Prisoner Pen Pal?

[Very traditional]

My favourites are Red handed and All Killa, No Filla. Love that they're both presented by British women around my age who are funny and engaging, they do a lot of research!

I also listen to:

Wine and Crime - 3 drunk Americans who drink wine and chat true crime, this is the most laid back of them all with the littlest detail but they have funny stories and confessions so you can dip in and out

True Crime Garage - 2 American men, ones voice is just like Rossi from Criminal Minds, they've had John Douglas the famous profiler on their show and really get in to their cases

Seeing Red - another British pod, but more serious

They walk among us - one man presenter with a lot of detail

Crime Junkie - quite short recaps of famous cases

Morbid - mixture of murders and spooky stuff

Crime Weekly - this is quite new and it's presented by youtUber Stephanie Harlowe and a police man so tend to be very detail focused

What podcasts do you listen to? wouldn’t mind listening to some!

My favourite true crime podcast is Redhanded!

Thank you for replying - I'm glad you're looking at other types of penpals too as like many have said there are plenty of lonely people out there, for me I was interested in whether it's inmates specifically you want to engage with and if so why but obviously that's not the case.

All the best with it and stay safe

I tried to avoid this thread after making it but I will answer this. Sorry it's long and some points are irrelevant...

I'm in my late 20's, I am also very street wise (as someone suggested I aren't) because I've had to be in my life. I've known both bad & good people who've been in prison, for example someone beat up a known pedophile in the area and got sent away for it, yeah it wasn't a clever thing to do and two wrongs don't make a right but not everyone is a bad person. Another person I know got into a really bad fight, two drunken people and one got the better of the other and got sent away for around 2/3 years. It shouldn't have happened, they both behaved like animals but nobody died or was beat up so badly they were in hospital on the brink of death. She's now out of prison and she's a totally different person, focusing on her career and keeping out of trouble. I've known people come out and either turn their life around completely or go down the same route. Some people continue to be a bad person and I've seen this happen too.

My intention isn't and has never been to "help make these people a better person" or to find romance - as I know this seems to be a trend popular on TikTok. As for my research, I've looked into their crimes, court cases and I've also looked at other people's experiences, read several forums as I would never go into a situation in my life totally blind.

The reason I am (personally) doing it, is just to give these people something to do, someone to talk to, some people are on there for this reason and others have other intentions, sometimes you can see this straight away and some, not so much. I've not picked people who are 'attractive' and I haven't picked someone who's committed an unforgiveable crime either.

American prisons seem to be worse than the UK. There are young girls in there who've maybe robbed a store or attacked someone, sometimes in self defense and sometimes out of anger - which doesn't make it right but sometimes these people find themselves in trouble or live a troubled life, if they haven't committed . People who are in there because of their skin color and so on. I will not be asking about their crime, I am not doing it out of curiosity - it's just something I've always wanted to do and during lockdown and spending it alone looking at my four walls, suffering mentally it made me think of these people, who haven't committed a really bad crime who do this everyday and will be for another year or two, who maybe a few letters might brighten their day.

I used to be a very judgmental person. Assumed everyone who didn't do everything by the book was a bad person. I followed the rules, didn't do anything wrong. Now I am not that person anymore and realize mistakes happen. I'm not saying a mistake is stabbing someone by all means but the likes of fighting, cheating, drug use. I used to think all of these people would go to hell, scum of the earth sort of people. And that said more about me, judging others, than it does to be understanding.

I do not wish to speak to anyone who's committed a horrific crime. I also am now aware of other Pen Pals and it's something I would be interested in too. There's no limit on how many you can have.

I appreciate the nice comments, advice and people who were genuinely concerned and told me to be wary though sorry I haven't replied to you all!

 

[Notredamn]

Sorry but this is so rude and unnecessary to ask what I may be missing in life It’s not about that at all or glamourising
a crime. These people aren’t all bad people and I have chosen very carefully who I have written a letter to and done research before doing so since it’s something I have wanted to do for a while. Many people do this for all the wrong reasons and I am not one of them. I suggest if you have an input then do so without making assumptions of people you don’t know.



