaks phone.
Slosh: “Are you ready. Last day. I’ve got plans for us. A couple of museum tours. Selfies in the lift. Mid afternoon nap like the other pensioners. It’s all go.”
Rach: “Can we have another baby for Instagram or not? Only I have three other dads lined up and if you aren’t doing it, I need to know and update my toxic list. I’m 40. I’ll drop you in a snort.”
Slosh: *leading the way out the door* “Course we can my teeny tiny Torbay tart. As long as the team are parenting it, just remove the swimmers you need from my balls in your bag.”
Rach: *opens camera, starts recording* “AWWWWW, love you so much. I’m having the best time with you making special memories that kids don’t exist in. Awwww so cute.”
*Rach quickly messages Jo to pick up 25 pregnancy tests. Sees frantic messages from Patchwork girls saying Seb has set fire to the store. Quickly turns phone onto Aeroplane mode.*
End scene
.Scene: Inside Barcelona hotel room with MacBook playing wave music to help Rachael with Barbados FOMO
Rach: “Joooooooosh, last night before I had my breakdown and posted two birthday messages to myself full of rage, I was on Tatt… umm I mean in my DMs and trolls were saying I can’t dress Jooooooooosh. Can you help me? *pulls out pea green tracksuit and Josh’s sandals.* Are these okay bubba?
Slosh: *Wakes up, has a shot of Vodka* “You are fit. Oh, they are my sandals and that tracksuit is lush, but a bit warm. Try this white dress. *Checks label, takes another shot of Vodka.* It’s River Island, so I’ll make the tag small.”
Rach: “That’s not a dress Jooooooosh. It’s more like a sheet. Look at all the material. Can’t I wear a bikini with my Vans and socks?’
Phone rings. They both stare at it in silence. Rach looks at it, see’s it’s Lula and clicks cancel.
Slosh: “My world, wear the white dress with no knickers. That will make you feel good. Wait *opens man bag and rifles through Gucci products, ticks them of his itinerary of outfits for Thursday.* I’ve got all your birthday presents, best Mum in my world. You will look like a milf.”
Rach: *starts sobbing horrifically* “NONE OF THAT IS PATCHWORK GIRLS CLUB COLOURS.”
Slosh: *opens a bottle of Gin, pours himself 1/2 a pint, picks up phone and rings Jo.* “Hi, it’s Josh. She’s doing it again. I can’t make her happy. She’s my life boss, what can I do to make it better? Can you arrange a homecoming party?”
Rach: “Who are talking TO? Is it the TROLLS? I’m bleeping FORTY and loving it. Give me a spray tan now and I’ll pay you, tip and wear the white sheet.”
*Jo’s voice can be heard faintly in the background saying that the kids are falling apart. Rach swiftly cancels call.*
Slosh: “You won’t regret it. Astrid would agree with me.” *Starts giving Rach a list of beautiful white birds describing their natural habitat and mating rituals*
Rach: “It’s my shop not Astrid’s. All mine! I’ve changed lives. Everyone loves me. Trolls hate me because they hate themselves.” *puts on white dress seething through teeth*
Slosh: *mixes himself a Caribbean cocktail with half a bottle of Malibu* “Gucci, don’t wear your UGGs. Wear the Gucci.” *Checks watch and takes a quick picture of it.*
Rach: *under breath.* “bleeping hate Gucci, hate Barcelona, hate easyJet, FML, everything’s tit. Miss Em soooooo much, it hurts my heart.”
*Reception calls room phone, they both stare at it. Josh goes to answer, but Rach dives towards it shouting “It’s a kid,” and breaks phone.
Slosh: “Are you ready. Last day. I’ve got plans for us. A couple of museum tours. Selfies in the lift. Mid afternoon nap like the other pensioners. It’s all go.”
Rach: “Can we have another baby for Instagram or not? Only I have three other dads lined up and if you aren’t doing it, I need to know and update my toxic list. I’m 40. I’ll drop you in a snort.”
Slosh: *leading the way out the door* “Course we can my teeny tiny Torbay tart. As long as the team are parenting it, just remove the swimmers you need from my balls in your bag.”
Rach: *opens camera, starts recording* “AWWWWW, love you so much. I’m having the best time with you making special memories that kids don’t exist in. Awwww so cute.”
*Rach quickly messages Jo to pick up 25 pregnancy tests. Sees frantic messages from Patchwork girls saying Seb has set fire to the store. Quickly turns phone onto Aeroplane mode.*
End scene
The stabby jo girls has got me….I would definitely get a T-shirtWe could have lush sweatshirts and Tshirts printed in her honour!
The Stabby Jo girls, or
Stabbed by Josie, or
Josie and the Tat squad...
