New thread title courtesy of
@CabbageLegs six bottles of fizzy cat's piss and a load of polyester tat from In The Style for you!
Last thread recap:
- Rachaele Hambleton is a massive CUNT
- she doesn't work either full or part time, and can't be arsed to parent her kids and step kids.
- Wilbert was still up at 9pm, stacking cushions and watching telly. What a surprise, seeing as he's never had anything like a routine in his life, and it's some "FML" content for Rachey. Sloshy Joshy seems to be unable to talk to his son, instead coming across like an awkward teenage uncle.
- Rancid Ramble time! She's got a 2 day hangover, she doesn't like drinking and she doesn't like the taste of alcohol
Newsflash Rach - NOBODY'S MAKING YOU DRINK IT! Even though she hates drinking and hates alcohol, she suggested shots. They went to a bar, with "really fit, stunning girls, grinding on poles". I bet they exited quickly in case Joyce started licking his lips and rubbing his thighs like an old perv
- the leak in Edie's room is caused by birds pecking holes in the roof, probably trying to get their revenge for Josh keeping their mates locked up in the garden.
- The drains are blocked, and Raq doesn't know the difference between white paint and raw sewage. South West Water came out and told her there's a 3m blockage
which may have come from the Patchwork Palace, or one of the neighbours.
- Isaac has lost his school shoes AND she's had to order a new nit comb, which was a tenner! So expensive! Luckily she's got all that PayPal cash knocking about, especially as she reckons she's probably spent nine grand on products over the years
- she was supposed to have handed in the first draft of her next shit book on Friday but she didn't bother. She can't wait for Josh to get home from work because she's so anxious (that he's banging someone in the stationery cupboard) that she has to text him 200 times an hour. Couple goals right there
- Instagram went down for a few hours, no doubt sending Rancho into a spin that she had wasted her ramble because she wasn't able to post her usual 7pm advert! Tattlers amused themselves by guessing what could be causing the blockage in the drains, suggestions included the PayPal money, the missing rescue chickens, Josh's sim card, Rach's forgotten drugs stash, gangsta granny, Josh's sobriety, Stabby Jo's knife, the cardboard desk, the pink sofa, the trampoline, Raq's knickers, the grease and fat from 12 million roast dinners, the gifted chicken coop, the guinea pigs, Josh's contour and fake tan, the dentist, Raq's pubes after Hannah shaved them for her.
- R complained to Emily about fire extinguishers at the launderette that don't match "her" colour scheme
- more content about the literal shower of shit on their driveway. It's so hilarious that she's added it as a highlight. Apparently the blockage was caused by wet wipes and the Hambleton-Marshall-etc clan don't use wet wipes, they use Cheeky Wipes (should that be #ad?), apart from all those times they've been spotted in the background, and that one time she was paid to advertise Lidl baby products and Edie pulled out an entire pack onto the floor, but other than that, they NEVER use wipes.
- Once again, slagging off Seb (probably because she knows he's a favourite of many Tattlers, and least likely to put up with her bullshit) for having his phone confiscated at school.
- she's set up a Patreon, and is promising writing and extra content. Ben the Bellend has helped her set it up, and they've done a podcast and a quiz. Rach babe, NOBODY CARES. You're dull as ditchwater, you've got absolutely nothing to talk about, stop fleecing your followers.
- Tallulah sent Raquel a series of texts about missing the bus, and worrying about being late for school. Instead of reassuring her anxiety ridden daughter, and offering to pick her up, Rancho didn't even bother replying, just screenshot the texts to share with her sheep.
- Emily has sorted the shelves at the launderette, along with EVERY SINGLE FUCKING THING ELSE while Rancid sits on her bony arse.
- More pissing about with Bellend Ben pretending to do a podcast. I'm not doing a full rundown because it was so unbelievably shit that I'd rather have Edward Scissorhands give me a cervical smear
needless to say, it included another phone in from a hun and Raq being aggressive and bitchy. And she wants people to pay for this
- Tattlers mentioned that Isaac hasn't been seen in a while, and there he is, along with that "I love you, always forever" song (and a shit ton of Domino's boxes in the background, so much for the Gousto/veg box/fish box/insert other food subscription services that she says are so lush
)
- looks like the Clampitts are being gifted a new telly from Sky. She could donate it to a refuge, or run a giveaway on her page, but my last tenner says it'll be going in the new lounge.