Yes I am in the uk



Because i do. Not all of these people are bad people. And like I have said above I have done my research. I have made this to ask for stories and not to be judged

well then I'm sure your research is much more through than any professional's involved in the case, then. Are you writing to someone you believe to be a victim of a miscarriage of justice? And sorry but no, there is definitely something lacking for you to consider this let alone do it.

This attitude is probably a sign you should stop working in the system. Where’s your belief in rehabilitation and that people can change?

I have said nothing in relation to what you've just asked me. I don't speak about cases.

 

[catcat94]

Out of curiosity do they write to your home address when you do this?
(Anyone who’s in the know)

that would freak me the fuck out.

I use an app - they do not know where I live - I told them I live in a different part of the country to where I actually live. They don’t know my real name.
but I believe if you write hand mail they would have your address unless you pay for a PO Box or something

 

[Lovegin]

It’s actually quite laughable reading the crap that a lot of them are coming out with ( before any one thinks it, I’m not laughing about their crimes or the victims)

 

[TJ90]

I didn’t know this was an actual thing you could do. Are you in the UK?

 

[WilmaHun]

What happens if you decide after 1 or 2 letters it's not for you? Do you just stop writing and that's that or?

 

[ot55]

What podcasts do you listen to? wouldn’t mind listening to some!

My favourite true crime podcast is Redhanded!

 

[AllSeeingEye123]

It's not something I would ever do. Bad people are in prison so I don't have any reason to want to know people who have done awful things. It's like Ian Watkins still getting lots of fan mail it makes me sick.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Basically, if you are a UK national then your National Insurance Number is randomly drawn.

It's a legal requirement to attend and the chances of getting out of it are very slim.

Yes you can’t get out of it easy. My mumdidn’t do it because she couldn’t due to her chronic illness but I’m sure even if pregnant you still have to do it

Sounds really interesting. but have your wits about you x

I will thank you! I’m almost 30 so not the young silly person everyone thinks haha! X

 

[StrawberryCream]

A good friend of mine started writing to prisoners in the US when she was 14. Some of them I've never heard of but she has two binders full of letters she's received from Dorothea Puente (killed elderly people for money) Richard Ramirez and one long rambling nonsensical missive from Charles Manson plus a couple of other well-known criminals. She quit writing to prisoners when she had her child a few years ago.

You would get people that would pay a lot of money for those letters, especially the Charles Manson one.

 

[catcat94]

so they come out and do the same, a job goes badly and someone ends up in a box?

It’s nothing got to do with me though is it? I can’t prevent that happening.
The same as Jimmy’s mother can’t stop him robbing from a shop, of franks sister can’t stop him for fraud?
Just coz I’m talking to someone doesn’t put their faults on me

 

[Greys1324]

I'd also advise caution. I did work with offenders and whilst occasionally you would get the odd person who did end up due to making poor decisions and were able to turn it round, it's a very small number. Before the poster who likes to say people shouldn't work in the job unless they believed in rehabilitation, I ended up leaving because I really wanted to make a difference and for the vast majority they didn't want me to make a difference. I had two cases that did turn their lives around, the rest enjoyed offending or were so institutionalised it was difficult to get them away.

Grooming is very difficult to spot. We would have regular supervisions with our manager to ensure that we weren't being groomed. Do you have support you can discuss the relationship with so they can keep an eye out for you? Please don't think you are immune to it, I mean this from a place of caring as I've seen it happen a few times. One such caseI remember was a dv case that was in prison for drug use. He had a partner who had started out as a pen pal and formed a relationship with her. She ended up bankrupt, abused and very hostile when we tried to help her by preventing him moving back. She was a really well educated person who ended up giving up her career and family for this man. Who eventually left her for a new woman. Just be very careful please.

That was me, I’ve been a Probation Officer for 6 years so haven’t based my opinion on nothing. While I accept that you can’t change everyone, the person that I originally quoted seemed to have no like or hope for any offenders she worked with me and in my opinion that’s wrong. I’m not saying everyone has been wronged however the majority of the service users I work with have had a hard start in life and have made poor decisions.There’s very few that I have worked with that I think are just plain evil and shouldn’t be given another chance.

 

[catcat94]

What happens if you decide after 1 or 2 letters it's not for you? Do you just stop writing and that's that or?