As our Rach has got very sparse & short eyelashes and she doesn't know how to apply mascara, or apply any makeup correctly, this would be perfect for her.
"Pubic hair eyelash transplants was recently brought to the limelight. According to Dr Umar, "pubic hair is an ideal fit for creating natural eyelash curls in qualified candidates because of its flat, ribbon-like structure which imparts an eyelash like curl to its appearance. Hitherto, conventional eyelash transplants which typically look unnatural, requiring significant amount of maintenance was largely reserved for desperate situations such as eyelash loss from trauma, burns and congenital defects. Improvement in methodology such as VeeLashe™ now affords even individuals with normal appearing eyelashes to aim for an even fuller longer lashes."
Perfect for our Rach.
Unless Mannah has been down there again recently and given her a short back & sides?
Leave poor Raq alone Mannah, she deserves this new beauty enhancement.
Muffyliciouslashes
As our Rach has got very sparse & short eyelashes and she doesn't know how to apply mascara, or apply any makeup correctly, this would be perfect for her
"Pubic hair eyelash transplants was recently brought to the limelight. According to Dr Umar, "pubic hair is an ideal fit for creating natural eyelash curls in qualified candidates because of its flat, ribbon-like structure which imparts an eyelash like curl to its appearance. Hitherto, conventional eyelash transplants which typically look unnatural, requiring significant amount of maintenance was largely reserved for desperate situations such as eyelash loss from trauma, burns and congenital defects. Improvement in methodology such as VeeLashe™ now affords even individuals with normal appearing eyelashes to aim for an even fuller longer lashes."
Perfect for our Rach
Unless Mannah has been down there again recently and given her a short back & sides?
Leave poor Raq alone Mannah, she deserves this new beauty enhancement.
Muffyliciouslashes
D
Oh. My. Christ. This is absolute GUCCI GOLDTime for a script
Scene: Inside Barcelona hotel room with MacBook playing wave music to help Rachael with Barbados FOMO
Rach: “Joooooooosh, last night before I had my breakdown and posted two birthday messages to myself full of rage, I was on Tatt… umm I mean in my DMs and trolls were saying I can’t dress Jooooooooosh. Can you help me? *pulls out pea green tracksuit and Josh’s sandals.* Are these okay bubba?
Slosh: *Wakes up, has a shot of Vodka* “You are fit. Oh, they are my sandals and that tracksuit is lush, but a bit warm. Try this white dress. *Checks label, takes another shot of Vodka.* It’s River Island, so I’ll make the tag small.”
Rach: “That’s not a dress Jooooooosh. It’s more like a sheet. Look at all the material. Can’t I wear a bikini with my Vans and socks?’
Phone rings. They both stare at it in silence. Rach looks at it, see’s it’s Lula and clicks cancel.
Slosh: “My world, wear the white dress with no knickers. That will make you feel good. Wait *opens man bag and rifles through Gucci products, ticks them of his itinerary of outfits for Thursday.* I’ve got all your birthday presents, best Mum in my world. You will look like a milf.”
Rach: *starts sobbing horrifically* “NONE OF THAT IS PATCHWORK GIRLS CLUB COLOURS.”
Slosh: *opens a bottle of Gin, pours himself 1/2 a pint, picks up phone and rings Jo.* “Hi, it’s Josh. She’s doing it again. I can’t make her happy. She’s my life boss, what can I do to make it better? Can you arrange a homecoming party?”
Rach: “Who are talking TO? Is it the TROLLS? I’m bleeping FORTY and loving it. Give me a spray tan now and I’ll pay you, tip and wear the white sheet.”
*Jo’s voice can be heard faintly in the background saying that the kids are falling apart. Rach swiftly cancels call.*
Slosh: “You won’t regret it. Astrid would agree with me.” *Starts giving Rach a list of beautiful white birds describing their natural habitat and mating rituals*
Rach: “It’s my shop not Astrid’s. All mine! I’ve changed lives. Everyone loves me. Trolls hate me because they hate themselves.” *puts on white dress seething through teeth*
Slosh: *mixes himself a Caribbean cocktail with half a bottle of Malibu* “Gucci, don’t wear your UGGs. Wear the Gucci.” *Checks watch and takes a quick picture of it.*
Rach: *under breath.* “bleeping hate Gucci, hate Barcelona, hate easyJet, FML, everything’s tit. Miss Em soooooo much, it hurts my heart.”
*Reception calls room phone, they both stare at it. Josh goes to answer, but Rach dives towards it shouting “It’s a kid,” and breaks phone.
Slosh: “Are you ready. Last day. I’ve got plans for us. A couple of museum tours. Selfies in the lift. Mid afternoon nap like the other pensioners. It’s all go.”