- Betsy was embarrassed by Josh dropping her at college and spoke to him like shit, again.
- Wilby's "winter wardrobe" is arriving, obviously all #gifted, because she loves small businesses so much that she can't put her hand in her pocket to actually support them.
- more text messages, this time from Seb asking to come home from school because he feels ill, with a resounding "no" from Ratshit. Never mind that she'd be up at the school to pick up one of her crotchfruit before you can say "gifted sheepers", he has a sore throat and WE ARE STILL IN A PANDEMIC. But it's ok because he's only got 3 hours left
- Raq's asking for recommendations for restaurants in Shoreditch, is another weekend away from the kids on the cards?
- Fuck me, yet another roast chicken
- Lula wants more piercings. Quick reminder that she's 12. Raq's response? "Can you just bath your brother please", clearly there's no bubble bath ad in the pipeline, which is the only reason Rancho will do it herself.
- Now she's sharing Josh's texts about birds, I wonder whether Albert knows his messages are being shared online?
- she played with Wilby stacking blocks again, they've clearly been told to play and interact with him more as he's had more attention in the last couple of weeks than in the other 2 years of his life
- maybe what we thought was Josh's role play of not knowing the kids' names isn't actually pretend, seeing as he keeps saying "oi" instead of using Wilbert's name.
- Raq's had a delivery from In The Style. No mention yet of whether it's gifted, but no doubt whatever's in there will be modelled in front of the giant mirror.
- parents of the year Rach & Joyce went out for a walk (only with Edie and Wiblet though, let's not be hasty, they don't want to be outnumbered by their kids). Josh looked like he had been dipped in Ronseal and playing with Raq's Iconic contouring kit again.
- a reshared post from Emily, sharing that a mate had been into the patchwork launderette, with a link to Raq's Patreon for "additional content".
- then a hun pointed out that it sounded like Wilberforce said "tree" which Raq herself hadn't noticed (too busy making sure she was capturing him on video), and she revealed that he hasn't said "mum" or "dad" yet, and rather than celebrate what he has said she's mad because it isn't about her
- after Tattlers saying that we haven't been treated to Gangsta Granny in ages, off they popped to her house. At least she got toys out and was trying to amuse him with them. Then he had 2 cakes (one for each hand). Rach said a couple of times "when you die..." like she's counting down to Ma Marshall popping her clogs.
- Despite Wilby absolutely hating having his hand held, he seemed to not mind holding Granny's. Shame Racquet hadn't noticed his shoelace was undone.
- A bit low on content as she shared random old videos, first one of Edie making a Tik-Tok, and then one of her having just reversed the car into a wall.
- Tattlers were a bit quick to praise Queen Lateetha for spending the weekend at home, as her and Sloshy Joshy headed off to London on the train. Quick reminder that this is the third weekend in a row that they've spent away from their kids
but they NEVER get any time away alone. Looks like PA Jo is with the kids, hope you're paying overtime for the weekend Rach!
- Emily did a post about domestic abuse awareness, and of course Rancid had to comment and make it about her.
- Turns out Racquet was in Laaandaaaan for the Refuge 50th anniversary, strange how she took her husband instead of one or both of the other directors of the CIC
- FINALLY, 19 months after the start of the Covid-19 pandemic and related lockdowns and restrictions, Raq has managed to share some information about the domestic abuse rates during that time (that charities and organisations all over the UK were sharing from the beginning).
- Rancid and PC Titwank weren't back in time for Monday morning breakfast, as Wilbert was treated to a McDonald's by PA Jo.
- She's clearly back on the abuse bandwagon, reposting endless messages about how amazing she is, how she inspired everyone to leave abusive partners, a letting agent kissing her arse, she's had "hundreds" apparently. Shame you haven't paid so much attention to all those that reach out for help, eh? Some hun has ordered a Tesco shop to be delivered to the launderette (let's not mention the fact that Rancho could have donated one of her own FREEBIE shops), so someone else spent the cash, Emily will be the one sorting it out, yet Rancid gets the praise and credit?
- oh and she's home, quick game of stacking cushions with Wilbert (sped up so we can't hear her inane whining at him).
- I haven't got time to listen to the dots of death right now so will put them for the next thread
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