The app I use for messaging. You can remove them from your contacts and they can’t write to you after that. If they have your home address then I dunno how it would play out

 

[Lollipop2123]

Sounds really interesting. but have your wits about you x

 

[LittleMy]

Thank you, much appreciated! I agree that some people will do this with different intentions to me. Some women were fascinated with Ted Bundy and wrote to him because they were attracted to him. That's bizarre to me and also interesting at the same time, the same with Richard Ramirez, he has a big female following didn't he?

That’s true. There were even women turning up to court just to see them. It’s absolutely crazy.

 

[Calabria]

Do you watch Love After Lockup? Most of the people on it have found relationships through write a prisoner and have been in relationships for years with the other person on the inside! Some of them even got married in prison despite having never met or known the person on the outside. It’s really interesting. The show follows the relationships once the prisoners are released (both men and women) - it’s crazy.

there’s a woman who follows me on Twitter who is married to an inmate in the US - I think he’s in California, and she’s in the North of the UK. They met through writing to each other and she goes to visit him twice a year. She’s quite open about it but never talks about his crime.

 

[ProphecyGirl]

I only wanted to do this after I started living alone and found loneliness and it made me think of the people in there who are genuinely good or have been in for 20+ years

I've read the forum rules, it stated no dirty photos. Letters to be written in black and blue ink, you're not even allowed to put 'lipstick' marks on a letter and a letter will be returned if this happens.

I have seen a few profiles, who make it obviously they're after a place to stay once they're out.

There's a guy on there called John Christopher Marquard who is serving life.
A woman wrote to him and they 'fell in love' I know some people romanticize this sort of thing and will be writing to him because of that - in his younger days he was very attractive, that's appealing to some and I know some women love this and the whole Ted Bundy and the night stalker killer.
That to me is bizarre and the total opposite of my reasons for this

 

[ProphecyGirl]

Just my two cents for what it's worth...

If you do decide to go down this path, make sure you keep your wits about you. Don't share personal details like address, phone number etc. Until you have at least met the person! As you can gauge far more from face to face than you ever will from paper/email.

I think people are right to be concerned for you, and anyone doing this (not all comments were nice but I mean the place they were coming from), as it can very quickly spiral out of control.

Always remember that at the trial (if it was Crown) there was a jury who sat there and saw this person. Listened to their side of the story. Listened to the witnesses, the victim impact report etc. That are just "normal" (as in, the general public) people who decide to push ahead with a guilty verdict.

We can debate law all day but I'd really keep in mind any case that went to all the way to the Crown and the public still said guilty.

Thank you! I’ve written to someone in America and have been careful about my details

I just feel sorry for people too much maybe.I don’t get why people write to serial killers and people like that, that’s just beyond me. It’s not something I could ever do!

A friend of a friend was in prison for something she stupidly did, taking prescription drugs into another country, she was put in a much worse prison than in USA but makes me think how many people are in there for something stupid like that. I don’t know

 

[Tlb92]

Hello

Has anyone ever had a pen pal in prison?
I have just written my first letter to someone and want to know if anyone has any experiences to share or any advice on the type of things to write into the letters?

It's something I have always wanted to do so I finally wrote one! I hope to hear back, it's all very interesting to me

It's something I've never thought about doing to be honest but it sounds interesting! Let us know how you get on? If you get a reply...
What did you say to the prisoner if you don't mind me asking lol! Also what made you pick that particular prisoner ?

 

[Gertrude]

I’ve went down a rabbit whole reading the profiles on that website lol so interesting!!!! Not sure I would have the balls to write to any of them tho

Me too!! I'm bit of a true crime junkie and couldn't help myself. I even googled some of them to get details of their crimes. Stuff of nightmares!! I don't know what drives people to commit these horrible things. I'm in the wrong job, should have been a crime psychologist.
Don't think I'd have the guts to write to them either, and to be honest, I think I'd be doing it for the wrong reasons, especially with the truly evil ones.

there are many, many, MANY victims who deserve support, rape victims, victims of robbery that fear being alone in their own house, women who were mugged one night and never go out alone again, people who have been beaten to a pulp for a tenner and admitted to hospital.

Great idea and something I'd love to do. Going to find out how to go about this.