Rach: “Can we have another baby for Instagram or not? Only I have three other dads lined up and if you aren’t doing it, I need to know and update my toxic list. I’m 40. I’ll drop you in a snort.”
Slosh: *leading the way out the door* “Course we can my teeny tiny Torbay tart. As long as the team are parenting it, just remove the swimmers you need from my balls in your bag.”
Rach: *opens camera, starts recording* “AWWWWW, love you so much. I’m having the best time with you making special memories that kids don’t exist in. Awwww so cute.”
*Rach quickly messages Jo to pick up 25 pregnancy tests. Sees frantic messages from Patchwork girls saying Seb has set fire to the store. Quickly turns phone onto Aeroplane mode.*
End scene
Gucci is just such a "common" brand now aswell. I sold all the bags I had (they do NOT retain value like the bigger boys). I lurk here as I unfollowed her yonks ago and she really is just a trash rat
Seb setting fire to the shop has done meTime for a script
Scene: Inside Barcelona hotel room with MacBook playing wave music to help Rachael with Barbados FOMO
Rach: “Joooooooosh, last night before I had my breakdown and posted two birthday messages to myself full of rage, I was on Tatt… umm I mean in my DMs and trolls were saying I can’t dress Jooooooooosh. Can you help me? *pulls out pea green tracksuit and Josh’s sandals.* Are these okay bubba?
Slosh: *Wakes up, has a shot of Vodka* “You are fit. Oh, they are my sandals and that tracksuit is lush, but a bit warm. Try this white dress. *Checks label, takes another shot of Vodka.* It’s River Island, so I’ll make the tag small.”
Rach: “That’s not a dress Jooooooosh. It’s more like a sheet. Look at all the material. Can’t I wear a bikini with my Vans and socks?’
Phone rings. They both stare at it in silence. Rach looks at it, see’s it’s Lula and clicks cancel.
Slosh: “My world, wear the white dress with no knickers. That will make you feel good. Wait *opens man bag and rifles through Gucci products, ticks them of his itinerary of outfits for Thursday.* I’ve got all your birthday presents, best Mum in my world. You will look like a milf.”
Rach: *starts sobbing horrifically* “NONE OF THAT IS PATCHWORK GIRLS CLUB COLOURS.”
Slosh: *opens a bottle of Gin, pours himself 1/2 a pint, picks up phone and rings Jo.* “Hi, it’s Josh. She’s doing it again. I can’t make her happy. She’s my life boss, what can I do to make it better? Can you arrange a homecoming party?”
Rach: “Who are talking TO? Is it the TROLLS? I’m bleeping FORTY and loving it. Give me a spray tan now and I’ll pay you, tip and wear the white sheet.”
*Jo’s voice can be heard faintly in the background saying that the kids are falling apart. Rach swiftly cancels call.*
Slosh: “You won’t regret it. Astrid would agree with me.” *Starts giving Rach a list of beautiful white birds describing their natural habitat and mating rituals*
Rach: “It’s my shop not Astrid’s. All mine! I’ve changed lives. Everyone loves me. Trolls hate me because they hate themselves.” *puts on white dress seething through teeth*
Slosh: *mixes himself a Caribbean cocktail with half a bottle of Malibu* “Gucci, don’t wear your UGGs. Wear the Gucci.” *Checks watch and takes a quick picture of it.*
Rach: *under breath.* “bleeping hate Gucci, hate Barcelona, hate easyJet, FML, everything’s tit. Miss Em soooooo much, it hurts my heart.”
*Reception calls room phone, they both stare at it. Josh goes to answer, but Rach dives towards it shouting “It’s a kid,” and breaks phone.
Slosh: “Are you ready. Last day. I’ve got plans for us. A couple of museum tours. Selfies in the lift. Mid afternoon nap like the other pensioners. It’s all go.”
Rach: “Can we have another baby for Instagram or not? Only I have three other dads lined up and if you aren’t doing it, I need to know and update my toxic list. I’m 40. I’ll drop you in a snort.”
Slosh: *leading the way out the door* “Course we can my teeny tiny Torbay tart. As long as the team are parenting it, just remove the swimmers you need from my balls in your bag.”
Rach: *opens camera, starts recording* “AWWWWW, love you so much. I’m having the best time with you making special memories that kids don’t exist in. Awwww so cute.”
*Rach quickly messages Jo to pick up 25 pregnancy tests. Sees frantic messages from Patchwork girls saying Seb has set fire to the store. Quickly turns phone onto Aeroplane mode.*
End scene
I certainly wouldn’t be walking round the worlds biggest pick pocket territory with a drawstring bag wide open……just saying
- Status